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HarmonicGenerator

UKFF Post of the Year: 2018

UKFF Post of the Year: 2018  

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Which was the best post?

Nominees were determined by being nominated in the Post Of The Year thread. A combination of +1s in that thread, Likes of the original post, and Likes within the POTY thread were all counted. Posts from before upvotes became universal were considered in a way that made their votes proportional to those after that date.

Nominees quoted below. One nominee per post so I don't mess up the quoting system:

@chokeout - 'Rocky' wrong screenshots - January

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Rocky (1976)

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Rocky 2 (1979)

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Rocky 3 (1982)

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Rocky 4 (1985)

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Creed (2015)

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@Cod Eye - bad date - September

On 9/28/2018 at 4:01 PM, Cod Eye said:

I never really did the dating thing when I was younger. I met my first serious girlfriend when I was 18(before then I was never bothered about anything other than than the odd one nighter), and she was ten years older so I settled down fairly quickly. Anyway, after about 7 years we split up, and because I was a bit on the rusty side I decided to go on an online dating site.

So, I get talking to this lass who was similar age(25) to me who seemed ok and looked decent, so we decided to go out. Alarm bells start ringing when she turns up with an arese the size of a family hatchback, and looking nothing like her photos from the site, but because I was really low on confidence thought I'd give things a chance.  So we're out for some dinner, and the conversation moves onto kids. I tell her I have a young son, and she tell's me she is childless(remember this, it will become clear later). Anyway, we move on to a pub and have a fairly decent time if I'm honest. After about an hour, she suggests we go back to her's for a few drinks, and I thought, why not?

We're now back at her house and sat talking on the settee with a bottle of cheap wine when I start to hear some knocking from upstairs. I looked a bit worried, but she basically no sold it. I think to myself, fuck it and start to make a move on her and we start kissing but are interrupted when a young lad, about 12 walks in the room from upstars. Now, I'm properly startled by it and ask her who he is. Sheepishly, she informs me he is her son and she was afraid to tell me about him in case it put me off. Now, I was pissed off that she lied, but could understand why she did it. I'm in the middle of telling her not to be daft when another two lads, about 9 and 8 follow him. I look at her, and she's red faced. I ask if they are her's too, to which she confirms they are. At this point, I'm done but so I don't appear a cunt I decide to stick around a bit. I'm about to ask her if there was any more, when a girl walks in(she was 5), I'm now floored, and ask her if she wants to tell me about any more. She shakes her head, before sheepishly changing her mind and telling me about another boy(4). That's 5 now for those counting. 

I decide enough is enough and politely tell her that things won't work now. So we stand up and head for the door when it flies open. In the doorway there is now a bloke with one of those double push chair things with two toddlers in. I glanced over at her, and without having to even ask her, she just say's "yes". So that 7 kids she had, when 3 hours later she was completely childless.

I just fucked off as quick as I could after that.

 

There is also a time that the lads still give me stick for. This was in my younger days, and I had pulled a lass in a nightclub. She wasn't the type I would normally go for but it was already 1am, so needs be. So we decide to go somewhere a bit more private, but as we were both 17 at the time home was out of the question. So we found this secluded park and started to get down to it. After about a minutes foreplay(I was 17 for fucks sake) I tried to put it in, but there was no chance as it was just so tight. I asked her if it was her first time and it was no surprise when she confirmed it was indeed. After a minute or two of tryng to gain entry, I suggested she bobbed on top so she could slide it in at her own pace. That turned out to be a big mistake. I felt the tip make contact, then she just dropped, dead weight straight down on my shaft. She split my banjo string. It was agony, and she was oblivious to my plight and just carried on bobbing up and down on it. After a minute or so of sobbing, I managed to get her to stop, and when I pulled out it was like a scene from a horror movie. There was the blood from her with it being her first time, and the blood that was seeping out of my broken willy. I had to ring a mate to pick me up and take me to the A&E. Never been so embarased in my life!

Edited by HarmonicGenerator

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@HarmonicGenerator - Eastenders Invasion - November

On 11/28/2018 at 9:35 AM, HarmonicGenerator said:

March 26

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"I'm pleased to announce the expansion of my pub empire. After years of war, I've taken over the Rovers Return and tonight, you'll see me on BBC and ITV."

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"''old on, mum. You're too late. I'm the new owner of the Rovers!"

