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The Kurt Angle Match Marathon


HarmonicGenerator

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This Big Show match is after Angle, Reigns and Jindrak shaved his head, isn't it?

 

I think I remember this. 

 

If you don't, every time I say 'Reigns', imagine Roman not Luther and amuse yourselves as I vaguely did thinking about it just now.

 

The match:

Rules! If anyone gets involved in this match, they will be fired, by order of SmackDown GM and Kurt Angle's fellow 2017 Hall Of Famer Theodore Long!

 

Just realised - TWO SmackDown GMs are being inducted this year. Should have used Stephanie or Vickie Guerrero for the female slot and stuck Paul Heyman in as well, made it SmackDown-GM themed.

 

Bigger reaction for Kurt here than at Summerslam I think. Tony Chimel has given him a 1999-esque long intro with 'only Olympic Gold Medallist in WWE history, and a former WWE Champion'.

 

Feud rundown:

 

 - Big Show threw Kurt Angle off a balcony. I remember this vividly because of the silly angle Kurt's leg was positioned at when the camera cut to the birdseye view of him afterwards. This resulted on "Heels on Wheels" Kurt Angle, which I don't remember much of but I am sure would have been good entertainment value.

 - Once he got better, Kurt Angle used a tranquilliser gun on Big Show and, in the words of Michael Cole, "raped him… of his dignity". I assume this refers to the head-shaving.

 

There's a surprisingly long pause before Big Show's music hits (and his entrance video looks like it's got videogame footage on it?) and yep, there's Big Bald Big Show, looking very, very angry indeed. Angle backs away as Show gets in the ring.

 

You know, if having your head shaved is such a shameful, embarrassing thing, why don't they ever grow it back afterwards? It's been 13 years since this match, 15 since Angle had his head shaved, neither of them have ever grown it back.

 

Brian Hebner has the old Chioda frosted tips this month.

 

Show begins his match by rubbing his sweat in Angle's face and makes multiple references to what he's going to do to Angle's ass. Cole apologises for the language and then makes another rape reference.

 

Angle heads out of the ring to regroup and tentatively gets back in again. Why doesn't he just take the countout if Big Show's so angry? Kurt gets a headlock on but Show just lifts him off his feet and hits a shoulder block. Cole tells fans to go outside and run into a brick wall to imitate what that move feels like. Tazz tells people not to listen to Cole. I'm with Tazz tonight, that's the first dodgy thing so far.

 

Angle gets backed into a corner and Show gives him a bumming to the gut followed by a Beale Toss. Angle's never been beaten up so one-sidedly since Undertaker at Fully Loaded 2000, and before that, in his first Show match at Backlash. Third rape reference by Cole.

 

Military Press and a slam by Big Show and Kurt rolls outside again. Was this iteration of the Big Show Push going anywhere? I suppose it was because he had title matches against JBL in February and the Akebono match at Mania 21.

 

Oh wait, Angle has decided to walk out and take the countout. Very sensible. Big Show is declared winner by countout and Kurt's buggering off through the crowd. But here's Theodore Long to tell him if he runs away he'll never be on SmackDown again. If I was him I'd call Long on that and just go to Raw. Stupid.

 

Long orders the match restarted so I guess I won't count the countout in my final tally. Kurt has until the count of 10 to get back in the ring. He doesn't want to. It takes until about 6 for him to start heading back and then he trips over the steps for a bit of … drama? Anyway, he gets in at 9 and Show headbutts him and chops him a bit.

 

He still hasn't had a move in. It was one thing when he was a rising star in 2000 but Kurt Angle is above this kind of squash match by now. Bret turnbuckle bump sends him over the top rope and outside again. He grabs a chair - maybe looking for a DQ - and Big Show punches it to smack Kurt in the face. There's no DQ here because a Hebner is refereeing, and as we have established many times, they are the shit worst.

 

HOW THE FUCK IS THAT NOT A DQ FOR FUCK'S SAKE HEBNER YOU MORON.

 

It continues back in the ring. This is tedious stuff.

 

Fucking FINALLY Kurt gets an elbow but then just get slammed again. Cole keeps going on and on and fucking ON about how big Big Show is.

 

Chokeslam is countered and the Anklelock is applied. He has got massive feet, I'll give him that. Grapevine. Did Vince have a match on this show? I only ask because there's blood all over the canvas and that's usually Vince's doing. Un-grapevine, and then an exact replica of Summerslam when the power-out results in a ref bump. At least do your ref bumps a different fucking way Hebner!

 

Angle's taken the chance to grab a chair and smashes Show's ankle with it. Good. Elbows to the knee and a leg hold that Show tries to break up by a slap to the shoulder. No joy, as Angle just assaults the right leg of Big Show. Things have picked up a bit at least. Kurt takes him to the apron and positions himself so he's upside down hanging off the leg from the floor with a submission. Hebner's back up and Angle's trying to do the Figure Four! Oh, possibly not actually, Tazz just said it was a spinning toehold. Anyway, more leg submission stuff. 

 

After all this buildup, there's no way Big Show's tapping out. Chokeslam and a clean pin, I reckon.

 

They're up, and we're back to Show-power - clothesline, body slam, big boot, but then he gets crotched on the ropes, straps come down and the Angle Slam but Big Show kicks out. Cole can't believe Angle was able to do this despite him already doing it loads of times.

 

Angle gets his tranquilliser gun from under the ring, and I have to question the logic of - who let that be under the ring? Don't they check what's under there? Wouldn't someone have spotted Angle hiding it there earlier? Doesn't matter anyway because Big Show smashed the gun up and then did the move that the SmackDown games originally called the Tori Suplex but then changed to Alley Oop. 

 

Kurt gets grabbed by the throat, placed up to the top rope and Show hits a TOP ROPE CHOKESLAM and gets the pin.

 

Kurt Angle project chokeslam count: 27 (11 to Kurt, 1 by Kurt)

 

My thoughts:

The top rope chokeslam was good, but avoid this match. It's not worth your time.

 

Angle landmarks:

First countout loss (sort of… you know what? I'm counting it)

 

PPV record so far:

23 wins by pinfall
14 wins by submission
1 win with ladder
1 team win (Survivor Series)
1 win by DQ
18 losses by pinfall
5 losses by submission
1 loss by unconsciousness
2 losses by elimination (Royal Rumble)
1 team loss (Survivor Series)
1 loss by countout
7 multi-man match losses (Angle not defeated)
 
 
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Can you believe we've reached Survivor Series 2004? Marking five years since Kurt Angle debuted in WWE, he's in his third Survivor Series match. He's been on one winning team, and one losing team, but never survived. Will this change?

 

(No. He's going to lose to Big Show again, I expect.)

 

The match:

Kurt makes it onto the poster again this month. It's been a while since he's been afforded that privilege.

 

The Network has this match listed as Team Angle (but, again, not that Team Angle) vs. Team Guerrero, so I could be wrong on that Big Show prediction above.

 

Mix of cheers and boos as Kurt comes out - with his whole team following. We have Luther (please bring him back for Roman) Reigns, Mark Jindrak, and Carlito, who is the US Champion and accompanied by Jesus. He's got the full 'Carlito Caribbean Cool' name still.

