Remembering Ready To Rumble

[Kaz Hayashi]

Fuckin hell mate, really? A full show about it?... You brave fuckers.

 

Will defo give it a whirl but bloody hell.

 

I remember watching it and being highly confused about what on earth I was watching. Apart from being terrible, it was horrific.

 

I went it to it thinking 'wrestling related... Interesting'. I came out if it thinking, 'I hope there's something better to watch, like tele shopping, or static'.

I hated it. It's like a cross between a channel 5 special, and an Adam Sandler film, only after a release following a hefty sentence.

[DCW]

I got Ready to Rumble on video from video corner, which was literally a newsagents with videos in one tiny corner. Must have been around 12/13, and only knew the WCW lads names from Power Slam. Thought it was decent enough at the time, but remember being confused by Goldberg (WCW's biggest star to my knowledge back then) having such a tiny part in it.

 

Also remember that annoying Lit song, and Jimmy The Kings wife being one of the aunts off Sabrina the teenage witch. Re-watched R2R a few years ago when the OSW lads reviewed it, and still found it amusing, in a crap sort of way.

[Polish Dad]

My only memory of this film is Alex Shane bollocking a load of us for watching it instead of being in the gym on the fourth day of a weeklong training camp. The bollocking was actually more enjoyable than the film, iirc.

[HarmonicGenerator]

Tonight I watched Ready To Rumble for the very first time. I blame you, Liam.

 

 

I took some notes while I watched.

 

 - David Arquette is the worst example of every bad stereotype of wrestling fans. He's an idiot, he's a redneck, he's a pervert… In the scene where he loses his virginity - for fuck's sake, he has to be a virgin as well! - with Rose McGowan (who, by the way, did NOT need to go all the way with him just to cement her heel turn a few minutes later), I could only think, the fuck does Rose McGowan ever go fucking near that character in any fucking universe. Fucking hell. No level of neckbeard wish fulfilment could be this unbelievable. There’s more chance of Alexa Bliss seeing sense and heading over the Atlantic to seek me out than this ever happening. Fuck’s sake. He's what Pitcos sees when he thinks of wrestling fans.

 

- Speaking of heel turns. There's a LOT of heel turns in this film. All the guys turn on King at the start, then McGowan turns, then Jimmy's son turns heel after doing a run-in in the Triple Cage Match… at least that's true to WCW!

 

 - They seemed to have a problem with when the wrestling was meant to be predetermined and when it wasn't. Arquette's screaming “WRESTLING’S NOT FAAAAAKE!” at the start, so naturally the first instance of wrestlers in the film, they’re discussing the finish of a match. The first King-DDP match has blatant spot-calling, until it turns into a shoot and DDP slingshots him over the top rope through a table. 

 

(Incidentally, that match continues with a chairshot, low blow, six or seven run-ins and a ref bump, but there's no DQ called. WCW!)

 

King assaults DDP backstage on the following Nitro – in an admittedly not bad brawl – which suddenly became a Falls Count Anywhere match FOR THE TITLE?! I didn’t watch 2000 WCW but this wouldn’t have surprised me if it had actually happened on a Nitro.

 

All the matches are scripted and 100% predetermined, except when they're not, and then they're 100% shoots. Even in the Triple Cage Match - which is a shoot - it's not a shoot, because DDP breaks kayfabe and no-sells the salt to the face!

 

And then after the match, Mean Gene wants to know if King's going to unify the WCW title with the tag belts. Because that's how that works.

 

 - The fact Arquette and Scott Caan are driving a literal wagon of shit around with them is an appropriate metaphor for the film.

 

 - It seemed to me that whoever wrote this might have actually been WWE viewers rather than WCW. We get Austin's can of whupass catchphrase, we get a 'rest in peace', they go to New York (because nothing says WCW like New York), and there's even a rip-off of The Kat with Pretty Kitty (who never turns up again and whose only function is to strip off. So yeah, like The Kat then.)

