Physical Altercations

[Grecian]

I've had two, neither of which I started.

First one was in my hometown, many years ago. I was out with a mate, he got blasted on absinthe and I had to get him home. We left the pub, I realised I'd forgotten my coat and went back in to get it. When I got back outside, a complete stranger was standing over my mate, screaming abuse at him. I told the dude to fuck off and his exact words to me were 'Fine, I'll have you instead!' and proceeded to punch me four or five times in the face. He did a fair amount of damage (blood everywhere, bottom lip split in two places, nose bleeding) amd then I realised I was in a fight and clenched my fists to fight back. He then legged it and came back a couple of minutes later to apologise, as did his girlfriend - they'd had a domestic, he didn't want to hit her so was picking fights with random strangers, apparently. Brilliantly, his girlfriend gave me her phone number, so needless to say, I had the last laugh.

Second one, I was in York, dressed as a cowboy on a work conference many years ago. Me and another guy had ditched the middle-aged bods we were with and went clubbing. One thing lead to another and before long, we were walking through the backstreets of York with a guy, who'd promised a good party with drugs. You'll be amazed to learn that this was just a set-up to mug us, and it ended up in a 4-on-2, with us surrounded by four Northerners and me wearing a fake 'tache and a poncho. What happened next was me booting one in the bollocks as hard as I could, my mate picking another up and hurling him over a wall into someone's front garden, the third guy tripping up as he threw a punch and landing heavily on the pavement and the fourth guy legging it, telling us we weren't fighting fair as I'd got someone in the plums.

I've not been involved in any aggro since, I don't kid myself and think I'm some kind of tough guy, I know I'd probably get absolutely battered if someone started on me now. Fighting definitely isn't cool (even getting a phone number after taking a kicking isn't cool, not when she stands you up the weekend after).

[Joe Blog]

A group of muggers who set up an elaborate trap were routed by two blokes leading to one running away due to not fighting fair................

[Loki]

That mugger's name?  Albert Einstein.

[Keith Houchen]

9 minutes ago, Loki said:

That mugger's name?  Albert Einstein.

Outstanding arrows

[Joe Blog]

The more I read that fight with muggers story the more I laugh. Did it really happen? Please I need to know. 

[Grecian]

Genuinely is an absolutely true story. Right down to the poncho.

And to be fair to the guy, I don't think his heart was really in it to start with.

[Stinky Dad]

I had an 'incident' last Friday, wasn't an altercation as such and could probably go in that 'Terrifying' thread we had a few weeks back as that was pretty much what it was!

We'd had our works Christmas do in Liverpool and having sunk my weight in free booze I sloped off about 130am and rung a taxi. After grabbing some chips and a box of chicken I jumped in my cab and proceeded to pass out. I eventually came round as the taxi pulled up on the main road about five mins from my house. I always get out there and walk the remainder of the way, not sure why, and after these events I probably won't again.

Anyway, I paid the driver and jumped out and immediately realised I'd left my phone in the cab. It was too late he'd driven off out of sight. So, I started the trudge round the corner to mine. I have to pass some pretty rough council flats and at some point here I started jogging, I can't remember if it was because somebody shouted towards me or if I just wanted to get home quick but I soon picked up the pace even more when I became aware of somebody chasing me. I only caught the slightest of glimpses as I was concentrating on running as fast as my chubby drunk legs could take me. I was very close to turning the corner to my road when he said something and I only caught the words 'Knife' and 'Stab you' this was enough for me and I shouted 'just fucking have these' and threw the bag containing my chicken and chips over my shoulder. Luckily, that seemed to deter him and I made it home and locked the door.

I phoned the taxi company first and reported my phone missing and the operator told me he'd flag it p wit the driver as I was his last job. Then I called the Police and reported the incident with the knife man. About thirty minutes later the Police phoned back and it was the copper who said they were on the way to mine but got called to an emergency just around the corner (the road where I'd been chased) and I should go to bed and they'd be round in the morning. Obviously I put two and two together and decided it was probably my old friend who'd had the Police called on him.

Next morning I found on from social media that somebody had set fire to the outside of a flat using a plastic bag and a small box of rubbish - I'm assuming these were my fucking chips. I also learnt 30 minutes after my incident some bloke armed with a flick knife had climbed through a window in the flats and had a fight with the owner. As far as I know nobody was hurt and the Police didn't make any arrests.

The copper came round and I made a statement but as I didn't get a good look at my would be assailant I wasn't much use.

