A Royal Rumble (PPV) match a day

[Guest]

Samoan wrestlers all having ridiculously hard heads is definitely my favourite racism of all time

 

I was thinking of suggested the Flair/MVP match actually. MVP is no longer in TNA, nah. Was one of many who left last year. HOW he left was hilarious though. MVP was the one who recommended they get (unbeknownst to them, and apparently the man himself, still contracted to Lucha Underground) Hernandez in to replace Homicide in the Beat Down Clan. Of course, it all went tits up, TNA had to remove shitloads of footage from their tapings, MVP got sacked and the rest of the BDC all left one by one

[HarmonicGenerator]

I've struggled to find the motivation for 2010. I don't know why. It might just be having had a hard week at work this week, or it might be because we're edging ever closer to the modern day and I just struggle to muster enthusiasm for that, but I'm hoping my choice of Undertaker vs. Rey Mysterio will be fun regardless, if only because it might remind me of 2002/03 era SmackDown, which I loved and which may be where this match first happened.

 

There might also be a chokeslam somewhere, which would be good.

 

 

The match:

 

Rey's not done his mask up properly for some reason. Matt Striker says this is the biggest night in Mysterio's career, and Michael Cole immediately goes on to describe how he won the 2006 Rumble, which sort of contradicts Striker. Oh, he had a mask on over the top of his other mask, that makes sense, and he gave it to a kid.

 

I said this in the Survivor Series thread, but I wonder if they'll ever have Rey back. 

 

BONG

 

Okay, I'm happy I picked this now. Love the way Mysterio was busy kissing his cross and just looked up with an "oh SHIT, it's the Undertaker".

 

BONG

 

Best

 

Fucking

 

Entrance

 

EVER

 

Even with Matt Striker prattling on over the top of it. He's the World champion here so this is for that title. Rey doesn't have a fucking hope.

 

BONG

 

When did Rey stop wearing the contact lenses? 

 

Not. A. Hope.

 

Undertaking taking his jacket off gets a pop. FOR TAKING HIS JACKET OFF! Icon. Might we get him in the Rumble this year? I'd love a bit of Taker-Reigns interaction, I still think that's a decent contender for a Mania match this year.

 

There is a massive size difference here. Undertaker, for all he's a big man, rarely looks a giant, but he does here. Rey's pummelling Taker with punches but Taker's like "nah, fuck this". He puts a hand on either side of Rey's neck and just FLINGS him over the top rope where he crashes to the floor. Brutal and brilliant.

 

'If that were a Rumble, he'd have been eliminated' count: 23

 

It's at about the 1:26:00 mark on the Network. Check it out.

 

Rey's recalculating now, and wisely taking his time to get back in the ring. He throws a load more punches, springboards up… Taker PUNCHES HIM RIGHT IN THE FACE IN MID-AIR and back down he falls. 1:27:00 for that one. Lovely.

 

Striker's annoying on commentary tonight. REALLY annoying.

 

Taker hits his apron leg drop, but with a bit of a twist, as Rey is between the bottom and middle ropes, which gives him a bit of a bounce as the move connects.

 

Back in the ring, I might get my chokeslam wish, but no! Rey reverses, and goes for the 619 - FUCK, Matt Striker's annoying - but Taker catches him! Tombstone! No! He's just kneeing him in the face! Taker misses an elbow, Rey goes for his twisty springboard cross body and gets booted for it. 

 

Taker, who looks to be having a nosebleed, beats up Rey on the outset - seriously did Striker just say 'move set', come on - but misses a boot near the ring post which gives Rey an opening, dropkicking Taker in the hip. He goes for a senton, which Taker catches, tries for a Last Ride, Rey jumps onto the ropes, moonsault!

 

He goes for another dive, but Taker catches him by the throat… chokeslam?! … I'm not sure I can count that. He just chucks him as forcefully as he can into the barrier, but Rey never really leaves his feet. Looked painful, even if it wasn't a proper chokeslam.

 

Now Taker's in full control, and it moves back into the ring. The pace slows down as Taker wears down Mysterio, and a sideslam gets 2. Rey gets a few more kicks in, but a right hand takes Rey back down. That nosebleed's not getting any better. Rey gets Taker down, he does the sit-up, with a nice expression of annoyance on his face, but meets with a dropkick. Rey drops the dime but Taker's soon back in control and that really is a bad nosebleed. Get some tissues, Chioda, do your job. Last Ride is reversed again and Mysterio hits the 619 on each side of the ring, one after the other! "That's 12-2-18" says Striker like a twat.

 

Taker's very annoyed now, Mysterio needs to be taught, so he picks him up for the Last Ride… keeps him there… slams him down… pins him … and wins.

 

No chokeslam but I don't mind the Last Ride. Rey never had a hope and I never believed he could, but he put up a good fight.

 

BONG

 

My thoughts:

 

Great match, I really liked that.

 

Not much more to add to that, to be honest. I enjoyed watching this. If there was an option to just mute Matt Striker's commentary, though, it'd be a blessing. He's trying, but it ain't working.

 

[HarmonicGenerator]

I'll catch up and do 2011 tonight as well. But I'm going with the shortest match on the card, Michelle McCool vs. Layla vs. Natalya vs. Eve Torres.

 

(Besides, I already reviewed the 2011 Rumble match in ShortOrderCook's excellent thread linked to in the first post. You've read that, right?)

 

 

The match:

 

So, when this match starts on the Network, it's Lay-Cool vs. Natalya in a Handicap match for the Divas Title. But the iPhone text noise goes off, which means we're now in the time of the Anonymous General Manager. And I quote, "that 'hoo haaaargh ha ha hoooargh' noise which is all Hornswoggle can say, though isn't he articulate written down?"

 

Striker's still around. He made a reference to BBM. Blackberry, right? Remember that?

 

Call me cynical, but when I hear the GM's emails, I can't hear them coming from Hornswoggle. Anyway, what he's actually done is made the match a Fatal Four Way and added Eve to it.

 

Lay-Cool were good, weren't they? The two of them start off working together taking down the other two. Layla's gone now, yes? So Natalya's the only one still with the company, very much unchanged in the FIVE YEARS since this match took place. FIVE YEARS and zero character development unless I suppose you watch Total Divas, which I don't.

