The Worst Pay-Per-View Match Ever

[westlondonmist]

 

Evan Karagious vs Madusa from Starrcade 1999 has to be up there

 

Is that even the worst match on that show? It's a Russo-rific shitpile of the highest order with some of the dumbest finishes of all time. It's great. It's so shit it's hilarious. My favourite being Big Kev winning a match because he said so.

 

Wrestling wise their probably is something or things on the card worse, but I just feel like this match screwed the cruiserweight division. 

[Tiger Mask V]

Bret/Vince

 

Nothing madam cringe me more than Smith Hart thinking he was amazing for being involved in the match. Everything about it was terrible, I remember watching that with my brother (A non-wrestling fan) and it was his first Bret match, I had to reassure him that Bret was once one of the best of all time. Still to this day he thinks Bret is worse than David Flair

[FLips]

Cole vs Lawler was my pick because literally all it needed to be was Cole hiding in the Cole Mine, Lawler breaking him out and piledriving him/fist dropping him.

It did not in any universe or fucked up timeline need to be a 40 minute DQ marathon.

[neil is brill]

Cole vs Lawler was my pick because literally all it needed to be was Cole hiding in the Cole Mine, Lawler breaking him out and piledriving him/fist dropping him.

It did not in any universe or fucked up timeline need to be a 40 minute DQ marathon.

 

It also didn't need to be dragged out for another two PPV events:

 

So I nominate Swagger and Cole vs. JR and King in a Country Whippin' Match from Extreme Rules 2011 and King vs. Cole in a Kiss My Foot Match from Over The Limit 2011.

[air_raid]

I was a little surprised to not see a mention yet of Sharmell vs Jenna Morasca, but I suppose if the worst match has to be COMPLETELY without merit, that match is at least laughable in how terrible it is, plus you get a fanny popping out. Maybe that's getting it a pass?

 

Immediate thought was Beverly Brothers vs. Bushwackers from 1992. I watched that tape a million times, and I'd watch dogshit for 3 hours back then if it said wrestling above it, and I'd fast forward through this match every time. Jamieson is the worst periphery wrestling character in history and his antics and the bleeding Genius just add cringe factor to what is already a god awful attempt at wrestling. I hate this thing with a passion.

Oh and the Bushwhackers vs Beverlys is a great shout for this. Fucking dire that was. Would've been alright as a five minute comedy match but it seemed to go on for a fortnight.

 

This is a surefire winner for me. This match is so devastatingly boring that it was the match about which I first used the phrase "I swear that match is still going on." Whenever I'm forced to remember the match (linked intrinsically as it is to my favourite hour of wrestling TV ever), it always fries my brain that it only lasts 15 minutes. Personal hatred of the Bushwhackers aside, nobody needs to watch nearly 15 solid minutes of the colourless Beverlys beating anyone up. My mind turns into mush if I try and watch that match. Utterly insipid. At least bad execution can be funny, this is just booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng. If I ever decided to destroy my VHS tapes to create some room, I'm going to think of Jamison as I smash my once-loved Rumble 92 tape with a hammer.

 

My runner-up would probably be Dallas Page & Karl Malone vs Hollywood Hogan & Dennis Rodman from Bash At The Beach 98. It doesn't fall into the Bushwhackers/Beverlys category of negative merit, as the first time Malone gets in the ring is amusing, but my God, is that match terrible. I felt myself aging watching that match the first time, and as I watched 30 minutes of Rodman napping on the turnbuckle pad, I felt intensely jealous of him and angry at my own obsessive wrestling fan brain for forcing me to stick with it to the end. The insult that a match this bad would be your main event is magnified by the fact it ends due to interference from Disciple Booty Barber. To think, this match was supposed to represent DDP being ingratiated into the main event scene... anyone would think it was designed to sabotage his chances of getting to the top, because as hard a grafter as Page was, he couldn't save this yawnfest.

 

Wrestling wise their probably is

 

There.

[GordyM]

Sharmell vs Jenna Morasca at TNA Victory Road (2009).

 

This match was painful to watch. Morasca flops and flails around the ring like a sex doll filled with jelly while Sharmell wisely sticks to a move set more basic than a retard's maths homework. The crowd start shitting on it 10 seconds into the match and when Morasca throws slaps so weak she looks like a kitten pawing at a ball of wool the audience turn their backs on the ring in disgust. The match ends with Morasca grinding her crotch into the KO'd Sharmell's face with all the grace and sexiness of a drunk fat chick at a hen night thinking she's got a chance with the stripper. I'm pretty sure a part of me died inside while enduring this fucking abomination.

