Your Wrestling Guilty Pleasure

[Keith Houchen]

So did Kurt Angle, actually I loved goofy Kurt so much that I couldn't take him seriously as a badass.

[CleetusVanDamme]

The pie-eating contest part of the redneck triathlon might be the most tasteless, disgusting and embarrassing bit of wrestling comedy ever, but it still always destroys me. I think it's Bischoff's face that does it, while Mae Young chases him about doing crotch chops and licking her fingers that are making a V-sign.

 

The fact that Mae heard about Bischoff complaining about having to do it, so she stuffed her pants with fish just to fuck with him more makes it even better/worse.

[Sergio Mendacious]

Guilt is for losers and paedophiles, but my love for everything about Kevin Sullivan is often misunderstood. He was good for about ten seconds - five of them right at the start of the occult angle in Florida, and the other half as the weird svengali of the Varsity Club. The rest of his stuff is nonsense - once big Dust was out of Florida, that gimmick was basically done, but lived on for years, and the Dungeon of Doom was the best-worst thing ever. I love him.

[theringmaster]

Could do so many here

 

WCW in the dyeing days So many random guys coming and going, random storylines (Disco inferno trying to put a bet on his match only to be told no because wrestling is fake still remains my no1 wtf? moment in wrestling script writing), so many face/heel turns. A video game being released which never had a wrestling ring!(the last wcw game to be released I believe). It was all just a wonderful mess. Oh and I just LOVED the triple cage matches, seriously I wish they could put it in a video game

 

Womens wrestling from 2000-2009ish. I always enjoyed the B+P matches, swimming pool etc. The storylines were fantastically trashy (Torrie/Dawn Marie)and there was something satisfying about seeing the bitchy heel getting her clothes ripped off and running away trying to cover herself up.

 

Now I'm all for this modern era of womens wrestling, during the above era I did feel sorry for the Molly Holly's, Beth Phoenix's etc. but I see no reason why there can't be both 'styles' of women wrestling

 

Backyard wrestling video game I loved this game, I literally played it all summer once when I was jobless, I just couldn't get enough of it (and no I was not on drugs and very little drink was involved)

 

 

[Slapnuts]

 

WCW was randomly awesome most of the time

[Briefcase]

I will probably be laughed out of town but I love the Accession. 

 

I'm not saying Connor & Victor are the best in the ring or anything but as a gimmick I think they could be a lot better, the music/entrance I think is pretty cool and the ring attire just looks like something in a dodgy 80s film but I like them.

 

On a similar note I like the VaudeVillians and am a fan of gimmicks and different entrances. 

[Sergio Mendacious]

Tylene Buck - I felt shame about her many times

[theringmaster]

 

WCW was randomly awesome most of the time

What a thing of beauty!!!!! Bring it back WWE!

[PowerButchi]

"WOAH, THE WORLD'S TURNING. THE STOCK'S UP! THE YEN'S UP! AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS UP? THE UWF!"

 

Those words were uttered by Dr Steve Steve Williams, as he span around in a circle cutting a promo for one of my favourite promotions ever - Herb Abrams UWF. The talent roster was amazing. Dr Death, Bob Orton, Cactus Jack, Don Muraco, Col DeBeers, Bam Bam Bigelow, Ivan Koloff, Nikita Koloff, Larry Z, Ken Patera, Jimmy Jack Haynes, and many more. Does that whet your appetite? Well it shouldn't. On youtube there's a video which is called "That which is Abrams UWF" and I suggest you watch it to get a feel for it, but if you aren't enough of a bare chested, knife fighting, two cocked maverick renegade to then I'll describe it. And this is from memory as I love it so much.

