SuperBacon Posted May 26, 2020 Share Posted May 26, 2020 I feel like we need to chip in here. Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Chris B Posted May 26, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted May 26, 2020 He's also clearly facing the toilet, presumably having just straddled it facing the porcelain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Astro Hollywood Posted May 26, 2020 Moderators Share Posted May 26, 2020 (edited) 29 minutes ago, SuperBacon said: I feel like we need to chip in here. Â This adds a whole new dimension to the wiping argument. "Do you pull your trousers and pants down when you wipe, or not really bother?" I've seen lower kecks on the man who bleeds the radiators. We've wasted years accusing standers or forward wipers of smearing shite on their bag, but this guy's straight-up painting his waistband with it. Edited May 26, 2020 by Astro Hollywood Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Factotum Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 He may have come back to the loo fearing he had not fully wiped. He thus does not want to sit down as why would you, but he has a wipe to make sure all is spotless. I've been there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Chris B Posted May 27, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted May 27, 2020 Not even going into the thought of wiping my arse with another person there, and almost especially not my other half. That's just... ugh. No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lion_of_the_Midlands Posted May 27, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted May 27, 2020 There are worse things than that @Chris B. It only happened to me for a very short time in my life but there is nothing worse than having to get someone else to wipe your arse for you because you can't do it for yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members ElCece Posted May 27, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted May 27, 2020 28 minutes ago, Lion_of_the_Midlands said: There are worse things than that @Chris B. It only happened to me for a very short time in my life but there is nothing worse than having to get someone else to wipe your arse for you because you can't do it for yourself. Yet if you get them to wipe your arse and you can it's great. Thin line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Danger Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) The biggest shit I ever seen was (allegedly) done by the girlfriend of one of the members of one of The Drifters splinter groups at Ty Mawr in Towyn. The reps said they were leaving it there as tribute and even after a day or corrosion it was incredibly impressive, almost as wide as it was long. Drift it did not. Edited May 27, 2020 by Mr_Danger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members ElCece Posted May 27, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) It might not be the biggest one I done but I done a huge turd at my ex-girlfriends flat that wouldn't flush and I couldn't use any utensils so broke it up by pouring boiling water from the kettle.  All this was done frantically hoping nobody would wake to find me making trips back and forth from the kitchen. Edited May 27, 2020 by ElCece Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lenin Posted May 27, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted May 27, 2020 Well I did a larger jobby than I was expecting yesterday afternoon. So much so that not only was plunging required, I actually had to lie down afterwards as my body got used to my lighter weight. On the plus side my bro was horrified at the picture he got of the brown Nessie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Wretch Posted May 27, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted May 27, 2020 I'm glad this thread popped up again as I've randomly remembered something from my early teens. Went for a massive, messy, smelly shite and upon leaving the bathroom, found my 5 y/o sister's little friend waiting at the door to get in for a pee. She did her business and left. Unbeknownst to me, my old man had gone in straight after her and from the living room, I could hear him run out and tell her "awwwwwww jaysus Megan that'd make a full grown man proud". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 My favourite line from Bottom, on that subject "When that one gets out into the Channel, it'll be a danger to shipping!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lenin Posted May 27, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted May 27, 2020 11 hours ago, johnnyboy said: Possibly one for the lockdown confessional, but also falls under this umbrella. I can only assume that my daughter hasn't shat since lockdown began as at the weekend she unveiled an absolute shit rabbit. I don't mean pellets, oh no, she had dropped an anchor that reached from the back of the bend to the front of the pan, breaching the water like Free Willy jumping the fence. It was, without any exaggeration the size of a small rabbit, medium/large guinea pig. One gigantic, unbroken, lapin de merde. We didn't take pictures, as that's a bit rank, but all of the family were summoned to gaze upon it with their own eyes, Vader in Jedi style, as would they never believe it unless witnessed. I don't remember my actual children being much larger when they were born. Anyway, that was not my responsibility so I directed her to the packet of disposable plastic spoons and rubber gloves to break it up herself as no toilet flush would generate enough water pressure to take that away whole. That's one to tell the grandkids when they ask what mummy was like when she was younger.  Post of the year (jobby related) for me. Proper guffaw at "the whole family were summoned to gaze upon it" and applaud your parenting. Bravo! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Coconut Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 I've just had one of those soul-cleansing poos that leaves you feeling like you can tackle anything. I won't go into the specifics of the loggage, but does everyone have them now and again? It's a genuine gift of evolution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Scott Malbranque Posted May 29, 2020 Paid Members Share Posted May 29, 2020 Yep. The ones where there's naray a pip, or the faintest of streaks on the paper. Like you've literally cleansed yourself of any nonsense, impurities and self loathing. I love those ones. You just feel so healthy, spritely and confident afterwards, because your insides are seemingly running like the German transport system.  Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.