 

Natalya fights off the double-teams and slingshots Layla into Michelle's abdomen, but Michelle breaks up the pin attempt then knees Eve out of the way. Lay-Cool face off… but Natalya and Eve prevent them from doing anything to each other. We now get Natalya trying to lock in the Sharpshooter on Eve, which is just bad strategy if you ask me, but Layla gets involved and she somehow gets the Sharpshooter locked in on both of them at the same time!

 

Layla hits her neckbreaker (the 'Layout', apparently) on Eve, and she gets shoved outside the ring again, but Natalya takes them both down. She makes a load of noise when she's doing moves. She just hit a body slam on Michelle and basically did a Jim Duggan "HOOOOOO" and then did it again when she picked up Layla.

 

McCool accidentally kicks Layla, Natalya tries a roll up, then pushes Michelle backwards out of the ring, which looked quite nasty actually. Eve throws Natalya out of the ring, Eve gets back in, sees Layla lying there and hits a moonsault - but Michelle has Natalya pinned at the same time - the referee only sees Eve's pin attempt, counts 3, and Eve is the Divas Champion!

 

The tradition of terrible refereeing at Royal Rumbles continues!

 

(Then we cut to Daniel Bryan with Gail Kim, and I'd totally forgotten they were a thing at one point.)

 

 

My thoughts:

 

I wanted a short match, I got one, I guess! It wasn't anything special, but it wasn't bad. Of the four of them, I think I was probably least impressed by Natalya. Striker seemed to have calmed down since the previous Rumble, too.

 

I don't think I'm unfair in saying I expect Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte to be better than this was.

[air_raid]

Undertaking taking his jacket off gets a pop. FOR TAKING HIS JACKET OFF! Icon. Might we get him in the Rumble this year? I'd love a bit of Taker-Reigns interaction, I still think that's a decent contender for a Mania match this year.

 

No chance. The amount of storytelling they've put in with Hunter and the McMahons, he's wrestling Triple H at Mania or at an outside chance a McMahons endorsed opponent. That's not The Undertaker. Undertaker's having a match that's "nice to have an Undertaker match because it's Mania, innit" match of no consequence, Reigns is having a match that affects the direction of the belt and the company going forward.

 

Undertaker/Rey is fun but marred as you so succinctly put it by the fact we never buy Rey winning. Not a fucking hope.

 

(Then we cut to Daniel Bryan with Gail Kim, and I'd totally forgotten they were a thing at one point.)

 

I totally forgot that Gail was still back from TNA at this point. They took forever to realize they were never going to do anything with her again and set her free. There are hardly any wrestlers that I genuinely preferred in TNA to WWE but Gail is one.

 

I hated LayCool. Mostly because I saw them as a poor man's Beautiful People, partially because I thought McCool was crap, partially because their music was dull and triggered "change channel" impulse in me the same way Kelly Kelly's did,

 

But hey, HG, thanks for reminding me of that four-way, of Eve in general, and of this ;

 

 

But yeah, my real reason for yours being my favourite review so far....

 

 

[HarmonicGenerator]

I remember that!

 

On the Undertaker-Reigns front, I meant more that I'd personally quite like to see it, rather than it being likely, but my wording was a bit confusing. Maybe Reigns can end up siding with the Authority and can go against Taker that way. Never ever gonna happen, but I can't remember why they don't like him in the first place so I'm definitely not an authority (ha) on the subject.

 

2012 time. Daniel Bryan vs. Big Show vs. Mark Henry I think! Bryan's good, and Show and Henry were both good at this time, so yes please.

 

 

The match:

 

This is for the World title as well … and it's a CAGE MATCH? Ooh! I'm more excited now.

 

Wow, Cole doesn't half go after Bryan here. Within the first ten seconds of him coming out, we've heard "I can't STAND this guy", "he's a nerd", "he's a geek", "he's an underachiever" and "he stole the championship and is running around acting like he's all that" "conceited egotist". The last couple are fine, because heel, but the first four don't sound like he's talking about the character… but maybe I'm running into the territory of sounding like wan of den so I'll probably try to ignore this factor for the rest of the match.

 

Anyway, Bryan's climbed up the cage already. Interesting. Is there a rule that says you have to start a Cage match with your feet on the mat? Because he may have just found a loophole here to guarantee easy victory!

 

Uh oh… somebody's gonna get their wig split. I don't know if I can watch Mark Henry anymore without thinking of air_raid's glorious celebration of his career that should have been a co-winner of Post of the Year. "All will suffer", says the back of his Hall Of Pain t-shirt. Muahahaha.

 

Big Show gets a reasonably big reaction here. He's a… face? I'm going face because he ran out and is doing lots of fist-pumping. Oh, and he's giving his hat to a little girl but the girl ducked out of the way because she was scared of him. Definitely a face.

 

Match background: Big Show accidentally knocked over AJ, who Daniel Bryan is now going out with, but who isn't there tonight because Big Show put her in hospital. 

 

Bryan's climbed down the cage now. 

 

Lilian's doing the introductions. Only Big Show gets his height announced. 

 

Ah, now there's a sound that will become familiar as I get closer to the 2016 Royal Rumble… a "Daniel Bryan" chant.

 

Bryan tried to escape straight away but it didn't work, and very soon we've got Show vs. Henry, and Show barrels into Henry who's squished between the ropes and the cage. He does it twice more while Bryan tries to sneak over the cage on the opposite side. It didn't work either, and we now get a bit of Show vs. Bryan. Bryan's done nothing but try to escape so far which is very very sensible. He gets chopped down but tries for some kicks. Show is playing to the crowd something awful but they're chanting for Bryan. Show takes one of those great spinning 'taken down at the knees' big bumps, and Bryan starts kicking Mizark. I wouldn't do that if I were him.

 

Bryan goes for the door but Menry's not having any of it, and goes over to stop him. He doesn't run or anything; he's in no rush. He just casually walks over, slow as you like, and stops him. "CLOSE THAT DOOR!" he yells, and all obey.

 

He gets taken down again though, and we're back to Show vs. Bryan. This is one of those triple threats where they've always got to have one of the three guys lying down for ages while the other two do stuff. Not a fan of that.

