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A Royal Rumble (PPV) match a day


HarmonicGenerator

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I watched the 04 Rumble a while back and was annoyed the match graphic showed all 30 competitors. What, no surprises? Alright, there was Foley (taking out Test for some reason) but still

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Straight off, here's something the 1989 Rumble does that I'd really, really like them to bring back. Go and watch the first minute and a half of the show on the Network. 1989 Vince runs through the competitors in the Rumble one by one while mini clips of each of them play. So easy to do, it takes a couple of minutes (literally) but gives you a great idea of who to expect in the Rumble, who might win, etc etc. BRING IT BACK.

 

I think that's one of those things that seems like you'd enjoy it but in reality wouldn't, like the punditry on the pre-shows. Nostalgia makes it all lovely, but if they did the rundown of competitors now with Fandango and Ziggler and Matador B and all the other shitehawks, it wouldn't be interesting. And It'd spoil the surprise entry of Papa Shango or Max Moon or whoever they've roped in.

 

 

Yeah, probably, and perhaps I should have qualified that with "if the roster these days had fewer shitehawks on it". It'd still get a nice nostalgia glow from me if they did it, though, and I reckon it'd be serviceable if you did it for the majority, but not all, of the entrants, leaving out the surprises and the dregs. Do what they do in the 1990 opening.

 

"Some of the participants include!

The Intercontinental Champion, Dean Ambrose!

The Bulgarian brawler, Rusev!

The sensational high flyer, Neville!

The Lucha Dragons!

The Dudley Boyz!

Former WWE Champion, Sheamus!"

 

etc etc. 

 

This is maybe just because nostalgia's one of the only ways they can pull me in nowadays.

 

 

 

 I missed who the bloke with the monocle and the Quebec flag was. Who's he?

 

 

Frenchy Martin. Probably best known for being stomped by Ron Garvin at Wrestlemania V.

 

 

Thanks! Gap in the knowledge filled. And speaking of Garvin...

 

My 1990 choice, as determined by the thread, is going to be Ronnie Garvin vs. Greg Valentine, and it sounds like I'm either going to love this one or hate it.

 

 

The match:

 

Oh! This is a submission match, according to "The Fink", who is named as such by the screen. Neither bloke gets an entrance.

 

Christ, Greg Valentine looks a state. Can't find a picture of him, but fucking hell, he's like the bloke at the local working men's club who's always in the same seat every Thursday night, who you never see arrive, and never see leave, no matter what time you're there, he's there. That hair. Even the gold robe doesn't look good on him. I'm Team Garvin already.

 

Did Valentine just get out of bed or something? There is NO excuse for that hair.

 

30 seconds in, Greg's already begging for mercy, and Garvin gives none, chopping and chopping and chopping and then going for a pin. Oops. Garvin, now, there's haircut you could set your watch to.

 

They've both got shin pads on. I believe I'm correct in stating that this match was a primary influence on the kick pad wearing Many Many Skinny Guys of Mid-00s BritWres.

 

It's been all striking so far, Garvin tries to go for the shin padded leg of the Hammer, but it's countered, Greg hits a couple of elbows and then headbutts him between the legs. And goes for the pin. Did nobody tell these two the rules or something?

 

Garvin's reeling, but they have a FANTASTIC exchange of strikes - seriously, wow, that was great! - that leaves both men down. 

 

A piledriver is countered and then both guys go for pins AGAIN. "I feel this match is going to go a long way before one of them submits", says Jesse. You're not wrong if they both keep fucking going for pins, Body. I blame the referee. YOU HAVE ONE JOB.

 

Valentine might have finally got the idea and tries for the Figure Four, which Garvin counters. INTO A MOTHERFUCKING PIN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE RONNIE.

 

Nope, Greg's done it too.

 

WHAT IS THIS.

 

Fucking FINALLY, we get the Figure Four Leglock locked in, but Garvin's smiling, makes a face, and… the shin pad blocks the Figure Four?! Someone tell every single Ric Flair opponent ever, that's a foolproof counter! Why has that not caught on! Garvin's a genius!

 

No.

 

No he's fucking not.

