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The 2018 Royal Rumble surprise entrant pool


HarmonicGenerator

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Andi 'Adonis' Peters:
I also bet he’ll be the first entrant in to the rumble in order to utilise his narcissist entrance. Instead of Bobby Heenan getting sweaty around the collar, it will be Ed the Duck quacking “ohh yes, look at the definition... quaaakkk”. Booker T starts rambling on about shucky Ducky bollocks. Anyway, there’s a good chance Andi will eliminate himself before the second entrant appears, due to Terry Nutkins appearing from under the ring holding a massive tarantula screaming “come Andi you shit, hold the spider, hold the fucking spider”.

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“NAAA, NA NA NA NAAA, 

NA NA NA NAAA,

N, N, NAAA, N, N, NAAA

NA, NA, NA, NAAA”.... blasts over the PA, the crowd go fucking mental..... “Ere comes thee hot steppa.. mur’daraa”. 

It’s Ini Kamoze and he’s hot stepping his way down the isle. Ventura makes a quip about it being the 2020 rumble by the time he gets to the ring. 

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Atlas Ortiz:

He’s basically hoping that a rumble win can be used as the stepping stone he desperately needs, in order to cement his captaincy of the Georgia Muck Chuckers, in the XFL 2.0, he’ll be 3 point stancing the shit out of the 205 lads but will fall short when he comes toe to toe with Jim Duggan. He'll look like a twat.

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Bobby Roode is in the ring, when "Longnecks and Rednecks" hits and James Storm comes riding to the ring on a beer cooler. The two clear the other competitors, do the "Beer Money" pose, and then grab some beers as the clock ticks down. Cue glass smashing, and Stone Cold Steve Austin comes walking to the ring, head bobbing along muttering away. He hits the ring, gets thrown a beer, and sinks that cold one, before stunning them both and having them bounce over the top rope is some selling not seen since the Rock.

 

Later on, the clock is ticking down to the second-to-last entrant, and the original Tough Enough theme hits and Maven enters the Rumbke, claiming he was back to finish what he started in 2002 when he was never officially eliminated, and he goes on to Throw everyone else out. As he's celebrating, the lights go down, the gongs hit and Undertaker is behind him in the ring, who promptly gets his revenge and wins to go to Wrestlemania.

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The Rumble is in full flow, with the ring packed to the rafters.  Suddenly, the lights crackle and flicker and all goes dark.  Has Bray Wyatt stopped pissing about in a dress?  Has the Undertaker returned, again? Suddenly, the eerie cries of cats fill the arena as a light appears by the curtain

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IT'S PIPES!!  Pipes is here!!

Pipes reappears in the ring and pummels opponents like a drunken Mike "Smithy" Smith on top of Sarah Greene during a drunken fuck on a Saturday night. Everyone is helpless as the nostalgia fuelled boogeyman lays the Acorah Floorer to all and sundry.  Is there anyone who can harness the power of the supernatural bellend?  

Wait, who is that at the top of the ramp?  Is it...is that..

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Nicolas Witchell is in the house!!!  If anyone can stop Pipes, it is this ginger prick.  The crowd are on their feet as he swaggers to the ring, but WWE being WWE accidentally put the camera on the one person who isn't cheering and looks like he despises dem wans.

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Witchell is face to face with the poltergeist pisswit.  Witchell avoids his attacks and COUNTERS WITH THE PIPE CLEANER!!!  Pipes is no more and is back at the glory hole!  Witchell is going to win the Rumble, WITCHELL IS GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!!!

 

But wait, who is that he Royal botherer has spotted in the crowd?  He jumps over the top rope and eliminates himself as he gets into the crowd.  It can't be, can it?  Is that an old face from his past?  BAH GAWD KING, IT'S THE PROTESTER HE SAT ON

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This rumble is wide open now, it's anybody's.  Witchell remains sat on the crowd, who is going to win the Rumble now?

Oh, Roman Reigns has just won.

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Mark Hughes 

After being sacked by stoke city, Mark Hughes enters first and as others enter football's randomly drop from the ceiling and he volleys then at people's heads knocking them over the top rope.