 

Daniel's being thrown about all over the cage by Big Show here. Once he's down, Show stands over him for at least the length of time it would have taken him to leave through the door. Instead, Bryan stays down for a nap and we have another Show vs. Henry (albeit while they talk about AJ). Menry then stands on Bryan's chest (still talking about AJ, Cole says he doesn't think Bryan ever had a girlfriend before AJ, BUT HE WAS WITH GAIL KIM AT LAST YEAR'S RUMBLE COLE, FUCK'S SAKE) then he goes down and it's Show vs. Bryan. More throwing of Bryan into the cage, which I feel like we've seen.

 

Big Show gets his first proper pop of the match when he signals for a chokeslam - the people love a chokeslam, they've got taste - but Bryan manages to get a Tornado DDT and a 2 count. The Yes Lock's hooked in (the Lebell Lock, as it was then known), Henry breaks it up, goes for the World's Strongest Slam on Bryan, Show punches Henry (which, yeah, he absolutely could have done to either or both of them at any point up to now and won) but Bryan's going over the top, Show holds onto him by the head, it looks like Show wants to Chokeslam him from the top, fucking hell, Big Show's on the top of the cage, holding onto Bryan by the arm! That is STRENGTH! He can't quite hold on though and Bryan drops… and wins! Good ending.

 

This is the title reign that ended with Sheamus at WrestleMania, right? I like that even more after reminding myself of matches like this where Bryan was retaining in this sort of fashion and thinking he's the greatest.

 

Ah, he's doing the YES! YES! YES! He doesn't quite have the arm movements yet but it's happening...

 

 

My thoughts:

 

Great finish, but I wasn't that fussed about the majority of the match. As I mentioned above, it suffered for that triple threat style of one-man-down, two-men-do-stuff for basically the whole time, and Big Show's crowd pandering was cringey. But I liked the finish!

[HarmonicGenerator]

Sticking with Daniel Bryan for 2013, and back to tag teams for a match from the 'let's just start every team name with Team' era of originality, Team Hell No vs. Team Rhodes Scholars.

 

 

The match:

 

Tag Team titles on the line. Bryan's grown a load of beard since the last Rumble, and Cody Rhodes has got his tache. There's already been three Freddie Mercury references and two about Bryan being a vegan.

 

They do a neat little opening sequence and Cody gets caught in a Surfboard. Kane gets tagged in and hits a dropkick. I liked Kane in this team. Sandow's tagged in and gets slammed fairly sharpish. Rhodes Scholars never got round to matching gear, did they?

 

Bryan does a load of YES kicks (so that's been gaining momentum in the last year) and I have to note that the commentary has been the worst it's been at any Rumble I've watched. (something like 26 by this point). It's GODAWFUL. I was going to mention some of the things they're talking about instead of the match but I just want to forget it exists.

 

Sandow and Rhodes are both thrown through the middle rope - intentionally? Have they finally clocked on to the idea of not having people go over the top rope a shitload before the Rumble itself? - and Bryan dives through to hit them both. JBL and Cole have a competition to see who can make more references to either vegans or goats in 30 seconds. Shit. SHIIIIIT.

 

Sandow gets the advantage through some sneaky heel teamwork and gets Cody back in. He puts in a Half Boston Crab, which I must have noticed when I saw this at the time, but then again it would have been about quarter to 2 in the morning. You don't often see the Half Boston Crab these days.

 

Kane's the only man in the match without facial hair. That's kind of the 'thing' with wrestlers these days, most of them have a scabby looking beard of some sort. Cole makes a point of emphasising that Rhodes and Sandow are best friends, and I wonder, is just being tag partners not enough to be a tag team?

 

The Scholars are keeping Bryan in their corner, but Bryan's fighting back. Sorry, I can't help but mention the commentators, who are having their second extended argument about Doctor Shelby.

 

Kane gets the tag! He can't hit a chokeslam but he's clotheslining and side slamming and I want to say he's going bald but that'll have been a wig attached to the mask at this point, won't it? He misses his top rope clothesline and Sandow hits an "odd" swinging neckbreaker for two. Hang on, HANG ON….

 

Okay. Fuck Daniel Bryan. Fuck him.

 

Kane was about to hit a GLORIOUS DOUBLE CHOKESLAM on Rhodes and Sandow, and BRYAN TAGS HIMSELF IN. Selfish twat. The Scholars use that to suplex Kane and we get NO DOUBLE CHOKESLAM.

 

Bryan can already claim to have ruined the 2014 Rumble by not being in it, and the 2015 Rumble by not winning it, but he's ruined 2013 as well now. I'm 95% certain most of this year's will be taken up with chants for him as well.

 

He hits a top rope dropkick on Sandow, anyway, and then REDEEMS HIMSELF

 

YES, YES, YES,

 

I'm sorry Daniel, all is forgiven, ALL IS FORGIVEN, I take it all back, it's not a skirt, it's a kilt!

 

It's hashtag RhodesMustFall as Cody goes up and down again from A CHOKESLAM!

 

Royal Rumble Chokeslam count: 16

 

Bryan gets the Yes Lock - I tell a lie, it's the No Lock at the moment, which might make it the only finisher to have been called three different names on three consecutive Rumbles, RICK TO THREAD PAGING RICK TO THREAD STAT ALERT - so Sandow taps, and Hell No retain!

 

 

My thoughts:

 

Decent tag match. Standard stuff, nothing extraordinary, but nothing bad either. I liked both these teams at the time, and they had a good match together - there was a decent tag division at this point until they did their usual 'let's split them all up but not do anything with most of them after a couple of weeks' thing.

[HarmonicGenerator]

Unrelated to this project, more out of curiosity to see if it was truly worthy of the UKFF's Worst Match Of The Year award, I rewatched last year's Rumble this morning. Wow, the crowd goes so dead almost the second Bryan goes out, and any glimmer of them waking up again just gets crushed, usually by Kane and Big Show. It's not a good match. And it's not the match I'll be writing up for 2015.

 

I will, however, be doing the 2014 Royal Rumble. From this one, I remember the crowd shitting on the end, and Roman Reigns looking great, and thinking about the former that it was really stupid because Daniel Bryan wasn't in the match and they'd never even hinted otherwise, and thinking about the latter that they could have just risked it and gone with him to win instead of Batista.

 

I felt the same about those two things the last time I watched this, which was pretty much this time last year. I wonder if watching the 2015 match so recently will make the crowd-shitting of this one seem better by comparison. I certainly remember it being a better match than 2015 was. So much non-action in 2015, so much just lying there or standing there in a corner, so much just waiting for the next entrant, so many people in there for no reason or doing nothing of consequence. It's glaring when you watch earlier Rumbles - if it's still the same person putting them together, they don't know how anymore, and if it's someone different, they need to go and watch the old ones and learn how to do it properly.

