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Divorced Dad

Shitting, AGAIN

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We should all follow Steve McClaren's example with his Fat Lass, and use the same stinking dishcloth.

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6 minutes ago, Frankie Crisp said:

Has anyone else tried to have a shite in peace but ended up on the phone to another UKFFer for a quarter of an hour, resulting in pins and needles? So fucking glad I’m a sitter because I had to use the side of the bath to stand up afterwards.

A (now former I think) UKFFer one took a shit whilst we were playing online games together.  He actually stuck the headset microphone into the bowl as he did so.

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I used to laugh at people who pissed like that, but then I tried it and now I take it all back. I'm a changed man, and no longer get my palms wet if someone's pissed on the floor beforehand.

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I exclusively piss in the wild. There's nothing more liberating than pulling your pants down to your ankles (after taking your shoes and socks off obv) and letting rip in to a pile of nettles or up the side of a persons house and then no handed helicoptering yourself dry.

 

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17 hours ago, SuperBacon said:

Whatever shitty bollox


That got a hearty laugh. Thanks for that.
 

16 hours ago, Sphinx said:

The anus has a lip at the front (dunno what the technical term is). If you wipe back to front, you can basically scoop up to it as you wipe.


This is definitely a thing. I tend to scoop, maybe even pinch a little. I can't fathom the idea of just wiping, flat against your skin. That, more so than how I wipe, is how you get shit where it shouldn't be.

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Forget Brexit, this schism will tear the UKFF apart.

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So after extensive testing, I can confirm that sitting has no bearing on the amount of wipes required. 

I varied my diet in order to try a range of substances. 

As well as standard toilet roll, I tried quilted, scented, wet wipes, triple ply, a hot flannel and three seashells. The results were negligible. 

In conclusion, do whatever feels right. I will be going back to standing full time. Apart from the pooing bit. 

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1 hour ago, Steve Justice said:

So after extensive testing, I can confirm that sitting has no bearing on the amount of wipes required. 

I varied my diet in order to try a range of substances. 

As well as standard toilet roll, I tried quilted, scented, wet wipes, triple ply, a hot flannel and three seashells. The results were negligible. 

In conclusion, do whatever feels right. I will be going back to standing full time. Apart from the pooing bit. 

Standing outside at 8pm to clap for Steve Justice.

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On 3/22/2020 at 8:34 AM, Mr_Danger said:

There's nothing more liberating than pulling your pants down to your ankles

A friend once told me of a game that got played when the group were a few drinks in where someone would declare "school boy piss". Whoever lost (I forget the competitive element) would have to drop trousers and pants the their ankles to take a piss, looking a bit like butters in southpark I assume. 

source.gif

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