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The 'One Off' PPV Review a match thread. . .


WeeAl

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29 minutes ago, jazzygeofferz said:

Meanwhile the "Riot squad" is still milling around in their motorbike gear with about as much enthusiasm as the dogs in  the Kennel From Hell match

You do realize now I'm imagining them fucking?

36 minutes ago, jazzygeofferz said:

I don't recall many grudge matches requiring front  chanceries.

Nailed it. Wrestlers can still do wrestling holds in their big angry blowoff matches, but nowhere near as early as in that match, not in matches THAT level of "personal," and not when the wrestler is Pitbull fucking 2.

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3 minutes ago, air_raid said:

You do realize now I'm imagining them fucking?

Nailed it. Wrestlers can still do wrestling holds in their big angry blowoff matches, but nowhere near as early as in that match, not in matches THAT level of "personal," and not when the wrestler is Pitbull fucking 2.

I'm surprised one of them didn't try to mount Francine. At least none of them took a shit at ringside. 

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 WWF presents WrestleVision presents The Wrestling Classic presents Hulk Hogan v Roddy Piper 

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I've never seen this before. It's just escaped me, and nobody bangs on about how unmissable it is so I've just let it slide... until now. I can't believe I haven't seen this Hogan title defence so I'll check that out.

We are told that “WWF presents WrestleVision, The Wrestling Classic.” So what is it called? And someone will win a Rolls Royce?!

We're in late 1985, we've had WrestleMania I. We're in Stone Cold’s favourite arena, the Rosemont Horizon. Fat Tunney stumbles through a poor promo to just about introduce a tournament tonight. The Mean Gene has to finish his sentences for him just to make sure the key points get across.

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Mrs Onyx looks up from her book. “Vince sounds weird.” He's using that announcer voice he uses when he's being a good boy. The PPV is built around a King of the Ring style tournament. Vince, Alfred Hayes and Unnamed Executives #1 and #2 stand in front of a woeful paper-based prototype of Bracketology. I never quite understand what the tournament is for. Heenan has a $30k bounty for whomever pins Paul Orndorff but that's the only stakes.

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We do get to watch people draw their lots which always a simple and great way to get character across quickly.

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The WWF title match is a palate cleanser before the tournament finals of Junkyard Dog and Randy Savage. Piper marches out with a band causing Gorilla to state “take a look at the Scottish bagpipes”. As opposed to Nigerian bagpipes. Roddy's in that kinda chunky phase but looks like trouble. I was looking at Adrian Adonis in an earlier match, and he's got that fat 80s wrestler look, where he's dangerous to look but clearly easy to outrun. I look at Kevin Owens and he's just... fat. Adrian is like a barrel, and that's Roddy's build too.

Vince calls this the “first annual” wrestling classic… That didn't quite pan out

Backstage Gene uses the line “My guest at this time… “ which I think as a dreadful artefact of the modern era, but no it's all Okerlund’s fault. Standard Hulk promo and he's wearing white with the odd ripped headband. He's also wearing the old-fashioned shit belt. Gene talks over whatcha gonna do! It must be early days for the catchphrase.

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Crowd are fucking batshit. We are on the cusp of Hulkamania absolutely exploding here. I think Real American is dubbed in here, the audio goes muffled and I don't believe it's his theme until about a month later. For reference, Hogan was 32, Piper was 31. They start with a tug o war over the belt. No, not like Lesnar and Reigns.

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We start on the outside. There's a huge space between the ring and the barricade. Piper climbs the apron but of course his bum gets exposed. Piper is clearly and blatantly calling the match. Lots of sloppy rough and tumble punches, atomic drops and lariats, then Roddy slows it down with classic eye pokes.Hulk lays Piper out and drops SNUG elbow drops. Like really winding.

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Bear hugs, sleepers to move into the second act. “Haha, we could be seeing a new crowning right here,” says Jesse Ventura during a sleeper hold. After more wild brawling Roddy whips Hulk into the ropes. On the rebound Piper clubs Hulk into the ref. Piper realises he can use a chair and spanks Hulk over the back. Roddy stands over Hogan ready to thrust it into his throat. Hulk grabs it off him.