 

 

The match:

 

Poster note: check out how windswept Daniel Bryan is here.

 

 

I join this just to catch the end of a panel segment with Jim Duggan, Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels shouting over the top of each other. Flair's been a highlight of loads of these Rumbles even though I've only watched a couple of his matches.

 

CM Punk's out first, and he gets a great reaction. CAN YOU IMAGINE if he turns up tomorrow night? The place'd go absolutely nuts. He looks utterly knackered here, the bags under his eyes are huge. This was his last match in WWE, wasn't it?

 

SIERRA

 

HOTEL

 

INDIA

 

ECHO

 

LIMA

 

DELTA

 

SHIELD

 

OH OH OH, CAN YOU IMAGINE if Seth Rollins turns up tomorrow night AND REJOINS REIGNS AND AMBROSE AND THEY REFORM THE SHIELD TO TAKE ON THE MCMAHONS AND TRIPLE H NEW FANTASY BOOKING FANTASY.

 

God, I loved the Shield. I so want that to happen.

 

So we start this match off with CM Punk vs. Seth Rollins. Sure beats Miz vs. R-Truth. 1 for 2014.

 

Rollins tries for an early elimination, Punk gives him a load of kicks in return, Rollins hits some back. Rollins was being called the Architect here (for the benefit of whoever it was in another thread wondering how long prior to the breakup he was being called that). JBL is doing the same thing he'd do in 2015, reeling off pointless Rumble stats about people (and I'm sure he'll do the same for each number as it is announced). I'm taking 2014's point back. 0-0.

 

Punk's been around long enough by this point for Cole to call one of his moves vintage, he signals GTS but Rollins kicks him in the head, then Punk kicks him back harder and they both go down as Damien Sandow runs out to go after Punk.

 

Both intervals so far have had one of the guys try to eliminate somebody straight away (and yes, JBL's doing the stats about the numbers). 2015 didn't even do that. 1-0 again.

 

Punk hits a simultaneous neckbreaker and DDT on the other two in a move I'm sure he nicked from Nova in ECW. I used to love watching video clips of Nova doing mental moves in the days before YouTube when if you wanted to watch random old matches you had to get them off Megaupload or Rapidshare or Yousendit. Or buy ROH DVDs or hope the next WWE 3-discer had matches you wanted to see. And now here I am, with every WWE PPV and WCW and ECW at the press of an 'X' button. Mental. Yay to the Network!

 

Sorry, anyway, Cody Rhodes is out now, sans moustache, he and Sandow have gone right for each other, Cody hits Cross Rhodes and tries to pick up Damien to eliminate him, but Rollins attacks him. Cody then tries to eliminate Rollins and Punk succeeds in getting rid of Sandow. We see Sandow's face, annoyed and surprised. 2-0.

 

(In the 2015 Rumble, Bryan does a 'oh? I've been knocked out. Damn. Ah well, gave it a try' and then when the next entrant walks out you can actually see Bryan casually walking off to the back like he's not really that bothered anymore and is over it. Which is shit, and could have been avoided by a different camera shot, but is actually shit regardless because he should have been kicking off the entire way because he was out.)

 

Punk and Cody team up against Rollins, and they both try to eliminate him - seriously, there was so little of this in the 2015 match by comparison - and here comes Business Kane, who goes straight for Punk. This wouldn't have led to Kane vs. Punk at WrestleMania, would it? I guess at least it'd have had a couple of months build behind it. Punk eliminates Kane! The crowd are loving that, and Punk. 3-0.

 

Rusev! Debut! Now, the Network's playing his proper Rusev music, did he have that at the time or have they overdubbed? Rusev kicks Rollins and nearly throws him out, he kicks Cody as well, and Cole is putting him over massively here - Bulgarian Olympic prospect, muay thai, sumo, he's been taken seriously. Which is really nice. Plus the fact that they were still doing that throughout the year. 4-0!

 

Rusev tries getting Cody out of the way but Rollins jumps on his back to put him to sleep.

 

Jack Swagger gets a reaction! (5-0, because he'd lost his Zebby momentum by the 2015 match) Zeb Colter's with him! He's got the first of these signs:

 

 

Which is marvellous, and he charges right down to Swagger Bomb Seth and Cody as Rusev kicks Punk about in the corner. The two of them stare each other down and then have a little brawl until Rusev squishes him in the corner. USA chants that I BET were started by Hacksaw in his panel box. If you listen closely, you can just about hear a "HOOOOO" from the back of the arena.

 

Everyone else except Punk team up on Rusev, then Swagger decides he'd rather go after Cody instead. Because he's easier to get rid of, I guess? And then Kofi Kingston! Who also gets a reaction - quite a big one compared to 2015 when nobody liked New Day (check out the thread on here about the 2015 event, I was having a skim through today after watching the match. Somebody, I forget who, compares New Day to THE TRUTH COMMISSION, and not favourably!) so I'll call that 6-0. He does a forward roll as soon as he gets in the ring. I'm not sure I like the announcers hyping up the idea of Kofi doing a big escape. I like that Kofi does them every year, but I don't want the announcers hinting another one at me.

 

Swagger and Rollins are trying to eliminate each other, and pretty much everyone's having a go here, which is good, except Punk who's lying in the corner, but I think he's just been put there recently so it's not a Mysterio in 2006 situation. JBL makes a good call! Well, it's an obvious call, but I like the ring of "you can't win the Rumble this early, but you certainly can lose it". That's one more good call than he makes in 2015. 7-0.

 

It's an Uso! Jimmy, in fact. Interesting shorts. Ha! Punk just head butted him and hurt his own head because Samoa, so Jimmy headbutts him back. It's nowhere near connecting but because of Jimmy's heritage, you only have to be a few inches away from his head for it to still hurt. Punk's trying the sleeper trick on Rusev and we're already at entrant 10.

 

Goldust gets a pop when he comes in (I'm having that as 8-0, because while the silence/general background boos happened for half the entrants last year, I don't think that happens here until near the end, also Goldust should get pops, dammit). Punk and Rhodes basically rope in Rollins and Kofi to help them eliminate Rusev, and he, like Sandow, is pissed off about it. Punk tries to eliminate Kofi but Rusev catches him and puts him on the barricade. I REMEMBER THIS! This was incredible. I liked him being surfed around by the Rosebuds, but that just doesn't compare to the barricade run. 9-0. AND THAT LEAP! Bloody ASTONISHING!