 

Because HE FUCKING JUST FUCKING TRIED TO FUCKING PIN HIM AGAIN. WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING. GARVIN. YOU. IDIOT. HOW have they not realised it's a submission match yet?! WHAT IS THIS RIDICULOUSNESS?!

 

That's more like it, Valentine's got Garvin in an over-the-shoulder submission, which used to be Ventura's move apparently, as Jesse proceeds to instruct the viewers on how the Hammer's doing it wrong. It doesn't get the submission so Valentine chokes him instead. They get back up to the feet and Garvin is hitting some beautiful strikes, which we get to see from a camera in the corner. When this match doesn't consist of them trying to pin each other, it's fantastic.

 

Garvin's got a submission on the leg now, only took him half the match to remember the rules, but Valentine reaches the ropes. On the outside they go at each other with chops and again, this is fantastic, and another piledriver attempted is countered, Garvin hits the floor.

 

Back in, Ronnie goes charging at Greg in the corner but gets himself trapped in the Tree of Woe, but the referee helps him out, which seems unfair, because, as Jesse points out, Valentine could have just left him trapped upside down there until he had to give up. That's quite a good strategy, actually. 

 

Anyway, both men are down again and Jimmy Hart's nicked Garvin's shin pad! He's vulnerable to the Figure Four now! Nooooo! He's done for! Garvin tries desperately to turn it over - the intensity on his face is wonderful - but Valentine turns it back and uses the ropes to do even more damage. This is it for Garvin, the Hammer's just stamping on his leg, and Ventura - fuck, he was good, wasn't he? - suggests he should just give up because his career could be over otherwise.

 

OH FUCKING HELL RONNIE.

 

HE JUST TRIED TO PIN HIM.

 

AGAIN.

 

FUCK'S. SAKE.

 

Fucking KILL him, Valentine. It's no more than he deserves. No sympathy.

 

He's taken Valentine's shin pad off now, and….

 

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD VALENTINE JUST TRIED TO PIN HIM WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY ARE THEY CONTINUALLY TRYING TO GODFUCKING PIN EACH OTHER?!?!?!?!?

 

So yeah, Jimmy Hart tried to interfere, Garvin goes after him with the shin pad, Valentine tries to sneak up on Garvin with the other shin pad, Garvin sees him, clobbers him, locks in what Schiavone calls a fever figure four but is blatantly the Sharpshooter - when did Bret Hart start using that? - and Valentine submits! Garvin wins!

 

I do prefer tap-outs to 'yes/no' submissions. And I'd prefer anything to PINS. IN A SUBMISSION MATCH.

 

 

My thoughts:

 

Right. I can't decide if I loved or hated that.

 

I loved the intensity of the match. Those exchanges were they were going at each other with chops and punches were absolutely brilliant. When they actually put submissions on each other, that was great.

 

I loved the two guys' performances. I couldn't consider myself an aficionado (or fan, really) of either man but I was really really impressed. Garvin was excellent, and Valentine, despite looking like a leathery grandma who's not left the house since September except to pop for fags, is always good or better.

 

But I hated,

 

hated,

 

hated hated hated,

 

THE FACT THEY KEPT TRYING TO PIN EACH OTHER IN A SUBMISSION MATCH.

 

Once, okay, that's fine. It's like Savage forgetting he's in a Royal Rumble. I can understand that.

 

Twice, okay, it's a bit silly but you can retcon it in your mind and claim they're caught up in the match or something.

 

But the sheer number of times BOTH men tried to win by pinfall here, in what I am absolutely certain was announced in the ring immediately beforehand, and both of them were there at the time so there's no way they didn't hear it even if you forget the fact they'd have been fucking told so at least once before they went out there, was A SUBMISSION MATCH THAT YOU CAN ONLY WIN BY SUBMISSION HENCE WHY IT'S CALLED A SUBMISSION MATCH, is just baffling. Baffling. It took me out of the match every time they did it - which wasn't even at any particular point, it was throughout, which is far worse than just doing it at the start because you forgot or the end because you're caught up in what you're doing - and I'd go so far as to say it ruined the match completely for me. Absolutely infuriating.

 

If it wasn't for that, I'd have loved this. But as it is, I'm going to go with 'hated it, but damn, it could have been brilliant'. And it was at times. It really was. But fucking hell, what were they playing at with all those pins?!

