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Ralphy

The Mental Health thread

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Cheers Double D, appreciate that. 

In reality I think I'm more excited about this TA role than about an NQT. I've a lot of really good memories of the school and how good it's SEN department was, I get an extra year of experience in a classroom and it should rebuild my confidence. 

The money hit from NQT to TA is pretty bad but living at home I've been assured I won't need to break my bank over rent and paying off bills as I am trying to get long term debt down at the moment too. 

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Think I need some help here. I am mentally drained and finding everything so hard. I don't have the energy to explain it all but I am spent. I am not contemplating anything stupid or the like I am just so tired. Fuck Covid, Fuck Johnson and his shower of cunts, Fuck the bunch of senseless wankers that are ruining this, and fuck my backward fucking family for acting like Covid won't effect them despite the lot of them being a bunch of half wit, medically unstable bastard fucks. 

This place is fantastic, I like you all (well not all but you know) 

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5 minutes ago, Joe Blog said:

Think I need some help here. I am mentally drained and finding everything so hard. I don't have the energy to explain it all but I am spent. I am not contemplating anything stupid or the like I am just so tired. Fuck Covid, Fuck Johnson and his shower of cunts, Fuck the bunch of senseless wankers that are ruining this, and fuck my backward fucking family for acting like Covid won't effect them despite the lot of them being a bunch of half wit, medically unstable bastard fucks. 

This place is fantastic, I like you all (well not all but you know) 

Absolutely how I've felt this week too. Just so tired and exhausted and done with it all. Doesn't help that there's no end in sight and things are likely to get worse again. I honestly thought if we stuck to the rules we'd get through this but it hasn't happened. I don't know how I can keep going.

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1 hour ago, Joe Blog said:

Think I need some help here. I am mentally drained and finding everything so hard. I don't have the energy to explain it all but I am spent. I am not contemplating anything stupid or the like I am just so tired. Fuck Covid, Fuck Johnson and his shower of cunts, Fuck the bunch of senseless wankers that are ruining this, and fuck my backward fucking family for acting like Covid won't effect them despite the lot of them being a bunch of half wit, medically unstable bastard fucks. 

This place is fantastic, I like you all (well not all but you know) 

 

1 hour ago, DavidB6937 said:

Absolutely how I've felt this week too. Just so tired and exhausted and done with it all. Doesn't help that there's no end in sight and things are likely to get worse again. I honestly thought if we stuck to the rules we'd get through this but it hasn't happened. I don't know how I can keep going.

Hard isn't it?

It can be really easy to feel overwhelmed with so much going on externally and on top of pressure/issues we all have personally.

I think the only way I have been able to get through it is by focusing on positives, however small they are, and by just unplugging from it all.

That's not to say that I'm not keeping up with what's going on or what I need to know, but from all the absolute bullshit that accompanies it. Social media, twitter especially, is so unhealthy right now. I cannot be arsed to care whether Boris Johnsons Dad goes abroad or if Nigel Farage goes for a pint. I don't give a fuck. There's too many important things to worry about.

Sorry if this isn't good advice, and my PMs are always open to chat. Hope things look up for you both soon.

Take care chaps x

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@Joe Blog @DavidB6937

I’be been intending to leave this place but I noticed your posts and felt I could chip in.

I was feeling similarly a few weeks ago, I was as low as I’d ever been. I’d not told any of my real world friends or family that I felt this way because it was too hard to say it out loud.

But it’s much easier to type. And I shared how I felt here, and thanks to the encouragement of the lovely posters in this thread I contacted my GP.

It wasn’t an easy conversation to have, I felt a mix of shame and embarrassment when the words came out of my mouth (which I recognised even at the time was an unnecessary way to feel) but when the call was done it was immediately felt like a weight off my shoulders. I’d done what, deep down, I’d known what I needed to do.

I still find it hard to talk openly about it to friends/family, but I told a very close friend that I trust and she has been tremendous. I’m not quite ready to tell more people, but having that one person who you can talk to if you need to is very helpful.

I’m not completely better and it would be wrong to suggest the recovery process can be that fast. But I’m doing much, much better. For me, talking about it has been a huge help. Everyone is different of course, but I’ve come to realise that keeping everything to myself was making the problem so much worse.

Actually reaching out is really hard, but I would encourage you both to do that. 

Finally, on a personal note I’d like to thank @patiirc, @Tommy!, @SuperBacon, @Keith Houchen and @Frankie Crisp. Your support when I couldn’t bring myself open up in the real world has sent my mental health in a much more positive direction. It’s still early days, but I don’t think I’d be exaggerating to say the steps I’ve taken because of you all have felt life-changing.

I would never have thought when I joined the UKFF that it would or could ever have such an important impact on me, but it has. Thank you all so, so much.

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Thanks guys - a lot. I've got to admit that this thread and quite a lot of social media has been a big help in at least encouraging me to open up a little bit and look at what I'm going through.

I've spent far too long just forcing myself to plod along and block stuff out and not deal with it. It's not healthy and it doesn't go away.

Ironically i'm the first person to tell one of my friends that I'm there for them to talk to etc, but then never actually take my own advice. But I suppose we're all a lot like that..