 

 

Definitely got more reaction than the Rosebuds, too. Goldust still tries to eliminate someone while the countdown's going. He's one of the only people who remembers to do this in the 2015 match.

 

SIERRA

 

HOTEL

 

INDIA

 

ETC

 

LOOK IT'S

 

DEAN AMBROSE

 

SHIELD!

 

He runs straight to the corner where Seth's in trouble. Brilliant, because it's logical. It's what you'd do. 10-0.

 

One of Jack Swagger's boot straps has come undone.

 

Wow, Dolph Ziggler gets some reaction! He looks identical a year later in 2015, so at least he's changed his look a bit since then. Big 'let's go Ziggler' chant. Other than Kane and Goldust, it's basically all been who I'd term as 'new' guys so far which is nice.

 

Here's R-Truth to change that idea. I could swear these intervals are getting shorter. That, or what's happening in them is just more entertaining. Bye Truth, Ambrose just eliminated him. Rollins smacked Silly Jimmy Uso who'd climbed up to the top rope with a big kick, and Ambrose eliminates him.

 

That bootstrap thing was intentional! It was a tease! Kofi just held onto the boot as Swagger was trying to push him out and it lets him cling onto the bottom rope with his own feet! One boot to the face (literally) later and he's still in it! Go Kofi!

 

KEVIN NASH. I can imagine him turning up tomorrow night. KEVIN NASH! CAN YOU IMAGINE him winning the title? The idea makes me chuckle in a gleeful 'they wouldn't dare, but I kind of want them to' sort of way. Triple H vs. Kevin Nash to headline WrestleMania, yes! Make it happen!

 

He gets a GREAT reaction. nWo music, and there's a little smirk on his face. I want a Nash-Punk showdown of the long serving champions. He eliminates Swagger, thereby, along with the boot thing, giving Swagger more purpose than he had at any point in the 2015 match (I didn't actually see if he got the boot back on, but regardless, 11-0.

 

He advances on Ambrose and Rollins. SHIELD VS. NWO, CAN YOU IMAGINE. Nash, Hall & Syxx vs. The Shield. AAAAGH.

 

Everybody's trying to eliminate people as the clock counts down to

 

SHIT

 

HOW

 

INTENSE DOES

 

EVERYBODY'S FAVOURITE

 

LONG-HAIRED

 

DESTROYER LOOK HERE

 

(SHIELD)

 

Roman Reigns with natural eye colour and a serious expression. 12-0! Nah, let's give that another five points because I bet he's not spending the majority of his run here lying in a corner. 17-0.

 

So the whole Shield's in. He jumps straight in with the apron dropkick, smacks down Cody and spears him, smacks down Goldust, pushes Nash away, catches Kofi in midair and just throws him over his head to the floor. THAT'S how you make an entrance! There's a rotund lady in the crowd with the biggest grin on her face.

 

WHOA! Ziggler just got KILLED by a Spear, and then eliminated. The crowd boo Reigns for that. 17-1, but he gets booed in 2015 as well, so I'm not letting 2015 have that, 17-0 still. Nash gets eliminated too, he hold on to the ropes but after a couple of seconds kind of thinks 'nah, not worth it, I'll just do Hall of Fame next year I think, maybe a run in for Sting' and drops.

 

Khali's next out and the Shield team up to take him out straight away, until the Rhodes Brothers and Punk team up against them. So the field's narrowed to six guys who'd make a great six-man tag match and probably did at one point, but Goldust accidentally eliminates Cody, and then Roman gets rid of Goldust. It's the Shield vs. Punk, and I think if you were going to have put Daniel Bryan in the match, this would be the point to put him in, to help even the odds. But obviously this doesn't happen, because it's….

 

Sheamus! Getting a HUGE pop! He must be returning from an injury or something. The Shield are standing waiting for him and they clamber on top of him but he beats the lot of them around which is great for everyone except one twat in a Macho Man shirt and a cap in the front row who's giving it a thumbs down despite it being pretty great. Brogue Kick for Reigns! The crowd are loving Sheamus! This match has felt like there's been a flow to it all the way through so far, it's not been dull at any point. 27-0 because it deserves 10 points for that.

 

Rollins and Ambrose are both at the 25 minute mark. Miz tries to go toe to toe with Reigns until Ambrose grabs on to his toes (via holding onto his shoe) and takes him down. "Unorthodox stylings", JR would call that. Cole references the Shield's motivation - eliminate everyone, then every man for himself. They have a pre-arranged game plan for the match, that they arranged prior to the match. That's lovely. Have the League of Nations or the Wyatts done that? I bet they fucking haven't, they've been too busy having rematches with Kalisto and the Dudleys probably. 28-0!

 

Fandango! Using his proper Fandango music and not the Latin dance stuff he had in 2015! I'd put that to 29-0 but he's got Summer Rae rather than Rosa Mendes with him here and I'd pick Rosa over Summer (given the choice and a hope in hell) so the count stays at 28.

 

Fandangoing was still a thing at this point. A load of them join together at the ropes, while in the background, Reigns sticks his fingers in his ears and wiggles his jaw around.

 

That's the kind of detail you're glad you read these posts for.

 

The first "Daniel Bryan" chant crops up.

 

It's countered by… El Torito! The sight of him hurricanrana-ing Rollins shuts up the idiots, and then he faces off with Punk, who grabs him by the head… but Torito headscissors-es him! Fandango ruins it by blindsiding him, but he counters! JBL makes a Mantaur reference, and a missile dropkick eliminates Fandango! "Fear the bull!" That's two good calls for JBL, but he ruins it by adding one of his patented "we got a flying [insert noun here]" afterwards. Reigns eliminates Torito, is booed but for arguably the right reasons. We're back to the Shield vs. Miz, Sheamus and Punk.

 

The only guy in the ring at the moment who HASN'T been champion is Dean Ambrose. How about that.