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I absolutely love that match. Just a hated filled fight with two people who really know how to lay it in, it feels more like an NWA match than a 1990 WWF match and it really benefits for it. Ron Garvin is one of the most underrated wrestlers going.

 

The pinning was probably an edict from above in order to get over that pins don't matter and WWF probably didn't think the viewers were smart enough to realise that without it being drummed into the skull like ABCs to a 4 year old. 

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blatantly the Sharpshooter - when did Bret Hart start using that?

 

1991, after the Harts' were split for good on TV. Fun fact - Sting was doing the Scorpion Death Lock on TV before 1987 was over.

 

I do prefer tap-outs to 'yes/no' submissions.

 

There's probably a "generation gap" here from what was commonplace when getting into wrestling, but I'm the opposite. When "tapping out" became the standard method of signalling submission I hated it because it seemed like something the WWF just lifted from the UFC out of desire to be more like the UFC and because they had signed Shamrock. It seemed bizarre to me to see wrestlers "tapping" to give up in holds that previously they'd have just said "Yes" to the ref instead of flailing like a pillock. I understand it in MMA when the face/mouth is frequently obscured because they're in a front guilotine choke or gogoplata or something but it looks weird someone flapping around in a figure-4 tapping the mat. I only like it in something like the Crippler Crossface where it seems natural to have to tap to alert the ref because your mouth has an arm across it and the ref might not hear you. I really used to love the Rings Of Saturn for the precise reason wrestlers couldn't pansy-ass "tap" and you could see them nodding "Yes!" Be forced to TELL the ref and your enemy that you're giving up, that he's the better man. That's SUBMITTING for you. (not kinky)

 

I suppose my real problem with "tapping" is that it gave rise to the utterly nonsensical practice of wrestlers "tapping" to their enemys submission hold in an angle/attack when there is no ref or match to stop. It's pointless. You wouldn't do it in a real fight if it's not an actual match because your enemy is only as likely to let go as if you were whining "Let go, you meanie, that really hurts!!!" Worst is when it happens backstage. I get why they do it ; it's for the viewing audience to think "Oooooh, he might give up if he ends up in that hold at the PPV!" Except that's a match, and what I'm watching is a guy giving the visual signal that he gives up, in a situation where there's no reason to signal. Struggle, try and fight them off, shout "Get off me you fucking prick!" - but tapping the floor? Just... no.

 

Anyway..... that match. Loved it for brutality, loved it for a focus on submissions back in the days when legit Superstars very rarely beat each other by submission on telly, loved it because it gave something worth doing to two guys that were fairly marginal at the time and indeed for the rest of both their runs in the company. Shame nobody explained the rules to them before the match, as you say.......

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Fucking FINALLY, we get the Figure Four Leglock locked in, but Garvin's smiling, makes a face, and… the shin pad blocks the Figure Four?! Someone tell every single Ric Flair opponent ever, that's a foolproof counter! Why has that not caught on! Garvin's a genius!

That was one of the things I loved about this match - it's not in the commentary, but apparently Valentine's shin-guard was called "The Heartbreaker", and Garvin's was called "The Hammer Jammer". Love stuff like that.

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When tapping first came in, I wasn't a fan. As raid says, it felt like a rip off. Now I wouldn't be without it. It really adds to the drama in big matches and generates a reaction from the crowd that you just didn't before. Watching old matches, I see that lack of drama now.

 

I do agree with raid on the tapping outside of matches. I also hate the "I might tap" faking some people do. Sometimes it works but a lot of people just can't carry it off.

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Raid, Rick and NEWM - I'd agree, it is a generational thing. I was most hooked on wrestling during the Angle/Benoit era, and so loved the visual of the tapping. 

 

I absolutely love that match. Just a hated filled fight with two people who really know how to lay it in, it feels more like an NWA match than a 1990 WWF match and it really benefits for it. Ron Garvin is one of the most underrated wrestlers going.

 

The pinning was probably an edict from above in order to get over that pins don't matter and WWF probably didn't think the viewers were smart enough to realise that without it being drummed into the skull like ABCs to a 4 year old. 

 

If that's the case, it was a damn stupid edict. As I said, I'd have really loved the match if it wasn't for that.