 

Team Guerrero gets individual entrances - which shows you how far above the rest of his team Kurt Angle is - beginning with Big Show, who's hobbling to the ring with a cast on his foot (and according to the ring introduction, has gained 10 pounds since No Mercy) but I bet still eliminates Angle.

 

RVD! Cool! We haven't seen him against Kurt since 2001, I think (unless you count Royal Rumbles, I suppose). He's got the 'One Of A Kind' music but he's lost a lot of lustre since 2001. Eddie Guerrero - the team captain? - is out third, which is odd. The people like him. And finally… John Cena! He gets the biggest reaction out of everyone - that's a proper pop! Serious Cena is here and goes straight for Carlito because they were feuding at the time. Because Jesus stabbed him in the kidney. Even now, if I was facing Cena, I'd start the match by kicking him in the kidneys.

 

So the team, RVD aside, basically consists of Angle's last year of PPV opponents. We're not likely to see it anytime soon however because on screen is a backstage fight with Cena and Jesus and Carlito running away from it. They drive off and I think Cena's going to come back for the match. So it's already 4-on-3.

 

Guerrero jumps Angle and we get a big old Ringside Brawl with Kurt and Reigns taking on RVD and Big Show and Jindrak beginning the match itself. What honourable babyfaces, jumping the outnumbered team like that.

 

See you when Kurt gets tagged in and Cole stops comparing the Show/Angle feud to rape.

 

(RVD/Jindrak bit, Eddie/Jindrak bit)

 

Kurt gets a cheap shot in while the referee's distracted and then tags in to beat up Guerrero a bit. Who'll get the deciding win between them? 

 

Reigns tagged in, then Jindrak again.

 

Angle back in and he tackles Guerrero down before he can make a tag, then hits a belly to belly (from which Kurt lands a little awkwardly, he goes down to a knee instead of bumping) for a "Woo!".

 

Reigns in again, Team Angle/Not Team Angle clearly using the 'frequent tags' method of wearing down an opponent. Jindrak tagged in again, but Angle gets a helping hand in.

 

Michael Cole called Jindrak Kurt Angle's protege earlier on commentary. I only chose to believe this fully when Jindrak locked a chinlock in on Eddie Guerrero. That's straight out of the Kurt Angle playbook.

 

Angle tagged in again, and once again tackles Eddie before he can tag. He sticks on a front facelock. Watch and learn, Mark Jindrak, watch and learn.

 

Guerrero's fighting out and holding out his arms but Kurt knees him in the gut and takes him back to his team's corner. Jindrak in again. Not Team Angle have been so completely dominant up to now they're clearly being eliminated in a clean sweep in a minute. 

 

In a Survivor Series match, where it's not one fall to a finish, is it this wise to focus ALL your team's attention on just oNE of your opponents? Because there's three other guys on that apron who are totally fresh. Hmm.

 

Angle tagged in and so is RVD! RVD with kicks and shoulders and a monkey flip and more kicks and I'd have welcomed RVD vs Angle even in 2004! Damn you WWE! RVD's cleaning house but Angle rolls him up, uses the ropes, and (albeit in a rather messy way) eliminates RVD!

 

Eddie very quickly eliminates Jindrak straight after so we're down to 3-vs-2. Angle and Guerrero in again, straps come down.

 

Here comes Big Show. Angle vanishes out of the ring and Reigns comes in to try his luck. I give him 30 seconds before he gets chokeslammed. Angle tries to help Reigns out but gets booted in the face. Yep, right about the 30 second mark there's the chokeslam.

 

Kurt Angle project chokeslam count: 28 (11 to Kurt, 1 by Kurt)

 

It's now Kurt Angle vs Big Show and Eddie Guerrero and John Cena. I take back taking back my initial prediction. He's done.

 

He counters a chokeslam and gets the Anklelock on the injured foot, but Show powers him out of the ring. Kurt's buggering off, which is extremely sensible considering the alternative, but RVD stops him at the entrance way and he backs all the way into Show. He reaches behind him and we get a great "ooohhhh shiiiiiit" comedy facial before Show sends him into the ring and into an FU/AA from Cena. Eddie goes up top for a Frog Splash, and The Team Of Kurt Angle's 2004 Opponents get the win when Big Show pins him. Happy 5th birthday, Kurt!

 

Kurt's not so great at these kinds of matches, it would seem. 1-2 the final score because this was his last one.

 

My thoughts:

For a while there, I was enjoying this more than the 2003 Survivors match. I quite liked how Angle's team were operating in the early going, until I realised that isolating an opponent was a stupid strategy for an elimination match. Even not knowing who was going to win, it was pretty damn clear that Angle was going to lose. You had four big stars on one side, and Kurt on the other, he didn't stand a chance. 

 

Although I suppose technically Carlito was never eliminated...

 

Angle landmarks:

First match with Mark Jindrak association ("his protege", claimed Cole in this match)

First 4-on-4 Survivor Series match

Final Survivor Series matches (yes, we're starting to go from 'firsts' to 'finals'…)

 

PPV record so far:

24 wins by pinfall
14 wins by submission
1 win with ladder
1 team win (Survivor Series)
1 win by DQ
19 losses by pinfall
5 losses by submission
1 loss by unconsciousness
2 losses by elimination (Royal Rumble)
2 team losses (Survivor Series)
1 loss by countout
7 multi-man match losses (Angle not defeated)
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For the first time in 3 1/2 years, Kurt's got more than one match on the same night! It's Armageddon 2004 time.

 

 

Match 1: Santa Claus

Kurt's coming out with two policemen. He gets a reaction. He's got a red wristband on his right hand. The policemen are holding the ACTUAL gold medal from the 1996 Olympics (this show is in Atlanta where he won it). Which of course means he's been wearing fakes for the past several years, but never mind. That's one nice looking medal.

 

THE PRE-MATCH PROMO BIT IS BACK! It's the Kurt Angle Invitational! The gold medal is on the line! This is clearly a thing that I had forgotten existed! I vaguely remember his match with Marty Jannetty a few months from now, was that a Kurt Angle Invitational? The medal wasn't on the line there, was it? "What" chants have not abated since 2001.

 

Angle welcomes his opponent, Santa Claus, whose music is shit. Can't tell who's under the beard here. Angle calls Tazz an elf and Michael Cole pisses himself laughing for a minute afterwards.

 

Kurt is angry at Santa because his daughter doesn't care about her dad, she only wants to write to Santa. He's got his daughter watching so she can watch him tap Santa out.

 

The bell rings, they lock up, Santa's hair comes off, Angle Slam, straps down, Anklelock, SANTA CLAUS TAPS OUT, victory to Angle!

 

He pops the gold medal on afterwards. Wonderful stuff.

 

We then cut to the build-up for the 'Dixie Dogfight' between the two Tough Enough finalist and FUUUUUUCK ME HOW YOUNG DOES THE MIZ LOOK FUUUUUCKING HELL.

 

(Sorry if this ends up being a massive image)

 

19463_2_preview.jpeg

 

The Miz was around in 2004. 2004! I knew this, but it's still quite remarkable.

 

My thoughts:

The way Santa fares here is how most people would fare in a match against Kurt Angle. Hurray for quick squashes!