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He catches Roddy in a sleeper but keeps hold of the chair (not sure why). “Ace” Bob Orton runs in and casts him to death. Heinous heel shenanigans! Paul Orndorff arrives to huge reactions and evens the field (Orndorff and Orton had already wrestled to a non-finish earlier that. They chase off the heels to have a super posedown, and Vince's libido is satiated once more.

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It's a routine match with the right decision. Keeps plenty of heat and whips along, without detracting from the tournament which is the star of the show. The PPV is completely missable - the longest match runs nine minutes - there's nothing of note in it so only one for completists.

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Just a reminder for anybody that would like to, we still have the following available:

Massacre on 34th Street 2000

St Valentine's Day Massacre 1999

Rock Bottom 1998

Fatal 4 Way 2010

Mayhem in Manchester 1998

Live in NYC 2015

Beast in the East.

If you would like to do a match review from any of the above, either let me know in here or you can send me over a PM. 

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Capital Combat 1990 - The Steiner Brothers (C) vs Doom for the WCW Tag Team Championship

This show is infamous for featuring Robocop come to the rescue of Sting, which was all a bit weird. It reminds me of when I didn't have enough Hasbro figures as a kid so I'd have to get other toys involved, like Wolverine having a run with the IC belt. I think I might have drawn the line at Robocop though, how are you going to get any heat on him? 

Anyway. My mate had the video of this when I was younger, but I didn't see it until around 1999. It was also on of those WCW VHS releases that didn't have the whole card on it for some stupid, presumably penny-pinching reason. I can't remember if it had this sweet sounding tag match on it or not, but looking at the rest of the card, it should have been. Actually, the rest of it looks pretty good, except Paul Ellering vs Teddy Long in a hair vs hair match which I can remember was definitely on the tape, and was definitely shite. Teddy's all over this show. 

Doom come out with WCW's MVP Teddy Long, who'd had his head shaved earlier and is wearing a do-rag. Butch Reed is enormous, so is Ron Simmons. They look like absolute beasts, though I will say there's something avuncular about them both. Still wouldn't fuck with them though. Steiners come out to music which isn't Steinerline, so I presume it's pre that. I'm a bit disappointed, but then it kicks in and it's pretty catchy. The always look like hard bastards, but something about Scott's grade 3 at the front mullet makes him look psychotic. 

There's a bit of analysis from Bob Caudle, who's commentating with Jim Ross, and in some horseplay Rick Steiner steals Teddy's do-rag. This reveals Teddy's shaven head, except it isn't even shaven. He looks like a black Jon Cryer here. Doom get into it with the crowd causing Butch Reed to shout "I'll beat up the Steiners, I'll beat up these stupid geeks too!" Maybe he's not that avuncular. In the early going Scott manhandles the ref who falls to the floor, with virtually no repercussion or comment by the announcers, which is weird. Scott is intense as you would expect, and powerslams Ron. He's cut off, but he gets in a German suplex. Reed comes in and wastes no time in showing Scott his fuck-off arms. Scotty will eventually trump him. He's soundly out-wrestled and Doom regroup outside. Scott looks like an absolute machine here. There's a big bit of gob on Butch's chin.

Back in the ring now, Rick is in and Butch shrugs off a Steinerline by turning slightly. Not sure how that was supposed to work, but he's such a wardrobe of a man, I buy it. Rick get's back on top though, with a sick looking piledriver, which is basically treated as a nothing move. There's a few moments in this match were Scott attacks one of Doom while they're vulnerable outside, which is arguably a bit heelish, but whatever. I never noticed those sorts of things at the time because I wanted the faces to win, no matter what. At this point Bob says the Steiners have impressed him in the opening of this match, though we're about 12 minutes in. They do go longer in the NWA. He is right though, Rick and Scott have been kicking the shit out of Doom for a laugh.