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"Phil, how could you, my own flesh and blood."

 

Everything goes quiet for a few months.

 

June

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Dot: "I've been here on Albert Square my whole career, for decades of dotstruction. But my husband Jim is being stalked! I demand to know who's doing this!"

The following week, the culprit unmasks, in the middle of the Square...

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"It's me, it's me, it's H-A-ley! This invasion begins now!"

 

July 9

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"Right mum, I'm here with the best, most affordable midcarders my new street has to offer. Bring it on!"

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"Don't make me laugh Phil. We've got Stone Cold Pat Butcher, we'll destroy you like the jobbers you'll mostly turn out to be"

But wait... who's this?!

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BAH GAWD! THE DINGLES ARE HERE! AND THEY'RE TEAMING UP WITH PHIL! WHAT AN UNHOLY ALLIANCE!

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"IT'S THE ITV ALLIANCE, MUM, AND WE'RE HERE TO TAKE OVER WALFORD.

And that's not all. Allow me to present the NEW owner of The Woolpack..."

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BAH GAWD BAH GAWD! Peggy's other child! Her children have teamed up to end Peggy Mitchell and Eastenders once and for all!

But as long as she gets the old Stone Cold Pat back, everything will be...

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! STONE COLD PAT BUTCHER HAS DEFECTED TO THE ALLIANCE! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR THE QUEEN VIC, FOR PEGGY MITCHELL, FOR ALBERT SQUARE?!?!?!

 

November

Everything's fine, turns out Eastenders was the number one the whole time. ITV lot, bunch of midcard nobodies.

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"Welcome back, lads. Now that's out of the way, time to bring in Curly Watts, Ken Barlow and Mike Baldwin."

"Shouldn't we have used them during the Inva-"

"No."

Edited by HarmonicGenerator

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@IANdrewDiceClay - Crown Jewel review - November

On 11/2/2018 at 7:58 PM, IANdrewDiceClay said:

Never watched it, so going purely off pictures from twitter, he looks pretty stupid these days. They all do. Shawn Michaels looks like my nob after a long bath. And the Undertaker ruined his body putting all that effort in during the Streak only to continue on to wrestle like a Scott Conway import. He's a mess.

Edited by HarmonicGenerator

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@neil - bad date - September

Probably the worst date I had was during the third date I had with this girl. For some background I'd broken up with my fiancee some six months earlier and had decided that OKCupid was a way for me to get "back in the game".

So I met this girl on OKCupid, and despite her not living close to me, had met up with her for a date. I was shitting bricks as I hadn't dated anyone after breaking up and was absolutely shit with dating/girls prior to that so my expectations were at an all time low. The girl was actually really attractive and fun and we ended the night with us snogging wildly. Things escalated during a second date, but a problem presented itself where neither of us had a place to go - I lived an hour away, she had yet to move into her new place.

Roll on to the third date. She had now moved into her own place. Idiot Neil thought "ah maybe sex tonight?" but was too nervous to pack condoms not wanting to be "that guy". So we end up at her place, things get going, I say I don't have a rubber, she goes "no probs, I have some". So she grabs it and this thing is absolutely tiny and my nob is HUGE, so that was not going to work. She suggests I go out and buy some...adding "I can't believe you didn't bring any".

Now I'm starting to feel really anxious. I go out...in the pouring rain...and buy some BIG BOY BALLOONS. Get back to hers, I'm as soaking wet as her punani, and the action starts.

This is where I find out her pussy is like one of them jars of putty that makes fart sounds. It feels awful...not to mention its some 6+ years since my hampton has felt the delights of latex on it...I pull out and see this cavern of a hole slowly closing up. Between that and the condom my dick gives up the ghost and recoils in horror.

She's absolutely miffed at my lack of manhood at this point, but I go down on her and we end up falling asleep. I wake up in the morning with a full on morning wood throbber. I think to myself "now's the time mate" and try to initiate. She seems a bit annoyed at being woke up but starts getting into it...

I'm trying desperately not to think about the previous night, but I feel like I'm thrusting into thin air and then her pussy starts making sounds just like the actual fart putty. Instant boner loss. She is clearly furious and says "I have to be somewhere so you're going to have to leave"...it's 7am on a Sunday. Never heard from her again.