 

-

 

Match 2: with Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak vs Big Show

 

Funny thought: Armageddon 2004 had Kurt Angle vs. Santa AND John Cena vs. Jesus. Christmassiest show ever.

 

Anyway, this is a 3-on-1 Handicap Match with Kurt, Reigns and Jindrak taking on Big Show. Show's on the poster this month and the odds are stacked ludicrously against him so he's clearly going to win.

 

Cole introduces Kurt as "the man who made Santa Claus tap out". I love it.

 

Show's already beaten Kurt twice on PPV in the past two months, so that's 3-for-3 if he wins again here. It's not 50/50 booking I guess.

 

Hebner refereeing. Ah well. I'll always have the Santa match.

 

I wonder if they'll ever bring Mark Jindrak back in? Did he not go on to some level of fame and reputation in Mexico?

 

He's starting off against Show. Back when Kurt tags in. 

 

Cole is REALLY forcing this rape thing on commentary, he just mentioned it again. Fucking just stop it Cole.

 

Show destroys Jindrak a bit and he asks Kurt for a tag. Kurt tells him to get back in there, but Jindrak tags him anyway. Show and Angle stand off, he tries a lock up and Show keeps shoving him away so Reigns gets tagged in.

 

Angle's still got the red tape on his wrist and hand. Legit injury?

 

Reigns and Jindrak manage to get Show down, Angle gets tagged back in and Kurt targets his back with elbows and stuff (during the entrances they showed him hitting Show in the back with the ring steps on SmackDown). Jindrak tagged back in. Reigns. Jindrak. Kurt distracts the referee, which is phenomenally easy because he's a Hebner and CAN'T DO HIS FUCKING JOB, while the other two double-team Show.

 

Angle's back in and he gets that throaty-chokehold type thing he's used before on Show. It transitions to a front facelock. Show picks him up, which he too has used before, but Angle gets him on the bottom rope and stands on his back. There's a "let's go Big Show" chant. Reigns in. Jindrak. 

 

As soon as Show gains an advantage, Kurt is running in and doing that tackle he kept hitting on Eddie Guerrero at Survivor Series. That tackle move is the best thing about this whole trio, without question.

 

Saying that, what's also quite good is Jindrak copying Kurt's moves to try and be like him (I assume - commentary never acknowledges it) - he just did the same throat/choke thing as Kurt.

 

It's abysmal how Brian Hebner is just allowing length and constant double-team attacks. He is literally - and I use 'literally' literally - doing fuck all to stop it or maintain order. Even Michael Cole's calling him on it. This isn't just me hating on the Hebners, they're genuinely the worst of all time at everything.

 

Reigns is legal now I think, but who the fuck knows because Hebner's so shit. All three of them are in the ring so I've got no fucking clue. Angle hit the Angle Slam on Show and got the straps down but Show kicks him out of the Anklelock attempt, Kurt goes out of the ring. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS REFEREE EVEN PLAYING AT.

 

Angle goes to get the steps again but as he starts to get back in the ring Show boots the steps into his face and he gets knocked down again.

 

Big Show then hits an F5 on Jindrak - they're calling it the F-500 and I vaguely remember this, trying to re-establish the F5 as a kind of 'fuck you' to Lesnar for leaving - and gets the win.

 

My thoughts:

I'd watch the Santa Claus match a hundred times in a row before I'd choose to watch this again. Big Show's not as good as I remember him being in 2004 (you may say he wasn't good at all, but I liked him at the time), and three wins over Angle in a row on three consecutive PPVs doesn't quite sit right. Why are all Hebners so awful?

 

-

 

Angle landmarks:

First Kurt Angle Invitational match on PPV

First PPV Handicap match (3-on-1)

 

PPV record so far:

24 wins by pinfall
15 wins by submission
1 win with ladder
1 team win (Survivor Series)
1 win by DQ
19 losses by pinfall
5 losses by submission
1 loss by unconsciousness
2 losses by elimination (Royal Rumble)
2 team losses (Survivor Series)
1 loss by countout
8 multi-man match losses (Angle not defeated)

 

 

 

2004: accomplished! Next time, we begin the penultimate year of Kurt's WWE career, with his third and final attempt at winning the Royal Rumble…

 

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Fuck! I was all ready to skip ahead to number 20 in the Rumble, which is Kurt's entry, and on clicking through the Network chapters, I discover he was in a WWE Title match earlier in the show! Fuck!

 

Goes to show how much I remember this show, really. Edge vs. Shawn Michaels, Heidenreich in a Casket match, something with Randy Orton. That's all I've got. And apparently, in there was Kurt Angle. In a Triple Threat match. Again. With Big Show. Again!

 

I'm getting fucking sick of watching Big Show. Four months in a row now.

 

Oh well. Rumble next then!

 

Kurt's not winning this, either, because even worse than the fourth consecutive Angle loss to Big Show is the fact the winner of the match is JBL, and I fucking bet you he's not pinning Big Show when he wins. Eurgh. Proper losing streak stuff, this is for Kurt. I never liked the idea of him on Raw because he just felt like such a 'SmackDown Guy' but he'd have been better off there.

 

Match 1: John Bradshaw Layfield and Big Show

They're on their feet for Kurt as the camera pans around the arena. Angle's selling his back as he walks to the ring - he was in a Last Man Standing match the other night, says Cole.

 

As if this match could get any worse, BRIAN HEBNER IS REFEREEING. Why, Monday, why are you doing this to me.

 

At least Kurt's getting another title shot, and it's No DQ.

 

The Big Show push appears to be working because he gets a nice pop when his music starts. Coming out with an enormous elastoplast on his forehead less so.

 

The sound of death and an eternity of bitter tears greets JBL's music, followed by acres and acres of silence the likes of which you couldn't get in a sensory deprivation tank. I haven't watched a single moment of JBL's WWE Title reign since the universe was granted the greatest mercy in its history and it ended at WrestleMania 21.

 

I hate him so much. I had forgotten. Least deserving anything in the history of anything for anything. I can't change my mind on that. I can't do it. And the announcers have to PUT HIM OVER HE NEVER EVEN BEAT ANYONE CLEAN EVER I HATE HIM I HATE HIM SO MUCH.

 

I hope I can demonstrate how committed I am to this Kurt Angle project that I'm willing to put myself through the fourteen months JBL's entrance lasts. I feel legitimately angry and I'm not even looking at the TV right now. I HATE HIM.

 

Kurt does some wonderful work to begin, immediately heading out of the ring, trying his luck to see if he can get a sneak attack in, then retreating again.

 

Kurt watches the match from ringside, occasionally making a tentative move towards the ring. He does Big Show's 'ssssh' with him before the chop in the corner. I just learned Tony Garea is from New Zealand. Is Tony Garea still around? Kurt breaks up a pin attempt.

 

Big Show headbutts Kurt into a corner and then chops him - and this time, for the first time in ANY of their matches, it sounds LETHAL, probably because Show just smacked the fuck out of Kurt's chest. Then he whips him into the opposite corner hard enough to send Kurt flying forward into a face bump on impact. Angle then gets a big boot and is clotheslined outside. Doesn't bode well for his Rumble appearance later in the night if he's going to go over the top rope that easily.

