Numpty Children

[SuperBacon]

Older kids on the estate: Can you cum?

7 year old me: Come where?

(Repeat for a few hours)

 

A little bit older I also thought that you only had a certain amount of spunk, and it would run out one day and I wouldn't be able to have kids. Didn't bother me or stop me though.

[Guest]

Max from Max & Paddy/Phoenix Nights only got a bucket n a half

[HarmonicGenerator]

I thought Enid Blyton was a man's name until I was 8.

 

I was also very naive when it came to swear words. I tended not to find out they were 'bad' words or what they meant until I casually used them at home. I always knew 'fuck' was a swear word, but 'wank', 'bollocks' and 'cunt' resulted in lessons being learned.

[stumobir]

I'll never forget the time I called my grandad a twat, my ear's still red hot to this day. Bloody Roald Dahl, who knew one vowel could make such a difference.

[Devon Malcolm]

I thought Enid Blyton was a man's name until I was 8.

 

And this one too. A miracle I wasn't put up for adoption, really.

[Astro Hollywood]

I thought Enid Blyton was a man's name until I was 8.

 

In what's surely going to be the most overly specific and aging reference in this thread, young-me was constantly arguing with my family about how Daily Mirror agony aunt Marjorie Proops was a man.

[JNLister]

Robert Williams taught me the word "fuck". It meant "dog poo" apparently.

[Devon Malcolm]

 

I thought Enid Blyton was a man's name until I was 8.

 

In what's surely going to be the most overly specific and aging reference in this thread, young-me was constantly arguing with my family about how Daily Mirror agony aunt Marjorie Proops was a man.

 

It was the picture, wasn't it.

 

[Otto Dem Wanz]

That's Stephen Fry in a wig

[Surf Digby]

When I was very young (no more than 4, based on where we were living at the time) my older sister told me that the red bit in the corner of your eye was called "toast". I didn't think it was made of toast, I just thought it was one of those things where a word can be used for two things, like how you have nails on your fingers, but they're also pointy metal things you hit with a hammer.

 

Now, being so young I never questioned this. It only came to a head maybe 10 years later when I was talking to relatives about how my sister had told me this. My parents jump in and say that I used to call it toast because I thought it was actually toast, because I'd gotten toast crumbs in my eye when I was a nipper.

 

However, my sister was at university when she realised that Boris the spitting spider wasn't real. This was an imaginary spider my parents would tell us was responsible for when you get that one random raindrop hitting you on the cheek.

[Otto Dem Wanz]

I didn't know that raisins were dried grapes until I was 18, until then I thought they were their own special product made in a factory or grown in some far away land.

[SpursRiot2012]

TIL at nearly 30 years old raisins are grapes.

[Wretch]

TIL at nearly 30 years old raisins are grapes.

 

And me. 

[Astro Hollywood]

I only realised mince pies contained fruit about 5 years ago, and not, you know, mince. I was roundly mocked by my family, but if someone offers me a chicken pie, I'm going to assume there's fucking chicken in it, and not spiced fruit, which has been randomly given the name of another popular pie filling, and we're all just supposed to know.

 

"Oh mate, what made you think this chocolate cake contained chocolate? It's clearly a pork chop."

[Mr_Danger]

I always assumed that the mince was just referring to the fruit being minced until I noticed the jarred fruit was called mincemeat. Traditionally they did contain minced meat a long with the spiced fruit in what I can only assume is some kind of monstrous Rachel Green meat triffle combination.