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Ralphy

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My anxiety is through the roof at the moment and it’s all centred around being out in public.

Despite having nothing to eat yesterday at home, going to the shops became a 6 hour ordeal where I just couldn’t leave the house. I eventually snuck out at 9.45, just before the shop shut and there’d be no one around.

The other day I really wanted a coffee and a sausage sandwich from the cafe down the road. I looked forward to getting it all night, then in the morning when I went I walked back and forth past the cafe for 20 odd minutes as there was TWO people in there. 

Few days before I bailed on a gig I’d been looking forward to as the thought of being around people was just too much.

Tomorrow I’m going to watch the final at the Spurs stadium. I am absolutely dreading it.

I’ve always had terrible anxiety along with the depression but this is the first time it’s been overtly about public spaces. 

I’m also being crap with eating. I’m buying ingredients (potatoes, carrots) to make dinners but when it comes to dinner time, I’m just eating absolute shit and having to bin things when they go off which I hate. This in turn makes me feel bad, makes the depression worse, vicious cycle.

 

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More when I’m on my own but happens when I’m with other people too. It usually happens just before I’m due to go out.

Fine now, but as soon as I have to get ready to go out later, I’m going to be terrible.

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Hello lads, I'm after a bit of advice.

I've been getting mild chest pains, fatigue and been struggling to concentrate for a few weeks now. I'm putting it down to anxiety and what not. What would be a good way to ease these, especially the chest pain, as it's quite concerning at times. 

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I've honestly found meditation and yoga to be the ones to calm my body. If I try and sleep the stagnation of lying down makes me worse but almost trying to break my brain from my body and then break my body I guess really helps me just get to a calmer state. 

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Struggling still peeps. I seem to have become scared of my dad, very scared, he is often verbally abisive towards me and the things he says often drives my anxiety/depression issues through the roof. It feels like i will get a bollocking for just breathing sometimes

Its like i am on borrowed time in this house and i fear i may end up on the street soon

I seem to have a thing of waking up at 2.30am and going for 2 - 4 hour walks, coming home, eating a small amount (try to) and then going to the gym, comie home, gorge myself to death with food and then go back out again for another walk.. I have walked 15 miles total today, and done 1 hour weight training and 35 mins on the cross trainer at the gym, i am seemingly addicted to it. The strangest thing is that i am in a fair bit of pain but still carry on, its as if i am punishing myself and enjoying it, i dont understand. I have bad hips, bad knees and blisters but still continue 

Eating is still a big thing for me, ive eaten over 30 biscuits today alone. I had my breakfast of 3 eggs, toast and fruit, but then i was still hungry so i had a protein shake and 2 bowls of cereal and 30 biscuits and i felt like crap afterwards. I know what i am doing but i just cant stop. I got home a few hours ago and intended to have some fruit and then wait for my tea, but again, the eating demon took over and i had fruit, 2 bowls of cereal, a share bag of crisps and around 7 biscuits and a peanut bar.

I seem to be hungry all the time, regardless if i exercise or not and craving sugar and salty foods

I have started to skin pick really bad again too when i am anxious or down etc, my forehead has been ripped apart

i have a job loss appeal thing on the 19th of this month, and i am sometimes having thoughts that if it isnt a success then on june the 20th i would end it once and for all, i know i wouldnt do anything though, luckily, but the thought keeps creeping back 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Ralphy

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11 minutes ago, Ralphy said:

have a job loss appeal thing on the 19th of this month, and i am sometimes having thoughts that if it isnt a success then on june the 20th i would end it once and for all, 

Mate, I really think you should go and see a doctor and tell them you are feeling this way. I know you went before and they weren't much help, but if you're having suicidal thoughts go and tell them and they should be able to provide support. If not get onto the Samaritans. But make sure you seek support either way.

I hope things turn around for you soon, as it sounds like you're in a rough spot, but there's no shame in asking for help. 

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Just some pointers and hints/tips about some of the more common psychiatric conditions:

1) EXPOSURE is key for anxiety disorders - particularly social anxiety. When people are anxious they avoid things or use safety behaviours to feel 'better' but this actually makes the problem worse or stay the same. The more you expose to a stressor the more you naturally desensitise but that takes at LEAST an hour in the situation at a time. Start with smaller things - don't try the 'big' things because you set yourself up to fail.