 

Bit of Ringside Brawling, why Kurt continues to try and hit a German Suplex on Big Show I don't know, it's never worked and he just gets bummed in the abdomen, every bloody time. I hope the payoff of all these matches if Angle actually managing it.

 

This no DQ match must be No Countout as well because Hebner's not counting. Not that he would, the twat.

 

Ooh! NICE announce table bump from Big Show! He was standing on the steps which he'd set up in front of the table, Angle low blowed him from the floor, he started teetering, Angle smacked him with a monitor and he just slowly fell like a tree into the table. I liked that a lot, possibly my favourite thing they've done together. Great way to take down a giant.

 

Unfortunately for me, this means I have to write about JBL, but fortunately, it's mostly about how Angle is absolutely schooling him and when he's not doing that, he's doing his damned best to make JBL look good. There's a great sell of a clothesline that I know objectively I should give JBL some credit for but I just can't face it. 

 

He hits a German Suplex, and some time later, another one. I learn that in that Last Man Standing match on SmackDown JBL took EIGHT German Suplexes and I wouldn't mind seeing that only it didn't result in Kurt beating him and us having a WWE Champion that didn't make us retch for the first time since Great American Bash.

 

Show's back up. Clotheslines for everyone, and Kurt gets body slammed on top of JBL, JBL gets whipped into Kurt, Show chucks his arse into both of them. Another clothesline. Big Show steals the straps gimmick and the crowd's really into it. I had wondered about the Show push a little while ago but as I mentioned above, it clearly worked.

 

Total Elimination! Well, kind of, Angle takes out the knees while JBL hits a Clothesline From Hell on Show. JBL gets another German, Show gets an Angle Slam but it doesn't end the match. Angle's gone from the ring for reasons I am not aware of because I looked away for a second too long.

 

JBL gets a chokeslam.

 

Kurt Angle project chokeslam count: 29 (11 to Kurt, 1 by Kurt)

 

Spear through the barricade spot! I did not know they were using that as early as 2005.

 

Meanwhile, Kurt's got a chair in the ring. Show clambers back into the ring while - fucking hell - the Bashams come out to check on JBL. The Bashams! I barely remember what they look like! Show got the better of Angle and flapjacked him into the chair. Christ, Orlando Jordan as well! Jindrak and Reigns are out too but they're taking on Big Show while Angle recovers.

 

Jordan rolls JBL back in the ring as Angle super-groggily walks into a Clothesline From Hell. Grimly, he gets a three count and I hate everything. 

 

My thoughts:

So I'm not the biggest fan of the JBL title reign… 

 

-

 

Match 2: The Royal Rumble

As the count down counts down to entrant number 20, we appears to have Rene Dupree and Chris Benoit in one corner, Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio in another, and Shawn Michaels and Edge in a third. Four long-time rivals for Kurt to eliminate and avenge that loss from earlier. Get the stink off.

 

And get the stink off he does! Sprints in, German for Benoit! Belly to belly for Rey! German for Jericho! Angle Slam for Edge! Angle Slam for Dupree! Angle Slam for … NO! Michaels counters! Sweet Chin music, Angle counters! ANKLELOCK, Michaels counters! Sweet Chin Music, over the top rope! Fuck! Angle's been eliminated!

 

My thoughts:

He's only in there a minute - if that - but it's an extremely productive minute. He looks better in that one minute than he's done since Summerslam, and it's neatly set up a WrestleMania match with Shawn Michaels. Job done, thank you very much, and I would have happily just had that and skipped the Triple Threat match.

 

-

 

Angle landmarks:

None to speak of. The world is too bleak to think of any.

 

Oh wait, here we go. That's Kurt Angle's 20th pinfall loss on PPV. And it goes to JBL. JBL.

Final Royal Rumble match, too.

 

 

PPV record so far:

24 wins by pinfall
15 wins by submission
1 win with ladder
1 team win (Survivor Series)
1 win by DQ
20 losses by pinfall
5 losses by submission
1 loss by unconsciousness
3 losses by elimination (Royal Rumble)
2 team losses (Survivor Series)
1 loss by countout
8 multi-man match losses (Angle not defeated)
 
 
 
Not counting the Santa Claus match, Kurt hasn't won a PPV match since Summerslam, and he's only won three times on PPV in the last year even if you count Santa. Will this change at No Way Out? Will it fuck.
 
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Because I'm not sure how free the rest of this week will be, I'm doing another match tonight. And it's from No Way Out 2005. Kurt Angle vs John Cena - again! At No Way Out - again! In a No 1 Contenders match - again!

 

The match:

This is also, according to the Network description, a tournament final.

 

A very pro-Cena crowd as he comes out with the spinny US Title. He still looks so young. Kurt gets a decent reaction too, and he's out … wearing a T-SHIRT over his outfit. Now that is a first. 

 

The Angle losing streak will continue here, because we know what happens at WrestleMania 21, but the match should be good anyway. 

 

Kurt goes straight in with an aggressive hold, but Cena reaches the ropes and breaks the hold. Angle takes him down like it was nothing and sticks a headlock in, Cena powers out and Angle takes him back down into the headlock.

 

I have a feeling I missed a bit after Kurt's elimination from the Rumble where he beats the shit out of Shawn Michaels, so excuse me a moment while I go back to find that.

 

--------

 

Ah yes, there we go! Angle nips into the ring after Mark Jindrak enters, throws HBK over the top rope then smacks him in the head with the ring steps. Because it's Shawn Michaels, he's already bleeding, Kurt then punches him a lot and locks in the Anklelock on top of the steps. ALL the referees and Finlay and Dean Malenko and that might be Skinner come out and drag him away. Now we're REALLY cooking for WrestleMania!

 

--------

 

And we're back to the Cena match. Cena goes for a hip toss but Angle turns it into a belly to belly style counter and sticks another hold in. Cena powers out again.

 

There is an element of a divided crowd here, but that's mostly because we're in Angle's hometown for this match. Cena tries to build some momentum and just ends up back on the mat in another hold. Cena powers out AGAIN and ends up getting him over the top rope and out of the ring this time! He goes after Kurt and they go rolling over the top of the announce table with Cena getting all the punches in. Ringside Brawl!

 

Back in the ring, Cena gets a Fisherman Suplex for 2. Some duelling chants start but it's mostly pro-Cena. Angle escapes the FU/AA and rolls out of the ring to recoup. He takes his time getting back in the ring and looks absolutely exhausted and covered in sweat, while Cena looks like he's barely got started. We get some punches in the corner like Angle used to do years ago, and Angle responds with a German Suplex into the turnbuckle like he did a couple of times in 2003!

 

Now things have turned around and Angle's got Cena down in the corner. A suplex but Cena keeps kicking out at 1. Backbreaker and Cena kicks out. We take a very brief trip to Chinlock City but it turns into a body scissors instead. Kurt rubs his arm and elbow into Cena's face and then the chinlock comes back, but only for a bit as Cena powers out one more time. Angle is DRENCHED in sweat. So much sweat. He looks slippery.

 

Three German Suplexes, and an error on the Network! Did Kurt get the pin there? Will it load? It will! He didn't!

 

The neck chokey hold thing is applied, we return to the chinlock, and AGAIN Cena powers out. At some point Kurt's got to abandon this approach because it ain't working. Shoulder tackle by Cena leaves both men down and Michael Cole keeps getting "ground and pound" in the wrong order. 