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@Onyx2 - Hell In A Cell 20 years later - June

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“Maybe you should let him throw you off the cage.”

Terry Funk’s innocent bit of daydream booking has created one of the most replayed pieces of WWE footage ever. From showing the derangement of Mankind, the brutality of the Undertaker or warning kids not to try this at home, Mick Foley’s fall from the top of Hell in a Cell to the Spanish announce table is an epochal moment in wrestling.

On 28th June 1998, the King of the Ring PPV featured a sub-main match between the Undertaker and Mankind in a Hell in a Cell match that was to be one of the most memorable of all time, with consequences rippling down to today.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. In 1997 Shawn Michaels faced the Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match that was possibly the best WWF match of the year. The roofed cage that surrounded the ring felt like the perfect way to cement a Steve Austin v Mankind feud, following their Dude Love shenanigans which weren’t quite catching fire. A shakeup in the booking from Vince Russo giving Kane the main event nod, desperate to dangle the line "I'll set myself on fire!" meant that this was nixed. Instead Mankind was to face the Undertaker in the cage.

Foley was concerned. He was on a comedown, not quite catching on with the fans. Undertaker was nursing a broken foot. He knew they couldn’t follow the Shawn Michaels match at all. It was their sixth PPV match. Mick Foley just couldn’t figure how to make it work. Partly joking around with mentor and friend Terry Funk, he watched the tape of Michaels dangling by his fingers from the top and falling backwards to the announce table. Funk then suggested he start the match on top of the cage. And get thrown from it.

Foley laughed it off initially, but grew to appreciate that the spectacle would help fill the match with enough razzle-dazzle to obscure that neither man was in their best shape. He consulted Undertaker who didn’t approve, and Foley was left unsure as to whether Taker would play along or not.

Foley then took it to Vince. 

So with no approval from Vince, and it being unclear whether Undertaker would go with it, 32-year old Foley set out to do it anyway. In the go-home Raw, Foley promises the audience “a show they will not forget.”

To the match in question. He made his way to the ring. The crowd was awash with black Austin 3:16 t-shirts. There was largely an apathetic reaction to his entrance. Mick makes what he calls one of his biggest regrets at this point: he takes a chair with him. He enters the cage, paces the inside, then leaves. He stares at the cage and tosses the chair to the top. He climbs the cage, to pretty much everyone's surprise. The first of many injuries occurs here: Foley loses feeling in his right index finger through pulling on the mesh too hard.

Undertaker arrives to a much more bold reception, because who has a better entrance in the business? Undertaker appears to have agreed with the plan, as he ascends the cage. They brawl briefly on top, with part of the roof giving way which should have given them pause for a later stunt. After a blocked DDT Undertaker slugs Mick a couple of times, and he teeters towards the edge.

Undertaker grabs Mankind by the neck and back, and tosses him from the top.

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Foley falls, hard, and fast into the Spanish announce table.

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“Good God almighty! That killed him! As God is my witness he is broken in half!”

JR has probably never had a more captivating call, as according to him he had no idea this was part of the plan.

The crowd pitch rises to a high shriek and gasp. Foley is not moving. Undertaker doesn’t quite look his chilling self, and remarks later to Foley backstage “brother, I thought you were dead.”

Carlos Cabrera was sent literally reeling: “There must have been hundreds of moments at that table, but that was the most incredible and horrific one,” he told WWE.com later.

Funk appears at ringside extremely quickly. Trainer Francois Petit is there. Sgt. Slaughter comes down. Even Vince McMahon himself appears, pretty much breaking character, appearing concerned.

Foley commented at this point he felt surprisingly OK. A sore shoulder and a dull kidney pain but not bad considering the ‘bump’ he took, if that word still applies.

The cage is lifted to allow the gurney round, Taker still atop. A fan can be heard screaming “finish the match.” Vince is still visibly concerned. JR is apologising for the match being over. The crows start chanting for Undertaker.

Perhaps on adrenaline only - Mick doesn’t really remember - he gets off the stretcher. Funk and others are clearly and honestly pleading with him to get back. Foley moves fairly fast up the cage for someone with a dislocated shoulder. Undertaker shrugs and rejoins him there. On his way he moves the chair to the middle of the ring.  After a few traded blows, Undertaker wraps Foley’s throat with a goozle, and executes a fairly weak chokeslam. The centre panel gives way.

