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Guy Bifkin

Faecal Matters

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Unashamedly use the works' disabled loo for my lunch/break/generally anytime (provided I'm being paid) expulsions. Some colleagues look at me with disdain as I walk out... But it's like a palace, unlike the "gents" (I use that term very loosely, as there is currently a handwritten note plastered next to the sink that reads, "Please don't wipe snots on the wall! Use the toilet roll provided!"). Lovely bunch I work with.

+1 for the stool for stools too. Bought one the other day for my son since he's training, it's now become a staple of my shitting regimen. Currently using it as I type for my post-midnight plop.

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When I was young (ie: 4 years old at the most, because it happened when I lived at Rainworth), I squatted on the seat and tried to rotate my bum while I took a poo after watching a neighbour's dog curling one out on the lawn.

I have no memory of falling in or off, but as I only ever tried it the once it clearly wasn't as successful as I'd hoped.

I'm also not sure if I'm proud or sad that that's one of my earliest memories.

 

wayofthedragontechnique.jpg

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Never heard of the squatty potty before but that's a million quid idea right there. Out in Asia squat bogs are still pretty common in pubic places and older buildings. many Viets still prefer them but they really are fowl fucking things most of the time( the toilets just to be clear). When in need I've used them but at my size I'd need a harness for any lengthy movements. On the flip side you often see foot marks where locals have balanced on the rim of a conventional toilet (see photo in post above) but they have supurb balance and can continue in a squat for hours not that they need to as they're in and out in 3 minutes max. It's why most coffee shops and restaurants have one cubicle for hours. It causes a right scene when I have my morning coffee and smoke in a coffee shop and occupy the only shorter for 15+ minutes

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I’ve never heard of the ‘Squatty Potty’ before this thread. I imagined something completely different and thought you were all a bit weird. Especially whoever it was whose Dad wasn’t happy with him leaving it out.

Im glad to see it’s basically a foot stool and not a large portable adult potty that you need to clean after each solid. 

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18 hours ago, Nostalgia Nonce said:

When I was young (ie: 4 years old at the most, because it happened when I lived at Rainworth), I squatted on the seat and tried to rotate my bum while I took a poo after watching a neighbour's dog curling one out on the lawn.

I have no memory of falling in or off, but as I only ever tried it the once it clearly wasn't as successful as I'd hoped.

I'm also not sure if I'm proud or sad that that's one of my earliest memories.

 

wayofthedragontechnique.jpg

 

My aunt tells me that when one of my uncles first came to the UK he had never seen a seated toilet before and didn't know how it worked, so he tried to squat up on the seat like that. He's a pretty hefty guy; he slipped, broke something and had to get 7 stitches on his arse.

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Even aside from the satisfaction of getting paid to take a dump, I don't understand the self-control people can have to not poo at work. I can't fathom being able to write off eight hours of the day plus commute as a time in which I categorically will not be taking a shit. My innards just don't work like that.

I know a lass who allegedly never takes a shit outside of her own home, and always has to take a shower after the fact. I've never quizzed her on it, but how far does the commitment to that go? What happens when she's on holiday? Or if she moves house?

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7 minutes ago, BomberPat said:

I know a lass who allegedly never takes a shit outside of her own home, and always has to take a shower after the fact.

Does it go all up her back?  I like an andrex moist, but I've never taken the full shower after.

I'm not only a committed work shitter, but I encourage everyone in my office to do so.  Set yourself a pound note target for the week and make a sticker/reward chart - a shitbit if you will. Instead of steps, I earned £8 at work from the throne.

Edited by johnnyboy

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1 hour ago, BomberPat said:

 I know a lass who allegedly never takes a shit outside of her own home, and always has to take a shower after the fact. I've never quizzed her on it, but how far does the commitment to that go? What happens when she's on holiday? Or if she moves house?

This was the exact situation with a friend of mines ex-fella. He had to drive home from work (10 mile car journey) every lunch time, have a shit, then thorough shower, before heading straight back. What a horrible way to use your lunch break.

Turns out he ended up having quite a nasty case of OCD. 

Dont get me wrong, when young I couldn’t have a shit at school due to embarrassment, even now I much prefer to have the rest of the bathroom to myself, if not, I wait for the neighbouring flush or hand drying before I release. I mean, I’m at the point now where I can’t tell what kind of deposit I’m going to make until the point of said release. Sometimes if you have a bad belly, you know it’s not going to be nice, but sometimes out if no where, I’m feeling fine, I assume it’s all going to be standard, but out of no where all hell breaks loose and it’s like a crime scene... no pre-warn, no idea why, it’s just a bad one.

So yeah, I like a bit of privacy as a preference and when you get it, a shit at work is bloody great. The idea of going home and having a shower.. Jesus. That in all seriousness for me requires some professional help as it’s clearly a psychological issue.

Edited by Kaz Hayashi

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2 hours ago, johnnyboy said:

I'm not only a committed work shitter, but I encourage everyone in my office to do so.  Set yourself a pound note target for the week and make a sticker/reward chart - a shitbit if you will. Instead of steps, I earned £8 at work from the throne.

This is marvellous.

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Genuinely sitting here laughing at Shitbit.

I work with a man in his mid-40s who has never had girlfriend and has lived at home with mum and dad since he was born. He's never been on holiday and said a few weeks back that he never dungs away from home. So that means that every tud he's ever taken has been on the same toilet. I can't compute that.

Also, my missus's best friends says she can't shit away from home. When she started seeing her current boyfriend, they went away for 10 days and she didn't poo once. WTF?!

I absolutely love having a poo and will do it anywhere, often just for fun. I was invited to the House of Commons once when a software system I designed and wrote went live, and the MP in charge of that department at the time gave some big speech in front of the media. Excited as I was by it all, I was most looking forward to taking a dump on a ministerial bog.

Never tried a stool thing, but am intrigued by it.

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i used to work with someone who used to take less than 2 minutes to enter the toilet, shit, wipe and leave the toilet, he must of held onto it for ages!! we used to time it for a bet sometimes, winner would escape tea making/cleaning duties for the week! Every time he would slam the toilet seat down if it was up as to make a point he was about to take a dump!

speaking of poop, anyone have any tips on how to be more regular? what do you guys use/eat to keep regular?

 

Edited by Ralphy

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