Jump to content

Old people say funny shit


Kaz Hayashi

Recommended Posts

  • Paid Members

I sadly never met either of my grandads, but my maternal grandma often came out with unintentionally funny things.

The one that first comes to mind is when she came down from Yorkshire to visit - we were watching The Dark Knight, and she was just sat there with us in the living room, reading a magazine, occasionally looking up, shaking her head presumably at all the violence. About halfway through the film, she looks up and the following exchange occurs between her and my little sister:

G: "Is that Batman?"

S: "Yeah."

G: "Why's Batman in this film?"

S: (bites down a smirk) "Dunno."

 

Another one was when we went up to visit her; we were all sat round the dinner table, having a curry, except for her, as she didn't like curries and had eaten already - she was sat in the living room, again reading a magazine, which was one of those only separated from the dining room by sliding double doors, open at the time.

We're all just sat there eating quietly, when we suddenly hear:

G: "Ah, it tells you what to do, 'ere, with bananas..."

I look across the table at my mum, who's just barely avoided choking on her food, and trying to suppress laughter; we all are. Grandma just carries on chuntering, oblivious to our reactions.

 

On another occasion, we'd gone up to Blackpool for a family holiday - think I was about sixteen at the time. This took place in the hotel room my mum, grandma, and little sister shared. I was just stood by the door, when I hear an angry "Ohhhh!" coming from the bathroom, and the next thing I know, my grandma's opening the door, saying "The toilet's broken." My sister goes in to try and help her fix it, but to no avail. After a couple of irritated shoves on the handle, my grandma suddenly exclaims: "THIS FLUSHES NOWT" at which point my sister just loses it, cracks up, staggers out to go and sit on the bed, and promptly falls off from laughing too much.

 

There was one that I feel awful for laughing at, but just couldn't help it, and that was when my mum accidentally flushed grandma's false teeth down the toilet. If I was religious, I'd say I'm definitely never seeing my grandma again, as she's up in heaven, and I'm going to hell for sure.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 32
  • Created
  • Last Reply

My mum's now in her 70's, a couple of years ago I noticed she'd somehow got into this habit of cracking jokes about people's weight. She meant absolutely no harm and did it in a very soft and joking way, however as you can imagine, the recipients rarely found it funny, but as mum is a truly kindhearted (but socially lacking and completely tactless) lady, they let it go. 

Finally there was some sort of family get together and my father in law was there. After the initial greetings, she said something like, "ooooooh, you've put on a bit of weight there, Paul, hahaha!" and pointed at his very slight paunch (he's really not fat at all). He's a nice man and so followed the most forced and fake "ha ha" I've ever heard. I took her to one side the next day. "Mum, you know you should never joke about people's weight, right?" She just has no clue, bless her, but at least the "you're fat" "jokes" have stopped. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

My Nan is obsessed with people's weight. About three weeks after she had our second daughter, she said to my wife "Still fat then?"

Nan's always got names of people and shops wrong too. My favourite was when she was going to the supermarket Kwik-save she'd say "I'm off to Nesquicks"

She came running through in a panic once yelling that there was a "Mos-kick-akito" flying around the kitchen. It was funny enough even before it turned out to be a blue bottle.

My Nan-in-law bought our daughter a black doll when she was young, which would have been fine if she hadn't given her it and said "Best she gets used to them early". Might still be the most my skin has ever crawled.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...