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Thanks everyone, managed to sleep and tell my family what exactly happened and what the doctors said is happening with my brain so everyone is laying off a bit now. 

Got told its likely I've something called an Adjustment Disorder, which ties in with an event like losing a job or moving home from university months later making itself a bigger deal than it is and the stress and anxiety caused, mixed with alcohol and negative thoughts manifest itself into self harm, self hatred and danger. 

It's a long road ahead, I've got to get medication again, probably some for the insomnia and anxiety it's all causing and then start talking therapies to deal with my brain and how to stave this off again. 

They seem to think the real first start of it may have come from a close friend killing himself at my university and that was the first time I developed the disorder and that other stressful or traumatic events since may have had the same effect. This latest bout they think is unemployment/money/life related as I've been feeling worse the last few weeks. 

No more beer. That'll suck as with my Aspergers that was my kinda calm down and meet people tool. Will just have to go back to being funny all the time. 

As for hobbies, I'm gonna take up walking again. Luckily there's not as many cows to chase me where I live. I love cooking and mother is working long hours so the more I do around the house the less of a burden I'll feel. 

I've had a positive conversation about cover work teaching today and managed to send off for a new DBS so hopefully that turns into something next week. 

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Left to go for a run with my girlfriend but we went different ways, then as soon as she was out of sight I went back to the flat and had a wank.

This better not end with someone having sex with their cousin again. 

Thanks everyone, managed to sleep and tell my family what exactly happened and what the doctors said is happening with my brain so everyone is laying off a bit now.  Got told its likely I've some

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3 hours ago, Shy Dad said:

Will just have to go back to being funny all the time.

As everybody here, bar none, will attest, it's worked well for me.

Congrats on establishing a diagnosis, probably the first important step towards getting on top of things in any meaningful way. Best of luck to you.

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