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The Mental Health thread

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1 hour ago, Stephanie said:

I'm having an especially "down" cycle right now.  I think I mentioned on one of the other pages that I was Bipolar Type II.

Over the last 4 weeks, I've had 15 syncopal episodes ranging from a few seconds to oover a minute.  They've happened at work and also happened at home.

Due to this I've been admitted to the hospital 4 times, stays ranging from 1 night to 3 nights.

During this time they have done every test under the sun.  Brain MRI, CAT scan, echo-cardiogram, pee tests, ultrasounds, blood tests, cortisol tests.  You name it I've had it.  The cardio-thoracic folks also installed a "loop monitor" into the left side of my chest (well it's more in my left boob than anything) and it tracks my heart 24/7.  So far they have come up with zilch, nil, nada, nothing.

I also have ovarian cysts that rupture frequently and also have endometriosis.  I am due to have surgery on April 19th for these particular issues.

Amongst all of this I've had the flu and this morning was diagnosed with pneumonia.

I've had some thoughts of cutting and or/ending my life.  Just thoughts. 

Well your difficulties certainly put things into perspective.

I know it sounds trite, but, it will get better.

It's not nice to hear of someone in such pain.

Rooting for ya.

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10 hours ago, SpursRiot2012 said:

Also, I went on a bit of a benzo binge last week and was dropping my prescribed medicine twice in a benzo haze, so have now ran out until I get a refill next week - so I surely need 30mg, not 15mg. In fact, I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow and say I've...well, run out and need a refill a week early. We will see how that goes.

Don't think you'll get anywhere with that SpursRiot. Doesn't work for Tramadol either. Doctors are onto every single game.

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5 hours ago, bAzTNM#1 said:

Don't think you'll get anywhere with that SpursRiot. Doesn't work for Tramadol either. Doctors are onto every single game.

I just spoke with them and they are issuing me a prescription, hopefully by 3pm today. Mirtazapine doesn't really have any abuse potential (aside from a bit of drowsiness, if you're into that) so that's probably why.

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Worthwhile note on Mirtazapine, based on someone close to me with a lot of experience of it - the effects can be different at different dosages. The balance between the sedative and other qualities can be different at higher dosages, and some find it less effective. She found it much more effective at lower dosages, which is really counter-intuitive.

Edited by Chris B

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I don't know why, as I haven't really changed anything, but I'm on my biggest downer in a long, long time.

I make sure my meds are taken on time and have cut as many negative things out of my life as possible, but things are just, well, "dark"(can't think of a better word to describe it unfortunately). I spent all day yesterday running to the bedroom and bathroom to hide the fact I was uncontrollably bursting into tears from the kids. It's getting to the point where I can't stop myself thinking about "calling it a day". Luckily my other half has also noticed this and has moved all my tablets(and is giving me them as needed)...

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Everything okay, @Stephanie?

Something that stuck with me is Kevin Hines interview in the documentary about suicides on the Golden Gate Bridge.

He said as soon as he jumped off the bridge he regretted it, and it's something other survivors have echoed.

I imagine it's something (regret) most of the poor souls who perished felt in those final few seconds.

It will get better. It might take time, but it will, and anyone in your position will feel the stronger for persevering.

I had a chat with Kevin on Facebook. He's turned his negative experiences as someone suffering with bipolar disorder and depression into sterling work as an advocate for good mental health.

I recommend anyone else who's suffering to reach out, if not to him, then there are plenty of other people in the same boat who will understand and empathise with what you're going through.

Edited by NoUseforaUsername

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If people at work aren't comfortable with me being around would you guys advise raising that with my personal leader or with a doctor as a 'flag'? 

Edited by Tommy!

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Been awake since Saturday morning. I've been trying to sleep a shitload but i've just been lying there with my eyes closed every day until I have to go to work. Finally about 9:45am today while in the throes of insanity (face down singing Roasanna by Toto replacing most words with the word Dog then screaming LALA) I fell asleep. Then fucking woke again just now at 10:30. 45 fucking minutes sleep. That's no fucking good atb all. I expect I'll top myself tonight. The thing is I'm seriously not actually sure if I'm joking or not either. I feel dead weird and I can't think properly and I'm making loads of noise and my memory is completely fucking shot and my moods are all over the place, my body is boiling then freezing, my arms feel weird, and all speaking is extremely loud and slurred.

Edited by PowerButchi

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On 13 April 2018 at 7:01 PM, Tommy! said:

If people at work aren't comfortable with me being around would you guys advise raising that with my personal leader or with a doctor as a 'flag'? 

Is this a fact or an opinion? What evidence is there that people aren't comfortable with you apart from your own observations?

Butch, get to the doctor or A+E pronto, you've got my number and Frankies too. 

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1 hour ago, PowerButchi said:

Been awake since Saturday morning. I've been trying to sleep a shitload but i've just been lying there with my eyes closed every day until I have to go to work. Finally about 9:45am today while in the throes of insanity (face down singing Roasanna by Toto replacing most words with the word Dog then screaming LALA) I fell asleep. Then fucking woke again just now at 10:30. 45 fucking minutes sleep. That's no fucking good atb all. I expect I'll top myself tonight. The thing is I'm seriously not actually sure if I'm joking or not either. I feel dead weird and I can't think properly and I'm making loads of noise and my memory is completely fucking shot and my moods are all over the place, my body is boiling then freezing, my arms feel weird, and all speaking is extremely loud and slurred.

I agree with Keith, get yourself to A&E or call the Samaritans if you don't feel comfortable going to the hospital yet. I always found it helpful to speak with a stranger who I knew wouldn't judge me... 

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Yeah, Butch, get yourself to the doctor ASAP. A couple of weeks ago I found myself in a similar pattern of not getting much sleep at all for days and days, to the point I felt like I was proper losing the plot - instead of sleeping I had periods where I'd be lying in bed and my whole body was shaking, I too would occasionally let out these weird murmurs and growls.

Definitely give Frankie and that a phone. I found what helped me a lot was just being around and talking to people I actually quite like, as simple as it seems, being around and having an open conversation with folk you know are top makes a big difference. You can shut out a lot of good people when you feel the way you do, but it helps a lot and it can also clear some of the fog of depression, as your mind can stop constantly overloading with horrid thoughts.

 

Edited by ColinBollocks

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6 hours ago, Keith Houchen said:

Is this a fact or an opinion? What evidence is there that people aren't comfortable with you apart from your own observations?

A number of them have openly stated it to me. 

It's been said today, in a very tactful and positive way, that my emotionally instability are a cap on my career. 

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Right, despite that being a fuckawful thing to say to someone, have they said anything about your current role and not any future role? It certainly sounds like one for your Team Leader.  Ask them first about your own performance and then expand on if they think you have a negative affect on the team.  Fuck them, Tommy! to say that to someone who they know has emotional issues is a completely shit thing to do.

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