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The 2018 Royal Rumble surprise entrant pool


HarmonicGenerator

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14 hours ago, Vegeta said:

Boromir 

Half way through the rumble, the clock strikes down and Boromir enters

One does not simply enter the Rumble

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HHH's eldest daughter. I don't know her name, or how old she is, but if Kurt Angle can have his son wrestle, HHH can enter his kid into the Rumble. (Yes, the men's one!) 

Hulk Hogan - The N Word fiasco forgiven, Vince gets Hogan into the ring again. 

Rodney Trotter. In the latest of Del Boy's money making schemes, he sends his brother onto the Road to WrestleMania! 

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5 minutes ago, HarmonicGenerator said:

Sorry @eugenespeed, The Hulkster's been taken!

Ah bugger. Thanks for letting me know. 

Okay then, how about....

He's not Losing His Religion. He will be the last man STANDing in the place where he works, the former lead singer of REM, Michael Stipe! 

Take that, you Shiny Happy People! 

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3 hours ago, Scott Malbranque said:

Something that sounds akin to a goose being tripped over and stood on blares over the PA and in a big twist, is followed by a variation of Bret Harts music. It’s obviously someone Natalya knows, and knows well. It’s Alison Hart!!! But the WWE graphic displays her name as the name that has haunted and followed the new entrant throughout her life - HART FART.

2uhxppu.jpg

In a throwback to gimmicks past for Natalya we’re about to engage in what can only be described as the Dispute of the Poot and the Bicker of the Gickers. 

Fucking hell. You bastard. I’m on the bloody bus.

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The clock is ticking down and the people are chanting along: "ten, nine, eight" and all of those other numbers that follow. The anticipation is building:

ZERO! RIEN! NOWT!

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

The lights go out, the rumble of thunder and flash of lightning goes across the arena.

DONG!

Undertaker's dong going off can only mean one thing. Smoke fills the arena, no it isn't Jeremy Beadle in a coffin again this year. The bells toll, the crowd jumps, the lightning strikes, the thunder rumbles ever louder.

A solitary spotlight hits the top of the ramp and a voice comes over the tannoy:

"Hundreds of years ago, a man walked the planet. He had no means of communication. In time, man developed a phenomenon never fully understood by the psychic community. This phenomenon is....

cb.jpg

"Y'arite?"

Clinton Baptiste is in the Rumble!

He saunters down the ramp, before walking over to a man in the front row:

John.jpg

"I'm getting the name...Boydy"

bap2.png

Baptiste is knocked out before even getting to the ring!

The countdown starts again

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DOOOOOOOO. DOOO DOOO DUUUU DOOOO. DOOO DUUU DOOOO DOOO DUUU DOOOO BALAMALAMALAMM LAMM BALAMALAMA LAMM LAMM. DUMM DOO DOO DUUU DOOO DOO DUUU DOO.

The Thomas the Tank Engine music can mean but one thing:

jtj.jpg

That's right; Ringo Starr, the second best living member of the Beatles, is in the Royal Rumble!

Ringo walks to the ring exclaiming "peace and love" and draping flower garlands over the necks of unsuspecting audience members.

"Peace and love. Peace and love". Ringo gets into the ring, and instead of attacking other combatants, takes a peace-pipe out of his trousers and starts playing Greensleeves, much to the bemusement of his opponents. 

"Peace and love" Ringo keeps saying, but to no avail, as Kane runs in with a big boot, knocking Ringo flat on his arse. The other wrestlers proceed to hit Ringo with every move in their respective arsenals: "peace...and...love" Ringo says in an increasing faint manner. 

But it's not over, Kane goes to the outside and procures a chair from under the ring. He walks towards Ringo's twisted and battered body and wedges his neck in the frame of the chair. "peace..and" Ringo tries to say, but before he can bleat it out one last time, Jay Uso comes flying off the top with a frog splash onto the chair; blood cascades out of Ringo's mouth and his body twitches violently. Finally, Ringo is thrown over the top and eliminated. As the St John's ambulance gather round, the barely audible whisper of "peace...and...love" escapes from Ringo's mouth.