2) Write a list of things that you want to work on re: anxiety. Start at 1 and work to 10 (10 being the hardest, 1 being challenging but not overwhelming). It will take at least TWENTY exposures before your brain begins to understand that the fear is not based on 'real' facts. Start on a 1 or 2 and work up over time. 

3) Avoiding anxiety based events will shrink life and you are likely to become depressed as a result. The ONLY ways to combat depressive feelings are to a) notice negative thoughts and provide rational alternatives b) the key thing is to do no matter how lethargic, unhappy and demotivated you are. NOBODY can do this for you but you. Its crap and painful and often feels too much to bear but you have to do at least one thing that provides a sense of achievement and one that brings a sense of closeness with others each day. If you are unhappy and avoid or give up on these things you will lose confidence and that will lead to a cycle. 

4) GIVE UP trying to change what you can not change! People get so stuck with what its, demanding life to be different to what it is. Either you a) make a list of simple steps to get where you want to be and DO IT or 2) accept that life is shit and you can't change it (for example, how other people interact with you or what they do that upsets you). 

5) SELF CARE is a huge issue for people that are anxious or depressed. Eat DECENT food as much as possible. If you eat either comfort (high sugar, high fat) foods you will get constant spikes in blood sugar. That does NOTHING good for your brain but make you feel miserable. Anxiety is hideous for nausea feelings but do try to power through because your brain needs nutrients to function. If you starve it of that you are making it worse. Exercise is a huge cliché but one for a reason. At my worse I cycle miles a day. Its cheap (once you get or borrow a bike) and you can whack up the music and ride. Getting out of the house and cycling is also good for social anxiety, you don't have to see anyone or talk to them but you get out and feel a sense of having done something that day. 

6) Mindfully notice when you feel anxiety. We get so carried away with our thoughts, assumptions, expectations, beliefs about the world and others that we never actually just 'be'. When did you last eat a meal noticing the taste, flavours, texture, smell and colour? We run on autopilot so much that we never 'are'. 

7) Ask yourself is this a FACT or OPINION? We tell ourselves so much bullshit when we are anxious or depressed. Look at it from a helicopter view. What would someone else make of this situation? What is the truth? Am I making things up in my mind? Is my mind being an internal bully? Thoughts are just that, THOUGHTS. It is the value we place on thoughts that are the problem. 

8 ) LIFE IS SHIT. Lets be clear on that. It is full of suffering, turmoil, upset, heart-break and distress. We cannot escape this but it is what it is. Life is life. I refuse to medicalise real life. If you have lost a job or relationship, if someone has died, if you are being evicted.. those are actual real life stuff and they are shit but they are NOT a mental illness. The only way out of that is to problem solve. List every minor step to get to the desired outcome and DO IT. 

I must say that I have treated hundreds of people with mental health problems and had them myself. It is NOT easy and nobody can do it for you, it has to come from you! I often find people have an ulterior motive for remaining unwell - even if it feels shit - because it is 'comfortable misery' as I describe it. To make a positive change takes a lot of effort and many people subconsciously worry what they will be 'left with' if they aren't a 'unwell person'. Health professionals don't have a magic bullet that will stop how you feel. I know, shocking! Also many 'secondary' care services will not touch anything but severe illness so if you do go to the GP just be realistic about what they will actually offer. 

Any feedback is welcome... just some pointers from over the years. I am also talking about common problems NOT schizophrenia, bipolar and other life-long chronic severe conditions. Those need psychiatric input (IF appropriate). Also if you have a diagnosis of Personality Disorder that is a whole separate kettle of fish, 

 

 

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On 6/3/2019 at 6:24 PM, Tommy! said:

Hello lads, I'm after a bit of advice.

I've been getting mild chest pains, fatigue and been struggling to concentrate for a few weeks now. I'm putting it down to anxiety and what not. What would be a good way to ease these, especially the chest pain, as it's quite concerning at times. 

I have found mindfulness training to be really useful with dealing with anxiety.

https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/mindfulness-wellbeing-performance

This is a free course that they run every few months, if you can get past the fact they look like bit part actors from Home and Away it's actually really good.

I'm not as strict as I should be but I try and do some mindfulness meditation every day.  The other major counter to anxiety of course is exercise!

