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The best thing you've won..


Drfunke

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An Apple iMac. It was the first Christmas party in a new job where I'd only been there a few weeks and suppliers were donating prizes like laptops, TVs and other IT type stuff. Everyone at the party/conference had their name put in a had and mine was pulled out first. It's still going strong 9 years on.

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When I was a little kid my Dad's girlfriend stayed up all weekend on speed and entered fuck loads of competitions on the radio. I came home to find two Playstations and two N64s. This was when they were super hot shit and obviously having two of each made me the most badass kid at school. Most kids didn't even have one so this was amazing. Before that I had been the poor kid who never had anything, so obviously I was on top of the world now.

 

When the phone bill came it turned out she had spent an absolute fortune and we had to sell them all so we wouldn't starve to death. Obviously I didn't tell any of the kids from school and just started massive arguments or fights with them so they wouldn't want to come play at my house

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I won the Mr Personality award at Haven holiday camp when I was 13.

In my head all I can see is you and a blue coat on stage:

 

So, what's your name?

 

Steve.

 

And what do you like to do Steve?

 

I like to sit on the toilet, without the seat down, facing the cistern and using it as a table for a bespoke fecal themed jigsaw.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner.

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I won the album Seed of Decades by Sixty Watt Shaman in a Total Rock Radio contest. The cd itself was not a valuable item, but I would have never have heard of the band or given them a chance probably had it not been for randomly winning the cd, and I ended up loving it and it did the rounds with all my mates too so all in all I consider that a great success.

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Back in the day, with the oul band, we won The Panasonic Soundblast Awards Dublin finals which gave us the opportunity to play in the Clapham Grand in London on a show broadcast on ITV (albeit at half three in the morning) hosted by Jools Holland, with Bob Geldof, Jamiroquai, Terrorvision, some Dire Straits cunt, a Waterboy and a few others in attendance.

After which, a 16 year old me got absolutely annihilated drunk with Terrorvision and had Stuart Zender bumming smokes off me, and every time he did I would tell him ‘he was the best looking man I had ever seen in my life, but I’m not gay, like...’

Also, a Commitments book signed by Roddy Doyle when I was 11.

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