 

Cesaro! Still Antonio here, and with Zeb, who's got his other side. Straight away we get the Cesaro Swing on Miz! Which ends with Miz getting dropkicked by Punk, Cesaro tries to swing him but Ambrose and Rollins break it up, he counters them both and Rollins gets a swing! The camera zooming in and out is horrible and I have to look away because it makes ME dizzy, but Rollins has gone around DOZENS of times. THAT is how you make an impression in a Rumble. I can honestly remember nothing about what Cesaro did in the 2015 match despite having watched it less than 12 hours ago. 29-0, and add another 30 for each time Rollins got swung around. 59-0.

 

Luke Harper, with Wyatts music! Because he was still with Wyatt and not confusingly broken up yet teaming regardless like in 2015! 60! That stain under his chin is horrendous, I've always thought that. What even is it? Water? Beard sweat?

 

Sheamus is almost eliminated by Ambrose as Harper starts on Seth, who must still be out of it from all that swinging. Again, it's all who I'd consider 'new' people in there.

 

The other Uso! There's a sign saying "Go Jey Uso! (or is that Jimmy!)" I swear JBL's using the exact same stats he used in 2015. Minus 5 points. 55.

 

Harper and Cesaro clobber each other in an entertaining fashion and Reigns and Punk have a bit of a rest in adjacent corners.

 

JBL'S MUSIC! Which is nicely foreshadowed by him saying not a minute ago, in response to being questioned about all his stats, about how you've got to do your research because anything can happen in a Royal Rumble, like surprise entrants. HE WAS GIVING US ALL A CLUE. A RAGING REDNECK RIGHTWING CLUE. JBL'S IN THE RUMBLE! "The JBL character has never entered a Royal Rumble match", says Cole, somewhat weirdly. I would have given the first part of that a point, but Cole's had it taken away again, but JBL calls Cole over to collect his jacket, so they can have the point again. 56-0.

 

Reigns eliminates him, anyway, and gets booed for the third time due to who he's knocked out, but JBL gets a "you still got it" chant, which I quite like in this situation. Back at the announce desk they do a carbon copy of Jerry Lawler in 1997 where JBL's pretending it never happened but that's fine because it was really funny then and it's still good here. 57-0 for good use of surprise entrants! Better than Bubba Ray's anticlimactic elimination just as he was doing well and Boogeyman's add-nothing cameo (cool as he looked). DDP was good, but overall the surprises here just work more effectively.

 

I think Erick Rowan's the first entrant so far who's entered to no reaction. He tries to eliminate Miz twice but can't do it by himself due to general ineptitude so Harper has to finish the job for him. Jey Uso's still in there, he's probably the only guy left who hasn't made much of a difference to anything, but Harper helps Rowan again and he's gone, so never mind.

 

Wow! We were JUST ABOUT to get a Harper & Rowan vs. Ambrose & Rollins face off and fight which would have been a super preview of their Elimination Chamber six man but the camera cuts away to see Ryback's entrance. This is where that extra corner camera on screen would have been perfect. Taking 10 points off for this. 47-0. And fuck Ryback for that. On the plus side we're already on entrant 26 and this still hasn't dragged, so they can have a point back. 48.

 

He still gets Goldberg chants at this point. He doesn't anymore, though, does he? I can't remember the last Ryback match I watched and didn't fast forward through parts of, if I'm honest. Sheamus and Cesaro smack each other about a bit. Punk hasn't done much in a while. He and Seth have both hit the 40 minute mark.

 

Alberto Del Rio can join Rowan in the No Reaction Club because nobody cares very much that he's turned up. There's a terrible camera angle where they must be trying to get the big 'Royal Rumble' sign in the background but all you really get is the ringpost and CM Punk's body lying sideways on the top rope. Reigns hasn't done all that much in a while either.

 

DRAX THE DESTROYER MR HINX BIG DAVE! BATISTA! He gets a good pop when his music hits, but they do turn on him a fair bit when he gets in the ring. Rowan gets eliminated and then we get a bit with him and Ryback before Ryback's gone too. Ryback also looks annoyed at his elimination. Del Rio kicks Batista in the head, but Batista picks him up with one arm and he's gone as well. Yay Batista! He's done nothing wrong here that I can see.

 

I do NOT remember this music for Big E at all, it's awful! He hits the old school Lesnar-style backbreakers on Sheamus. I think some fat twat in a CM Punk shirt with his back to the ring is trying to lead a 'Daniel Bryan' chant but it doesn't take off. Ah, no, there it is, they're all going 'YES'. Poor Rey Mysterio feels the brunt of this crowd reaction. They don't react to anything he does, and just chant for Bryan. Load of shite.

 

Big E's gone, but there's still about 8 guys in there. There's booing and there's silence, it must have been a horrible atmosphere to have to wrestle in. Rollins gets the 619, but then eliminates Rey with a kick and the crowd cheer again, but that booing and ANOTHER Daniel Bryan chant is unpleasant to hear. You can make the case for it being deserved in 2015 but I can't agree with the argument in this case. 48-1.

 

Ambrose just tried to eliminate Reigns, and the crowd cheer again - they actually do want to get into this - and Cesaro takes advantage when Rollins argues with Dean about it. Reigns then chucks all three of them and the crowd cheer again. They like eliminations! (unlike 2015, it could and will be said, where Big Show - who wasn't in this match, I just remembered, because Lesnar squashed him earlier in the show - and Kane's eliminations were met with resounding "urgh"s). But Batista's waiting for him! Spinebuster! Sheamus Brogue Kicks Batista! Punk then GTS's Sheamus! And does the same to Reigns! This is our final four, and it is certainly better than 2015's. 49-1.

 

Punk's the only one of the four currently up at the moment - though he looks exhausted, and probably was - but Kane shows up! And he pulls Punk over the top rope! Which means under this year's rules that he's eliminated! Even though a referee was right there and saw everything! Disgraceful officiating, which as you've probably seen throughout this thread is a bit of a running tradition when it comes to Royal Rumble shows, aside, it's a Wrongful Elimination That Could Have Led Somewhere. That 'somewhere' meant a match with Kane in this case, but still, it's a storyline. Kane's not as sweaty here as he would be in 2015. Punk's long run ended up not meaning a huge amount, but you could say the same for Bray Wyatt's last year. Scores remain the same.

 

In a blatant bit of spot-calling (though you could construe it as him saying 'you're going to pay for this you about-to-walk-out bastard', Kane then CHOKESLAMS CM PUNK THROUGH THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE!

 

Royal Rumble Chokeslam count: 17

 

(This gives 2014 another point, 50-1, but 2015 for all its faults had a fuckload of chokeslams, so it can have a point as well. 50-2.)

