We Are The Champions

[Mr.E]

I once got a B on an essay I wrote in high school, about the history of pro wrestling, which was meant to be an un-graded piece of generic homework for us to hand in, something like "write about the history of your favourite subject". It ended up being 10 pages, and hardly anybody else bothered at all. I got graded a B, and was praised in front of the class for actually trying hard at something.

 

As you can imagine that did wonders for my popularity.

[Grecian]

I won a long-jump contest at school at aged 11. Got called out in assembly and everything, which given my complete lack of sporting prowess, marks the high point of my athletics career.

[Devon Malcolm]

I love these isolated and seemingly unheralded acts of sporting achievement from the general untalented, like Grecian outlines.

 

There was this lad at our school who would never be seen dead doing anything sporting, he was only interested in planes and chess. One of those. Then he got into drugs when he was in the sixth form and the last time I saw him, 10 years ago, he was on a train dribbling out the side of his mouth and muttering to himself.

 

So I wonder if he still remembered the time when his form master made him do something on sports day, so put him in the 'throwing the cricket ball' event (like a Poundland shot put, if you would), and he then proceeded to fuck it 70 metres down the field and beat everyone else by about 30 metres.

[Guest]

My mum met Rolf Harris at her work and got an autograph for my older sister but not for me.

 

Needless to say, etc.

[Chest Rockwell]

My housemates and I broke the leaderboard on Xbox Arcade game Super Tank Run. We held every position on each of the different individual scoreboards within the game. They eventually patched it to limit it to one position per gamertag.

 

That was a proud achievement. I bet the creator was just as chuffed anyone enjoyed and played their game that much though.

[cobra_gordo]

I once won a pool tournament at a friends 9th birthday party and got a trophy as the prize. The thing was it wasn't even at a pool hall or anything- they just had a pool table in their front room and had a tourney which I won under dubious circumstances. My parents then got the fucking thing engraved and put it up.

 

A similar thing was me winning "youngest driver" at a karting tournament when I was 8. Not fastest, or best- youngest. It's like winning second prize in a beauty contest or getting an A for effort. What I lacked in skill and ability I made up for by being born after everybody else. I got a medal for that one which I still have.

[Mr.E]

I once won a company wide Hungry Hungry Hippo's Tournament, at on old job I have, during a quiet Christmas period.

 

Didn't get anything for winning like, but it was fun at the time, considering I disliked around 75% of people who worked there/took part.

[cobra_gordo]

I once won a company wide Hungry Hungry Hippo's Tournament

 

/thread

[Accident Prone]

I won the Sports Award in Year 4. It was a weekly award that was given out each week, during the big assembly, to someone who had excelled in PE or in the school footy team.

 

And I won it, not by playing sport or hitting a home-run in rounders, but because I joined the after school dance class. I had just joined the school mid-year and was having a tough time making friends so this was my illogical plan to make a few mates. Did it work?

 

Bollocks did it. Fucking obvious to anyone that it was doomed from the start.

 

It was full of girls, no other lads at all. Eeeeeew! Girls! Girls don't like tanks or Nintendo, they're shit. The headmaster mentioned during the assembly that I was the only boy who went to the class. Thanks miss.

 

Anyways, I didn't expect the award and it didn't really make me anymore popular, but for one week I was King Of Sports because I wiggled my arse to 'Tiger Feet'. I'm still proud of it to this day as I'd shown all those athletic types what-for. I was the David Arquette of Primary School PE and I feel like a proper bloke because of it.

 

"Yeah, I've got a background in sports, won awards and stuff for it at school." Bragger's rights, lads. Bragger's rights.

[Mr_Danger]

I won the Hot Cross Bun eating competition when I worked in Sainsbury's. Everyone else just sat there stuffing their faces as quickly as they could whilst laughing and joking whilst I had the super pro method of dunking them in water first. I won a massive Mini Eggs Easter Egg for my eating prowess.

 

In primary school my model eco house won the Staffordshire Building Society completion set for all the schools in our town. It was a house inside a Volcano that used the lava to generate power. Our prize was a trip to Welshpool on a steam train, I carried that school.

[dopper]

Young Player of The Year for my cricket team back in 1996.

 

Came bloody close to winning the 'Performance of The Year' trophy that season too.

 

I was playing for Brigg Town CC's 2nd XI one Saturday afternoon that Summer when we bowled the opposite out for just 17 runs.

My bowling figures that day were 5.4 overs, 3 maidens, 7 wickets for 3 runs.

 

Then later that same day someone in our first team got 130-odd runs to single-handedly win them their game.

 

Knowing my sporting career peaked over 20 years ago is a depressing thought. 

[Wrasslin]

Won my School 800m in Year 8 and 9 (also won the county championships in year 9).  Wasn't selected to run it in the 3rd year even though I'd won the trials for my hall as the lad who wanted to run it was an 'athletics specialist' and I was primarily an 'invasion sports specialist'. He finished 4th running a time slower than my slowest training time. I genuinely consider it the greatest tragedy in the history of sport.

[Tommy!]

I had surprising skill at the skeet ball / barrel roll game at Birmingham Beer Festival. Got £5 with of pork scratching's one year and a bottle of beer the next. This is the peak of my "sporting" glory

[Mr.E]

Adding to my list of garbage accomplishments:

 

I won a dance-off against an unknown man in a bar, after calling him out about a shite gangnam style dance he was doing. The bar had a tiny little raised section with a DJ, who called us both up to do it and see who could do it best.  He repeated his shite dance, and I did it fairly well. I won a bottle of beer for my troubles. 

 

This was 5 years ago, when the song was out.