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Room 101 - The Tag Teams


Liam O'Rourke

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Big Ron and Heavy D. What did they bring to the table, ever? The answer of cause is "slow, dull, repetitive shit matches and racism".

 

They routinely brought down teams and shows at every turn, WWF, WCW, ECW, TNA. They sucked the life out of everything, and they weren't just a piss break as I sware some of them feel like they might still be going on.

 

The highlight of DOA in all the time they spent in WWF, their high water mark, was Brian Lee rolling down a ramp in a trolley during a 6 man brawl on Raw as taker minced into the building in his jumper. If you are being topped by Primetime riding a cart down a hill like a tramp in a shopping trolley you're fucked aren't you.

 

Their matches with Los Barriquas and LOD were interminably dull.

 

They were a low point of WCW in 2000. Just think about that. That match at uncensored 2000 was the first time I ever thought "I'll fast forward this". Id been watching wrestling like a specky nobby no mates obsessively for about 4 or 5 years at this point.

 

The only, one good thing I think they ever did was fix the ring when cheex fucked it before TNA 1. If your sole positive contribution to this world is helping TNA I think you can be safely removed.

 

Remove Ron and Don from existence and everything gets better, every show they worked is slightly less worse.

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The Major Brothers only became worth a damn when they turned into Edge's own version of Team Angle. As the Majors, they were shit.

 

Also, The Dicks.

The Johnsons as well?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that pretty much every penis gag-based team there's ever been has been shit.

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The Ascension ‚Äď pair of twats.

 

No good matches.

 

Bad look, not even scary.

 

Hideously exposed on the main roster and they weren't even good to begin with.

 

'Konnor' spelt with a K reminds me of the naming pattern used on the Kardashian sisters.

 

'Viktor' - another unecessary 'k'.

 

Would anyone miss them if they were banished to Room 101?

 

I think this is harsh. I don't think they had a great start being buried almost straight away and they came across as a bit green but they missed an opportunity with these two, I get that the gimmick comes across as a bit yesteryear but they could have been something pretty good if they did their thing, didn't talk and were given a push. 

 

The entrance though is pretty good I think but again its rarely seen on the shows which takes away something from gimmick. 

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The Public Enemy.

 

I remember getting into the tape trading scene (Rob Butcher at the back of Power Slam etc) and getting stuck into ECW. Some awesome wrestlers ike Guerrero, Malenko, Jericho, cactus, Funk, Benoit, Lynn, Sabu and Tazz. Great tapes.

 

then here come two useless fat cunts, doing that fucking stir the porridge or whatever shite dance the yoof who watch the word and wank at some tits on Eurotrash do to that annoying as fuck House of Pain song. Then they get in the ring, cant bump, cant do moves, just get a bunch of chairs thrown at them by brain-dead audience members trying to get themselves over, break a table (Sabu did it first) get blown up and FUCKING INEXPLICABLY somehow win a bunch of awards for Tag Team of the Year. How? HOW? They embody the kind of lazy stereotyping people threw at ECW of fat twats who cannot work (see also, Dreamer, Tommy). Obviously teams like the Bushwhackers, Beverleys, etc were dogshit, but they were never hyped like these two twunts.

 

Jonny Grunge looked like he was fucking aborted at three days and nobody had the heart to tell him. And Rocco Rock looked like the white guy out of Charles and Eddie (Charles? Eddie?) after a doughnut binge and a blindfolded ADH-riddled toddler had been told to draw a beard on him with permanent marker. And we're supposed to believe these useless fat bastards can hang with Benoit and Malenko? They look like the kind of pool-cleaners you see end up on Briatin's Got Kiddy Fiddling Talent and I sincerely wish that they be wiped from the arse of professional wrestling like a dangleberry.

 

(Apologies if this comes across as a bit harsh on the deceased, but I honestly hated this team)

 

And yes, and any re-imagined classic tag team with the prefix "New" automatically licks fat dogs rancid barse.

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And yes, and any re-imagined classic tag team with the prefix "New" automatically licks fat dogs rancid barse.

Objection! At least The New Foundation gave us a great match with the (unofficially New) Orient Express at Rumble 92.

 

Further objection to "fat dogs rancid barse." Something Branquey would say but somehow without the charm (no homo).

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Have to agree about the New Foundation. I thought they were great when I saw them for all of one match. I liked Hi Energy too, but couldn't shake the thought that the NF would've been better if they'd lasted longer.

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then here come two useless fat cunts, doing that fucking stir the porridge or whatever shite dance the yoof who watch the word and wank at some tits on Eurotrash do to that annoying as fuck House of Pain song.

It was Hot stepper* by Ini Kamozi PE used.

 

*May have been spelt more street than as shown

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then here come two useless fat cunts, doing that fucking stir the porridge or whatever shite dance the yoof who watch the word and wank at some tits on Eurotrash do to that annoying as fuck House of Pain song.

It was Hot stepper* by Ini Kamozi PE used.

 

*May have been spelt more street than as shown

 

I stand corrected - apologies!

 

As to the New Foundation - one good match does not a good tag team make. That match was pretty much Owen Hart vs Badd Company (which is a Good Thing, admittedly)

 

airraid = sorry, I dont know Branquey?

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There's a specific corner of hell and hopefully Room 101 reserved for Mexican America, Hernandez and Anarquia's tag team in TNA in 2011. I didn't mind Hernandez as a face but working heel with Anarquia, a wrestler who seemed to have learned his craft by watching backyard wrestling videos with Vaseline in his eyes and the TV upside down, they were the drizzling shits. They could have had a fairly decent gimmick on their hands and could have generated some serious heat, especially with the sort of folk Trump ended up targeting in his presidential campaign but ruined it by having zero personality and poor to OK ring work at best.

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