 

One of the Spanish announcers has a water bottle with a suspiciously yellow liquid in it. There's another Daniel Bryan chant.

 

Big boos for the three men left. They look at each other for ages which might not help. There's actually some good interactions but the crowd are having none of it. Macho Mach t-shirt cap twat is doing the 'NO NO NO' thing. They do it along with Sheamus smacking his own chest, which makes me wonder why Sheamus keeps doing it after the first couple. Reigns eliminates Sheamus, and the crowd wakes up again as Batista almost chucks him but can't.

 

It's Batista vs. Reigns and even Macho Man t-shirt cap twat can be seen to be going "come on, Roman". They pop and cheer for him clotheslining Batista down, but there's a definite sense that I haven't sensed on previous watches that this isn't a "we want Reigns" thing, it's just a "we didn't get Daniel Bryan so we're not having Batista" thing. He does get a "Roman Reigns" chant, though, and when he Spears Batista there's a huge pop! He'd kill for this sort of reaction these days. Unfortunately, however, Batista chucks him pretty soon after and that's your lot.

 

Reigns looks devastated outside, and Batista is pretty much walking alone through this particular pit of danger, because nobody seems to be with him in the crowd. The first genuine movie star to come out of wrestling since The Rock… they should have learned from the summer of 2002 with Rock and just gone for Hollywood Batista straight off the bat.

 

A lot of the replays are focusing on Reigns. Possibly because he's not getting booed in any of the clips. Batista does not look all that happy about his win being greeted with Daniel Bryan chants. It's not all that bad, though, because they cover a lot of the negative crowd reaction with fireworks, a clever trick they maybe should have had on standby for last year (though I think that, much like here I expect, they weren't envisioning the crowd turning on them).

 

 

My thoughts:

 

That's a good Rumble. It is. I liked the whole thing and it holds up well to repeat viewing. People look good in this Rumble.

 

Regarding the two things right at the top of this post - the crowd shitting on the ending and Roman Reigns looking great. The crowd do absolutely shit on the end, and I maintain that it's still unjustified. If Bryan had been in the match, okay, maybe it's a bit more excusable, but he wasn't, and there was never any intention of him being so, so shut up, you twats. The shitting isn't as sustained as 2015, however, and there are moments right up until the end where they're enjoying things, so you get much more of a sense of this being a vocal neckbearded minority. With that said, WWE were right to just stick with the Batista win. Reigns does look good. He does look like a future star, but this isn't as much of a star-making match as my memories told me it was. I'm not sure I'd have totally bought into him as the winner here - he was hot towards the end, but it wasn't truly due to them wanting him so much as it was not wanting Batista. If they'd had him win it'd have been an ultra last minute thing that might have only appeased one crowd. They definitely called it right here - and it all worked out in the end for WrestleMania XXX (albeit not for Batista, minus the whole Marvel hero / best part of Spectre part of his career).

 

According to my calculations, this match is exactly 25 times better than the 2015 Rumble, but I'd say it's even more than that, because I really didn't like 2015's upon a rewatch, whereas this I could quite happily watch again this time next year.

[HarmonicGenerator]

And finally… from 2015… my pick for Match of the Year… Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena vs. Seth Rollins.

 

 

The match:

 

As the three guys stand in the ring, Seth Rollins looks like he belongs alongside Cena and Lesnar. Cena's getting some boos because Philadelphia. Mixed reaction for Rollins too. Heyman is just staring at Lesnar. He's the people's favourite.

 

This is no count out, no DQ.

 

The bell rings, Lesnar charges right for Rollins who escapes out of the ring. Cena tries to pound on Brock but he hits two German suplexes and Cena's down and out already. Lesnar tries to F5 Rollins but J&J interfere, they get a German between them. Cena tries for the AA, Lesnar counters, Rollins kicks him but all it takes is a couple of knees and Rollins is down too, German for Rollins, then another one for Cena, who just can't catch a break. Lesnar stands over the two prone bodies as Heyman smirks and the crowd cheers. WHAT a fantastic opening sequence.

 

The way Cena bumps off all these suplexes - there's another one - makes them look even greater than they are. Rollins gets another German as well, and he lands nastily on his arm and shoulder. Brock doesn't give a shit, and there's another one for Cena. Utterly dominant. Superb.

 

Although I wish Macs didn't autocorrect suplex to 'duplex'. It's a right pain when you're watching a Lesnar match. The crowd chants ECW, for some reason, Lesnar locks on the Kimura and Cena INCREDIBLY manages to lift himself and Brock up out of it, that's a proper superhero image as his muscles strain with the effort, then Rollins comes flying off the top rope with a knee. The two of them team up against Lesnar - the only way to take him out - and Cena hits the AA. Rollins slides in for a pin and LESNAR KICKS OUT AT 1.

 

All Brock needs is one second and he can hit a move. Once he's done that, you're done for. Out of the ring, Rollins kicks Brock and he's down as Cena dropkicks him. Joey Mercury's still selling that German, the wimp. Back in the ring we get some Cena vs. Rollins. Good strategy, try to avoid Brock if at all possible. The crowd boos and Cena just smiles at them because he doesn't give a shit, he goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle and BROCK COMES IN WITH ANOTHER GERMAN SUPLEX, AND THEN ANOTHER ONE AND HE HOLDS ON until Rollins kicks him in the head.

 

This is action packed, and absolutely the opposite of that 2012 triple threat. Michinoku Driver by Cena gets 2 on Seth. As Brock grabs a breather outside, Seth hits a blockbuster (top rope flip neckbreaker thing, right?) and Lesnar comes back in to break it up. Rollins gets chucked outside - through the middle rope, not over the top - and Cena hits three clotheslines to get Brock down. Rollins pulls him out of the ring and tries to springboard into Lesnar WHO CATCHES HIM AND HITS AN F5 BECAUSE ALL HE NEEDS IS ONE SECOND. Cena breaks it up. Brock is a BEAST. There's surely no way he's not winning tonight.

 

I seriously don't know if I could suspend disbelief to the point that I could think ANYONE is lasting more than a couple of seconds against Brock in the Rumble. It's going to take all four Wyatts at least to even stop him for a moment.

