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Best promo/commentary zingers


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The Brain is on fire at SummerSlam 91. Monsoon asks him words to the effect of "If you were managing the Bushwhackers, what would your strategy be in this match (against the Natural Disasters)" and without missing a beat Bobby replies "If I was managing the Bushwhackers I'd commit suicide."

 

Earlier in the show he plays a blinder in general in the Intercontinental title match but his winding up of Piper is beautiful. "I heard a rumour that your mom and dad ran away from home" and so on.

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Brain: Tell ya what, Schiavone. Let's make a wager in the Superbowl for fifty bucks. I'll take the Cowboys and you take the Bills.

 

Schiavone: The Superbowl was two months ago.

 

Brain: Who won?

 

Schiavone: The Cowboys

 

Brain: You owe me fifty bucks.  

 

Another favourite is from Prime Time wrestling. Jamison has been on but started choking on some chewing gum as they cut to a match. When it goes back to the studio Jamison has been taken to a hospital and they move on, anyway at the end Heenan gets a call and seems to be really upset and near tears.

 

They ask him how Jamison is and Heenan is almost too distraught to speak, before quickly mumbling "he's alive" and holding his head in despair.  Just masterful comic timing. Even Vince can't hold back a laugh.

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The Brain is on fire at SummerSlam 91. Monsoon asks him words to the effect of "If you were managing the Bushwhackers, what would your strategy be in this match (against the Natural Disasters)" and without missing a beat Bobby replies "If I was managing the Bushwhackers I'd commit suicide."

 

Earlier in the show he plays a blinder in general in the Intercontinental title match but his winding up of Piper is beautiful. "I heard a rumour that your mom and dad ran away from home" and so on.

He has one on Virgil on that show that would be an instant firing in this day and age. They're talking about the money he made from DiBiase or something, and Heenan says "I hope Virgil didn't do something stupid like put a down payment on a boom box."

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Bobby Heenan from a run of Wrestlemania VII to Survivor Series 1993 is absolutely outstanding. He's on fire, his rant during the Tatanka match over Flair losing the title is phenomenal.

 

Currently watching Mid South so must drop this corker from Cornette talking about Koko Ware getting a $10,000 fine.

 

CORNY: He don't have $10,000 Jim Ross, he's so broke he can barely pay attention, nevermind pay a fine'.

 

And an underated Heenan line.

 

BRAIN: Whose the captain of the team?

GORILLA: I think it's Luke.

BRAIN: LUKE!!!!

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What's the one where Matt Striker said on commentary that Lawler only got the squillion titles he held down there in Memphis because he owned the company? Was it on Raw? Jerry was PISSED.

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I was watching a little highlight package of Heenan's induction speech into the Hall Of Fame yesterday, and that 2 minute extract had me in stitches.

 

Pure Ray Liotta laugh from Shane McMahon at the end there.

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Bobby Heenan talking about Virgil WM 7 - 'He's got more moves than the Temptations'

 

Bobby Heenan talking about the female fan crying at the reunion of Macho and Liz WM 7 - 'Maybe her shoes are to tight'

 

Jerry Lawler talking about Jose Lothario In Your House 10 - 'He's so old he has a signed copy of the bible' and 'He's so old his social security number is 1'

 

Jerry Lawler talking to Vince McMahon and in regards to Mark Henry debut I believe at In Your House 10 - 'You should join the Olympics as a Javelin catcher'

 

Bobby Heenan talking about Stu Hart (not sure when it was) 'Stu trained all his kids, they all know how to use the litterbox'

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Heenan at HOF: you'll have to excuse the way I talk (momentary pause) I have a wedgy

 

Heenan (to Harley Race): Harley! Wake up! You keep looking like that they'll throw dirt on you!

 

Heenan (talking about his start in WWF): then there was Arnie Skaaland...who was 75 then! (Camera cuts to Skaaland pissing himself)

 

Heenan (still talking about his start): there was Lou Albano, who refused to be fired

 

Heenan (talking about the biz): it was a new era. No kayfabe. We could kayfabe in public. And some of us kayfabed in private....right Gene? (Camera cuts to Mean Gene shifting awkwardly in his chair)

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