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Mike 'CANYONERO' Ashley


Gus Mears
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This is undoubtedly the most entertaining court case since when Hulk Hogan talked about how he has a bigger cock than Terry Bollea.

I didn't know where particularly to put this, but feel that the full majestic wonder of Iron Mike Ashley needs its own thread. Particularly if we get entertainment like over the course of this week. The entirety of Mike Ashley's life is like a shite early 90's sitcom. A spin off from Keeping up Appearances staring Onslow inheriting a distant relatives sports firm after WACKY SHENANIGANS. 

This time he's back, and it's not because he isn't paying the minimum wage for a change. After the brilliant story of Mike vomiting into a fireplace the other day (available here http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-40484091) , we got this gem today:

Quote

Mike Ashley has said he is a "power drinker" whilst the investment banker suing him for £14 million is a "lightweight" as his extraordinary High Court battle continues. 

The Sports Direct boss said that he likes a drink and although he does not often when he does he is "trying to get drunk". 

He is giving evidence after being sued by Jeffrey Blue, an investment banker, who alleges he reneged¬†on deal made in a pub¬†to pay him ¬£15‚ÄČmillion if the Sports Direct share price doubled to ¬£8 within three years.

He says Mr Ashley paid only £1 million - and he wants £14 million damages.

The legal case centres around a promise Mr Blue claims Mr Ashley made in the Horse and Groom pub in London's Fitrovia in January 2013, but the Newcastle United owner has dismissed any comments as drunken banter.  

When asked how much he had drunk that night he calculated that within an hour he would have drunk four to five pints. "It was a fun evening - drinking at pace," he said.

"I like to get drunk. I am a power drinker."

Mr Ashley went on: "My thing is not to drink regularly. It is binge-drinking. I am trying to get drunk."

He said he had been trying to "get pissed and have a good night out" at the Horse and Groom.

Mr Ashley was asked how much Mr Blue had drunk. "He would never have been able to keep up," said Mr Ashley. "He's a lightweight when it comes to the drinking."

In his evidence on Wednesday he said that he had not wanted to go to the meeting with three brokers but had done so as a favour to Mr Blue. 

 "I probably would rather put needles in my eyes than go to a thing like that," he said. "Meet-and-greet soiree? Sort of thing like having to go to a school do for your kids. Absolutely horrendous."

He said people wanted him to go to thousands of "things".

"I know how disappointing it is when they actually meet me," he said. "It is a let down. 'Jesus, I thought I was going to meet a bright bloke'."

Mr Ashley also told the court he had "never taken a penny" out of Sports Direct.

He told Mr Justice Leggatt that he subsidised the company.

The case continues. 

 

Edited by Gus Mears
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Although he's revered as a twat in our lovely City, he is equally tremendous. He's like a Viz character.

There's a cracking story about him spending a million quid in an hour in a casino. He was smoking tabs and was told to put it out or he'd been fined. He apparently said something like "I've got 18 left, what's the fine for each one, I'll pay it up front".

He behaves in the way you'd expect a 20 year old born in to incredible wealth posh twat to behave (made in Chelsea type), but with the patter of a bus driver.

 

BTW, I love threads like this as stand alone. Proper in depth analysis on the world's best fictional characters.

Edited by Kaz Hayashi
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7 minutes ago, Kaz Hayashi said:

Although he's revered as a twat in our lovely City, he is equally tremendous. He's like a Viz character.

That's so accurate, it's scary. I have the absolute black and white inked image in my head of Mike, doubled over and being blasted backwards out of the fireplace. With a caption of 'Fook me lads. Am gonna spew again'.

Edited by Gus Mears
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Bonus lad points for his continued buggering of The Rangers. 

I'm sure I read something about him turning up to his first Newcastle board meeting with his files and shit in a plastic bag.

Some dude.

 

 

IMG_4188.PNG

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5 minutes ago, Chest Rockwell said:

So what's going on here? Is this just a court case over a pub bet or is there more to it?


Not being into football I'm only vaguely aware of him existing, but this shit is hilarious. I will eagerly await the continuation.

In a nutshell, that's it. He apparently took a bet on that he'd pay the plaintiff £14 million quid if Sports Direct's share prices reached a certain level in an allotted time, which they did. His defence is that he was absolutely steaming. 

The only way this could be improved is if they did the trial on Judge Rinder. 

EDIT: More quality from Mike here.

Quote

Within five minutes his irritation with the questions from Jeffrey Chapman QC, representing Mr Blue, was obvious.

Denying that Sports Direct was entirely his company, he leant forward on his elbows and snapped: ‚ÄúI am not Obi-Wan Kenobi in charge of the death star OK, let‚Äôs be clear.‚ÄĚ

 

Edited by Gus Mears
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17 minutes ago, SpursRiot2012 said:

Fuck, I want Mike Ashley to employ me. Not in a zero hours warehouse, but like as his guy that he gets fucked up with.

You'd need some serious training to get in to that shape though, he's a power drinker, a fucking POWER DRINKER!!

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2 hours ago, stumobir said:

Bonus lad points for his continued buggering of The Rangers. 

I'm sure I read something about him turning up to his first Newcastle board meeting with his files and shit in a plastic bag

 

Those bolded words could be removed and I'd still believe it. 

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