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Bad pub guide 2019


Kaz Hayashi

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The Blue Azur in Gateshead.

It has a brolly bucket full of shit pool cues by the end of the bar. It doesn’t have a pool table.

My mate once asked why, the barman said “the fuckin dickheads”, and a local quickly followed up with “batter the daft cunts”.

So yeah, weapons for the regulars.

*No food 

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I'm happy with pubs doing some food, but pubs that try and do a full menu are trying too hard. Be one or the other.

In terms of shit pub signifiers, I think the sign with that ubiquitous pub font saying "HOT & COLD FOOD" is second only to "QUALITY ALES SERVED".

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1 hour ago, Bellenda Carlisle said:

I used to go to a shithole punk pub in Canada where a really old man came in regularly and sold hot calzones out of his coat pockets, he also had a bottle of mustard in his back pocket if you wanted it, it was like something out of disgusting cartoon. 

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Baps in cling film are made on site. Cheese and Onion, Ham, or Ham and Cheese. Cockles are a geographical thing I think, some of the older pubs around here do them in a crisp packet. The Oddfellows in Acrefair for one which has a mainly 60+ clientele. It's one of my favourite pubs but lookingt at some of the posts in this thread most here would hate it.

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I remember when I was a kid seeing a lot of pubs in London that had seafood huts outside. Could get cockles, whelks, crabsticks, winkles, etc.

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1 minute ago, PowerButchi said:

Baps in cling film are made on site. Cheese and Onion, Ham, or Ham and Cheese. Cockles are a geographical thing I think, some of the older pubs around here do them in a crisp packet. The Oddfellows in Acrefair for one which has a mainly 60+ clientele. It's one of my favourite pubs but lookingt at some of the posts in this thread most here would hate it.

I've seen those cockles in a packet, never tried them. How about cheese and pickle?

I remember lots of Cockle Men going round pubs in Nottingham and Ingoldmells when I was a lad, but now apparently Nottingham has just the one left. You can even get a badge.

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I would nominate the White Horse in Bedworth.

I came across this on an away trip to watch Bedworth Utd a few years ago. I was genuinely terrified for the 10 minutes I spent in there. All the windows are covered by steel plates and there is a big "No Drugs" poster as you walk in. When you walk in (this was about middayish) it's clear everyone in the pub has ignored that poster on the way in as you are greeted by the biggest collection of meth-riddled villians all absolutely bollocksed off their tits, hugging each other like it was the end of a really bad rave when the lights go up. 

We were threatened twice on the short way to the bar by several Luton fans and eventually ordered some pints - we were served cans - by the fattest, hardest looking barmaid I've ever seen.

We necked those cans in silence in the corner and left as quick as we could. It was like a horror film.

 

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