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The Worst Pay-Per-View Match Ever


Liam O'Rourke

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Evan Karagious vs Madusa from Starrcade 1999 has to be up there, although any Vampiro ppv match in 1999/2000 could be argued as worse. The cruiserweight title had been going down for the previous few months, sadly as it was the one thing WCW still had going for it. This killed it then shagged it's wife for good measure. Evan Karagious was a shit champion, shit wrestler and just generally shit at everything and no idea about how to at least make the match passable. Then again it should never had been booked.

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Evan Karagious vs Madusa from Starrcade 1999 has to be up there

 

Is that even the worst match on that show? It's a Russo-rific shitpile of the highest order with some of the dumbest finishes of all time. It's great. It's so shit it's hilarious. My favourite being Big Kev winning a match because he said so.

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Bret vs Vince was a complete mess and went against every principle of successful professional wrestling.

 

I enjoy New Japan and started watching again at Wrestle Kingdom 9 after giving up in the early 2000, but the Ishii/Makabe match was pathetic. It's not the worst, but I can't stand matches where they just hit each other as hard as they can. All it does is tell me they have nothing else to offer. Same reason I thought Nigel was shit actually.

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I have mentioned in the past my disdain for the Kennel from Hell, The Extreme Elimination Chamber from December 2 Dismember, and any match from Ed Ferrara's Oklahoma repertoire in the dying days of WCW. But the match I wish to nominate is Big Show Vs Big Boss Man from Armageddon for the WWF title.

 

The first question you have got to ask yourself is - Why? Why the fuck is this a title match! Yes the roster is a little bit thin after the Kish knocked down Austin at Survivor Series but Harvey Wippleman probably had more of a right to claim a title shot than Big Boss Man. At Survivor Series the Boss Man was part of a losing team in a 4 on 1 handicap match against the Big Show. How much more of a loser can you be if you and your three mates can't beat one person!

 

It appears all that Boss Man needed to do to get a title shot was to nick the corpse of the Big Show's dad. Christ if it is that easy to get a shot I will get a one way ticket to Stamford CT when Vinny Mac's heart eventually caves in.

 

And then the match itself, a three minute squash which did nothing for anyone involved (especially albert who got the SAT treatment).

 

What a waste of fucking time and what a waste of a WWF title match. It was a good job WCW was so shit at the time as wank like this which could have handed the Monday Night war to Billion dollar Ted.

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Lets go for what is undoubtedly one of the worst matches to grace any ring. A match that spits in the eye of Lou Thesz, breaks wind in the face of Billy Robinson, and punches Antonio Inoki squarely in the conkers with a spiked glove. From one of the most awful PPV's comes the stinking turd floating in the shallow end of a swimming pool at a children's birthday party. Kevin Thorn and Ariel v Mike Knox and Kelly Kelly from December to Dismember 2006. I don't remember who won, but let me tell you the winners were not the viewers. None of the 4 had any redeeming qualities in the ring. Genuinely awful.

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It appears all that Boss Man needed to do to get a title shot was to nick the corpse of the Big Show's dad.

Actually Boss Man beat The Rock on Raw for no 1 contendership.

 

Although Rock beat the shit out of him for about 10 minutes after the match to get his heat back making Boss Man look even less deserving.

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It appears all that Boss Man needed to do to get a title shot was to nick the corpse of the Big Show's dad.

Actually Boss Man beat The Rock on Raw for no 1 contendership.

 

Although Rock beat the shit out of him for about 10 minutes after the match to get his heat back making Boss Man look even less deserving.

 

 

Christ, Rock would really job out for anyone back in the day. The only redeeming feature of the feud was seeing Big Show holding on to the coffin for dear life (or death in this case). But still the match was the drizzling shits.

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Bret vs Vince at WrestleMania 26. If you're going to do this match at all, do it quick. Quick bump, sharpshooter, tap tap tap, vindication for Bret. Don't do an unending chair assisted gang beatdown of a defenceless old man. Horrible.

 

Also, Michael Cole vs Jerry Lawler. Should be a simple match with only one logical outcome, and that is not a DQ win for Michael Cole! This also felt like it lasted for years. But it's not as offensive as Bret vs Vince. I watched that one back a year ago, it has not got better with age. I never want to see it again. Horrible.

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Bret vs Vince at WrestleMania 26. If you're going to do this match at all, do it quick. Quick bump, sharpshooter, tap tap tap, vindication for Bret. Don't do an unending chair assisted gang beatdown of a defenceless old man. Horrible.

 

Also, Michael Cole vs Jerry Lawler. Should be a simple match with only one logical outcome, and that is not a DQ win for Michael Cole! This also felt like it lasted for years. But it's not as offensive as Bret vs Vince. I watched that one back a year ago, it has not got better with age. I never want to see it again. Horrible.

Dammit, these were both my picks. Both, I also feel lasted an absolute fucking eternity. I feel like the extended Hart Family assaulted Vince for a good half an hour. The Hart Dynasty turn was also painful as nobody gave a shit about them and they were bland at the time with their remixed Bret theme. It wasn't Brets redemption, it was just him beating the shit out of an old man.

 

I think Cole vs Jerry Lawler might be worse for me though. Cole had some (some) moments of brilliance as a heel, like his booth separating him from the other commentators, but for the most part he was even more unbearable than his usual self. Not unbearable in a "wow what a great heel" way, more unbearable in a fuck off you utter cretin way, nobody has ever given a damn about you since you started in WWF. He should have got piledriven and that would have been that. Lawler gets his moment, but no, WWE makes you suffer through tedious garbage with your heroes. 25 minutes this lasted. It was infuriating and insulting as a fan. Why do fans that love something deserve to be insulted? The third longest match on that years Wrestlemania. Vince probably thought it was the best thing in the world though, so that makes it alright I guess.

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I'm going with Jerry Lawler vs Michael Cole at Wrestlemania 27. They had a chance to create a genuinely touching moment with Lawler getting a win at his first Wrestlemania appearance as a wrestler and they fucked it up. Lawler hitting a piledriver after a few minutes of slapping the piss out of Cole would of sufficed, but they instead decide it's a great idea to have this monstrosity go on for nearly 15 minutes. This match felt like it went on forever. What makes this turd of a rivalry even worse is that they ended up having TWO more PPV matches after this, which are both honorable mentions to this topic.

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i think the worse match was ddp vs the booty man from uncensored 96, awful match lasting almost 20 mins. No beefcake match should go 5 mins nevermind 20.

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March 19, 1995 - WCW Uncensored. Dustin Rhodes vs Blacktop Bully in a fucking King Of The Road Match.  

 

I think it went for a total of 3 days, choppy camera angles, the offence amounted to punches and kicks for the fear of getting whiplash or dying, Dustin Rhodes was in the match. And to top it all off they fucking bladed and got sent packing. Utterly clueless drivel.

Dustin Rhodes was/is brilliant. Don't put that in the negatives list regarding that trainwreck of a match.

 

Actually wasn't there something dodgy about that match? I'm sure Dustin Rhodes said in interviews that someone high up (I'm thinking Bischoff but could be wrong) told him to blade in the match, then when he did he got sacked.

 

I thought Goldust was great, but WCW Dustin Rhodes was dull as dishwater.

 

 

 

Incorrect. The Natural was an absolutely wonderful wrestler with a portfolio of many different and great matches.

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