 

 - The baddie, whose name I really should have picked up at some point, says of the fans, "they're morons. They'll love who I tell them to love". Well, they got that right, it sounds a pretty accurate part of wrestling to me!

 

 - Sal Bandini's got a great gimmick. Showing up Boogeyman-like in unexpected places shouting "wanna wrestle?!" I'd watch. Likewise, Fireman Fred would have gone down a storm in 1995.

 

 - Sting and Goldberg both looked utter badasses when they were on screen. Even in this farce, they ooze genuine star power. When Sting made the save in the main event, that was my shining light of the whole film. Fuck yes Sting! Goldberg was ace, I might have to watch two hours of his squashes to erase this film from my mind (and whoever thought putting him onscreen with Oliver Platt and still expecting us to suspend disbelief to the point where we could consider Platt a viable champion compared to Goldberg must have lost their mind.)

 

 - That ladder shot killed Rose McGowan, right? She's not blinking or breathing afterwards, and you never see her again. That's dark.

 

 

 

I think SCG should set up a spin-off podcast inspired by / ripping off The Worst Idea Of All Time, where two guys watch the same terrible movie every week for a year and review it in a podcast each time. I'd listen to that.

 

 

To end, the one lesson I'll take away from Ready To Rumble.. a diamond upside down is a pussy.

[IANdrewDiceClay]

I'm probably one of the few people on earth who didnt mind this film. Always liked WCW when I was younger, so the idea of seeing Van Hammer on the big screen was something of a thrill. Sure its absolute garbage, but its not like WCW weekly television was getting nominated for an Emmy at the time either.

 

Arquette makes me want to vomit in this. Worse than he is usually, but its the WCW stars we came to see. Noticable by their absence is Hulk Hogan and Kevin Nash. Who I assume werent marks for themselves and realised they could earn more money not being in this shit film, than if they were and missed other work. For all the good work Diamond Dallas Page has done over the last few years with Scott Hall and Jake Roberts and all those old fat women on his website, this movie sums up why you could understand Scott Steiner trying to remove DDP's eye from its socket. He's such a smug twat in this, and you know that he was probably chewing the producers ear off telling him he knows Bon Jovi just to get him more speaking parts. Goldberg is brain dead as well. The wrestlers who got speaking roles kinda has that vibe WCW had at the time. That this maybe dreadful but at least the money is coming in.

 

What's hilarious to me is, The King is double crossed, black balled and then starts living in a caravan that looks like he won it on Bully's Prize Board. I get the film isnt worth thinking about enough to even question how mental it is, but he gets doubled crossed and a few days later he's living in a caravan? He was the WCW champion for fucks sake. That's a 7 figure deal guaranteed. And if he isnt delivering the goods and they black ball him, what's he done with all his money? The money WCW was paying to its headliners would have seen him through a few years, how ever many kids he had to pay for. Even Jim Neidhart had a few good years before he started living on Bruce Hart's floor.

 

If you cut out the beginning, middle and a bit of the end, its not that bad. Although Golberg, Booker T, Billy Kidman and Disco Inferno making the save at the end was obviously written by a non-wrestling fan. When I'm in my hour of need, I hope Glenn Gilberti in a fury hat isnt there to get me through it.

 

Awesome soundtrack, though. It tends to be the case that most horrible films have great soundtracks. "Jump Around" by House of Pain. "Girls, Girls, Girls" by Motley Crue. "Last Resort" by Papa Roach. And Biff Naked's cover of "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister. Its a great album. The film probably would have been better if it was just a 90 minute film of Sycho Sid and John Cena lifting weights to "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit.

[bAzTNM#1]

Aye, John Cena is in it for some reason. Only thing I remember from the film really. Cena is in the gym from what I remember.

[WyattSheepMask]

Would Cena have been training at The Powerplant at the time? Then go to UPW and OVW after the buyout?

[bAzTNM#1]

More than likely. He was jacked back in the day too.