 

 

 

1991! Time for some WWE Championship action. It can only be Ultimate Warrior vs. Sgt Slaughter!

 

 

The match:

 

Sgt Slaughter nodding along in his pre-match interview with Gen. Adnan like he understands Arabic. I am sad he won this because after his promo I just want Warrior to destroy him. 

 

Warrior's got a neat red, white and blue colour scheme going on. God I loved Warrior. And wouldn't you know it, he's more intelligible than his opponent in his promo. He's going to be THE ULTIMATE VICTAAAAAAAAAAHBLABHLBLHAHAHAHLBLAAAAA.

 

How long did the title belt have a purple strap?

 

Slaughter's found time between the promo and his entrance to change his headscarf for a hard hat. Piper's selling the "God bless America" support-the-troops stuff big time on commentary. This was nearly 25 years ago and it feels utterly cheap now, I can only imagine what it would have been like watching while the Gulf War was happening.

 

Tastelessness aside, there's a match going on. And bloody hell we're straight into it! Warrior sprinted straight down into a double clothesline on Slaughter and Adnan! Both men are then thrown over the top rope!

 

'If that were a Rumble, he'd have been eliminated' count: 3

 

Warrior tears the Iraqi flag into pieces while Piper cheers himself practically unconscious. I don't know if we can leave the tastelessness aside here, but Warrior's beatdown is getting a reaction. Slaughter's bumping around like a mad thing with a bit of flag in his mouth. He even does his big turnbuckle bump! Warrior looks unstoppable here, and that's at least partly due to Slaughter's selling, and partly the ENERGY Warrior's brought with him.

 

Queen Sherri's turned up! She just grabbed Warrior's leg! Get her Warrior! NO! WHAT! SAVAGE! FUCK! He's pummelling him! And he's off! Fuck! Forgot that happened!

 

Warrior's down and out, and Savage was so quick that Hebner didn't see anything so he's counting Warrior out. Slaughter is stopping him from counting, but I don't think that's how it works, all he has to do is go outside and back in again and Hebner would have to start from 1 again, right? 

 

Warrior's crawling towards the ring, Savage has got a lot to answer for. Slaughter gets him back in the ring and starts kicking him in the ribs with his curly toes. I can hear booing but when we get the hard cam view you mainly see women buying popcorn and kids jumping up and down because they're on the screen.

 

Warrior fights back with a clothesline that knocks both men down, but Slaughter gets up first. The beatdown has helped Slaughter seem like a viable contender to the title here, if you take away Warrior's manic energy bursts then he becomes vulnerable. Doubt a bear hug's going to do the job, mind, Slaughter.

 

Unless he's planning to just keep him there until he falls asleep naturally, because it feels like the hug's gone on for about four days.

 

Eventually, Warrior fights back with a double shoulder karate chop, but he's in pain. Again Slaughter's up first, and a tactical series of elbows to the back are keeping Warrior down. The Slaughter style is really effective against a Warrior style. Methodical and targeted vs. MOVE MOVE MOVE. Camel Clutch is applied, but Warrior's feet are outside the ring. Hebner breaks up the hold, Slaughter tries to celebrate but Hebner leaps higher than he's ever leapt before to smack his hand back down again. See, this is where tap outs are handy, Slaughter wouldn't have had that confusion there!

 

However, the confusion's allowed Warrior to mount a comeback, clothesline clothesline shoulder charge, ah shit, Sherri's back. "Get out of here you witch!" says commentary. You tell her! She's on the apron distracting Warrior, he brings her into the ring, looks like she's about to get Gorilla Pressed but SAVAGE IT'S SAVAGE IT'S WHOOOOOOA! She just got thrown over the top rope onto him!

 

'If that were a Rumble, they'd have been eliminated' count: 4

 

SAVAGE JUST HIT WARRIOR WITH HIS SCEPTRE YOU FUCKER SAVAGE YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKER! Slaughter pinned him! No! No! 

 

You can feel the life drain out of the arena. That's an eerie sound. The most recent thing I can equate it to is the Streak ending. It's like a black hole just opened up to eat up the sound. Then the 'bullshit' chant starts up. Then Slaughter is announced as Champion, and people are not happy, but I'm not sure that they're 'not happy' in the way that WWE might have wanted them to be 'not happy'.

