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Ralphy

The Mental Health thread

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My psychotherapist suggested something similar and that was to touch, feel and focus on something to try and trick the brain.

He used a raisin, and would say to feel the texture and play around with it and think of how it felt, smelt, tasted for a while.

It did/does work a little as well.

His other suggestion of picturing the negative thoughts you have as something on a TV works too. You place the scene on your imaginary TV, then you're able to turn it off, unplug it etc. That works well for me.

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I've been home since the end of March from uni, they pulled us out of working for schools during Covid and I haven't left the house now in 8 weeks. I can't even go to the shop across the road due to anxiety attacks. 

I've flunked or pulled out of every post PGCE interview for a job because I'm just honestly either shit at my job or the lack of student time and low confidence I already have is making me worse at it than I was in December. 

I'm starting to push away people I've been close to for years who I genuinely love because I know that if and when I drop off the deep end mentally I'm gonna hurt a lot of people so shielding from the fire is the best course of action. 

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I've been outside maybe five times since we've been in lockdown - four times to the shop (one of which included going to the doctors), and once in the back garden. I don't think I'll need to go out again, now online shopping deliveries have normalised a bit. I've no fear of COVID, it's just removed office work and socialising, the two things that usually drag me out of the house.

Working from home is pretty shit. I'm constantly blagging about doing stuff to get through the day, telling myself I'll get up early and actually do it, then not doing it and blagging some more. I just can't be arsed. I stayed in the house for the last three weeks of February because I couldn't get out of bed and go to work. I'm knackered all the time. 

What do? Up my dose of sertraline or switch to something else? I didn't feel much difference with citalopram or fluoxetine.

Edited by King Pitcos

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9 hours ago, Shy Dad said:

I'm starting to push away people I've been close to for years who I genuinely love because I know that if and when I drop off the deep end mentally I'm gonna hurt a lot of people so shielding from the fire is the best course of action. 

I'm not a Doctor but it sounds to me like that's your illness talking.

Realistically, what can you do to them that's worse than cutting them out of your life with no explanation? Personally, the worst breakdown I ever had was at least partially caused by someone I cared about doing exactly that.

It's a vicious circle really. You feel like a cunt, so you push your friends away and then you use the fact that you've got no friends as another reason to feel bad about yourself. When I was at my worst my mates would invite me out places, I'd turn them down and then use the fact that I never went anywhere as evidence that no one really cared about me. Or I'd add stupid little justifications like "Well Jimmy invites me out all the time but that's only because he's bored. He doesn't really like me". I came very close to quitting my job "because I was shite at it and they'd be better off without me", even though I'd won employee of the month like two months before.

In short, you're ill. You can't really trust your judgement about yourself. Cutting yourself off from the people who really know, and care about you, is a bad idea. They are exactly the people you need right now, even if you can't be physically close to them.

8 hours ago, King Pitcos said:

I've been outside maybe five times since we've been in lockdown - four times to the shop (one of which included going to the doctors), and once in the back garden. I don't think I'll need to go out again, now online shopping deliveries have normalised a bit. I've no fear of COVID, it's just removed office work and socialising, the two things that usually drag me out of the house.

Working from home is pretty shit. I'm constantly blagging about doing stuff to get through the day, telling myself I'll get up early and actually do it, then not doing it and blagging some more. I just can't be arsed. I stayed in the house for the last three weeks of February because I couldn't get out of bed and go to work. I'm knackered all the time. 

What do? Up my dose of sertraline or switch to something else? I didn't feel much difference with citalopram or fluoxetine.

I don't really have any advice but I'm in pretty much the same boat.

I'm a Chef on furlough. My life normally revolves around working and going to work (because I don't drive and public transport is shit) and I've got fairly rigid schedule as a result. I NEED to go to sleep at a certain time, for example, because I'll be fucking everybody over if I oversleep and miss my bus. All in all, I'd probably get about an hour a day to myself.

Now I've got loads of time and I just can't seem to be motivated to do anything. There's loads of stuff I want to do before I go back to work but I've got no sense of urgency for it. It's become far too easy to just say "Ach, I'll do it tomorrow". Even something as simple as making a leek and potato soup, which I do all the time at work, is suddenly feeling like a massive job that I can't really be arsed with. I'm conscious that I should be using this time productively but just can't seem to get started.

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Had another job interview today and another rejection, all the while my friends messaged me to tell me they'd found teaching jobs for September. I realise I should be happy for them but it's hard to be when the entire world just finds fault after fault with you and everyone else is going so well. 

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22 minutes ago, Shy Dad said:

the entire world just finds fault after fault with you

No. It’s you who’s finding fault after fault with you, not the entire world. Without meaning to sound glib, if you were as bad as you think then you wouldn’t have gotten the interview in the first place. 
 

You aren’t fit to pass judgment on yourself because all you accept is the prosecutions case and won’t hear the defence. I declare a mistrial. 

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I normally dont post this sort of stuff, but thought it was worth it.

One of my sister in laws is in marketing and has set up a campaign with the dairy industry that benefits MIND.

 

Edit: the last paragraph in the quote box isnt part of it. I wrote it to go after, but it emerged it in and wont let me edit it out.

 

Quote

   This is my favourite mug, I’m tagging  ? to have a virtual cup of tea with me and nominate ? ? and ? to carry on the #MilkYourMoments challenge! Just copy and paste this text with your photo, tag someone for a virtual cuppa and nominate three others to raise £1 each time for Mind using #MilkYourMoments

Dairy workers and farmers have pledged to create moments of connection and keep the nations' spirits up during these times. For every moment of connection shared with #MilkYourMoments they’ll donate £1 to Mind. So go to their site.... I have!