 

They get back up and Cena gets the better of the punch exchange, hits a few clotheslines but an eye rake cuts him off for a moment. Cole claims it's vintage Kurt Angle, but, as I now consider myself somewhat of an Angle aficionado, it's not really. Cena hits a spinebuster, Kurt hits another German, Cena hits the spinny slam thing move. FU/AA countered into a pin attempt, and then a belly to belly, which Cole also claims is vintage Kurt Angle. I can confirm, it is.

 

Angle Slam countered, Cena hits a DDT. The kids in the front row cheering him are probably the teenagers who have grown up and now boo him, he's been around that long.

 

FU/AA attempt countered into the Anklelock! Cena powers Angle through the ropes to the outside this time. I can't tell whether the people in the crowd who aren't keen on Cena are doing it because they're in Angle Town or because people had already started to go against him.

 

Angle gets himself between the top and middle ropes and Cena does his top rope fameasser/leg drop kind of thing through the ropes. Angle recovers and goes charging, but Cena hits the FU/AA, and I'd forgotten he went through that stage where he didn't drop to his knees or anything when he hit it! That always looked a bit rubbish.

 

Angle kicked out, anyway, and hit Cena in the knee to begin working on the leg and ankle. He stalks Cena as he starts to stand, and takes out the knee again. He smashes the leg into the ring post a few times. Five, actually. He wraps the legs together and puts some kind of submission on but Cena gets the ropes quite quickly. Angle then just starts stamping on Cena's ankle, the straps come down and he hits an Angle Slam. A primal roar from Kurt and there's the Anklelock again. Cena tapped to this a year ago… will it happen again?

 

Grapevine! Cena's facials have improved considerably since 2005. He reaches the ropes but Kurt goes straight back to it. Charles Robinson tries to make him break the hold as Cena's still in the ropes but gets knocked down. There's an "HBK" chant as Angle takes Cena's chain from the corner, but before he can use it, Cena charges him and hits the FU/AA, he gets a 3 count and JJJJeeeeeeeeeeeeyan Cena gets his first PPV win over Angle! Oh, and the main event of WrestleMania's his as well.

 

Angry Angle storms off as Cena recovers.

 

Angle-Cena series: Angle 2 - 1 Cena

 

My thoughts:

Good match. Cena gets that bit better every time he turns up on this thing. Kurt's non-Santa losing streak continues.

 

Angle landmarks:

First entrance with a t-shirt on

 

PPV record so far:

24 wins by pinfall
15 wins by submission
1 win with ladder
1 team win (Survivor Series)
1 win by DQ
21 losses by pinfall
5 losses by submission
1 loss by unconsciousness
3 losses by elimination (Royal Rumble)
2 team losses (Survivor Series)
1 loss by countout
8 multi-man match losses (Angle not defeated)
 
 
 
Whether it's tomorrow, or Wednesday, or Thursday… next time… I get to watch Angle vs. Michaels again!
 
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You spoke too soon on that one, Jon - the forum downtime this week means I am definitely behind schedule!

 

Air Raid did suggest I just wrote the reviews anyway, and copy and paste them to the forum when it returned, but … I didn't. So best get cracking again, with a cracking match (at least, I remember it to be so) of Angle vs. Michaels at WrestleMania 21!

 

 

The match:

Oh! We don't appear to get a build-up video for this match. That's a shame, I was kind of up for seeing 'Sexy Kurt' with Sherri and the 2005 Jannetty matches before this. Ah well, I'll live.

 

Shawn Michaels is out first and he was great at WrestleManias, wasn't he? Stating the super obvious there. 

 

Brian Hebner is refereeing but I truly hope I will enjoy this match regardless. Just a straight up match to see who the best is. Lawler states the match is going to be a classic. I can't disagree, you saw that match on the Mania 21 card and you knew that that would be the best thing on the card.

 

Kurt gets Howard Finkel announcing him for the first time in bloody ages, which is nice. JR and Lawler announcing him, too. New entrance video as well. "You Suck" continues after the music, and the two guys face off and smile at each other. Goosebump moment. I am hyped to see this match again, it's been too long.

 

Oof! Shawn gets the first move in with a slap to the face and Angle goes nuts with takedowns and rolls and everything until Shawn gets to the ropes. Beautiful. Like the Benoit stuff except there's a real sense that Shawn's desperately trying to escape the various grapples rather than flowing with them.

 

Nevertheless, Shawn pops a side headlock on, and an "Angle" chant begins as he almost fights out of it, but Shawn brings him down again. Back suplex! It's been a little while. But Michaels keeps the headlock on. Lawler just said "cold as a stepmother's kiss" which is one you don't hear often. JR says this headlock's out of the Kurt Angle playbook, but as a reasonably consummate Angle historian, I would dispute that. Duelling chants going on now but they're one of those that sound like chanting for the sake of it rather than for a genuine reason.

 

Angle eventually gets out of the headlock and they face off again, but Shawn sticks it on again momentarily. Kurt pulls his hair in frustration. Fair. He gets out of it more quickly this time, but a hip toss later, he's back on the mat and Shawn sticks a short arm scissors on instead. JR suggests Angle has been caught off guard because he did not prepare for a mat-based match with Michaels. He gets out of it with POWER, lifting Michaels up onto his shoulders! STRENGTH! It gets countered into a sunset flip and then a backslide, and then HBK goes back to the headlock. 

 

Punches in the corner time! Kurt got out of the headlock again and they trade punches before just grabbing each other with neither able to gain an advantage. Hebner physically pulls Michaels away by the arm which allows Angle to blindside him BECAUSE BRIAN HEBNER IS AN INSUFFERABLE CUNT. FUCK ALL THE HEBNERS. Angle tries the anklelock but Shawn gets a clothesline that sends Kurt outside the ring.

 

Ringside Brawl! European uppercuts by Angle, Shawn had the announce table set up and Kurt tries to suplex Michaels through it, but it gets countered, chops by Michaels, Angle gets him up for the Angle Slam… through the table? On the floor? NOOOOO FUUUUUUUUCK INTO THE RINGPOST RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BACK OOOOOOOOO SHAWN'S DONE. Bloody hell! Kurt rolls back in the ring as Hebner demonstrates the fact that after several years as a professional referee he's finally learned how to count to 10 instead of jumping outside with the wrestlers to shout at them like his dad.

 

Ringside Brawl part 2 as Angle works on Shawn's back and rolls him back in for a suplex and a 2 count. Bodyscissors time. Very sensible. Rubbing the forearm in the face, nasty but helpful. Bit of a chinlock in there as well - now THAT is from the playbook. Duelling chants again. It's astonishing how little they add to the atmosphere.

 

Michaels gets whipped into the turnbuckle and he does his flippy bump on there, and then hit with a belly to belly - "woo!" - and then a second but he kicks out. Neck chokey hold now applied but with a knee in the back as well. That'll teach you for trying to do mat wrestling against Kurt Angle!

 

I should point out that on the replay, it's very, very obvious that Michaels' back was in fact nowhere near the ringpost on that Angle Slam. It kind of hit the top of his leg a bit. I will elect to ignore this because it doesn't help the story of the match.

