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Sergio Mendacious

Doomed anecdotal megathread #2

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Was putting up some goalposts for a school cup match last night at our football ground. I was being "helped" by an 80yo bloke, Pete, (my predecessor as club sec) and his mate, Mac, who is 70-odd.

Pete's struggling to get the stanchion into the goal, turns to Mac and says "I wish all holes were this tight, eh, Mac?" and Mac comes back with "Bit of KY Jelly sort that out, eh, Pete?"

I vomited.

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Nothing I love more at 17:00 on a Friday night than when I’ve my coat and bag on, halfway out the door, before being accosted by the cleaner and subjected to a lengthy (and I’ve no reason to dispute, well-informed) rant about corona virus, police corruption and Pakistani sex gangs.

...and the Royals.

...and the Labour Party.

 

Edited by John Matrix

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1 minute ago, John Matrix said:

before being accosted by the cleaner and subjected to a lengthy (and I’ve no reason to dispute, well-informed) rant about corona virus, police corruption and Pakistani sex gangs.

Cleaning is a bit of a career change for Tommy Robinson

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4 minutes ago, John Matrix said:

Nothing I love more at 17:00 on a Friday night than when I’ve my coat and bag on, halfway out the door, before being accosted by the cleaner and subjected to a lengthy (and I’ve no reason to dispute, well-informed) rant about corona virus, police corruption and Pakistani sex gangs.

...and the Royals.

...and the Labour Party.

 

One of the weirdos in the playground the other day could be heard muttering that Corona virus was a cover up for something else "Remember SARS? That was the same" I fucking hate the school pick up.

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9 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

One of the weirdos in the playground the other day could be heard muttering that Corona virus was a cover up for something else "Remember SARS? That was the same" I fucking hate the school pick up.

Yeah someone at work thinks coronavirus might have been orchestrated as a population-control cull. Thinks someone has developed this virus just to target the elderly. She then went on to add 'How many Russians have it? They haven't said have they? They're probably doing it"

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So based on everything that’s going on, I’m currently in the office with my boss. I’m normally delivering sessions or similar in one of our other venues but today I’m in the office with him, just the two of us, this should be fun.

He’s a good bloke, a bit odd, but sound. He likes to get his point across, and does in interesting and peculiar ways.

He’ll sit quietly and pop up with 1 liners, somewhat related to a topic of conversation from an hour ago. He has just done this in regards to the virus, in an agitated tone...

“Not even the boot sales are safe. Once upon a time I bought 3 hammers, a fishing rod and a shed from a boot sale, but this virus takes no prisoners”. Then head down, back to work, no option to discuss his points.

He has been whistling the chorus to Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer on repeat since I got in at 8.00am. 

He sprinted out of the office and ran down the street after Simon, to give him a jar of mango chutney. He has a box full and wants to ensure everyone in the office gets one.

It’s not even 10.00am yet and it’s the most entertained/concerned day of work I’ve ever had.

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15 hours ago, SuperBacon said:

Guaranteed you'll be stapling sausages to doors by 11.

If they don't have a sausage will a bit of tape to the fridge work?

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Thought I'd use this whole lockdown situation to do something productive and attempt to learn to play the acoustic guitar that Mrs Divorced Dad complains clutters up the spare room. 

Does anyone know of any good online tutorials/websites/YouTube channels for learning guitar? I'd be starting from the very very basics. 

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39 minutes ago, Divorced Dad said:

Thought I'd use this whole lockdown situation to do something productive and attempt to learn to play the acoustic guitar that Mrs Divorced Dad complains clutters up the spare room. 

Does anyone know of any good online tutorials/websites/YouTube channels for learning guitar? I'd be starting from the very very basics. 

JustinGuitar is probably your best bet

https://www.youtube.com/user/JustinSandercoe

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