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Undertaker said "That panel wasn't supposed to break loose. That panel gave way."

Foley added

(I'm not convinced by this. Undertaker throws him in an unusual way, and Foley's bump position is odd. I suspect Mick tells this story to keep his wife Collette happy. He greatly pissed off his wife as he didn't tell her what was happening, nor called home until quite a while after. Doghouse central.)

The worst part doesn’t come across in the camera angles. While Foley falls to the ring, the leg of the chair catches him flush in the face. It’s this that removes one and a half teeth, dislocates his jaw and punctures a space in his lip he can push his tongue through. Famously Mankind lolls at ringside to the camera, trying to show this trick, but most are shocked by the tooth clearly poking out of his nostril.

But the crowd are going batshit insane by this point. While the ring is flooded with officials, Undertaker hops down and lands on a clearly weak ankle, hobbling around for a bit. Terry Funk knows Foley needs more time to get back to his feet. He gets in Taker’s grill for a right hand and a chokeslam, which manages to knock his shoes off. Less than two minutes after falling through the cage, Foley is back on his feet, takes a worked punch and falls extremely slowly to the mat in a bump Mick has no recollection of.

At this point Undertaker throws Mankind a bone. “Let’s go home.” “No I’m OK,” replies Foley. And the match continues. Such is wrestling.

“Hell is in Pittsburgh tonight,” says JR gravely. The match continues for another ten minutes. The steps get involved. DDTs on to the infamous chair. There’s thumbtacks (Mick asks Undertaker backstage “why didn’t we use the thumbtacks?” Undertaker gestures at Foley’s pincushion arm.)

After the match, Foley is stretchered again. Foley says to Mike Chioda “have I been on a stretcher already tonight?” When Mick is reminded that he is, he asks for help to get back to his feet, Mankind leaves the arena to a chorus of “FOLEY” and his legend is cemented.

*

As a match, Dave Meltzer gives it 4.5 stars. It’s strange because it’s definitely the kind of match that breaks star ratings. It’s technically not good but in terms of being memorable, a spectacle, a specimen of performance and endurance, it’s outstanding. Dave says “despite anything Mick Foley has ever done or ever will do in this industry, he will always be remembered for June 28, 1998...for better or worse, I will never forget that performance as long as I live but I wish I had never seen it.”

I didn't even watch it in context first time around. I couldn't get PPVs at the time. I missed the Raw after too. I heard Vince say "what you did for us at King of the Ring... We will never forget." I ordered it on VHS from Amazon and watched it spellbound twice through. 

It’s arguably the most famous wrestling moment of all time, and a sure-fire way to nobble the ‘it’s all fake’ naysayers. I personally really enjoy the match as it spikes excitement in the way few other matches do. It still raises goosebumps, even as I watched it a couple of times to write this. Maybe knowing Mick was more or less OK afterwards helps. I know I’ve debated with some on here that it’s a difficult watch, but it’s hard to argue for a match that changed the business more, nor has been rewatched more. Mick Foley says himself “People say this is the greatest match of all time. To me, that is obviously not the case—I liken it to a cruise ship. Calling this the greatest match of all time would be like calling the Titanic the greatest cruise of all time. It’s not so much the quality of the cruise as it was the courage of the survivors…”

It patently isn’t a five star match. But it is legendary.

Watch the match here (hooky): http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x50cdbp

Watch the match here (legit): http://network.wwe.com/share/video/31289543

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@Supremo - fantasy booking the end of WWE - October

Wrestlemania 35

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After a shit load of fireworks, Shane McMahon makes his way to the ring, smiling, taking it all in for one final time.

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“So this is it. The final night. Now, I’m not here to get into the politics and the gory details as to why this’ll be our last night. What I’m here for is to promise you that we’re going to go out with a bang. In fact, the reason I’m out so early is because in order to deliver to you guys what I’m planning, I’ve got to leave immediately and be taken to a safe location. You see, since this is the final night, I figured why not answer all the questions. Why not set the truth free. Why not……UNLOCK THE LOCKBOX!”

Shane leaves as the following vignette is played.

Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn

A new twist, with Sami playing heel and Kevin playing face, these guys have a fantastic opener. The finish comes when Sami looks to use a steel chair when the ref is down, only for a masked man to jump the rail and stop him. Distracted by the masked man, Sami walks into a Pop-Up Powerbomb for the pin.  The masked man reveals himself to be…*dramatic pause*….Chris Jericho! He and Owens stare at each other from across the ring….slowly walk towards each other….and hug to a huge reaction!

They leave screaming, “Best Friends Forever!”

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Backstage, the New Day are shown playing PlayStation, shouting and hollering. Hulk Hogan suddenly walks in and the New Day immediately go silent.

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Hulk: “Hey guys, whatcha playing, brothers?”

Kofi: “Rocket League…”

Hulk: “Wow, cool.”

The New Day sit silently.

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Hulk: “Have you guys played GTA San Andreas? That CJ guy is so cool.”

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Hulk: “Anyway, have you guys seen that Black Panther film? It’s great….I thought so, anyway.”

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Hulk: “……Eddie Murphy’s good, isn’t he?”

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Hulk: “Right, I best be off anyway, very busy at the moment, good speaking to you, lads. Take it easy.”

Seth Rollins vs. Dean Ambrose - Cage Match

After feuding since Ambrose turned, these guys have a wild brawl that ends with Seth hitting a Curb Stomp from the top rope. Afterwards, he sits up with tears in his eyes, clearly hurt that it came to this. As the cage rises, Seth helps Ambrose up, apologising. Dean shoves him away. Seth pleads. “Come on, man. It’s over. We’re brothers. I love you.” Dean turns to leave, when Roman’s music hits. Entering the ring, all three guys look at each other. The commentators describe the hell Ambrose has put Seth through. How Seth just wanted his friend back and wished this had never happened. Slowly, Roman and Seth put their fists out.

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After teasing back and forth, Dean does the same and they do one more Shield pose. Dean and Seth hug Roman, crying.

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The camera shows a wide shot of an undisclosed location, surrounded by police cars and FBI trucks. We cut to Shane entering a room and sitting beside Hornswoggle.

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Shane: “We’ve got a lot to talk about.”

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Hornswoggle: “Indeed we do.”

Hornswoggle goes on to explain that he isn’t Vince’s son. He never was. He isn’t Finlay’s son. He never was. He was never even the Anonymous GM. No. All he’s ever been is Vince McMahon’s small, green smokescreen. His diminutive false flag. Whenever the pressure got too much, or the truth was nearly revealed, Vince would pay Hornswoggle a tonne of money to pose in whatever situation Vince required, in order to distract the fans from what was really going on. He knew that campy, silly humour would be enough to take the heat off him and keep the machine rolling.

Shane: “So what’s the truth?”

Horsnwoggle explains that Vince did have an illegitimate son, and his name is Vincent George McMahon. However, to protect this secret he was only ever referred to as, “George,” by the select few people who knew about him. Hornswoggle theorises it was less than five people.

Shane: “So when you were announced as Vince’s son?”

Honswoggle: “The rumours were getting too much. George was very close to being exposed. So Vince had a Plan A and a Plan B. Plan A was to fake his own death by blowing up his limo….but certain things ruined that…so then I was Plan B. Make it look like Vince is being humiliated and sweep it all under the carpet. It mostly worked, too!”

He goes on to explain that this secret son was at first a great help to Vince, having someone as crazy and as maniacal as he was, but over time, as George got more crazed and more obsessed, it nearly destroyed the entire company.

As footage is shown over the top, Hornswoggle explains that George was the one who raised the briefcase at King of the Ring 1999. Vince also greenlit George to run GTV, hence the “G,” with them both finding great amusement in exposing the roster’s secrets and causing conflict.

Hornswoggle: “You see, for as bad as you and Stephanie might be….no offence of course….George was far worse. Imagine every negative trait of your fathers, multiplied by ten. It was all fun and games for Vince and George to begin with, but then things took a very dark turn.”

To be continued…..

Goldberg vs. Undertaker – Streak vs. Streak

Sold as the final dream match, Goldberg comes out first, then The Undertaker. Just before they ring the bell though, someone jumps the rail and grabs a microphone.

“We’re not having a final night without me! I was never eliminated from the Royal Rumble!”

The camera reveals that it’s Maven.

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“Sixteen years I’ve been in this Rumble match! You never eliminated me! I’m the greatest!”

Taker goes outside and grabs Maven, walloping him with a chair shot.

