Jump to content

If you could write a eulogy for "TNA"...


Liam O'Rourke

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 34
  • Created
  • Last Reply
Goodbye TNA

Though I rarely enjoyed you at all

You'd always delude yourself

That your product wasn't flawed

You were a little bit country

Till Panda and Dixie bailed out Double J

Then you sorta belonged to Corgan

Now again you've changed your name

 

And it seems to me you booked your fed

Like a dwarf wanking in a bin

Things went even further downhill

When Black Reign came in

All that merch sold by Don West couldn't save you

One of wrestling's greatest shills

The young talent often jobbed 

The legends never did

 

Competition was tough

You played the role of second best

Could barely create your own superstars

Not with crap like the Joker's Wild

And a ring with six sides

The media hardly noticed you

Except that your initials were lame

Just a Rellik of the past

 

And it seems to me you booked your fed

Like a dwarf wanking in a bin

Things went even further downhill

When Black Reign came in

All that merch sold by Don West couldn't save you

One of wrestling's greatest shills

The young talent often jobbed 

The legends never did

 

Goodbye TNA

Main Event Mafia stay in our hearts

But you simply shamed yourself

Whenever Abyss was Joseph Park

Goodbye TNA

The Universal sound stage had no 22nd row

As Mike Tenay asked Tazz

"Hey, what's Ken Anderson doing in the Impact Zone?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here lies the ashes of TNA:

The overgrown Indy that won't go away.

From your baffling booking, to pushing stars of the past

No one thought the promotion would last.

For every Joe vs. Angle, there was a Dixie love triangle.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I went to Orlando in 2015 with my girlfriend. As part of this trip we made a few visits to Universal Studios. 

One of those times we were made aware of an Impact taping taking place. "We've got Matt and Jeff Hardy wrestling", the proclaimed trying desperately to fill the arena up.

I convinced my girlfriend to come in there, so I'm we went to a TV studio and saw that horrendous ring, with a crowd of misfits, as well as those just there for a laugh, followed by 2 nobodies in the ring. After the match he crowd were told "Stay around and cheer loud, as we've got some backstage tickets to give out". Just like the "Biggest superstar ever signed" announcements that plagued the company throughout it's life.

In the whole time I was there it felt like a independent promotion, and very small time.

We saw Jeff being inducted into their Hall of Fame - which in itself is a joke - and he pretended to get all emotional. The roster soon came onto the stage to applaud his achievement. The funny thing is out of that same roster, there are only about 2 that aren't currently now on the WWE pay list. 

I soon exited, with both me and my girlfriend unimpressed. I was disappointed that the promotion I wasn't so excited to come into The Wrestling Channel was so shockingly badly presented.

We went back to Orlando this year for Wrestlemania, suffice to say that the whole thing was a vastly different experience.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

TNA were a company that just couldn't keep any goodwill with all but the most devoted of their fans.

I can't think of another promotion that got more second chances, more calls of "well, maybe they've learned from their mistakes", or "maybe they'll get it right this time".

This is a company that couldn't capitalise, ratings-wise, on hiring Kurt Angle fresh out of WWE. On hiring Christian - about the only guy, at the time, that could conceivably make the "WWE under-utilised me, and I should be in the main event" claim and have a significant portion of the audience agree with him. On hiring Hulk Hogan. Sting.

They brought in Jeff Hardy in 2010 at a time when, the last time anyone had seem him on television, he was the World Heavyweight Champion in WWE, and arguably the biggest babyface not named John Cena. And how do they bring him in? Dicking around with Shannon Moore and Homicide on a show that also featured every man and his dog debuting with the company.

 

Their entire history is just a litany of wasted potential, missed opportunities, and inexplicably being given second chances long after they should have exhausted any faith anyone had in them. Every now and then they got it right - Kevin Nash in the X-Division was one of the best things they ever did, the "Broken Universe" wasn't to everyone's tastes but got everyone talking, made the Hardys fresh and relevant for the first time in a decade, and at least suggested a company open to fresh perspectives. But they've fucked up so many opportunities in the past that, even when they do get things right, most people aren't prepared to give them the benefit of the doubt as they've been burned too many times before, or else they're watching and wondering "okay, when will they fuck this up?".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

@Fog Dude - I'm out of Up rep for today, but that's wonderful.

@BomberPat - It's funny you mention about Shannon Moore and Homicide, because for me, they were two examples of something TNA did right: they stuck Moore with the inexplicably-over Jesse Neal to make a really fun and popular tag team in Ink, Inc., and Homicide was only ever really watchable for me when he was in LAX. 

One thing I can definitely say was in TNA's favour: they always had a gimmick or an angle or just something to do for everyone on the roster. I know that's not perfect when you need jobbers and so on, but for me, it was one of their better points. Especially looking at all the complaints about WWE having so many nothing matches and people being lost in the mix. Don't misunderstand: TNA screwed up more often and more terribly than things they got right, but that was one thing they did better than WWE did for a while.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The best of TNA really is some of my absolute favourite stuff in wrestling ever, unfortunately the worst of TNA is up there with the all time worst stuff in wrestling ever. TNA really should've been great but it turned out to be one the most mismanaged wrestling promotions in history. 

2005-2012ish TNA was still my favourite wrestling promotion despite all the crap... but oh well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

TNA, you repeatedly prioritised Russo over success. You were always fucked.

TNA, you showcased the cutting edge wrestling of AJ Styles, Christopher Daniels, Low Ki etc... and then jobbed them out to Vince McMahon's cast offs. You were always fucked.

TNA, your early days were built around masturbating midgets, incestuous hillbillies, the morbidly obese and a stripper's tits. You were always fucked.

TNA, Dixie raised you up with her money and weighed you down with her ego. It soon became clear she had a lot more of the latter than the former. You were always fucked.

TNA, in your final days fucking Matt fucking Hardy managed to get a fucking drone more over than the rest of your roster. You were always fucked.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

Look, I'm not much good at big speeches, and I know I haven't always been an easy guy to get on with. And I know that, given the choice, I probably wouldn't have chosen you as my weekly wrestling show. But, I just want to say... that over the years I have come to regard you as... a show... I watched. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

Great listen lads. Chase nailed that "2 good years" was in reference to approx 05/06, possibly starting around Turning Point at the end of 04 with the direction starting to get really muddled before 06 was out. Yes, Jarrett on top got boring. But the undercards were always stacked.

Also Chase's impassioned summary was one of the best things I've heard on the show and I agreed with every word. Fuck you, TNA.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

TNA might well be the only promotion killed by it's own lack of self worth.

They were actually ahead of their time in some ways: They introduced the fast paced, spot fest style match to a national audience long before WWE started pushing folk like Kevin Owens and Seth Rollins. They had a competitive, and serious, Women's Division well before the Four Horsewomen took off on NXT too. They put their World Title on a guy the size of AJ Styles when that would've been unheard of in WWE.

They were just so obsessed with being WWE-lite that they couldn't see all the good things they had.

It's hard to feel sorry for them though. The way they treated people was awful. Not paying medical expenses for injuries suffered in the ring, having separate hotels for THE STARS and the rest of the roster, paying the women so little that Taylor Wilde, the Knockout Champion when they were on Spike, had to sell sunglasses part time, making the Harris Brothers Heads of Production so that the staff would have to confront two massive skinheads about their late pay. Even the Corgan swindle was pretty shitty when you think about it.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...