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Another fan of mindfulness here, almost a revelation the first week I did it. Once it's habit, I find you can tune into that feeling of centring quite quickly. 

There's hundreds of mindfulness tracks on Spotify, just search. There's a guy on there called Mark Williams who has a great range of routines. 

 

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16 hours ago, Loki said:

I have found mindfulness training to be really useful with dealing with anxiety.

https://www.futurelearn.com/courses/mindfulness-wellbeing-performance

This is a free course that they run every few months, if you can get past the fact they look like bit part actors from Home and Away it's actually really good.

I'm not as strict as I should be but I try and do some mindfulness meditation every day.  The other major counter to anxiety of course is exercise!

exercise does indeed help in my case, but the good feeling generally does not last long sadly

not having the greatest day today, went to the gym, did back and biceps and then 35 mins on the crosstrainer, got home and had my breakfast that i intended to have of 80g oats, 2 protein shakes and some fruit. However, the eating demon took over again and i had 7 biscuits, 4 flapjacks, a share bag of tortilla chips, a pack of oatcakes, a peanut butter brownie and 3 wafer bars. Eating gives me satsifaction, a rush and soothes me, and gives comfort and i crave sugar so damn badly, argh. I have given what i can out of my bedroom draw stash to the foodbank, however my parents have biscuits and they wont hide them like i ask them to so i keep eating them! :( 

i have also walked 18 and a half miles today, im borderline killing myself i think , i dont want to be in the house 

 

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Ralphy,  have you made an appointment to see your GP yet? If not, please do so. 

You mention your Dad being angry, have you attempted to talk to your Mother or him about this? Are they aware of how your feeling? And would they be reacting differently if they knew?

 

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On 6/4/2019 at 4:42 PM, Ralphy said:

Eating is still a big thing for me, ive eaten over 30 biscuits today alone. I had my breakfast of 3 eggs, toast and fruit, but then i was still hungry so i had a protein shake and 2 bowls of cereal and 30 biscuits and i felt like crap afterwards. I know what i am doing but i just cant stop. I got home a few hours ago and intended to have some fruit and then wait for my tea, but again, the eating demon took over and i had fruit, 2 bowls of cereal, a share bag of crisps and around 7 biscuits and a peanut bar.

Your diet sounds like that of a friend I have who trains for marathons and who does those crazy walks and runs through various deserts in the US. 

He walks and runs the same kind of distances you're doing on a daily basis, and he eats a shitload of calories because of it. Your eating isn't the problem, as you're simply replacing the calories you're losing through the exercise you're doing.

To my untrained eye it seems that your problems lie in the issues you have at home, which are making you want to be out of the house as much as possible. 

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On 6/5/2019 at 3:43 PM, Silky Kisser said:

Ralphy,  have you made an appointment to see your GP yet? If not, please do so. 

You mention your Dad being angry, have you attempted to talk to your Mother or him about this? Are they aware of how your feeling? And would they be reacting differently if they knew?

 

Yea i have had one, gotta go for therapy again. I will be going to see his again asap as my eating is out of control, im pumping thousands of calories into me at breakfast time and ruining myself for the day. Todays madness was 3 eggs, sardines on toast, a flapjack, a peanut butter bar, half a pack of rich tea biscuits, 5 digestives, 3 chocolate biscuits, 3 bowls of cereal and 3 protein shakes and a banana 

I have asked my mum to hide the biscuits but she wont 

On 6/6/2019 at 8:16 AM, David said:

Your diet sounds like that of a friend I have who trains for marathons and who does those crazy walks and runs through various deserts in the US. 

He walks and runs the same kind of distances you're doing on a daily basis, and he eats a shitload of calories because of it. Your eating isn't the problem, as you're simply replacing the calories you're losing through the exercise you're doing.

To my untrained eye it seems that your problems lie in the issues you have at home, which are making you want to be out of the house as much as possible. 

Yea i am scared to even breath around my dad, i fear i will get my head toen off if i do anything at all, i am walking on eggshells around him and am frightened of him, i wont lie

I do a lot of walking to get out of the house, as long as i have my headphones on i dont mind it at all. In 7 days i have done 104 miles of walking and been to the gym everyday and done weights + at least 30 mins on the cross trainer, trying to make up for my binges, its not a good mindset 

Edited by Ralphy

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