Boromir 

Half way through the rumble, the clock strikes down and Boromir enters. As he enters the ring he is alone due to a previous double elimination. The lights go out as they come back on he is on his knees filled with arrows just like in the fellowship of the ring.

Agent Dale Cooper 

He arrives but is still confused and eliminates himself.

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The sexual chocolate theme tune fills the arena and it's Mark Henry and may Young's Hand Yes the 2nd generation superstar Hand is here and he is gonna win it in memory of his mother....But wait who's next???? No it's not Goldberg it's the star of 80s kids TV Finger Mouse. the Hand and the finger go at it untill oh wait it can't be it's Heather Mills' prosthetic leg. its the Hand the finger and the leg in a battle for wrestlemania. Unfortunately Bossman will come in at number 30 and win as we all know it's his year this year.

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Right.. FUCK YOU ANDI PETERS...

The man you fear most will now be competing in the Rumble. No longer will he be hiding under the ring.. no no, he will be heading down the isle with the animals of farthing wood, all creatures great and small. You big doyle... TERRY NUTKINS COMETH

He will never forgive you for dropping the tarantula he handed you on Live & Kicking. You're going to pay you daft twat.

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Howard Finkel lay it all out. "In the Royal Rumble, it is EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF.... And nowww, the man who drew Number One..."

IF YA SMELLLLLL... No it's not Hollywood Dwayne, it's the real People's Champ, THE ROHIT!

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The Rohit sails through a parade of 205Live lads that I've never heard of it seems like nothing can stop him. The only thing that can stop him is... no it couldn't be. Could it?? TEN.... NINE....

 

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IT'S HAKU! Rohit abandons the match as you do not fuck with the face of fear. Haku and Strowman punch each other in the face for an incredible 18 minutes straight without either man backing down whilst the sheer backdraft of each blow causes Dolph Ziggler to fly over the top rope, barely hanging on and staying in the match. A clearout is need. Time to get down to business!

 

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IT'S 'THE PRODUCER' ARN ANDERSON!!! Everyone eats a spinbuster! Double A cocks back a right, but Nakamura saw it coming - wait! Arn was baiting him in! DDT! Word comes from the back that a former indy guy has spoke his mind backstage! Arn eliminates himself and off he goes to serve a shit sandwich! Reigns wins!!!!

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After cleaning house and dispatching of many, many a female competitor from past and present, Natalya stands tall in the ring awaiting the countdown to the next competitor.

The crowd begins to chant 10...9...8...7...(Is it Lita)...6...5...(Oooh, is it Rousey)...4...3...2 (TRISH?)...1....
Something that sounds akin to a goose being tripped over and stood on blares over the PA and in a big twist, is followed by a variation of Bret Harts music. It’s obviously someone Natalya knows, and knows well. It’s Alison Hart!!! But the WWE graphic displays her name as the name that has haunted and followed the new entrant throughout her life - HART FART.

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In a throwback to gimmicks past for Natalya we’re about to engage in what can only be described as the Dispute of the Poot and the Bicker of the Gickers. It’s going to go off...and my money is on the lady who’s had that cross to bear for decades longer.

I would also like to hope – on a personal level – that I could see Planet Stasiak once again, and Vince Vaughan’s character from Brawl in Cell Block 99.

 

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My three picks are Bad Influence and CurryMan, obviously with CurryMan making a surprise appearance after Daniels has been eliminated. Kaz assumes he will now be working as a unit with CurryMan for some reason, but Curry quickly eliminates him. 

I also have a feeling Kenny Omega and Young Bucks are showing up to take out Chris Jericho. But I’m sticking with my initial three picks for safety 

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He turned up for a job interview but was accidentally given a Royal Rumble number so down the ramp he goes! It's Guy Goma!

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3....2.....1...."Mr Mallet! Mr Mallet! Can I go to the.....ROYAL RUMBLE??" Yes you can, Pinky Punky!

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And finally, number thirty is here. It's a b... It's a b... It's a small, off-duty Czechoslovakian traffic warden! 

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