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Farting Etiquette

Brewster McCloud

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How do you handle it? Do you do it in front of loved ones and have a little joke about it? Are you a prude who insists on leaving the room before letting rip? Does the relationship somewhat sour when you're both doing it in front of each other without a care in the world, thus the magic losing its attraction, or are farts in bed all part of it?

I am quite a flatulent fellow, due to food and drink habits, and I was caught out earlier at work... I thought it would be subtle, but it wasn't....it gave off a rather vile whiff and I'm sure the pretty ladies behind me noticed. I almost felt the need to turn around and raise my eyebrows in a kind of "well, what can you do?" gesture, but I was too cowardly, and I know they will always look differently at me from now on. I think the only way to rectify the situation is, tomorrow, wave my hands to attract their attention and blow a raspberry while pointing to my bum in a theatrical manner, all the while looking nonplussed. 

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9 hours ago, IANdrewDiceClay said:

If Brewster farts like he posts, I suggest you turn off the router and then try farting.

On the plus side, I don't post that often. If I bother you that much, you could just put me on ignore, rather than indulge in petty sniping, as popular as that trait seems to be around here. By the same token, from what you post on here Ian, you seem to have a rather empty life that revolves around wrestling nostalgia and soap operas. I suggest you try reading a book, as it might improve your mental health.

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I used to work in a nursery (only male amongst 20+ women) and I'll never forget the time a rather large colleague let rip by the lockers. I was in the laundry room adjacent and the wet reverberation is something I will never forget. That, and the stench. Christ, it was as though she'd been eating dog food.

After stifling a laugh I emerge and locked eyes. The look of panic when she realised that she wasn't alone was unforgettable.

I love a good trump. Not the president, mind.

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