 

Don't worry though, crowd, you've got Koko B. Ware vs. The Mountie next!

 

 

My thoughts:

 

That was quite an enjoyable match. You get a nice Warrior shine at the start, Slaughter plays his part well, and you get the antithesis of a clean finish, which works. Mostly, though, you get the set-up for Warrior vs. Savage, which is just bloody wonderful, and makes me want to watch their WrestleMania VII match straight away. Great way to get the title off Warrior, and begin the road to one of my favourite ever matches. Slaughter as champion I can give or take, but the way this match panned out, it wasn't really the title situation I was bothered about.

 

 

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You missed out the most important bit - earlier in the show, when Sherri puts her best frock on and tries to whore her way into Warrior promising Savage the next title shot if he wins, a promise they've already had from Sarge, apparently. Really is a core part of the enjoyment of the story, for me. Mainly because Sherri sexpesting on Warrior is more porn than most porn I've watched. I mean, she's not "1989 stockings and frequent bum flashes" hot, but had I been Jim, integrity would have been out the window quicker than you can say "post-coital soma."

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I fucking hate that match. Always have. The Sherri interview is legendary and Warrior's jacket is epic. Savage's interference is absolutely brilliant too. Savage at his angry, aggressive, borderline psychotic best.

 

But that apart, Warrior sells for ages and then loses to the worst WWF Champion I've ever known. It makes me want to curl up in the foetal position and have a good cry.

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Always loved that Greg Valentine, Rugged Ronnie Garvin match from the 1990 Rumble. having watched it back on the DVD version a few times, are there bits of it missing? Recorded the original off Sky One, iirc, and my memory is playing tricks with me that some of the match is indeed clipped. Is that the same on the network?

 

Slaughter bumping around like a mad man for Warrior was always a favourite of the th1991 match, the bit where he nearly goes flying into the first few rows over the ringpost would grace any episode of Lucha Underground, well, maybe.

 

Love these threads, cant wait to see what else is to come.

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1992's choice can only be the Royal Rumble itself.

 

Full disclaimer: I can, in no way, shape or form, even begin to come close to Air Raid's absolutely glorious, wonderful review of this match. I'm not even going to try. So rather than a standard write-up, I'm going to try something different for this one.

 

 

The match:

 

O 1992 Royal Rumble! How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

 

1. The pre-match promos by some of the guys in the match. Piper! Michaels! Bulldog! Jake! Flair! Hogan!

2. "Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the Royal Rumble!"

3. Gorilla and Bobby on commentary. Such a wonderful duo. Flawless here.

4. The winner will be the WWE Champion. This is a match with STAKES. You know, if Vince really wants to screw with Roman Reigns, he'd make him defend the title in this year's Rumble. Sod the 'main event of WrestleMania' stipulation, half the time they don't stick to it anyway.

5. "Jack 'on the take' Tunney."

6. "Will you stop?!"

7. IT'S DAVEY BOY! THE BRITISH BULLDOG!

8. The glittery Union flag that clearly struck a spark in a young Geri Halliwell, watching at home.

9. "Shut up shut up, who's number 2? COME ON!"

10. HA HA HA HA HA! Ted DiBiase and Sensational Sherri!

11. No 'testing each other out', just straight into it with stuff that makes me think 'this would have been a great one on one match'. Bulldog vs. DiBiase, did it ever happen and was it any good?

12. BULLDOG ELIMINATES DIBIASE! AMAZING!

13. Ted's reaction to being eliminated. None of this shit just walking away they do these days. He's pissed off at the fact!

14. "NO! DAMMIT!" It's Ric Flair!

15. "You can kiss him goodbye, Brain!"

16. The resolve on Flair's face. He knows he's got an uphill struggle.

17. Monsoon winding Heenan up about Flair. "AH SHUT UP!"

18. "When have you ever been objective?!"

19. The anguish on Flair's face, and Heenan's voice, every time he gets hit with something.

20. Early 90s Flair having the best haircut in the ring at one point when he's in there with Cornrows Bulldog and Mullet Sags.

21. Sags eliminated and Bulldog wants Flair!

22. "THIS IS NOT FAIR TO FLAIR, THIS IS NOT FAIR TO FLAIR!"