 

It starts with a shot of the UWF logo, which isn't in the screen properly, and Herb Abrmas announcing a SPECIAL REPORT about everything which is going on with COLONEL RED and his world. Screen goes a putrid colour of orange and amazingly cheap typeface announces "COLONEL RED'S CORNER" zooming out of the screen as 2 seconds of the theme from Great American Bash 88 plays and then it crashes terribly into a mid sentence Colonel Red talking about how he gets to pick who he gets to interview. Colonel Red is a man in a Col Sanders suit with a pastel blue waistcoat, bleach blonde mullet, and a pimp stick. Anyway HE WILL NOT INTERVIEW JIMMY VALIANT! He goes on to say "He owns this corner" which would give credence to the pimp stick I suppose, tricking out whichever ladies hAVE BEEN DOING COKE WITH hERB THAT NIGHT. Herb comes out and says no! Colonel Red you have to interview Jimmy Valiant! Next week! You have to interview him. And Red says "no!", he doesn't want to interview Valiant. Herb says he does. Red tells him to sod off. Because for some reason he really doesn't want to interview Jimmy Valiant. Herb says tough titties you're interviewing him next week and if you don't you'll be getting your cards so Red spits at Abrams.

 

We cut to next week via another subtle edit. Red has put it IN WRITING that he will not, repeat, will not interview JIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMYYYY VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALIANT!!!! So here comes HERB! Herb says you have to interview Jimmy Valiant, and Red tells Herb to go fuck himself and they shout at anothjer THEN JIMMY VALIANT SNEAKS UP ON RED FROM BEHIND! All 5 stone of him, wearing what appears to be a sock on his head. THEN IVAN KOLOFF COMES OUT IN WHAT HERB PROCLAIMS (as he's also doing commentary all over this tip top segment) TO BE "THE ULTIMATE CONFRONTATION". They have the worst pull apart ever, and then we have a not obvious jump cut to their match which Abrams calls again "THE ULTIMATE CONFRONTATION!". The match consists of Valiant wailing on Koloff with Red's cane loads and loads and loads, putting koloff in a sleeper, Red, who Abrams describes as a "Sleazy Culprit" on his commentary over the segment, hitting valiant in the back once with the cane, Koloff doing the HHH Wrestlemania 19 pin and getting the 3. Abrams runs into the ring and declares this is an "ABSOLUTE DISGRACE" and reverses the decision, so Red starts hitting Abrams in the face with the cane and Abrams blades himself on camera worse than Capt Lou Albano ever did as John Tolos on commentary basicially rips the piss of the whole thing. As Abrams is stretchered out we get another CUNNING CUT to the earlier UWF Special Report Screen and SOMEONE ELSE declares Herb cut the following promo before going to hospital. Because Paramedics are known for letting you jump off a stretcher and cutting promos before putting you back in the Ambulance.

 

He's bleeding, wearing a ripped shirt he wasn't wearing earlier and SCREAMING about HOW NO-ONE HAS EVER DONE THIS TO HIM AND RED HE'S GOING TO GET YOU!

 

Then we get another clean cut to a "Next Week On Fury Hour" graphic where HERB ABRAMS (Clearly now recovered) is telling us who we'll see next week. Including "The 6 foot 9 NIGHTSTALKAHHHHHHHH", the "Ever Dastardly Barry Horowitz", "That German Villain Helmut Hessler", and "Bright and Cheery - Steve 'The Wild Thing' Ray". It has to be seen to be believed.

 

The company also get extra marks for playing the theme off The Equalizer over all it's promos. UWF. I fucking love it. Even Herb's death was downright hilarious.

Here's the video if anyone wants to see it.

 

[Jazzy G]

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: WWE Champion. I didn't care that his matches were garbage and his push arguably undeserved as it was out of nowhere. As soon as Big John had turned on poor old confused Ron and wound up stealing the title in that bullrope match against Eddie I was sold. His gimmick was pure old school heel with a modern twist and his run as champion was exactly how I would have imagined a Ted DiBiase world title reign going if they'd decided to stick the belt on him back in the 80s. Cowardly rich boy heel champion takes a beating then ends up winning in the shittiest, cheapest manner possible to a chorus of massive heat. The cage match against Big Show where he gets chokeslammed through the ring and just crawls out underneath the ring for the win? I thought it was sheer genius. As much as everybody hated him, and I'll hold my hands up and admit that they were quite horrific, the whole fact that he'd come from so far out of left field and wound up with the belt and ALL that legit heat just made me go crazy for him. Plus he helped get similarly 80s throwback at the time Super Cena on the road to where he ended up today.

