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Shitting, AGAIN


Divorced Dad

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29 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

I feel like we need to chip in here.

 

This adds a whole new dimension to the wiping argument. "Do you pull your trousers and pants down when you wipe, or not really bother?" I've seen lower kecks on the man who bleeds the radiators. We've wasted years accusing standers or forward wipers of smearing shite on their bag, but this guy's straight-up painting his waistband with it.

Edited by Astro Hollywood
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28 minutes ago, Lion_of_the_Midlands said:

There are worse things than that @Chris B. It only happened to me for a very short time in my life but there is nothing worse than having to get someone else to wipe your arse for you because you can't do it for yourself. 

Yet if you get them to wipe your arse and you can it's great. Thin line. 

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The biggest shit I ever seen was (allegedly) done by the girlfriend of one of the members of one of The Drifters splinter groups at Ty Mawr in Towyn. The reps said they were leaving it there as tribute and even after a day or corrosion it was incredibly impressive, almost as wide as it was long. Drift it did not.

Edited by Mr_Danger
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It might not be the biggest one I done but I done a huge turd at my ex-girlfriends flat that wouldn't flush and I couldn't use any utensils so broke it up by pouring boiling water from the kettle.

 

All this was done frantically hoping nobody would wake to find me making trips back and forth from the kitchen.

Edited by ElCece
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Well I did a larger jobby than I was expecting yesterday afternoon. So much so that not only was plunging required, I actually had to lie down afterwards as my body got used to my lighter weight.

On the plus side my bro was horrified at the picture he got of the brown Nessie. 

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I'm glad this thread popped up again as I've randomly remembered something from my early teens.

Went for a massive, messy, smelly shite and upon leaving the bathroom, found my 5 y/o sister's little friend waiting at the door to get in for a pee. She did her business and left. Unbeknownst to me, my old man had gone in straight after her and from the living room, I could hear him run out and tell her "awwwwwww jaysus Megan that'd make a full grown man proud".

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11 hours ago, johnnyboy said:

Possibly one for the lockdown confessional, but also falls under this umbrella.

I can only assume that my daughter hasn't shat since lockdown began as at the weekend she unveiled an absolute shit rabbit.

I don't mean pellets, oh no, she had dropped an anchor that reached from the back of the bend to the front of the pan, breaching the water like Free Willy jumping the fence.  It was, without any exaggeration the size of a small rabbit, medium/large guinea pig.  One gigantic, unbroken, lapin de merde.

We didn't take pictures, as that's a bit rank, but all of the family were summoned to gaze upon it with their own eyes, Vader in Jedi style, as would they never believe it unless witnessed.

I don't remember my actual children being much larger when they were born.

Anyway, that was not my responsibility so I directed her to the packet of disposable plastic spoons and rubber gloves to break it up herself as no toilet flush would generate enough water pressure to take that away whole.

That's one to tell the grandkids when they ask what mummy was like when she was younger.

 

Post of the year (jobby related) for me. Proper guffaw at "the whole family were summoned to gaze upon it" and applaud your parenting. Bravo!

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Yep. The ones where there's naray a pip, or the faintest of streaks on the paper. Like you've literally cleansed yourself of any nonsense, impurities and self loathing. 

I love those ones. You just feel so healthy, spritely and confident afterwards, because your insides are seemingly running like the German transport system. 

 

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