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Divorced Dad

Shitting, AGAIN

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On further consideration, I'll make an exception for Steve on this one. I wouldn't want to keep my bare thighs on the porcelain for a second longer than I had to, either.

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31 minutes ago, Steve Justice said:

A very similar method, granted, but we don't stick our hand in the shitty toilet nor run the risk of wiping shit over ourselves as we pull it back out to check it. 

Similar? It's the same! I have been wiping my arse for 34 years now and guess what? 34 years without wiping shit over myself! 

How would your hand be in the shitty toilet? This isn't Trainspotting

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1 minute ago, SuperBacon said:

I just can't imagine how high the water level is in some of these bogs. 

Steve Justice's toilet

 

1*ddbPhfohkz7pRnV25knPGA.gif

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Sitter Brain: how do standers not get shit all over themselves?!

Stander Brain: how do sitters not get shit all over themselves?!

UKFF Galaxy Brain: poking my ricker out of the window, letting the rain and/or crows take care of it, you fuckin' chumps

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Can we use this thread to discuss how we might deal with the very real possibility of life without toilet roll? Do we get our hand up there and pull our fecal matter out like Loki? Invert a shower head into a makeshift bidet? Cut up an old towel and soak in lukewarm water, use old newspaper, drag our pile ridden shitty arses over the carpet or wipe it on a bat like in the wet markets of Wuhan. I'm open to all suggestions. 

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2 hours ago, SuperBacon said:

Just get in the shower like a normal human being.

And if your home doesn't have a shower?

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28 minutes ago, PJ Power said:

And if your home doesn't have a shower?

 

3 hours ago, Astro Hollywood said:

Sitter Brain: how do standers not get shit all over themselves?!

Stander Brain: how do sitters not get shit all over themselves?!

UKFF Galaxy Brain: poking my ricker out of the window, letting the rain and/or crows take care of it, you fuckin' chumps

 

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This has cheered me right up but I have to side with the sitters here. Can I ask the standers is it wiping while straight upright or at an angle. Considering we are a forum of wrestling fans, mostly male and many on the huskier side if you are anything like me then standing up past a point would sort of smush the area together creating more of a poo sandwich between my rather large cheeks and making the whole clean up task a lot more paper heavy.

That said I have in the past worked in places where the toilet bowls were shallow and somewhat German in nature meaning any attempt to wipe would at best end up with shitty bog water on your digits and at worst shaking hands with long brown turd. If you have one of those as your only home toilet then i'll excuse you but if it was by choice then you are an even bigger fucking monster!

 

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8 hours ago, Guy Bifkin said:

Do we get our hand up there and pull our fecal matter out like Loki? Invert a shower head into a makeshift bidet? Cut up an old towel and soak in lukewarm water, use old newspaper, drag our pile ridden shitty arses over the carpet or wipe it on a bat like in the wet markets of Wuhan.

Outward facing corner of a wall like a cat on a scratching post.

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When standing there's more manoeuvrability. If you're a skinny, sitting kind of makes sense. But if your arse pretty much takes up the width of the bowl, even with bending you're going to struggle to not let your hand touch the toilet seat and porcelain, and not much space for the wiping motion. 

However, you lot converted me away from sitting on the porcelain, so I'll give this a go and report back. 

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8 hours ago, PJ Power said:

And if your home doesn't have a shower?

Squat over the bath plughole and mash it down with a potato masher. 

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