23. Beautiful beautiful Ric Flair chops against the power of Bulldog.

24. Haku stomping the fuck out of Bulldog, Flair attacking Haku, Haku advancing on Flair, Flair realising what he's done and sliding out of the bottom rope to escape, and Haku going back to stomping the fuck out of Bulldog.

25. Flair taking advantage of any momentary opening. The Real World's Champion!

26. Haku kicking Bulldog's nose off for no real reason.

27. Flair still having the best haircut in the ring somehow.

28. Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair going at it, sixteen years before their WrestleMania match. SIXTEEN YEARS! Wonderful stuff. He even hits Sweet Chin Music!

29. Flair STILL having the best haircut in there.

30. Michaels hangs on! Sweet Chin Music to Bulldog! (I know it wasn't called that yet.)

31. Shawn bumping around like a mad thing.

32. It's El Matador, Tito Santana! Pink and green, Tito? Really?!

33. Bulldog having a little grip of Shawn's bum while he's trying to eliminate him.

34. "I'd do that to my grandmother if I had to" - Heenan justifying Flair playing dirty.

35. I'd take Flair's hair over Tito's rubbish ponytail as well.

36. "AURGH. They don't get any smaller, they just get bigger!" - Heenan is concerned about the Barbarian.

37. "Barbarian doesn't like anyone. When I managed him, he barely liked me!"

38. Barbarian's outfit.

39. Those little straggly bits at the end of Barbarian's hair means Flair's still winning this style contest.

40. The fact that when a new entrant comes out, they keep the camera on the ring and show the entrance in the corner. DO THAT PLEASE, Modern WWE. When you cut between them you're just telling us that whatever you're not showing isn't important. Everything is important here.

41. Monsoon keeping track of Davey Boy's runtime. 16 minutes!

42. FLAIR FLOP.

43. Repo Man trying to sneak down to the ring for some reason.

44. Tito takes down Barbarian!

45. Flair chopping the shit out of Texas Tornado.

46. "16 minutes now for Flair…" "I KNOW I KNOW! I'm keeping track of it!" Or words to that effect.

47. Here comes Greg Valentine, to further skew the hairstyle competition in Flair's favour. Awful, awful hair.

48. Valentine chopping the shit out of Flair.

49. Valentine somehow getting away with using Hulk Hogan's colours.

50. "Why don't you just forget about it, Brain?" "Will you SHUT UP? SHUT UP!"

51. There's, I think, eight guys in there right now and each and every one of them is instantly recognisable, identifiable, and completely distinct from the others.

52. Shawn hanging on upside down by the feet. One of his first great singles performances?

53. Nikolai Volkoff now being from Lithuania, according to Heenan, but still a Russian, according to Monsoon.

54. Gorilla putting over how long Davey's been in there for, and Heenan immediately asking about Flair. Davey's just hit the twenty minute mark, and it's an impressive feat, but if he was on Raw these days he'd be doing that every bloody week.

55. Repo Man still sneaking around the place.

56. The Figure Four!

57. "That didn't take long, did it?" Monsoon on Volkoff's elimination, which sounds like a dismissal but he uses it in a positive way, to put over the fact that if you take your eyes off someone just for a second, that's all they might need to eliminate you.

58. THE BIG BOSS MAN! THIS IS HIS YEAR!

59. Boss Man going around clobbering every fucker.

60. Michaels making Boss Man look a million bucks.

 

tumblr_maadig3uJg1rg89a6o1_500.jpg

BOSS MAN FOR THE 2016 RUMBLE: IT'S NOT FAIR TO FLAIR, BUT IT'S THE RIGHT THING

 

61. Hammer smacking the apron in annoyance at being eliminated. Only takes a second, but further shows the importance of the match to everyone.

62. The fact that not everyone has come running in like they're on fire clobbering everyone, like Boss Man just did, making the fact he did that stand out more.

63. Boss Man chucking Repo Man like it's nothing. To be the man, you gotta beat the Boss Man.

64. You know what, Flair might STILL be winning for hair.

65. "I gotta go to ringside, Monsoon…" "You just stay right here!"

66. The shock-pop from the crowd as Davey Boy gets eliminated.

67. Hercules' tache.

68. Flair high-fiving Barbarian then immediately turning on him, then begging for mercy and getting press-slammed for it.