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He throws him into the ring, where Goldberg spears him. Taker chokeslams Maven, then throws him over the top rope. Lillian Garcia announces that Maven is now eliminated from the 2002 Royal Rumble. He’s carried away by officials.

Goldberg and Taker then have a fun, short match with Goldberg winning with the jackhammer.

We cut to Vince McMahon arriving at the arena. He doesn’t arrive by limo though, he’s driving himself, going a million miles an hour, clearly crazed, smashing into what we learn is Shane’s limo.

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He gets out with a baseball bat and starts smashing up the limo.

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“WHERE IS HE?! HE CAN’T DO THIS! NOT TONIGHT!”

Hall of Fame Ceremony

 

All the inductees from the previous night are on the ramp, then the headline inductee’s music hits...

The Rock makes his way to the ring for one final promo. Just as he begins to speak though, Elias comes out holding two guitars.

“I’m sorry Rock, but I couldn’t waste this opportunity.”

He throws Rock a guitar, he sits down and they begin to jam to a loud reaction.

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After a couple of songs, they wrap it up by giving each other a high-five, but of course The Rock turns it into a Rock Bottom. He then delivers one final People’s Elbow, managing to give his guitar a few strums in the midst of delivering it. He celebrates as we fade out.

Backstage, Chris Newinski makes an appearance in the form of a press conference.

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“Me and my team have done the research. We’ve finished experimenting. The apron isn’t the hardest part of the ring. The ring post is. SO FUCKING SHUT UP AND STOP GOING ON ABOUT IT. Thank you for your time.”

Andre the Giant Battle Royal

Featuring every superstar they can get in contact with, Braun Strowman eventually wins. He then grabs the mic and asks Alexa Bliss to come to the ring. He then gets down on one knee and asks her to marry him. She says yes. He picks her up and carries both her and his trophy to the back, smiling like a big, goofy dickhead.

TLC Tag Unification Match – Usos vs. Hardys vs. The Bar vs. Undisputed Era

The Usos win a wild match, becoming Unified Champs and going down in history as one of the best teams of all time.

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Hornswoggle explains how George and Vince’s relationship broke down as George became more and more obsessed with being involved in the product, wanting to be a wrestler himself and hating that he couldn’t go public with his lineage. He was a McMahon, God Dammit, he didn’t want to live in the shadows! This obsession began to show itself in ways the average viewer never even realised. George sent Booker T that, “I Still Remember!” note to antagonise and hopefully lead to his eventual debut and feud as a wrestler. Vince refused, but did allow him to eventually wrestle as the Imposter Kane.

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This kept George under control for a little while, but his desire to go public and become a wrestler continued to grow. Eventually, George tried to debut himself on Smackdown, during a Christmas break when he knew Vince wouldn’t be paying as much attention, creating his own vignettes and calling himself, “Hade Vansen.” Unsurprisingly, once Vince realised, he put a stop to this immediately.

Shane: “Oh my God, so all this time, I knew what my half-brother looked like and never realised!”

Hornswoggle: “His finger prints and his presence can be seen throughout the history of this company if you know where to look.”

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As George got more obsessed and threatened to go against Vince’s wishes, Vince gave him one final role in the hope of keeping him under control – allowing him to be Anonymous GM.

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Shane: “I’m assuming the absolute insanity that we got from the Anonymous GM gives us some indication of his descent into madness?”

Hornswoggle: “Exactly. Living a lie can do scary things to a man’s brain. Just be thankful you didn’t have to pretend to be behind it in the end! Highly embarrassing!”

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Hornswoggle explains that after the Anonymous GM debacle Vince decided to put an end to this problem with George and used company money to get him locked up in an asylum for the rest of his life.

Shane: “but we’re a publicly traded company, we’d see that sort of money going out.”

Honswoggle: “McMahon’s Millions was Vince’s way of getting the first large sum of money, with another faked death when he’d embezzled enough, and since then he’s pretended to be starting up the XFL as a way of hiding how much it costs to keep George locked up and quiet.”

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Shane: “But what’s left to hide?”

To be continued….

Vince is shown going ballistic backstage, failing to get into the production truck, threatening staff, the commentators remark this is a man unravelling in front of our eyes.