[bAzTNM#1]

Sting vs Jeff Hardy Victory Road 2011

 

I would say this comes under "Embarrassing PPV Matches of All-Time". It's amazing Wee Jeff still managed to find grappling work after it.

[ElCece]

Kevin Nash vs Mable Summerslam 95. The main event of the 2nd biggest show if the year and it doesnt even go 10 minutes. 2 minutes in and Mabel is prespiring more than a fucked freezer. Not only was the match itself cartoon bollocks consisting almost entirely of elbows , kicks and punches we have the naff,fat fud Mo testing the viewers resilence. Ofcourse thats not enough we treated to a run in from Luger who proceeds to get immediately flattened by Nash then inexplicably the muppet assits Nash by clearing off Mo. All of this leads to shit all in the long run. And cherry on top of the shit sundae is the clothesline finish. Not a clothesline off the top rope just a wanking clothesline. Apparently they felt the nipple twist or noogan where to high impact a finish for this match.

[stevieg1980]

It's a cheat. But it was on pay per view so it might stand.

 

I ask you one question.

 

Do you want to play 21?

 

From an event that brought you Greg Valentine vs George Steele and The Bushwhackers vs The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff in 1999.

 

I give you the Heroes of Wrestling main event.

 

Jim Neidhart and King Kong Bundy vs Jake Roberts and Yokozuna.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLUAmC7-czI

 

 

It wasn't even meant to be a tag. It was a single that between Neidhart and Jake but Jake was in fuck all shape to perform let alone walk. To attempt to save it they throw out Bundy and a near 800lbs Yoko to make it into a tag. From 02:08:00 it's horrible. It's painful. But it must be suffered through once. And only once.

 

So to answer you Jake. Do I want to play 21? No. After seeing you hold your snake like a winky and force some middle aged hag to fondle your man boobs I'd rather not thanks.

[Michael_3165]

A few come to mind for me... 

 

Kennel from Hell - Al Snow vs Big Boss Man - Had they hired some of my drug dealing neighbours dogs instead of the melancholy mutts maybe this would have been even remotely watchable. The fact is the 'terrifying' dogs primarily shit all over the place and were dragged around by handlers trying to make them look menacing. Worse was the attempts by Snow to seem scared by the animals who clearly couldn't give a crap about what was happening in the ring. All in all just a hideous affair.

 

Hogan vs Jeff Jarrett - Bash at the Beach 2000 - it was a non match, foot on chest for the pin. Russo trying to be edgy didn't help matters and it was the final nail in the coffin for WCW.

 

Giant Gonzales vs Undertaker - WrestleMania 9 - Taker has had some hideous encounters but this is one of the worst. Gonzales can't move, he stumbles around the ring throwing some of the worst punches in the history of the world only to grab a white napkin to put to sleep the dead man. The only reasonable thing was Taker's entrance with the vulture thing...  

[Fox Piss]

One that just made me shake my head was Hogan V Piper at Superbrawl 1997. 

Being main event and the rematch to Hogan/Piper at Starrcade which according to Wikipedia was Hogan first clean loss in near 7 years it was so fucking half arsed and poorly executed. Didn't help they buggered up the finish either. SLOPPY BASTARDS!!

[GordyM]

Another TNA abomination: Cheex vs Frank Parker on one of their early weekly PPV shows.

 

If you ever asked the question "What would happen if Mark Henry ate the Big Show?" then the answer is Cheex. He looks like someone took the boulder from Raiders of the Lost Ark, painted it brown, put it in spandex and hoped for the best. By the time he's walked to the ring he's blown up and sweating gravy. The match consists of Frank Parker bouncing off him and trying not to be eaten.

[Yakashi]

Hogan Warrior at Halloween havoc? Just for that amazing fireball spot.

[d-d-d-dAz]

First thing that came to my mind was Bray Wyatt's debut against Kane in the Ring of Fire match at Summerslam 2013.

 

Utter drivel. Bray looked terrible, he looked slow, laboured and his awful trousers kept falling down.

 

That's one of the worst things I've ever seen.

[The King Of Swing]

Mabel Vs. Yokozuna from In Your House 5 I think it was.

 

Yes that match actually happened.