The crowd seem completely oblivious to RIngo being carted back up the ramp behind a curtain like a broken horse at the National. They're countin' on down: "three, two, one"

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

"IT'S ONLY A GAME SHOW, BETTER BELIEVE I'M RIGHT. GONNA BE SNOOKERING YOU TONIGHT"

Accompanied by Jim Davidson, it's John Virgo!

DNyf_NM_UMAItgpp.jpg

Virgo gets in the ring and cleans house, battering all and sundry with his cue and balls. Strangely, Virgo just appears to be leathering his opponents as they lie on the ground and not attempting to throw them out; several wrestlers lie stationary in the ring.

"John! John! They ain't worth it John! John!" cries Davidson as Virgo continues to hit indiscriminately. 

Security come down to the ring, but Virgo flies at them with his cue, mouth curled with glee. Eyes wide in pathological madness, Virgo keeps hitting the motionless bodies of the other Rumble entrants. 

"John! Stop!! They're already dead!".

As the crowd get increasingly quiet, blood seeps from the apron to the floor, coating the entire ringside area. John Virgo has won the Royal Rumble. 

Michael Cole announces that "we'll never forget this great night in sports entertainment", as the screen gradually fades to black with Virgo yelling "You want some? You fookin' want some?" at random people. 

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@Gus Mears actually in tears at that mate

I have no idea how to do photos which is a shame, but my 3 picks are:

Colin Kaepernick to the surprise of absolutely everyone, even Vince who was in the dark about it. As the wrestlers in the ring kneel in support of him, Vinny has an embolism backstage, the fucking Republican.

Tracey Beaker she clears (foster) house before getting chokeslammed by Kane

Then as the countdown to Number 10, comes and goes....it all goes quiet and then over the soundsystem it comes...."2 + 2 IS 4 MINUS 1 THATS 3 QUICK MATHS...."

Yep, its BIG SHAQ!!!! MANS NOT HOT!!! He comes out throwing Rice Krispies to the crowd, doesn't even get to take his jacket off...(he wouldn't anyway) and gets thrown out before he can he even say "The ting goes skrrrrrrrraaaaaa pap pap kak kak kak skiddy kik pap pap and the poop poop dddddooooon poon, SKEEEEYAAAAAT, TUK TUK TUK doon, poom poom"

Amazingly, Booker T understands this and thinks he's trying to battle him and spends the rest of the PPV shouting "SHUCKY SHUCKY QUACK QUACK"

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1 hour ago, SuperBacon said:

@Gus Mears actually in tears at that mate

I have no idea how to do photos which is a shame.

Paidos get to upload directly pal, otherwise you need to upload to an image hosting site first, copy and paste the direct link of that image to here and then chuck the following either side if they don’t appear automatically.

 ...[ img]stoptouching .jpg[\img]

But without the space in the first bracket. At least it used to be.

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26 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

 

Then as the countdown to Number 10, comes and goes....it all goes quiet and then over the soundsystem it comes...."2 + 2 IS 4 MINUS 1 THATS 3 QUICK MATHS...."

Yep, its BIG SHAQ!!!! MANS NOT HOT!!! He comes out throwing Rice Krispies to the crowd, doesn't even get to take his jacket off...(he wouldn't anyway) and gets thrown out before he can he even say "The ting goes skrrrrrrrraaaaaa pap pap kak kak kak skiddy kik pap pap and the poop poop dddddooooon poon, SKEEEEYAAAAAT, TUK TUK TUK doon, poom poom"

Amazingly, Booker T understands this and thinks he's trying to battle him and spends the rest of the PPV shouting "SHUCKY SHUCKY QUACK QUACK"

While all of that was good, that last line, I had tears!