[ElCece]

Thats a shout. I personally loved JBL. Against all logic

[air_raid]

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: WWE Champion.

 

I sincerely hope Liam et al still record Wednesday nights because if this gets read out, I may kick the cat.

[Jazzy G]

I'm gutted if I didn't get this in time as I can imagine the collective groan going up from the lads upon Liam's reading the first sentence.

[wandshogun09]

Heel Stone Cold. I never got on board with babyface Stone Cold (probably partly because I missed his rise through the ranks) and he was an utter twat when he returned in 2000 Stunning all and sundry and interrupting loads of people's matches. Heel Stone Cold, however, where he was still a twat but you weren't supposed to cheer him for it, was thoroughly entertaining. There's an episode of SmackDown where he's bullying Spike and Molly all episode culminating in a really good match against Spike (at least, I remember it being good) where he's a fantastic heel. And I liked all that 'what's my watch saying' stuff as well. Just gave him a new lease of life, that promptly disappeared again once they turned him back after the Invasion.

I love that episode as well! It was a brilliant little one show storyline with Austin going around backstage all night trying to get people to sign his petition against the 'unfair' triple threat he'd been booked in with Jericho and Benoit at King Of The Ring. Big Show signed it from a cubicle while having a dump. Then when Austin got to Spike and Molly it went something like;

 

Austin: You sign it then get your little bimbo girlfriend to sign it too.

Spike: What did you just say?

Austin: Molly. She's a bimbo, haven't you heard?

Leading to Spike ripping up the petition in Austin's face and Austin running into Commissioner Regal's office, nearly crying, holding the bits of paper and demanding a match with Spike. I remember the match being good as well.

 

Another favourite Heel Austin moment for me, and I've posted this before, was around the time of SummerSlam when Austin was pissed off with some of the Alliance's shitty results in matches and rounded them to be a prick to them. I think it was the on camera birth of him saying 'What?' actually, but it wasn't shit yet and was effective in making Austin seem like a proper bullying twat.

 

To Hugh Morrus;

 

Austin: Wipe that look off your face. Look at me. Who whipped your ass last Thursday?

 

Morrus: I was in uh...

 

Austin: I didn't ask you to explain something. I said who whipped your ass last Thursday?

 

Morrus: Y2J.

 

Austin: That's right. Look at ya. You're 275 pounds. Your name is Hugh Morrus. What? Your name is Hugh Morrus. What? Is that funny? Is that humorous? Are you here to make me me laugh? You're pathetic! Y2J whipped your ass. I'm ashamed of ya. Step back.

To Raven;

 

Austin: Who whipped your ass last week?

 

Raven: Saturn.

 

Austin: OK, here's a guy who carries around a mop. He carries a mop. What? As far as I'm concerned you should've mopped the damn ring with that lunatic. He's got a sexual relationship with a stick with a damn mop on the end of it and he whipped your ass? Am I correct? If I'm lying, you tell me I'm lying.

 

Raven: You're correct.

 

Austin: I'm what?

 

Raven: You're correct.

 

Austin: That's right I am correct. What about me? What about Raven? Quote the Raven nevermore! You want me to give you a little speech? Do you want me to? YOU SUCK! Quote Stone Cold nevermore. You make me sick.

While it wasn't a good move business-wise in hindsight - turning Austin heel the same year The Rock was going to be spending more time in Hollywood - it made for some entertaining telly that summer. When I think of that Invasion period, I can't imagine what it would've been like without Austin's heel character. Not only was he great to watch in the backstage skits and the above interviews/angles, he was also in top form in-ring then as well. Now, he benefited from having a variety of good opponents to work with, but his performances in-ring that summer were quality. His matches in that heel run with Angle, Benoit and Jericho were excellent. And he also had some tidy TV matches with Spike (as mentioned), Rob Van Dam, Matt Hardy and Tajiri. He was on fire most of that period between WrestleMania and Survivor Series. But by the start of 2002 he was knackered. 2001 was his last run of consistent form for me in-ring.

 

So yeah, back on topic, I loved Heel Stone Cold in 2001.

[WyattSheepMask]

Is that episode on the network. I've heard people rave about it before but don't remember ever seeing it