69. The force with which Hercules throws Boss Man into the turnbuckle. OUCH.

70. It's down to Boss Man and Flair! The crowd is going nuts!

71. THIS IS JUST GREAT. Boss Man looks amazing, Flair's letting him look amazing, he GOT OUT OF THE WAY THERE GOES BOSS MAN! Another OUCH for that elimination, that must have knacked. Maybe this year, Boss Man.

72. ROWDY RODDY PIPER!

73. The "aaaaw SHIT" look on Flair's face when he realises.

74. The crowd going absolutely nuts for Roddy when he gets in the ring, and Roddy doing likewise.

75. That reaction just going on and on and on.

76. Brawling on the outside! THIS IS FUCKING GREAT!

77. "Hot Rod's thinking about that title, just like everybody else is!"

78. Airplane Spin! Heenan "oh no, OH NO OH NO…"

79. The way Monsoon's voice drops a tone when he says "Jake. The Snake. Roberts."

80. Jake just sitting in the corner watching Piper.

81. Jake and Piper! There's a WrestleMania match that I'd have liked to see.

82. Heenan's immediate turn on Roberts when, after helping Flair up, he just clotheslines him down.

83. "I've always said that! This is definitely not fair to Flair! How long's he been in there now?"

84. "I never thought I'd say this but thank you Roddy! It's not a skirt, it's a kilt!"

85. Can you imagine Flair vs. Piper vs. Roberts as a triple threat match? I want it.

86. "Why you no-good… skirt wearing freak! It's not a kilt, it's a skirt!"

87. The countdowns getting louder each time.

88. I think Roddy's probably got Flair beaten for hair here. But maybe I'm just not being fair to Flair.

89. Hacksaw's identical clothing to Piper and big gut here being a premonition of how Roddy's body would look ten years later.

90. Heenan waxing lyrical about Flair so much he's losing his voice.

91. IRS very slowly taking his time to get to the ring. He's in no rush. More people should really enter like that.

92. Jimmy Snuka getting booed.

93. The way Flair sells the Snuka chop.

94. I think there are five Hall of Famers in there right now.

95. Heenan pointing out the welts on Flair's back.

96. IT'S THE UNDERTAKER!

97. Taker eliminating Snuka immediately, walking almost through IRS to get to him.

98. Taker choking Flair out in a preview of their WrestleMania match ten years later.

99. Heenan asking about how long Flair's been in there every couple of minutes.

100. IT'S THE MACHO MAN!

101. Savage pelting down to the ring so quickly the spotlight can't keep up with him!

102. Jake knowing Savage would be looking for him, and getting out of the way so Taker can attack Savage.

103. Ric Flair, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Macho Man Randy Savage and The Undertaker, in the same ring, at the same time.

104. Jake clean punching the bandana off Savage's head.

105. Double Axe Handle!

106. Knees to the back, Roberts eliminated!

107. "That's what happens when your heart takes over your mind" - Monsoon justifying Savage eliminating himself. Heenan trying to cover for it by claiming you don't get eliminated if you don't get thrown out by someone else.

108. Undertaker doing the white-eyes thing looks freakier then than it does now.

109. Flair's low blow having no effect on Taker. Dead Men don't have genitals.

110. Berzerker being the only entrant so far that neither Monsoon nor Heenan can muster much enthusiasm for.

111. "I never thought I'd say this, but weasel your way out if you have to!" Sage advice for Flair from Heenan.

112. Fuck the other three, I'm still focused on the fact you've got Piper, Taker, Flair and Savage in the same ring at the same time.

113. Heenan's treatment of Virgil provoking another "would you stop?!"

114. "Well, it looks like Hogan lucked out so far."

115. Taker choking the life out of Flair but Flair somehow managing to hang on. "You're gonna have to kill him to get him out of this ring!"

116. The record for longest surviving entrant feeling so important. I'm urging Flair to beat Martel's record.

117. Iron Sheik doing the Bushwhacker walk down to the ring and Heenan making a joke about how long said walk is taking which in turn reminds me of "by the time the Iron Sheik gets to the ring it'll be WrestleMania 38" from the Gimmick Battle Royal. I hope WrestleMania 38 just opens with Sheik getting in the ring in honour of Bobby.