 

Michaels tried a comeback while I wrote that but Kurt took him down with his drop-down clothesline.

 

Shawn's popped up on the top rope for the belly to belly superplex (non-sprinty version) but Shawn pushes him away, tries for the big elbow, and misses. Straps are down, Angle Slam countered into an arm drag, back body drop, Kurt goes over the top for the Michinoku bump! It's been YEARS since he's managed to get all the way over on that, his legs always fold up underneath him and it can't be good for his knees.

 

And speaking of knees! Michaels just launched himself from the top rope in what should have been a cross body style dive but ended up just being a knee into Angle's head. Ouch. He climbs up on the apron, Angle's trying for the never-successful Apron German, Michaels ain't letting go of the ropes, many elbows are launched into Kurt's head which don't work, but a low blow does. HBK's getting booed here. Angle's kicked back onto the announce table… Michaels springboards off the second rope… dive onto the table! It doesn't break but he hits Kurt full on and they both go rolling over. Lawler notes that because the tables get broken so often, they reinforced them with steel tonight. You'd have thought they'd do that in 1995 after it happened the first time. Anyway, good excuse, and still a good move.

 

They clamber back into the ring on different sides at the count of 9 and Kurt has got blood gooping right out of his mouth in clumps, it's horrible, like a congealed Gangrel. They both stand and Michaels starts chopping and striking and hits the flying forearm, and they're both down but he kips up! He's not bleeding yet which is surprising for him in the mid 2000s. Clotheslines and body slams and I'm very concerned about how that blood from Kurt's mouth looked. Elbow hits this time, and the band gets tuned up… SWEET CHIN MUSIC IS CAUGHT! HE CAUGHT HIS FOOT! ANKLELOCK! Michaels tries to flip out, Kurt goes with it and keeps it on! He looks like he's wearing garish lipstick now but no matter! Michaels reaches for the ropes! Hebner gets his horrific face right in the shot! Twat! He gets a rope! Angle lets go and waits for Shawn to get up.

 

Angle Slam attempt countered… but Angle counters THAT into the anklelock again! Countered into a rollup! Sweet Chin Music, countered into an Angle Slam! Kick out and the straps go back up?! Oh, so he can pull them down again.

 

Wait wait wait…. HE'S GOING FOR THE MOONSAULT! IT'S BEEN YEARS! HE MISSES! Just like old times! I didn't think his body was able to do that move by this point. It maybe would have been better for him if he'd retired it. Michaels climbs up for a move of his own…. ANGLE SPRINTS UP, ANGLE SLAM OFF THE TOP ROPE! Shawn kicks out!

 

Angle grabs Michaels' head and yells at him in pure rage … Michaels hits Sweet Chin Music! Both men down.

 

Shawn does his 'sad basset hound' expression as he crawls over for a pin attempt. Something goes wrong in the kickout and the announcers struggle to cover for Brian Hebner's gargantuan ineptitude. 

 

Basset-Hound-2.jpg

Shawn Michaels here, pictured towards the end of a long match

 

While I was looking for a picture of Shawn there, Angle got the anklelock back on! Michaels is writhing in pain, he tries to kick it away, Angle keeps it on, he tries again, Angle keeps it on, Michaels is selling this BEAUTIFULLY, I honestly don't think anyone has sold the anklelock better than he's doing right here… GRAPEVINE! It's all on Shawn here, so utterly desperate not to tap out but Angle is JUST. NOT. LETTING. GO. JR is making this sound SO dramatic, it's great work from him too… he teases the tap out, he doesn't! He's trying to HBKulk Up… but he can't, he taps out! Kurt wins! He doesn't look in a good way, he looks a mess in fact. His body looks odd. And sweaty. Very sweaty.

 

Michaels gets the 'appreciative loser' ovation.

 

My thoughts:

Excellent match. There was a point where I was verging towards 'disappointed', because it hadn't grabbed me and hooked me like I had expected it to. And just when I thought I was out… THEY PULLED ME BACK IN! Basically from the point Kurt grabs Michaels' foot on the first Sweet Chin Music attempt onwards it's everything you expect and hope for and more. Very good stuff. And Kurt won, which has been a bit of a rarity recently!

 

Angle landmarks:

Final singles match at WrestleMania

First Angle Slam into the ringpost

First sprinting top-rope Angle Slam

 

PPV record so far:

24 wins by pinfall
16 wins by submission
1 win with ladder
1 team win (Survivor Series)
1 win by DQ
21 losses by pinfall
5 losses by submission
1 loss by unconsciousness
3 losses by elimination (Royal Rumble)
2 team losses (Survivor Series)
1 loss by countout
8 multi-man match losses (Angle not defeated)
 
 
 
Thirteen matches to go… twelve days to do it … do it for Kurt! 
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You arranged the downtime just to make for a nail-biting finish, right?

 

So the Hebners. Growing up they were THE WWF referees. It's who I thought of first. You are clearly not a fan. In fact, you criticise Hebrefs for being a bit dumb. WWE discourage certain old-school heel tactics because they make the officials look stupid.

 

So YOU'RE the reason we can't have good heels any more

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It's not that at all! A good referee can look dumb and not look an utterly odious idiot who doesn't deserve oxygen at the same time. Chioda could do it, Robinson could do it, Korderas, Doan, Patton, White, basically every other referee of this era could look dumb when necessary and not make it so obvious, hackneyed and attention-hogging. It is literally just the Hebners who can't do this. They are the worst. It's not the heel tactics. It's just them. Just them.

 

If Sgt Slaughter takes the Stone Cold Stunner terribly, and everyone else takes it fine, is the problem with everyone who takes a Stunner, the move itself, or Sarge?

 

Booo Hebners, yay every other referee ever. That's all I'm saying. They ruin matches. And not in the way they're supposed to.

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Onward, to bestiality kinda-racist Kurt Angle vs. Booker T from Judgment Day 2005. I … can't say I'm looking forward to this as much as the Michaels match.

 

The match:

Wow. Okay. As Angle's music starts he's sexually assaulting Sharmell, forcing her down onto a sofa, climbing on top of her with his hand over her mouth and basically telling her he can have her any time he wants. Vile. What the fuck were they thinking with this?

 

I mean, they're chanting "You Suck" but … quite frankly I'd rather switch off than watch anything to do with this.

 

Can I just skip this match and pretend Rapist Kurt never happened? 

 

Booker T's come out and is kicking the shit out of him which is good. I mean, did WWE really have no other way to make Kurt more heelish? Thank fuck for PG, I'll tell you that now.

 

Angle's bleeding from the mouth again. Why did he go along with this? Who thought that was a good storyline?

 

Angle fought back a bit and has put a chinlock on. Why the fuck, in storyline land, is any authority figure allowing that to go on and just think 'let's have Booker T wrestle him in a match, that'll teach him not to force himself on women'. We make jokes about Teddy Long being incompetent as a GM, but that's criminally negligent.

 

Booker T's beating up Angle again. 

 

AND THERE WERE CAMERAS THERE. I know they're supposed to be invisible, but what the FUCK?!

 

Sorry, I'm not watching this match at all. This rapist Angle angle (Angle angle, ha.) is without doubt the worst thing I've seen in this project, and has to rank up there if SCG ever does another 'scummy moments' podcast. I wrote a bloody dissertation for that episode and didn't even mention this. I think I must have blocked it out it's so repugnant.