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The crowd aren't loving this so far. We're fifteen minutes of Ziggler's mad bumping in, and the arena's dead. Then... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1--

BUZZZZ

"We are the Nation"

With his fist raised in the air, dressed in Farooq's old NoD clobber, finally...

Alan_jackson.jpg

Big Alan Jackson off Eastenders is here. He storms down that aisle meaning business, tips the announce table over and snatches a live mic. The crowd chant along with him as he says "Woss. Goin'. On?" It's fucking electric.

12 minutes later, Big Alan Jackson off Eastenders is still there, in the corner trading blows with Braun. Braun headbutts him, then reels back in agony. Alan no-sells, shrugging at the crowd like "What did Braun expect?" Then, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1--

BUZZ

Beautiful piano music, and hands elegantly playing a grand piano on the tron. Who could it be? Has Mankind returned? Then, a huge pyro explosion, and out of the smoke steps--

tra0DAn.jpg

Emmet off Keeping Up Appearances. He's looking confident and lean, and hits everyone in the ring with beautiful dropkicks, a house of fire. He's like a young Ricky Morton. And then, the lights flicker, and filling the arena comes the sound of Hyacinth Bucket singing songs from the Pirates of Penzance. Terrified, Emmet leaps over the ropes, eliminating himself, and runs out through the crowd to escape. From the canvas, Bray Wyatt laughs, his eyes rolling back white in his head, possessed by the spirit of Sister Hyacinth.

Later. We're getting down to it now. There's only 3 left in the ring, with only #30 left to show. The crowd are chanting for CM Punk. They can feel it's going to be something special. Maybe Daniel Bryan. Maybe the Bushwhacker that looks like an old gnome. Or surely this is Maureen Lipman's year, finally. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1--

BUZZ

TRzZMIP.jpg

"King, is that...?"


It is. It's World's Fattest Man, Jack Taylor. The camera pans to the kids wearing their foam Jack's Creation hair-hats, as Taylor makes his way down the aisle. But he's not happy. He's heard Booker say that he's only 800lbs. "That's not right, is that!" he argues, "I'm 900 at least!" Taylor smashes Booker's head into the announce desk, before climbing into the ring. He makes short work of Jason Jordan and Firebreaker Chip, and squares off with his final opponent, Brock Lesnar. Brock goes for a suplex. No way. He falls on his arse and shuffles back in fear. Jack rubs his hands. He lifts Brock onto the turnbuckles and signals to the crowd for a massive superplex.

The impact is devastating, collapsing the ring, and opening up a sinkhole which drags the ring, and the last two competitors down, down, down. Michael Cole peers into the hole, but there's nothing but black. And the distant sound of screams. Thousands of screams.

"You alright there, lad?" asks a voice. Brock opens his eyes to see a landscape wreathed in flame, and Jimmy Savile standing over him. Jimmy's bruised and crooked, with one eye swelled shut. He's been having a rough time of it down there.

"I could do with a big boy like you," he says, taking Brock by the hand and helping him to his feet. "What's your opinion on grasses?"

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Peter Beardsley, shimmying his way down the aisle with his Mitre Delta to the tune of Blaydon Races come the Footballing equivalent of The Bushwhackers, enters at no 3 and exposes his penis due to ridiculously small shorts, Vince immediately realises why he doesn’t put Beardsley on the big cards and sells him to Everton 

Accompanied by Paige as they both adopted ridiculous American Accents it’s Stephen Hawking, crashes into the LED Ring Apron, sets himself on fire and dies but on with show in typical Vince style

The Woman with the Constant Expression of Surprise in my local McColls, in the style of Ted DiBiase try’s to buy off each entrant with Wafers and out of date bars of Chocolate from a badly displayed counter at Ringside, after doing practically nothing for 40 minutes a’la Greg Valentine, she is eliminated by Strowman as he throws her out in the Style of Olympic Hammer Throwers swinging her by her ample Boozams!!!

 

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