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Shit sports punditry and commentary


Gus Mears

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Jim Watt was incredibly dour, but amazingly Carl Froch is worse. His whole commentary style is to praise whichever of the fighters is promoted by Eddie Hearn and slaughter the other one no matter what is going on in the fight. 

John Rawling on Boxnation is as bad, and his regular commentary partner Barry Jones has taken far to many punches to be allowed near a mic. 

 

Two pundits I love are Steve Bunce who is great. Him and Rawling hate each other, but Bunce is just superb. I also like Paulie Malinaggi on commentary, such an articulate boxer. 

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Steve Bruce did the punditry on the famous 4-3 game in 96 between Liverpool and Newcastle. He did it loads that year, due to him winding down his United career. He was great. He's always been a much better pundit than a manager.

Remember when Peter Schmeichel became a pundit in the mid-2000s for a season or two, and everyone seemed to hate him. He was a bit Mr Roboto, and Lawrenson and Hansen werent having him.

 

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1 hour ago, IANdrewDiceClay said:

Remember when Peter Schmeichel became a pundit in the mid-2000s for a season or two, and everyone seemed to hate him. He was a bit Mr Roboto, and Lawrenson and Hansen werent having him.

 

It's too long ago for me to remember specifics but I fucking hated him at the time. Mid 2000's seemed to be a particularly bad time for pundits, you had the explosion in coverage and needed to fill in the gaps with people that could string sentences together, regardless of content. Le Saux (who still gets away with it on NBC and is still fucking abysmal), the aforementioned Schmeichel, then Shearer. Shearer is still dull as dishwater but he gets away with it because of how fucking atrocious he was early on. I say "early on", he was terrible for years. 

Peter Drury is the worst of them all, with his little pre-prepared monologues, blatant favouritism, and the need to compare every single event in the match against some higher historical context. "And that's Liverpool's seventeenth throw-in the of the second half. The last time that happened, free school milk was still given out in secondary schools. And what Jurgen Klopp wouldn't give for a glass of that milk now!" Twat. 

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8 minutes ago, air_raid said:

David. Fucking. Pleat.

Pleat is good. Dour but with an actual understanding of the game from both angles. 

I still really like Ian Darke. Something wonderful and nostalgic about the to be of his voice.

Drury can be brilliant. But agree that he's often too over the top and it's false.

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8 minutes ago, tiger_rick said:

Pleat is good. Dour but with an actual understanding of the game from both angles.

 

Maybe I'm just bitter from the fact he thought we had players called Malbrank, Shimbomba and Ekootoo. Not just didn't do his homework but was still doing it after 89 minutes of Parry, Tyldesley or whoever pronouncing them properly. People PAID MONEY to commentate on football not knowing names that man in the pub does is unforgivable for me. It's your fucking job.

EDIT - yes to Darkie though.

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40 minutes ago, Otto Dem Wanz said:

That reminds me, Peter Drury fucking up his Michael Cole-esque pre-prepared line when South Africa scored against Mexico in 2010 was funny, the patronising knobhead said "JAMBOOLEELA! Rejoice!" when he actually mean "Jabulani".

Twat.

I believe there was a great deal of cultural appropriation going on during the South Africa World Cup. I don't remember the quote verbatim, but in the same incident you mention, I am fairly certain Drury roared "A GOAL FOR ALL AFRICA!!!" when they scored - ignoring the painful decades of genocide, famine, civil war and political context in the continent. Really shite, awful stuff. You also had ITV's persistence in referring to the South African national team as "Bafana Bafana", probably to show that Andy Townsend was a top bloke who had brushed up on his culture.

I cannot be alone in recalling Marcel Desailly dancing after a goal (was it for Ghana?) and talking about how everyone back home would be dancing out on the street with the chickens?

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Me and a friend always tried to liven up the dourness of Pleat by listening out for the most plausible line he could have said to a prozzie when he was done for kerb crawling.  Lots of "Getting round the back" and things like that.  We also ruined the Euro final between France and Italy for his daughter by waiting for the awful Lawro to say "Peauhst".  We'd be moving to the edge of our seats when he'd say "He was so close there, just the wrong side of the.." (inch forward) "..the..."(get ready to celebrate) "..the.. upright" (Go "ooooh and slink back into the seat"  Finally in the 77th minute, he said it and we leaped about like it was a last minute winner.

 

Actually, the same mate had a shirt that was his favourite.  The you know the one, the one that you'd wash and have ready for Saturday night down town.  Well one night he was watching MOTD and Lawro was wearing the same fucking shirt.  He was crestfallen, absolutely gutted by this.  He did the decent thing and deliberately left the iron on it so it burned it a bit meaning he could never wear it again.  It was like he put his pet dog to sleep, the poor fucker.

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