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What's the worst thing you've ever done to another human?


Wretch

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6 hours ago, Mr_Danger said:

I always remember the sign in Wrexham Burtons that said you couldn't try on underwear. I always thought it odd that someone might consider trying on kecks but returning worn ones is a whole other level. 

At least you weren't wearing them I suppose.

Par for the course in Wrexham. I remember powering through 12 pints pf John Smith's in the Elihu Yale there in 3 hours when I was 17, following through on a fart, buttering my cheeks and leaving my boxers behind the cistern. 

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  • 1 month later...

The Ball Balls Incident

WINTER 1977 - My first year at high school. The PE teacher was a sadist who used to make us play football in sub-zero temperatures. We were on the football pitch and it was so cold the ground was rock hard and the icy cold made our fingers and noses sting. Thick white mist plumed out of our mouths. The local duck pond had frozen over so solidly that kids could skid around on it.

My best friend at the time was a little wizened boy named Alan Smithson. He was short in height and bone thin, and he used to look up to me like I was some kind of god. Due to his lack of blubber the cold affected him worse than the others, causing him to shiver uncontrollably and his teeth to audibly chatter. He hated the cold, and football, and was half crying at this torture, nose running and eyes teary, stood there on that freezing god-forsaken parallelogram.

I was a shit footy player but had a powerful kick if the ball lucked into the vicinity of my right boot. Anyway, this day Allah was smiling down on me momentarily and the heavy leather football did luck into the vicinity of my right boot. “Brilliant”, I thought, “I’ll give it a massive hard kick!” Alan Smithson was standing a mere 6 feet from me, facing me. I whacked the leaden ball with all my leg strength - and it flew at warp speed straight into his crotch!!

He crumpled down onto the Arctic-like ground and howled in pain, curled into a foetal position, clasping his shrivelled testicles mewling in agony. After a few minutes of clucking and commotion he was helped off the pitch and waddled unsteadily to the nurses office.

Our very close friendship was severed utterly from that point on and even though I’ve not seen him in decades I’ve been reliably informed that he is still afflicted by flashbacks and nightmares due to the “Ball Balls Incident”.

Edited by SuperstarNeilC
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Waiting for a mate of mine to leave the table while a group of us were having a Pizza Hut buffet for lunch. We all put parmasan on our lunch, then I unscrewed the lid. We waited until he came back and encouraged him to join us by adding the powdered cheese to his pasta. End result, cheese mountain in his bowl of pasta.

Recently when we were out a friend was being an obnoxious drunk. So when he went to the loo i added salt and vinegar to his pint. He took a few swigs but he stopped drinking for the rest of the night.

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The one that springs to mind is when I took some plastic straws out of a box, wiped my sweaty crack with them, then put them back in the box for people to use.

There are probably lots of others too.

I've also probably nearly made several people piss / shit themselves on trains a number of times. All members of the 'can't figure out that I should lock the toilet door to prevent potentially embarrassing incidents' brigade, so I have no remorse over those incidents. Every time the person shut the door from the inside, I was standing just round by the train door pressing the button to open it from the outside. My record was about six times, before the bloke gave up and went to use another toilet / shat himself instead. I wasn't bored during the journey and thought doing this would pass the time. I just happened to be getting off the train at the next stop and thought it would be funny.

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9 hours ago, Hannibal Scorch said:

Waiting for a mate of mine to leave the table while a group of us were having a Pizza Hut buffet for lunch. We all put parmasan on our lunch, then I unscrewed the lid. We waited until he came back and encouraged him to join us by adding the powdered cheese to his pasta. End result, cheese mountain in his bowl of pasta.

Recently when we were out a friend was being an obnoxious drunk. So when he went to the loo i added salt and vinegar to his pint. He took a few swigs but he stopped drinking for the rest of the night.

Are you Daisy Dares from Zzzap?

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Upon seeing this thread bumped, I got a bit pissed this morning (I work nights, don't judge me) and thought I'd message my old man regards the story in the OP.

It's been nine hours and he hasn't replied. Will update the thread when he does.

 

20190919_170053.jpg

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