Apologies if anyone thinks this isnt appropriate. I'm sharing for the money raising, not the dairy industry.

Edited by ReturnOfTheMack

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On 5/23/2020 at 2:11 AM, Shy Dad said:

Had another job interview today and another rejection, all the while my friends messaged me to tell me they'd found teaching jobs for September. I realise I should be happy for them but it's hard to be when the entire world just finds fault after fault with you and everyone else is going so well. 

I went through a few years of failed interviews before I had a successful one. I always felt I was a good fit but you can't control who you're up against. Often there's just someone that's a better fit. That isn't a reflection on you really. It's often more luck than anything.

Although I do think I could sell myself better at interviews. It's very difficult to sell yourself well when you see yourself so negatively. That can often shine through. It's tough to convince someone else you're good enough when you don't believe it yourself.

Have you been getting feedback on your interview performance? If you've been getting interviews then your CV must be in good shape so that's a good start.

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I failed at 17 teaching job interviews. 

 

My first teaching job came after 10 of them; I went for a History post, failed that interview but then was offered an English post because they were desperate. I then failed another 7 before getting the job I'm currently in.

 

Sometimes teaching job interviews are rigged - you're there to make up the numbers, but they've already made the decision. Sometimes you have a bad lesson. Sometimes you have a bad interview. 

 

Have you asked the interviewers for feedback? As much as it sucked to hear why I was shit, I did take on board a lot of the advice and it eventually worked. 

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I have had a lot of feedback on all of them. 

 

The main takeaway has been that's its obvious I have a strong passion for the job and the subject in general but the constructive criticism is generally a spin the wheel of issues with the lesson plan, or my experience (the joys of being a trainee teacher without schools open) or that they don't think I'd progress within the school. One note I had back was that although my media and drama background was great from my application and previous work, they were unsure if I had decided to go into teaching for a safe job and would potentially leave, having seconds before being praised for obviously wanting to make a successful career out of teaching. 

 

It's just such a draining process and having to do it over teams with no showing of how I interact with students (the thing consistently mentioned in every evaluation of me as my strongest point) during lessons and proceed the lesson I'm honestly at a loss on what to do. 

 

Cover work really won't work for me either. With the whole aspergers thing needing a constant routine and trying to make my life more regular, the idea of not knowing if I have work that day until I recieve a phonecall is seriously as exhausting. 

 

It's fine, I just need a few days away from feelings of inadequacy and watching everyone else get a job and then give me that sympathetic "you'll find one too" which makes me feel worse. 

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I wasn't sure where to put this, but I guess this is the right place.

This situation with Hana Kimura has really wrecked me. Almost two weeeks and I feel worse if anything. I'm barely or sleeping. I was just a casual fan, but I feel genuinely heart-broken. The thought that she's gone and is never coming back, it's just fucked up and unfair. 22 years old, a bright future, and gone, just like that.

She's on my mind all of the time, and the injustice and unfair of it all tears me apart, and I can't t stop crying. I've had to call the Samaritans twice in the last week.

I've now reached the stage where im psychoanalysing her life, trying to understand why it happened. It's not healthy, but I can't stop. I can't stop looking at clips and pictures, wondering how she was feeling.

I know she was badly bullied as a kid, it breaks my heart to think that was the root of this. Damage to your self esteem at that age can be irreparable, trust me. I don't want to think of her struggling, but it's probable that she had isues prior to recent events, which then made her really vulnerable. It's not fair to define her that way, I know, but I'm just trying to understand everything.

I just feel empty, and full of anger and sadness.

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1 hour ago, Snugglecakes said:

I wasn't sure where to put this, but I guess this is the right place.

This situation with Hana Kimura has really wrecked me. Almost two weeeks and I feel worse if anything. I'm barely or sleeping. I was just a casual fan, but I feel genuinely heart-broken. The thought that she's gone and is never coming back, it's just fucked up and unfair. 22 years old, a bright future, and gone, just like that.

She's on my mind all of the time, and the injustice and unfair of it all tears me apart, and I can't t stop crying. I've had to call the Samaritans twice in the last week.

I've now reached the stage where im psychoanalysing her life, trying to understand why it happened. It's not healthy, but I can't stop. I can't stop looking at clips and pictures, wondering how she was feeling.

I know she was badly bullied as a kid, it breaks my heart to think that was the root of this. Damage to your self esteem at that age can be irreparable, trust me. I don't want to think of her struggling, but it's probable that she had isues prior to recent events, which then made her really vulnerable. It's not fair to define her that way, I know, but I'm just trying to understand everything.

I just feel empty, and full of anger and sadness.

Contact Cruse Bereavement, they are phenomenonal for this kinda thing. also check out advice for families and friends who are affected by suicide. There are lots of good links about. 

Bereavement affects everyone in different ways and manifestations of that grief come from all over your subconscious. It does not matter that you didn't know her personally either, grief like the black dog affects people in very different waya. 

Speaking with Sams is a good start and i hope that you are able to get your thoughts out safely and and work through, why her, why now and why hitting you so hard. 

Try Mindfulness and keep a journal re thoughts regarding her life, close the book and come back to it when you are ready may help give some head space too. 

 

 

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Yes I'd certainly recommend trying to figure out why her specifically, what about this situation etc. Especially for someone you didn't particularly know. Understand why it's hit you so hard this time

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Perhaps another step might be to actually do something pro-active personally in the future working with anti-bullying campaigns or volunteering for support groups for young people affected by bullies as it seems from what you are saying that the reasons behind her death are what have been upsetting you and perhaps being actively involved in preventing it from happening to others might help. 

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