118. "I guarantee you there's not one person at the concession stands right now."

119. Undertaker just watching Piper batter Flair.

120. Okay, Rick Martel wins the hair competition.

121. We've still got Hogan, Slaughter and Sid to come! Today's roster just can not compete with this.

122. The way Flair hooks a foot across a rope every time he's near them. Subtle yet obvious yet absolutely sensible thing to do.

123. HOGAN!

124. Noggin knocker!

125. Hogan and Flair!

126. "Please let him win it, please let him win it…"

127. The way the energy level seems to have just upped itself tenfold by Hogan coming in.

128. Duggan eliminating himself by eliminating Virgil, the idiot.

129. Skinner getting zero reaction.

130. "I'll never do anything wrong again, just let him stay!"

131. Hogan selling more for Skinner than for the Undertaker for some reason.

132. Hogan and Piper going at it.

133. Flair broke Martel's record! Monsoon: "Congratulations are in order for Ric Flair." Heenan: "Give him the title, that's good enough for me!"

134. This does NOT feel like it's gone nearly an hour. Time flies etc.

135. Sid!

136. The colours! Hogan in yellow, Sid in light blue, Piper in dark blue, Martel in pink, Savage in purple… When I was at NXT last month that's actually the thing that stood out to me. Colour! I was trying to convince my mate that the reason Blake and Murphy were great was because they had colourful outfits… I'm easily satisfied.

137. Sid doing a kip-up and clotheslining Flair.

138. Flair doing his top rope bump after already being in there for an hour.

139. How great is that top-down camera angle that shows the whole ring during the entrances?!

140. Suplex on the outside!

141. Slaughter doing his turnbuckle bump over the top rope for his elimination.

142. "How can he keep going, Monsoon? How can he keep going?"

143. Piper eliminating IRS by the tie.

144. Piper's entire 35 minute run, in fact. Damn you, Sid!

145. Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Randy Savage and Sid being the final four. THAT is a final four. Though I have to say, Savage didn't really do much between his un-elimination and here, it wouldn't necessarily have harmed the match if they hadn't let him back in, other than give Sid one less elimination for his tally.

146. Flair turnbuckle bump!

147. Sid just watching Hogan try to eliminate Flair, then walking over casual as anything and chucking Hulk out. Take that, you racist!

148. Hogan's utterly misplaced sense of outrage. YOU GOT ELIMINATED, DEAL WITH IT YOU ENTITLED TWAT.

149. Hogan demonstrating how he'd be a good heel by trying to drag Sid out DESPITE ALREADY BEING ELIMINATED, but Flair getting the last laugh by officially eliminating Sid and WINNING!

150. "YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!" Bobby Heenan originates Daniel Bryan's catchphrase.

151. "He did it! I knew he'd do it!"

152. Hogan trying to steal the spotlight and Flair not letting him.

153. How was Sid not the babyface here? He's the one who got cheated out of the bloody title, you bastard Hogan!

154. Pat Patterson's stunning suit and white trainers combination.

155. "I'm gonna tell you all, with a tear in my eye, this is the greatest moment of my life…" the start of a great promo by Flair.

156. WOOOO!

157. "PUT THAT CIGARETTE OUT!"

158. "I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT!" I'm with you, Ric! I love thee to the depth and breadth and height / My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight / For the ends of being and ideal grace. / I love thee to the level of every day’s / Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. / I love thee freely, as men strive for right. / I love thee purely, as they turn from praise. / I love thee with the passion put to use / In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith. / I love thee with a love I seemed to lose / With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath, / Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose, / I shall but love thee better after death.

159. Or, if Elizabeth Barrett Browning had been around in 1992 and was a wrestling fan rather than a sonnet writer... what a match.

160. Seriously, what a match!

 

 

My thoughts:

 

That's one of my favourite matches. But it's not a 30-man Rumble. It's a 32-man. More than maybe any other match (the Taker-Mankind HIAC is another one), this is a match made by the commentary. I can't imagine it being called any other way.

 

I'd say this is a must-watch before this year's Royal Rumble, but you'd only end up disappointed by 2016's effort. I don't know if they could ever top it, and maybe that's why they've never put the title on the line again and tried.

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