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WWE Universal Title – Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena

Sporting a shaved head, John Cena goes for the historic 17th World Title win. Brock comes out of the gates early, but it soon becomes apparent that Cena has been working extensively on reversals to the German Suplex. With each attempt by Brock, Cena accomplishes another innovative reversal, until eventually hitting and rolling through to complete three successive Attitude Adjustments, getting the win. Ric Flair comes to the ring to present Cena with the belt and congratulate him on being the greatest of all time.

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Women’s Unification - Becky Lynch vs. Ronda Rousey

After a wild sprint of a match, Becky lands a head-kick, knocking Ronda out cold. Becky celebrates as the Unified Champion.

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Vince storms to the ring, disheveled, furious, grabbing a microphone.

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“This is supposed to be my greatest moment, everyone back there, I’m warning you, don’t you dare…”

Suddenly, his microphone is cut off. The commentators explain that Vince has made so many enemies over the years that it’s finally come back to haunt him. Vince screams at those at ringside, but then the footage starts up.

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It’s explained that before George was locked up, he’d created a Lockbox and filled it with evidence, DNA, secretly-recorded confessions, everything he had, to prove not only what Vince had done to him, but the truth about Vince himself. He sent two keys for this Lockbox, one to Hornswoggle and one to Shane. It’s revealed through tape recordings that Vince never actually met his Dad, Vincent J. McMahon until he was twelve, which is key in this whole mystery...

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After deep breaths, Hornswoggle and Shane collectively announce that the Vince we know isn’t even Vincent K. McMahon at all. The real Vincent K. McMahon was murdered when he was ten by the man in the ring. He was a childhood friend of the real Vince, learned of the fortune that possibly awaited him, so killed him, brushed his hair into a bouffant and took his place. Vincent J. McMahon never knew the difference and every aspect of this man’s entire life has been a lie.  His real name is Alan Tamzarian. He’s a murderer. He’s a fraudster. He’s an embezzler. He’s conspired to have someone illegally locked up in a mental institution. Perhaps most importantly, he’s not a McMahon at all and this company should’ve never belonged to him. All the evidence ever needed to send him away for the rest of his life is in this Lockbox. The final shot is of Shane handing the Lockbox over to the authorities.

“Vince,” drops to his knees in the arena.

Police suddenly surround the ring and arrest, “Vince.” He’s dragged through the crowd, followed by Stephanie screaming for answers.

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As he’s placed in the police car, Stephanie is still screaming.

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“Is it true Dad?! Is it true?! Dad! Am I at least still your favourite?! Do you at least love me?!!”

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“NO WAY YOU BIG SPASTIC YOU’RE A MENTALIST!”

The blue lights are seen flashing into the distance.

WWE Title – Samoa Joe vs. Daniel Bryan

Having won the Royal Rumble, the storyline is that doctors have warned Bryan about competing tonight. He’s one blow away from damaging himself permanently. Joe has promised to leave him brain damaged, but Daniel Bryan is determined to win the title no matter what. The Rock, Stone Cold, Hulk Hogan, John Cena, Ric Flair, Bret Hart, Roman Reigns, Triple H and Shawn Michaels come out for this final ever WWE Title match. There’s a long pause, then CM Punk’s music hits too! The crowd go apeshit, only for Samoa Joe to come out, smiling, with it switching to his music instead.

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Daniel Bryan comes out to a huge ovation, with everyone doing the Yes chant.

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After a brutal match, Bryan makes a huge comeback and wins with the Yes Lock. As the crowd go crazy, the former champions get into the ring and present Daniel Bryan with the Winged Eagle Belt. He celebrates on their shoulders as confetti falls and fireworks go off.

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We cut to a shot of an empty corridor, with Howard Finkel walking down it. He stops just short of the camera, takes one last look around, laughs to himself, then switches off the light.

 

 

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Quite easily neil or Ian for me Clive. Think neil edges it though.

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CodEye for me, with neil very close behind.  Don't go for picture heavy posts but Chokey's is an exception, so that's bronze.

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Supremo's fantasy booking is just quality and gets my vote, although the "wrestler's when they get older" post had me laughing uproariously at work when I first read it.

Cod Eye's was my favourite Off-Topic post, and I should mention how I always feel left out regarding anything you all find hilarious involving soap opera references as (thankfully) I've never watched any. 

Edited by Otto Dem Wanz
Clarification and ting

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