[Liam O'Rourke]

I want to thank everybody for the contributions, we got to read many of them on the show, which can be heard at the followink link:

http://squaredcirclegazette.podbean.com/mf/web/k85in9/SCG_Radio_84_-_At_The_Movies_-_Ready_To_Rumble.mp3

Join us for SCG's first trip to the movies! We're talking Ready To Rumble this week, WCW's ill-advised contribution to the silver screen starring David Arquette, Scott Caan and Oliver Platt. We give the film a full walkthrough and review, discussing the fine details of the movie (ahem), and take your feedback as well, discussing your experiences watching, expectations going in, high and low points and much more. An extremely fun show to do this week, we hope you enjoy - check it out and let us know what you think!

[tiger_rick]

Really enjoyed the show. So much shite that I'd forgotten ever existed. My brother and I are talking about watching it late Saturday night when we get back from the play-off final, hopefully pissed and promoted. I mentioned the show to him and he said he's downloaded it but not listened because he's never seen the film.

 

Loved the built towards the end when a glowing feedback stated something like "only wrestling fans would appreciate this film" and in the background you just hear Kieran's exasperated "Fucking hell".

 

I tend not to read the feedback on here (spoilers!) so I'm often hearing it for the first time on the show. Thought AlexWrightMark's was really, really good.

 

Couple of years ago, my brother and I were in a club before going to Wembley to watch City. We were talking about a Hull City podcast that he's a regular listener of and I've been on a few times guesting. I spotted the guys who do the pod and they came over for a chat. My brother was a babbling mess, like he'd just bumped into Michael Jackson and Princess Diana's ghosts. I thought he was a muppet. However, if I bumped into Liam O'Rourke, I'd barely be able to manage to beg for an autograph and a photo! Keep up the good work, chaps.

[Liam O'Rourke]

Rick, you lovely bastard B-)

 

I thought the feedback was really dead on for this show actually, even if some of it was about as far away from my own opinion as possible, I'm glad we got a range - showed the variance between those who see it as a piece of shit, and the fact that there are actually people who associate it with fond nostalgia, which I didn't expect in a million years.

[WWFChilli]

I wasn't really feeling the concept. I think it was Kieran (?) who just tried to too hard to curry a rant at the end, and Old Man Jones legit sounded so uninterested by revisiting it. Never a fan of Luke much. Matt Holt is great though, I'd like to see him appear more.

 

It seemed like everyone wasn't feeling this one. Hilarious in places however. The feedback was surprising.

[air_raid]

I never saw the film, but I enjoyed the podcast. Listening to you lot hammering WCW always warms my soul, currently coinciding as it is with a very gradual re-read of the Reynolds book on the occasional bus ride or (very occasional) quiet lunch break at work. Fucking idiots.

[Nick Soapdish]

I wasn't really feeling the concept. I think it was Kieran (?) who just tried to too hard to curry a rant at the end, and Old Man Jones legit sounded so uninterested by revisiting it. Never a fan of Luke much. Matt Holt is great though, I'd like to see him appear more.

 

It seemed like everyone wasn't feeling this one. Hilarious in places however. The feedback was surprising.

Completely disagree. I thought it was an excellent episode, kept me smiling and laughing throughout, and unexpected shout out so that was a nice surprise

[tiger_rick]

 

I wasn't really feeling the concept. I think it was Kieran (?) who just tried to too hard to curry a rant at the end, and Old Man Jones legit sounded so uninterested by revisiting it. Never a fan of Luke much. Matt Holt is great though, I'd like to see him appear more.

 

It seemed like everyone wasn't feeling this one. Hilarious in places however. The feedback was surprising.

Completely disagree. I thought it was an excellent episode, kept me smiling and laughing throughout, and unexpected shout out so that was a nice surprise

 

Agree. I like Luke too. He doesn't say much but what he says is normally well considered.

 

The one I can take or leave is Chase. That maybe being harsh because I just don't agree with a lot of his views though. He seems like a proper redditor.