 

He hits another German on Cena while they're doing the replay of the F5. Cena's done, so Brock focuses on Rollins. He dismantles the announce table and throws the top at J&J because he doesn't give a shit, then smashes a monitor against the steps. He gets back in the ring AND BROCK GETS UP and Cena hits another AND BROCK STILL GETS UP and Cena hits A THIRD ONE and Seth breaks up the pin, he HITS A CURB STOMP and Cena breaks it up! That's pretty much the only way you could hope to get him down. "This is awesome" chant, which I hate, but I don't disagree with.

 

I wish they didn't get rid of Rollins' Curb Stomp. I don't think he's been the same since they stopped him doing it. It was over, it helped his act a lot. I couldn't tell you what his finisher is now. Pedigree? Meh.

 

Anyway, Brock went outside so Cena sprinted into him and they both crashed through the barrier! Cena willing to hurt himself because it's the only way to put Lesnar down for more than a moment. He still gets up quite quickly so John just throws him as hard as he can into the steps. He STILL GETS UP so Cena smashes the steps into his head and Brock ends up on the announce table.

 

I know what happens next.

 

The crowd knows too, they're going mad.

 

Rollins is up on the top rope.

 

FUCK

 

FUCK

 

FUCKING HELL

 

WHAT AN ELBOW

 

THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE

 

I could watch that again and again and again. Lawler's great on commentary as they show the ultra slow motion replays, which are tremendous. "Look at this! LOOK! LOOK!" Unbelievable.

 

Another "This is awesome" chant, and you really can't disagree. This is a good crowd if you give them good stuff! 

 

Rollins rolls up Cena for 2, kicks him for 2 again.

 

 

Thing of beauty.

 

Cena hits a BIG sit out powerbomb for 2. Paul Heyman's calling for a doctor. This match made Seth Rollins as a main eventer. If they'd been able to keep his momentum going throughout the year, I don't think people would have been as … relieved? Is relieved the word? … when he had to vacate the title in November.

 

Rollins hits a big powerbomb into the turnbuckle for 2. STF gets locked in, and this is actually the slowest-paced part of the match so far! J&J break it up and pick Seth up. No DQ! A stretcher's coming out for Lesnar as J&J&S hit the Shield powerbomb on Cena BOOOOOOO YOU'RE NOT THE SHIELD NOBLE AND MERCURY AND YOU NEVER WILL BE.

 

Rollins comes running in to hit Cena with the MITB briefcase and gets thrown over the top rope...

 

'If that were a Rumble, he'd have been eliminated' count: 24

 

… and a DOUBLE AA to J&J, and then one to Rollins! 1, 2, HE KICKED OUT! "Amazing! Amazing" cries Lawler, who you get the sense is genuinely enjoying this. Lesnar's being put on the stretcher.

 

They do the 'boo! yay!' punch exchange and reverse some finishers and Seth hits a BEAUTIFUL Curb Stomp AND CENA KICKS OUT! Cena's out, though, and Rollins looks at him … then looks at the turnbuckle … then looks at Cena … then climbs up … then HITS A PHOENIX SPLASH BUT LESNAR GOT UP AND HE HIT SETH WITH A GERMAN AND THEN CENA AND COLE'S SCREAMING ABOUT HOW THE HELL IS HE UP AND ANOTHER ONE FOR SETH BUT HE LANDS ON HIS FEET BRIEFCASE TO LESNAR'S HEAD AND A NOTHER ONE HE'S GOING FOR THE CURB STOMP F5 F5 F5 F5 F5 1 2 3 FUCKING HELL HE RETAINS!

 

Wow! I'd forgotten how good that finishing sequence was. Blimey. What a match.

 

 

My thoughts:

 

This is a modern classic. What a match. Lesnar is, along with Summerslam 2014, the best he's ever looked here. Rollins is MADE by this match, he's a bona fide main eventer when you watch this. And Cena's the glue of the match, it simply wouldn't have been nearly as good without him there. The start of his year of cracking matches.

 

The SPEED of Brock getting up after that Phoenix Splash, the IMPACT of those suplexes, the crowd reactions, the BEAUTY of that elbow … wonderful, wonderful match.

 

 

 

 

 

------------------

 

 

 

 

So that's it! I've come to the end of 'a Royal Rumble match a day', and to the end of 'a Big 4 match a day' series. So, what have I learned?

 

1) Survivor Series isn't a 'big 4'. It's a big 3, and Survivor Series is frankly just another show. The other 3 feel special no matter what era you watch, Survivor Series doesn't have that. It's been around a while and really that's all it's got going for it.

 

2) I'd argue that the Rumble is the number 2 show of the year. Summerslam's great, I love Summerslam, it's a good big show to build to at the halfway point of the WWE year, but even watching the undercard matches from Royal Rumbles past and present, there's more of a feeling of occasion, and of stuff meaning something, at a Rumble that you don't always get from a Summerslam. It's the number 3 show of the year for me.

 

3) If you want to get hyped for a big show, this is a good way to do it, and it helps you get your money's worth out of the Network too!

 

I've really enjoyed watching these Rumble matches. I can recommend doing it very much. Not as much as I would for WrestleMania, I really really recommend that. But it's a fun thing to do.

 

My favourite match of this series might have been the last one. I love that Triple Threat. But I also love the 1992 Rumble very much, so I think that's top. I also really liked watching Valentine vs. Garvin, X-Pac vs. Gangrel (yes, really), and the 2014 Rumble. 

 

(And for those who desperately need to know, the final Chokeslam count across all four threads was…. 36! 36 Chokeslams.)

 

I hope you've enjoyed reading these posts, if you have been doing so. I might do WrestleMania again, but without actually posting about it, which will probably come as a relief to many. If you find yourself with a bit of spare time in March - or in August, or in January - do it! Thanks for reading!

 

 

 

 

 

[wandshogun09]

I'm currently saving up for a bulldog and it's because of you and that Matilda gif. Well, I've wanted a bulldog for years but that gif in your 'SummerSlam match a day' thread was the final kick up the arse for me.

 

Great read as always. I'm always more into earlier match reviews, 80s - early 00s, because that's the period when I was most into wrestling. Anything after 2006ish I'm less familiar with. But the later reviews have made me look up matches I was either unaware happened or been meaning to watch for a while. This thread made me watch the Undertaker vs Rey Mysterio match, for example, and I loved it. Glorified squash that it was. I didn't even know they'd met in a singles match.

 

Good stuff, HG.