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Getting Turned on by Torvill and Dean


Gus Mears

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Oh Guy, you'll like this. Croydon is going one better this year, they have THE KING turning on the Christmas lights. Alan Pardew himself!

 

http://www.croydonadvertiser.co.uk/find-out-who-is-switching-on-croydon-s-christmas-lights-this-year/story-29794528-detail/story.html

 

Well, him and Scott Dann are doing some of them. X Factor finalists Reggie 'N' Bollie are doing some others and PAW Patrol are doing the rest. Croydon is the place to be it seems. They even had Steve McFadden one year, that's a fucking top choice right there. They should've brought him back this year, in his digger.

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Sorry for the double post, but this is of vital importance. Find out who is turning on the lights for British cities here!: http://www.findmeagift.co.uk/topics/christmas-lights-switch-on

 

Two members of S Club in Hereford, three members of 5ive in Lancaster. That's what I'm talking about.

 

Perth fucking wins. Look at that line-up.

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Chris buggering Kamara doing the lights in Wakefield!?  If I were him, I'd get down the clap clinic for a good long look, because there is obviously fucking nothing he won't do for a couple of hundred quid. Adverts on Sky Sports are basically the Chris Kamara Power Hour now. 

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Carlisle has Ben Haenow.

The list on that site doesn't seem to be comprehensive, as Carlisle has one or two other X Factor/BGT alumni advertised elsewhere, in addition to the guy who dreams of brutally murdering every member of Crowded House.

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Crewe's lights got switched on by the mayor. I know they tried to get Adam Woodyatt to do it last year but he wanted too much cash, even though he was in panto here at the time.

 

When you're priced out of Woodyatt you know the town's suffering.

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It obviously isn't bloody comprehensive. We've been sold a right kipper by young PunkStep here. Where the fucking fuck are Torvill and fucking Dean on that fucking list?

Maybe they've pulled out after realising Chippenham's unworthy of their star power and you fans can stick it, brother. That's what it really means to be turned on by Torvill and Dean.

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WCW would still be in business if Torvill and Dean had been the third man. Sure, they are two people and one of them was a woman, but Chris Dean hitting Randy Savage with the big triple-pirouette leg would have been the shot heard around the world. 

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