 

Booker just hit a good scissors kick on Angle as he was draped over the top rope. Angle took it well as he flipped over to the outside. They're Ringside Brawling. Sorry, I'm struggling to get the image of Kurt Angle about to rape Sharmell out of my head. WHO IN WWE CAME UP WITH THAT AND THOUGHT 'YES, THAT'LL WORK'? Honestly.

 

Angle's controlling the match again. Suplex. So what's his game plan supposed to be here? If I beat Booker T, I have a right to have non-consensual sex with his wife and he can't do anything about it? Fucking just get the police in Booker. So if Booker beats him, does he have to sign a 'no rapes, promise' contract on SmackDown? There's nothing about this that works at all.

 

Especially because the match isn't actually that bad, and is probably quite good if you watched it without context or commentary. Booker fought out of another chinlock but got hit with a back suplex.

 

I'm beginning to understand why they moved him to Raw after this. Yeah it might have been to help Cena get into the main event properly, or to have the Michaels rematch. But it must have been partly to distance themselves as far as fucking possible from this. Why did KURT ANGLE agree to this? What snapped in him between him walking out at that ECW show in '96 and going "so in this backstage skit I sneak up on a woman and hold her down while I promise to fuck her against her will later? Yeah, sure, sounds good"?

 

Waistlock. Lot of holds in this match. Kurt's bleeding from the head as well now. Booker's doing some kind of weird Hulking Up type thing. He smacks Angle in the face and then kicks him.

 

Was fighting because Angle was annoyed about Booker costing him number 1 contendership not enough? 2017 WWE, you may often be dull and repetitive but I promise I'll be kinder to you in future.

 

Booker comeback in full effect, various kicks. Angle ducks the Scissors Kick, Booker counters the Angle Slam, Angle kicks out of the Book End.

 

WHY THE FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCK IS BOOKER T DOING A SPINAROONY RIGHT NOW NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY FUCKING SENSE AND I HATE IT MORE THAN EARL AND BRIAN HEBNER PUT TOGETHER.

 

Fuck's sake.

 

I really don't fucking care anymore. German Suplex, two, belly to belly, two count. Why is this match still going on. WHY DID BOOKER T BRING HIS WIFE TO THE SHOW IF HE KNOWS THERE'S A GUY THERE WHO WANTS TO RAPE HER?!

 

Oh. Booker countered the Angle Slam into a roll-up and won. So clearly it's now safe for Sharmell to come out and celebrate. Angle attacks Booker T with an Angle Slam and pulls the straps down. WHAT IS THIS SHIT. 

 

He grabs Sharmell by the hair and pulls her into the ring. She's on the ground screaming "no" while he drags her up, holds her by the throat, grabs her wrists and tries to handcuff her to the ropes, and I can't believe I just wrote that but it happened.

 

Booker got back in the ring anyway and handcuffed Angle to the ropes instead and then punched him a lot but no amount of punches will erase this shit from my mind. Sharmell slaps the fuck out of Angle and kicks him in the bollocks while snot comes out of his nose so I guess everything's fine and happy now and nobody will press charges or get suspended pending an investigation or anything.

 

They do a long Angle walk back up the aisle AND YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE POLICEMAN ACTING AS SECURITY WHERE THE FUCK WERE THEY AND WHY DID ANY OF THESE PEOPLE AGREE TO THIS ANGLE WHAT DID IT ADD TO ANYTHING ARGH.

 

Shit. SHIT.

 

My thoughts:

Yeah, wasn't really paying attention to the match, sorry. I hope I can block the whole thing out of my mind again.

 

Angle landmarks:

First Angle match based on an angle that disgusted me to the point of physical discomfort at having to watch any of it

 

PPV record so far:

24 wins by pinfall
16 wins by submission
1 win with ladder
1 team win (Survivor Series)
1 win by DQ
22 losses by pinfall
5 losses by submission
1 loss by unconsciousness
3 losses by elimination (Royal Rumble)
2 team losses (Survivor Series)
1 loss by countout
8 multi-man match losses (Angle not defeated)
 
 
 
Going to do another match tonight to try and get that backstage scene out of my head...
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Shawn Michaels rematch, cleanse me of the mess I just had to sit through.

 

Vengeance 2005, guys, what a card - Michaels/Angle II, Batista/Triple H in Hell In A Cell, Cena/Jericho/Christian at probably the peak of Christian's career, and I remember Benjamin/Carlito being decent and wanting to think Edge/Kane was decent even though I don't think it was, too.

 

 

The match:

I go into this match not knowing who wins, but assuming very strongly that Shawn gets his win back.

 

Unlike WrestleMania, Angle's out first, Coach and Lawler and JR not really bringing up what's been going on on SmackDown recently. Good. Let's all just pretend that never happened. Can we? Please?

 

Big cheers for HBK as he comes out. Boomboomboomboomboomboomboom pyro. They've got a very Vegas-y setup for this show and I think, twelve years on and I'm sure WWE will appreciate this if they're reading it, that they could have scrapped the 'Vengeance' name for this show and brought back Fully Loaded, which I want to think also had a dice or gambling theme.

 

Much less twatty crowd at this one than at WrestleMania, firmly on Shawn's side.

 

They tease a lockup, then they do, but it breaks up. They go again, Angle uses the lockup to do some takedowns and Shawn reaches the ropes. Like at WrestleMania. And just like at WrestleMania, Michaels goes straight to that side headlock! Angle gets out of it very quickly this time though.

 

"Angle Sucks" chant as they continue to lockup and breakup but soon there's some rope running, hip toss and arm drag from Michaels and the armlock he did at WrestleMania is back as well. Kurt reverses it this time, though, and adds a knee to the head. Angle targets the left arm by kneeing it and Shawn gets out of the ring and to the ramp to shake it off a bit.

 

Once he's back in, some chops send Angle out of the ring. He gets back in, takes Shawn down, tries to go for the leg and Shawn frantically kicks away and rolls out. He gets back in now, tries to avoid it again, Angle turns his anklelock attempt into a half crab and Shawn reaches the ropes. Cool 'anything to avoid the anklelock' stuff from Michaels. 

 

A twisting sunset flip from Michaels turns into a brief anklelock - but Michaels very quickly escapes and clotheslines Angle over the top rope to the floor. Ringside Brawl time - chops from Shawn, Angle tries for the Angle Slam into the ring post again, Michaels avoids it and GETS A GERMAN SUPLEX ONTO THE ANNOUNCE TABLE WHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOAAAAA WHOA that was BRUTAL.

 

Brutal!

 

Michaels kicks out though. Angle knees him in the face. Neckbreaker. Angle covers Michaels four times and he kicks out each time. His neck's being targeted now. Good Vibrations! The version without the vibrations, anyway.

 

A European uppercut sends Shawn flailing into the corner. Kurt's trying to keep him there with punches but HBK keeps fighting back so Angle POWERBOMBS HIM INTO THE TURNBUCKLE but doesn't end his career with it like Seth Rollins tends to do. I think I've already said that in this thread somewhere.

