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Eating things incorrectly


Gus Mears
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I'm not going mad, am I? The following isn't right?

42 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

I eat the whole apple, stem, core, pips...HOW'D YOU LIKE THEM APPLES!!!!

Have you got any other examples of people getting the act of eating staggeringly wrong?

Think this is up there with a friend who eats chicken wings with a knife and fork, which is both not how you do it and makes a quick meal take five hours. I am guilty of eating kiwis whole, but I still think that's better than the choke hazard parts of an apple. 

Edited by Gus Mears
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I had a mate at uni who used to make a spaghetti Bolognese by frying the mince and onions separately, microwaving the sauce on it's own, and then layering them on top of the spaghetti unmixed. He also freaked out at the idea of putting cheese on it (or on anything else like that), because cheese is a dessert food and it's weird that it melts.

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2 minutes ago, Silky Kisser said:

My mate once sent me a video of him eating a minced beef and onion pie with a pair of scissors. Does that count? 

You can't possibly leave it there, we need more details on this! Was he cutting it with them or using them to scoop it into his gob or what?

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When my wife was in hospital after her appendectomy, I went home to grab some stuff. When I got back, she was out cold from meds and a friend had come by and brought a full Junior's cheesecake. I wasn't about to let that go to waste, but it was very late and I had no utensils, and no wish to call a nurse to ask for a knife and fork to eat this massive cheesecake. So I ate a huge portion with my credit cards.

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Just now, Devon Malcolm said:

You can't possibly leave it there, we need more details on this! Was he cutting it with them or using them to scoop it into his gob or what?

Classic scissor technique was used to cut the pie. What followed can only be described as 'sharp chop sticks shovelling minced meat and pastry into the gob'

I wish I still had the video. 

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7 minutes ago, Sergio Mendacious said:

When my wife was in hospital after her appendectomy, I went home to grab some stuff. When I got back, she was out cold from meds and a friend had come by and brought a full Junior's cheesecake. I wasn't about to let that go to waste, but it was very late and I had no utensils, and no wish to call a nurse to ask for a knife and fork to eat this massive cheesecake. So I ate a huge portion with my credit cards.

I'm a fan of this on multiple levels. Firstly, your solution to the problem was to eat the cake with a credit card. This pales into insignificance to the fact that you decided to eat a cake intended for your wife while she was unconscious after invasive surgery. It's the most Homer Simpson thing I've read in ages. 

Edited by Gus Mears
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4 minutes ago, Silky Kisser said:

Classic scissor technique was used to cut the pie. What followed can only be described as 'sharp chop sticks shovelling minced meat and pastry into the gob'

Hold on, isn't @Egg Shen/Ebb a mate of yours? Fucking animal, it was him, wasn't it? I knew he was a wrong 'un. 

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5 minutes ago, Gus Mears said:

I'm a fan of this on multiple levels. Firstly, your solution to the problem was to eat the cake with a credit card. This pales into insignificance to the fact that you decided to eat a cake intended for your wife while she was unconscious after invasive surgery. It's the most Homer Simpson thing I've read in ages. 

Apparently, she gave her blessing before she lapsed into unconsciousness. I found this out later.

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Some say incorrect, I say unorthodox. 

Beans on toast - With the bread cut up into little slices, untouched by the beans for the time being. The slices are cut up and placed in a circular motion on a plate, and a bowl of beans is then placed in the middle. The slices are then dunked into the beany goodness, devoured one by one, before the beans are then dealt with. The key is to dunk sublty and not to take away most of the juice - don't want to have to eat dry beans with no liquidation. Wonderful. 

 

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6 minutes ago, wandshogun09 said:

Hold on, isn't @Egg Shen/Ebb a mate of yours? Fucking animal, it was him, wasn't it? I knew he was a wrong 'un. 

I would love to say it's Ebb, but unfortunately not. This is someone I work with. 

Although Ebb was known to scarf down raw sausages back in our drunken 'Let's have a BBQ in the park' days as teens. Hardcore, that one. 

Edited by Silky Kisser
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The eating apples/pears thing - it's been a thing over the past ten years or so, as part of the "natural foods" movement, that it's supposedly healthier to eat the whole fruit, as the pips, rind, seed casings and the stalk apparently contain the majority of vitamins you'll get from it, and fibre too. 

Don't know how proven it is, though. I remember reading somewhere that Bill Clinton eats apples whole as well.

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