Weird Neighbours

[hallicks]

Next door is a women who has to always talk on her mobile outside and she has to shout so i can hear her convo.

Her front door is about 7 feet away from the other women who lives in front of us and they both sit outside under the porch that connects our houses smoking.

The bitch does not stop giggling like a school girl and they both have the most annoying laughs.

She has also developed a cough probably due to the smoking so sits outside coughing every 30 seconds.

Before these 2 became friends the women opposite used to have really loud arguments with her boyfriend (she was pregnant and he never works). The things they used to say to each other was incredible.

During one of them i noticed a girl standing at the side of the road on her mobile and 10 mins later the police arrived. That is how bad they were.

 

My bedroom connects to the house behind me and i've never heard the 8/10 girl have sex which is a shame. Her parking is rubbish though.

Look, I really hate to mention this, but you know the singular of "women" is "woman", right? As much as they do have a collective consciousness and are all working together to secretly thwart the plans of man.

[W35ty]

Yes but i posted this 3 hours after finishing a night shift so as long as it's readable i don't care.

[Scott Malbranque]

That's like a girl I work with who has on her Facebook page ;

Favourite Movie : Pretty Women an de Note Book lol

Followed by she enjoys Cesar Salets and de sauce that goes wit it.

[Tommy!]

I think I'm the odd neighbour.

 

There hardly see me, my bins are all over the shop, I'm in and out at all hours, I check the front door with such vigour it's like knocking theirs and they must hear me talking to myself as I walk about out side (and inside sometimes).

 

I also check the car doors excessively and keep walking back from my house to check again.

 

My neighbours are great though, I pity them stuck next door to me.

[Scott Malbranque]

I think you're wonderful Thomas.

[Carbomb]

Hear, hear.

[Tommy!]

I'm really not.

 

I'm awful to work with too, just self centred and unpleasant to be around, and i always bugger a good job up by being such a massive twat-faced-cunt-hole.

I've done it already in my current job and fucked it up worse by trying to do the right thing.

 

I'm a chore on here and you guys get the abridged version. Count your selves lucky.

[PowerButchi]

Great fun at a strip club though.

[Scott Malbranque]

Don't ever say shite like that about yourself, Mossy!! That's nonsense talk, that.

You said you poxed up a gig by trying to do the right thing.

By trying to do what's right immediately renders you opposite to all that negative muck you said bout yourself.

There's a reason you're up for 'Good Egg', boss! Hand on heart, you're one of the good ones here!

I won't have anyone say otherwise...and that includes you, sir!

Exclamation mark. Tough love bitch slap.

 

I'd like to go to a strip club with you cunts!!

[Chilly McFreeze]

I used to live in the top two floors of a converted set of flats in a nice Norfolk suburb. Behind the row of houses was a car park with a few garages and some allotments behind it, with a little allyway leading from the road in front of the house.

 

One night, about 2am, I was sitting in my room when I could hear a car out the front revving incredibly loudly. This went on for a few minutes, and when I poked my head around the curtains I saw a car with a clamp on trying to get down the allyway. This guy legit got clamped and presumably decided he could make it home anyway. How the fuck he got anywhere at all I have no idea. I think it was a chain clamp because I can't imagine he could move the car at all with one of those official yellow clamps.

 

About 10 more minutes of revving and scraping, the noise stops and I think no more about it. It's nearly 2:30am so I figure it's time for bed. Just as I get into bed, I hear another incredibly loud noise coming from the rear where the garages are, and I poke my head beyond the curtain again. This guy is standing next to an open garage and the glorious bastard is taking an angle grinder to the clamp. Sparks are flying, and the noise is insanely loud. It's nearly 3am!!! It's around this time I figured the guy was drunk.

 

After a few more minutes of angle grinding, I decide it's probably a good idea to call the police, because he's making a hell of a racket, and I'm 99% sure this guy has been drink driving. As I'm speaking to the non-emergency line, I look out the front of the house and see a police car. Someone got there before me.

 

By this point, I'm completely enthralled, as I recall everything that's happening to my half asleep wife, who it seems doesn't actually give a shit anyway because fucking hell it's 3am!

 

They drag the guy round the front of the house, and make him use the breathalyzer. No surprises, they cuff the guy and after much deliberation and statement taking (sadly they never knocked on my door) they cart him off.

 

After speaking to a neighbor the next day, turns out the guy lives in the end flat that his parents own and let him live rent fucking free. This was just another in a long list of fuck ups that his parents overlook. As far as I know, he still lives there rent free and continues to fuck up his life.

 

There was also the time where my slightly dodgy pot smoking neighbors next door were being questioned by the police outside one morning. Later that day, they were shifting all their gear into a big van. I get a knock on the door the next day from the police asking me if I've seen them. I tell them I saw them moving out and never heard from them or the police again. I presume they were in pretty big trouble though. I'm guessing drug dealing.

 

 

[Sergio Mendacious]

People getting the knock is always entertaining — when I lived in West Ham with a couple of people from my postgrad course, there was a mighty pounding on the door one day, and then a seemingly endless stream of people being led away by the police. Turns out that the apartment above, a three bedroom like ours, contained around 20 illegal Congolese immigrants, and one woman in the UK legally. The next week, a small leak started in our ceiling, and thanks to the ineptitude of the management company, ended up with the ceiling nearly falling in. Turns out that the women who stayed in the apartment wasn't one of the people who knew how a washing machine really worked, and rather than wait for the cycle to end, she was wrenching the door open and letting all the water pour onto the floor.

[HeavyT]

Had a Polish guy and.his family next door,barely ever saw them (don't think they were allowed out) but the cunt would chap Mt door for anything.sugar, coffee, fags, phone, he smelled my weed the first night I moved in and banged the door wi a few of his mates to try intimidate me into crashing him a wee joints worth, told him to get fucked.

 

Had another neighbour with a kid and a pregnant wife. He invited me round to watch UFC DVDS, when his heavily pregnant wife got home from work, he spat in her face fir refusing to go to the shop. I was speechless.

[HeavyT]

Also lived next to a furniture store, one day a mattress appeared in my garden so I put it to the bins on the street by the furniture store. The owner of said shop put it back in my garden, this went on three of four times until he threw it in my garden again and banged on my door going mental for putting the mattress on "his" property. In the end his elderly father helped me carry it back to the street exactly where I had been putting it while the guy watched, muttering profanities to himself. Twat

[WyattSheepMask]

Only really got one that I see that lives opposite us. He's a big fat fella, not housebound size but definatley more than what you'd call chunky. Anyway, every other day he'll come home with a KFC box meal of some (occasionally it McDonalds or Burger King, but KFC does seem to be the main culprit) and a bag for life full of other stuff such as crisps, chocolate, sweets, massive bottles of fizzy drink etc. (For the record, I'm not having a go at him for his choice of diet, I'm bigger than I'd like to be myself). You'll then see him go round to the side of his house angry with himself to the wheelie-bin where the bag for life which is still seemingly quite full goes in, along with the empty KFC boxes, presumably mad at himself for consuming what he has.

The next day, you'll see him sneak out to his wheelie-bin, have a rummage through, and then head back inside with a tube of Pringles that he has retrieved. And then later, the tube ends up back in the bin.

 

Having typed that out, I'm now not sure if that would class as 'weird' or if he just has an eating disorder of some sort or what. He arse must be like a fucking factory though

[bAzTNM#1]

My Uncle got a new neighbour a few days ago, and within a few hours, he was getting his door booted in by him calling him a "murderer!!" for some bizarre reason. Never met the bloke, not a murderer. Really odd.