On the subject of my phone, I called the taxi company back on the Staurday and they said the driver had handed it in at the Police station and gave me a property number. So whilst recovering from a hangover I got to fill out my second piece of Police paperwork of the day and I was reunited with my phone. Two very handy slices of luck!

 

[Keith Houchen]

1 hour ago, Stinky Dad said:

I had an 'incident' last Friday, wasn't an altercation as such and could probably go in that 'Terrifying' thread

Oh yeah?  This could be scary.

1 hour ago, Stinky Dad said:

We'd had our works Christmas do in Liverpool

 

[Mr_Danger]

Grecian had two fights, one where he stole his opponents girlfriend and another where he beat up a group of muggers whilst dressed as a cowboy. Jimmy Hills all round.

[simonworden]

Last time I had a physical altercation where I had to physically fight back was 2012 I think. Been out drinking heavily with the people I was working with at the time. We were a horrible obnoxious group of men and I really hate myself back then as my body and attitude were pretty ugly. 

 

We were drinking in a pub near a local crossroads popular for a night out alternative to central Bournemouth. Mostly with middle aged people or the sons and daughters of rich arseholes. Coming out the pub I was super pissed and cocky as there were 5 of us. I think I saw a woman walking up the road and said something derogatory, it blacks out here then there's a man standing in his doorway shouting and threatening me. We end up fighting I throw a couple of what I assume are weak shit blows being pissed up and a flabby waste of space he hits me several times, hard and then I don't go down. Next thing I knowy colleagues have come back he has gone into his house, has a meat cleaver and wants to cut me up. One colleague tells me to fuck off even after I've calmed down and want to apologize for being a dick, I guess the adrenaline has brought me to my senses. Hearing the knife news I walk round the corner flag a cab and put 12 miles between me and the incident. Never found out what happened but knowing the area the police must've seen it happening so I'm glad I got away before being cut up or thrown in a cell as that would've impacted me changing career which would've impacted me being married or where I am today.

 

moral of the story, know your limits, keep a check on your mates and if things turn ugly leave asap

[I Bent My Wookie]

I've been punched in the head by a man trying to steal a cowboy hat off me and slapped in the face by a 5 foot tall, middle aged Welshman who was trying to fight a girl I was with (who was taller than both of us) when I chirped in with "fight someone your own size" taking the piss out of how short we both were. His mates dragged him away before anything else happened with the acknowledgement "well he was kinda funny".

Had an incident in Bath where a guy tried to fight a toilet attendant I knew and would always stop and say hello too because he told him the club had closed, which resulted in my friends dragging me up a flight of stairs like a human version of Scrappy Doo as we both fell out the bathroom with me hitting him, then realising he was about a foot taller than me and double my size. American Football team from my Uni and the staff from the club luckily jumped in to defend me when they saw what was happening and why. Not my wisest moment. But if you're going to cosplay Cheryl Cole, I'm probably going to call you out on it.

Apart from that I try to keep the peace as much as I can as I've got older and realise everyone is bigger and scarier than me, mainly as I know my anxiety disorder will inevitably end up with me attempting fight or flight and ending up in some stupid incident. Only had two real instances of having to keep the peace and it turning slightly askew, both times ending with someone on the other side of the road as its all kicking off nearly getting ran over by a taxi, strangely. Luckily I live in such small places, everyone knows each other, those that don't like each other try and keep their distance and you hardly ever see it really kick off on a night out.

I have however been knocked out with an apple from a fight I wasn't involved in. To this day, apple has to be my weapon of choice if things ever did go bad because the headache I had from that lasted days.

[Grecian]

4 hours ago, Mr_Danger said:

Grecian had two fights, one where he stole his opponents girlfriend and another where he beat up a group of muggers whilst dressed as a cowboy. Jimmy Hills all round.

Nah, she stood me up which was probably for the best. And for the muggers, all I did was boot one of them in the balls, watched another one trip up and my mate chuck the third one over a wall. I've actually never thrown a punch in my life!

[bAzTNM#1]

Never been in a fight but the fist fights I seen when I worked in the Royal Mail depot were more than I'd seen at any pub, club, etc.

[PunkStep]

Vintage Baz! No wonder @Mr_Danger is well built, having to defend himself from the onslaught when he prepares for his walk each morning.

[Mr_Danger]

In my mind all Baz's stories feature a tramp pissing in them.

There was a wonderful physical altercation in our depot last week when two old timers belly bounced a new lad between them  like a couple of prime Big Daddy' as a sort of jovial haze.