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1 hour ago, DavidB6937 said:

Thanks guys - a lot. I've got to admit that this thread and quite a lot of social media has been a big help in at least encouraging me to open up a little bit and look at what I'm going through.

I've spent far too long just forcing myself to plod along and block stuff out and not deal with it. It's not healthy and it doesn't go away.

Ironically i'm the first person to tell one of my friends that I'm there for them to talk to etc, but then never actually take my own advice. But I suppose we're all a lot like that..

Y’know, I’m exactly the same. And I end up doing a lot of listening as a result. But even doing that and knowing that it’s hard to consider being the person doing the talking. I’ve absolutely no idea why that is.

Since I’ve started opening up, albeit on a very small scale, I’ve started to feel much better. It’s easy to underestimate the impact of dealing with this alone, I think.

Edited by RedRooster

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21 hours ago, RedRooster said:

Since I’ve started opening up, albeit on a very small scale, I’ve started to feel much better. It’s easy to underestimate the impact of dealing with this alone, I think.

I think that's the case. I've become so used to dealing with my own shit in my own time, or not dealing with it and burying it so I can just get on with life and help others etc, that the 'normal' life I think I'm leading shouldn't be that way at all. If that makes any sense. Feeling that down becomes a new normal and you start to lose sight of what life was like before it.

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9 hours ago, DavidB6937 said:

I think that's the case. I've become so used to dealing with my own shit in my own time, or not dealing with it and burying it so I can just get on with life and help others etc, that the 'normal' life I think I'm leading shouldn't be that way at all. If that makes any sense. Feeling that down becomes a new normal and you start to lose sight of what life was like before it.

That makes total sense, it’s very relatable in fact. I kind of put my head down and kept going for the longest time. The concept of actually getting support seemed worse than continuing on, or at least the idea of admitting that I needed it to another person did.

I can’t recommend speaking to your GP enough though. I feel much better having done so. It’s hard in the moment, but even just the feeling of knowing things are finally able to move forward was huge for me. 

 

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I am struggling quite a lot with my head and related issues and have been for a few weeks now. Its hard for me to explain

I feel very low and depressed and i can hardly eat or leave my bed and I am finding i cannot stop my racing thoughts in being frustrated that I don't have the balls to end myself despite popping all my pills out of the packets 

I live with my parents and i love them both but i dont want to be around them anymore due to being ashamed of myself and feeling like a massive burden

I have zero energy or motivation and i see nothing.but further worsened depression and poverty in the near future

I started a new job yesterday but i feel so foggy in my mind, i ache allover and i can't concentrate to even do the simplest of tasks and i feel in no condition to work. 

I took the job to do on too of my call centre job but i got let go due to covid so the 16 hours a week isn't enough and as it is Friday to Sunday it is restricting my options for getting a job to fit round it. I am going to have to tell them tomorrow about my job search as its a small firm because they are going to spend over 100 pound on ppe for me and i dont want them to waste.the money

My only friend will likely be leaving to live in bali in a few years and he is only free on Saturday so not being able to see him is another driving force for my issues

My ability to learn is gone and as a man with few qualifications andno driving license with an inability to save or join a pension due in part to my excessive board money payments that are higher than my friends 4 bed house mortgage really gets me down

Iwant to just sell everything and rot away somewhere and avoid all interaction as my family think i am lazy but im not

Sorry if this is.poorly constructed im finding it hard to string things together

Edited by Ralphy

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2 hours ago, Ralphy said:

Sorry if this is.poorly constructed im finding it hard to string things together

Nothing to apologise for. These things often come from all different angles and end up overwhelming and confusing. It's hard to know where to start and what to focus on.

Has this been going on for a long time? It doesn't sound like it's just come out of nowhere. As with many people I imagine lockdown isn't helping whatsoever. It really intensifies everything and doesn't allow for much escape at all.

Have you talked to anyone before about any of this?

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I dont really have alot of advise, but when it gets as bad as thinking of ending your own life its time to talk to someone, anyone, a doctor, your parents anyone that can get you the help you need. 

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Sorry to hear that Ralphy, that's terrible. To echo the post above it sounds like time to reach out and get some professional help. 

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Thanks all, i have manged to get out of bed and have a walk but i didnt enjoy it, i didnt eat for 37 hours which is very unlike me, i think my meds are causing some of my issues so i am weaning myself off them, i know i should do it through the doctor but money isnt great right now and i can ill afford to spend another £9+ on a prescription, so i am cutting up my meds that i have left and taking less and less each day

im finding it hard and overwhelming and trying to avoid as much contact/interaction with parents as possible as i just cant explain whats going on 

i am looking into trying to fix my gut issues which can cause MH issues, its a condition called S..i.B.O 

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@Ralphy good to see you’re managing to get up and about now, we all do it but laying about your bed all day really is about the worst thing you can do for you MH. Pardon the intrusion if it’s too personal, you’ve mentioned that you pay more than a friend does on their mortgage to your parents for board, if that’s the case then is there any reason why you couldn’t look at getting your own place? 

Edited by stumobir

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