 

Chinlock City and it looks like Michaels has got a massive bump on his head. I predict blood by match's end. Michaels fights back, hits another chop - JR says he keeps doing them because he knows Kurt hates them - but misses a charge into the turnbuckle and gets a German Suplex for his trouble. Angle Slam countered into arm drag, Angle responds with clothesline. Like WrestleMania? Two separate parts of WrestleMania?

 

Michaels popped on the top turnbuckle, belly to belly superplex attempted - like WrestleMania - and Angle is knocked down - like WrestleMania! Instead of trying the elbow though, Michaels just jumps off and gets hit with a belly to belly for 2.

 

Chinlock's back - but a standing version! Then down to their knees. Then onto the ground. We are staying in Chinlock City for a while now, I expect, as Angle relaxes into it and Michaels just kind of lies there.

 

Oh! Maybe not, he fought out of it and hit a back suplex, which, as JR points out (he was good when he was good, wasn't he?) is 'right out of Kurt Angle's playbook'. Punches exchanged which Shawn gets the better of, flying forearm….. and quite a long wait before the kip up this time. Jack Doan gets to 7 before he does it, and Angle got up first. Inverted atomic drop and a clothesline, and a bodyslam, and a looooong time climbing up to the top rope for the elbow, but it still connects! More staaaaaaaaaaallllliing and much playing to the crowd before tuning up the band and there's Kurt with a clothesline which'll teach you for taking so long there, Shawn.

 

Stampy stamps but this time the Angle Slam's countered into a tornado DDT, this time it's Michaels' time to do loads of covers at once and Kurt to kick out. JR says Kurt's bleeding from the mouth. Again. He needs to get that looked at, that's, what, three matches in a row now it's happened?

 

German Suplex! Will the record of seven be broken? Nope, Shawn just elbowed Angle full on in the nose - FUCK check out the slow motion replay on that because FOOOO that was stiff, just full on in the nose - then kicked out of the Angle Slam.

 

Anklelock gets locked in, and we get the power-out-ref-down bump. Kurt sends Shawn flying over the top rope in a nasty fashion. Fans in the front row are shouting at him to shake it off and get up, the trainer comes to check on him and he swats the guy away, then some more trainers come out - he's done his knee in, it looks like - but Angle drags him back in and the straps are down which I don't think they were before. Anklelock's back in and Doan's back up and immediately back into work mode. Pro.

 

The kick out of the move doesn't work because Angle keeps it on - like WrestleMania! The camera angles aren't quite as good as at Mania so we don't get as full a sense of Shawn's anguish and pain but that's okay because he does manage to get out of it this time, sending Kurt to the ring post for a shoulder bump. "HBK" chant. Sweet Chin Music and they're both down! And Kurt kicks out!

 

He's heading up to the top rope himself now. Doesn't look like Moonsault territory… nope, he kind of just jumped off so Shawn could hit another Sweet Chin Music and get the three count. That was … kind of a little bit contrived, actually. A suitable ending but not as good as it could/should have been.

 

Doan has to help Angle out of the ring, and he looks genuinely hurt. Then we cut to a Great American Bash advert and Torrie Wilson and where was I what happened all thoughts of anything other than Torrie gone from my mind I'm suddenly 14 again.

 

My thoughts:

As good as the WrestleMania match, without a doubt. A lot of callbacks to that match - I was writing 'like WrestleMania' so often above it reminded me of this

 

 

but enough that was new and different to make it much more than just a standard rematch. Again, excellent stuff. Little bit disappointed by the finish, I won't lie - it just didn't seem natural for Kurt to launch himself from the top rope with no apparent intent other than to be hit with Sweet Chin Music - but other than that, very little to dislike here.

 

And zero mention of his recent SmackDown storylines. Good.

 

Angle landmarks:

First German Suplex into an announce table

 

PPV record so far:

24 wins by pinfall
16 wins by submission
1 win with ladder
1 team win (Survivor Series)
1 win by DQ
23 losses by pinfall
5 losses by submission
1 loss by unconsciousness
3 losses by elimination (Royal Rumble)
2 team losses (Survivor Series)
1 loss by countout
8 multi-man match losses (Angle not defeated)
 
 
 
I believe our next match is from Summerslam, Angle against… Eugene? Alright then.
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Summerslam 2005, Kurt Angle vs. Eugene. Two things:

 

1) i haven't watched a Eugene match in years and years and years and years, and rarely watched them anyway because it wasn't often I'd see a Raw-only PPV at the time.

2) How far down the pecking order must this match have been? Hogan/Michaels, Cena/Jericho, Taker/Orton, Rey/Eddie and arguably Hardy/Edge and JBL/Batista had more importance than Kurt Angle here.

 

Okay, three things:

 

3) I love the early-to-mid-2000s Summerslam logo so much. So much. I want it back.

 

 

The match:

Eugene gets an odd reaction as he comes out. They don't want to cheer him, but they can't boo him either because they'd look like bastards. Christy Hemme is out with him, and he's got Kurt Angle's gold medal around his neck? The fuck was Kurt playing at in 2005? That's the actual actual medal as well? What?! What an awful thing the Eugene gimmick is. Hated it at the time, still do.

 

The pyro guys miss his cue for Angle's fireworks. He walks in the ring and starts beating the fuck out of Eugene. Big slap to start, punches and kicks and stamps in the corner. He's never lost a one-on-one match at Summerslam, says JR. Clothesline. He looks pissed off. Eugene won the gold medal in the Angle Invitational! Oh, I understand now. Eugene hits a spine buster and tries the People's Elbow but doesn't hit it because Angle clotheslines his face off.

 

Ah, the Invitational matches last 3 minutes which is why they made a point of this one having no time limit.

 

Angle hits two German Suplexes on Eugene - the second one is nasty - and then knees him in the face while he's down. "Let's go Angle" chants, and the crowd have decided they don't care if they seem like bastards and start booing Eugene's comeback. Which doesn't last long because he eats another nasty German.

 

Eugene does his Hulk Up style comeback and hits a Rock Bottom for a two-count that was FAR too close. He tries a Stunner but Angle can't get the Angle Slam and so Eugene gets the Stunner the second time but Angle kicks out again. Eugene pretends to pull the straps down and locks in the Anklelock, which is only going to make Angry Angle angrier. There you are, have an Angle Slam. Straps down, Anklelock in, Eugene taps straight away. 

 

As it should be.

 

Afterwards, Angle gets a chair and stands on it as Chioda returns his medal to him. He gets a standing ovation.

 

As it should be.

 

My thoughts:

That was basically a Kurt Angle squash match. I liked it quite a lot. Kurt needed a match like that after the second half of 2004 and the Booker T debacle.

 

Angle landmarks:

Final Summerslam

 

PPV record so far:

24 wins by pinfall
17 wins by submission
1 win with ladder
1 team win (Survivor Series)
1 win by DQ
23 losses by pinfall
5 losses by submission
1 loss by unconsciousness
3 losses by elimination (Royal Rumble)
2 team losses (Survivor Series)
1 loss by countout
8 multi-man match losses (Angle not defeated)
 
 
That was nice and quick. But I'm tired so it's just the one match tonight.
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Lol Eugene, rotten gimmick but they did do some genuinely compelling stuff with him early on, he was over as shit and then it was over as quickly as it began

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