Scott is thrown over the top rope out of the view of the ref which turns the tide. Jim Ross casually mentions that Ron Simmons is Burt Reynolds' favourite wrestler which I feel is something that should be expanded on, but it isn't. I wonder what he made of Faarooq's original outfit? Doom get the heat and Teddy gets some slaps in. A clothesline and a bulldog from Butch get 2 counts each, but another brutal looking piledriver doesn't even get a cover attempt. I'll remember this match when I next hear Steve Austin go on about how people don't treat DDTs with enough gravitas anymore. Scott makes a comeback with a botched backdrop, which Ross calls a waistlock counter. It confuses all, and the crowd don't respond, but he eventually hits the frankensteiner and they wake up. It's such a beautiful looking move, and I don't think anyone has ever done it better than Scott Steiner. Hot tag to Rick, runs wild and Butch eats a double suplex. Ron breaks the cover and Rick's thrown out. A modified Doomsday device is not enough for a win here, and it descends into a brawl. The finish sees Rick have Butch in place for a top rope belly to belly, but Teddy Long distracts the ref while Simmons pulls Rick's hair. This causes giant Butch Reed to fall on Rick with all his weight, which is enough for the 3 count and new tag team champions! That caught me by surprise. The must have been cheering in the Burt Reynolds household that night. A unique finish to a very fine match. I really wasn't expecting Doom to win here, but considering how much of the match the Steiners took it makes sense.   

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This Tuesday in Texas (1991)

The Undertaker vs Hulk Hogan (WWF Championship match)

 

This PPV - which I understand to be a complete one off - is a shade over 90 minutes in total (so enough time for about three matches on a modern show) and starts with footage of a cool interview “in the bowels” of Joe Louis Arena in Detroit after the Undertaker has won the title at Survivor Series the previous week. The rematch set for This Tuesday in Texas, which I will review here, has already been made by this point.

 

Undi says very little and Paul Bearer does most of the talking - and while he’s not happy with the match that will occur tonight, he explains that Hulkamania DIED at Survivor Series, and now he and the Undertaker are both relishing the opportunity to BURY it.

 

A cheesy camera angle from within a coffin shows Gene Okerlund making a daft face and Undi guaranteeing a BURIAL THIS TUESDAY (in Texas).

 

*Skip to relevant chapter on WWE Network*

 

We see the tail end of a backstage Hogan interview which ends with him saying: “HYA! HYA! HYA!”

 

We pan back to the arena, a gong goes off and the champ is out first led by Paul Bearer. Undi is holding the belt in one hand down to his right, and despite the spookiness and ostensibly heelish nature of the pair the arena gives them a fairly positive reaction. As an unapologetic Undertaker fan (I even liked that weird tobacco chewing period he had in 2000 for God’s sake), The Fink announcing him as the “World Wrestling Federation champion” sounds magnificent.

 

Real American sounds, and the yellow and red foam fingers are numerous and the babyface pop extremely loud, Hogan tears his shirt almost immediately after coming through the curtain and can’t wait to get his hands on his opponent so sprints towards the ring - its on!

 

Bearer and Undi start putting boots to Hogan as he slides into the ring but they’re soon dealt with, forcing Bearer to roll outside, where WWF President Jack Tunney also is! This is due to the controversial nature of the previous title match, where Undi won thanks to Ric Flair’s help. Tunney is sitting in a very uncomfortable looking steel chair, but has a “proper ringside seat” as our commentators (Gorilla and Heenan) muse.

 

Hogan goes for a slam but can’t lift Undi the first time, although after a rake to the eyes (isn’t this a heel move?) and a wind up punch he manages it. Taker does funny eyes and sits up immediately, which spooks out Heenan (“THE EYES! THE EYES!”), as Hogan follows up with a 360 clothesline that sends Undi outside but planted firmly on his feet.

 

Hogan brings the champ up to the ropes and hammers on his head, but quite disconcertingly, the fact that Undi’s upper body is being pulled towards the ring means you see a very clear outline of his nob through the black spandex he’s wearing.

 

Taker regains the ascendency by pulling Hogan under the ring and proceeds to choke the life out of him on the outside. This happens amidst very loud “Hogan” chants - no predetermination, no attention-seeking, no false competition, just a natural and supportive show of support from invested fans, which seems almost as much of a relic of the past as Shawn Michaels’ hair.

 

The choking continues back in the ring for a while but Hogan powerfully lifts Taker out of the corner and slams him. The comeback is cut off again though as Hogan is sent shoulder first into the ring post, and then smothered by Taker’s huge gloved hand back inside. Is this a legal wrestling move? A two count off the smother. Seriously, it doesn’t look like it should be legal. More smothering. Why is this allowed?! All this leads to the ref finally acting and going for the arm drop.

 

But wait!

 

Hogan regains his strength and is on his feet, then bounces off the ropes which confuses Undi for real, as he almost garrottes himself after being sent across the ring after an Irish Whip. That was a clear botch which leaves Undi on his arse and probably a bit dazed for real. The commentators try to cover it up by saying he tripped. Nonetheless, Undi is back up and hits a flying clothesline which Hogan kicks out of (barely), tries old school but Hogan pulls him down, setting the stage for the ending.

 

Hogan “Hulks Up” and Bearer is outside in a mixture of shock and panic, banging on the ring to spur on Undi, who receives punches from Hogan but no sells them, and we then discover Ric Flair is also here at ringside providing a clear sense of deja vu for WWF PPV customers.

 

Hogan dispatches Undi with a (weak) clothesline over the top and then goes to deal with Flair, twatting him on the back with Tunney’s ringside steel chair which sends Flair and Tunney both to the floor after the former knocks into the latter. The cameraman filming this is also knocked on his arse judging by the great view of the ringside mats we are then shown.

 

Action is resuming in the ring and after Hogan hits another eye rake (heel!) on Undi, Flair ascends to the apron, chair in hand, which he wants to bonk Hogan with, only for Hulk to send Undi straight into him forcing the champ to run into a headshot.

 

A truly horrendous Hogan clothesline sends Flair down and a big boot hits the Deadman. Bearer, sensing his client is about to lose the title, ascends to the apron himself but accidentally hits Taker with an urn shot meant for Hogan. Hogan opens the urn, throws the black ash kept inside it in Undi’s eyes, and rolls him up for three, winning Hogan his fourth WWF title.

 

This match wasn’t good, and even at just 13 minutes was a bit of a chore to get through. That said, it sent the fans home happy and despite the slow action I loved the fact that the characters were so over the top, and every moved seemed to mean something whilst Bearer’s facials on the outside were also hilarious.

 

To contextualise this in a kayfabe manner, this was the second of two controversial endings to a WWF title match in as many weeks, and in the aftermath of this Jack Tunney decided to declare the title vacant, citing Ric Flair's interference on both occasions as the reason.

 

The vacant title was put up for grabs in the 1992 Royal Rumble, in a bout that I seem to remember is quite liked by a few people on here. Someone should do a review of that, @air_raid perhaps? ;)

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48 minutes ago, Otto Dem Wanz said:

Hogan dispatches Undi with a (weak) clothesline over the top and then goes to deal with Flair, twatting him on the back with Tunney’s ringside steel chair which sends Flair and Tunney both to the floor after the former knocks into the latter.

THIS IS NOT FAIR TO FLAIR.

51 minutes ago, Otto Dem Wanz said:

 To contextualise this in a kayfabe manner, this was the second of two controversial endings to a WWF title match in as many weeks, and in the aftermath of this Jack Tunney decided to declare the title vacant, citing Ric Flair's interference on both occasions as the reason.

 

THIS IS NOT FAIR TO FLAIR.

53 minutes ago, Otto Dem Wanz said:

 

The vacant title was put up for grabs in the 1992 Royal Rumble

Now, that's right. That's fair. That's fair to Flair.

I wouldn't dare review it again. Think I covered all the main points last time with as much gusto as a man dare, taking two hours to review an hour match on VHS. Leave the memories alone. Wouldn't do it justice again, which wouldn't be fair to the match legacy and it wouldn't be fair to Flair.

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On 9/29/2018 at 5:35 PM, WeeAl said:

Just a reminder for anybody that would like to, we still have the following available:

Massacre on 34th Street 2000

St Valentine's Day Massacre 1999

Rock Bottom 1998

Mayhem in Manchester 1998

Live in NYC 2015

Beast in the East.

If you would like to do a match review from any of the above, either let me know in here or you can send me over a PM. 

All of these are still available if anyone feels like doing another review.

How are the rest of you folks coming along with your reviews?

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53 minutes ago, Supremo said:

Crap! I completely forgot about this! Will try and get mine done over the next day or two. Are we PMing them or just posting them? 

Just post them in your own time man.

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3 hours ago, mim731 said:

Likewise, I have forgotten about this, but will get something posted in the next few days!

I'll tag the others in case anybody would like a reminder: @Sonny Mustang @AdamTH17 @The Dart @Harvey Dent @Porkchopcash @spotlightmagnet1 @unfitfinlay @Joe Blog @Keith Houchen

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