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A Survivor Series match a day


HarmonicGenerator

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Another two-match night for me tonight. Sticking with Mick Foley, for 1998 I'm having Mankind vs. The Rock.

 

I had to pick something from the WWE Title tournament, especially after the announcement yesterday that they'll be doing another one. This is the main event, because if I watch anything from earlier on in the tourney I'll just want to watch all the rest of the matches as well. 

 

I'm a little concerned that this one won't hold up on its own, without the benefit of all the lead-in that came before. Out of context it might not carry all the shocks and twists and turns that it normally does. But we'll soon find out.

 

 

The match:

 

I'm not going to watch any of the other tournament matches (I would, but I'm three episodes behind on the Walking Dead, and I haven't watched any NXT Breaking Ground yet, and, and, and I REALLY WANT TO WATCH THE WHOLE THING) but I will watch the PPV opening to remind me how we got to the tournament in the first place.

 

Oh how I want this year's Survivor Series to at least try to be as good as this one was.

 

Okay, that opening video was great, the Title just seems like the most important thing in the world, they'd better try and live up to this on the 22nd AND IT'S THE DEADLY GAME MUSIC and... 

 

Fuck it, I'm watching the whole show. I'll be back in a couple of hours when I've got up to the main event. I'll edit the review into this post.

 

IT'S A DEADLY GAME!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Right, I'm back. All caught up. I can safely say this year's Survivor Series won't be anything like 1998. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. FUCKLOAD of outside interference and referee-distraction-weapon-shots in this show. Virtually every match. Storyline wise it's hard to fault it, but for the actual matches… well, it wasn't really about the matches, so that's fine, but they were none of them classics.

 

So it's Rock and Mankind in the final. Mankind's supposedly had the easier way to the final, with Duane Gill (an easy one), Al Snow (supposedly easy but he did beat Jeff Jarrett earlier on) and Stone Cold via many shenanigans. Rock beat Bossman in seconds (IT'S A FIX), Ken Shamrock when he 'accidentally' (YEAH RIGHT) caught Bossman's nightstick, and then Undertaker. That was quite tough for him actually.

 

They're clearly both knackered at this stage, so it's mostly brawling, which to be fair was par for the course in 1998 anyway. After a bit of in-ring action, they do the Traditional Attitude Era Main Event Aisle Brawl, and someone gets thrown into the steps for the 48th time tonight. Back in the ring, Rock's in a sleeper, which is kind of fair enough because I'd be ready for a nap if I'd had to fight Shamrock and Undertaker in one night. Mankind's facial expressions in the hold make it even more interesting.

 

The McMahons wander down to the ring, Shane looking especially smarmy and wearing the referee outfit he used to cheat Austin out of a win in the semis.

 

Mankind falls through the ropes and looks like he has a nasty landing but the camera mostly misses it. He tries to suplex Rock on the outside, but it's reversed (of course) and the camera misses that as well. Poor Mick. Rock is getting annoyed by the McMahons' presence - they and the Corporation have been pestering him all night - and we now go to a crowd brawl. He goes to hit Mankind with a big bin thing but drops it, second time round however he gets it. Mankind's thrown back into ringside, in what was probably a third nasty bump the camera missed… when I was watching Foley at the time it never registered to me nearly as much as it does now that he was near killing himself in every bloody match.

 

Rock's got Mankind in a sleeper now. Mankind started the night off in a tuxedo and has progressively lost various amounts of clothing to end up with the look I always think of when I think of him (only with a regular tie instead of the green bow tie he's got on tonight). After a knee to the gut which the SmackDown games always used to call Kitchen Sink for some reason, they go back outside and Mankind hits Rock in the back with a chair. JR tells us that the referee has been instructed not to disqualify anyone. Mankind picks up the steps to hit Rock, but it's countered by Rock hitting the stairs with a chair, Mankind goes down and Rock picks up the chair and hits the stairs with it to make a lot of noise. Then there's - fuck's sake - an unprotected head shot, and a two count inside the ring.

 

Rock's got the upper hand but Mankind hits a low blow and starts choking Rock. He's breaking rules for the sake of it now.

 

Cactus Elbow - the camera catches it! - as Vince watches on, his expression revealing nothing (CONNIVING BASTARD) and we're heading to an announce table spot. After some punches, Mankind stands over a prone Rock on the table and just nonchalantly drops a leg on him and disappears down the back of the table. Of all the stuff I've seen from him tonight, that's probably the craziest. The table didn't break or anything, but it was the way he just does a little shuffle across the table like he's about to do something big, and then something in his head clicks and he just drops the leg. Crazy man.

 

How many times did we get Rock vs. Mankind in this time period? There was this one, the one on Raw where Foley won the title, the Royal Rumble, the Superbowl one, then No Way Out...

 

Rock's back in it now with some strikes and a DDT. They're both down. "It's all for the gold, it's all for the title", says JR. At least all the rematches we're bound to get later this month will have that as a reason for them happening.

 

Outside again now, Rock's leaning against the announce table, Mankind's on the second rope, he's going through the table, isn't he? Yep, there he goes, trying for an elbow, but no, BOOF, straight through the table - although not really straight through because he smacks his hip against the side on impact. That didn't have the spontaneity of the chokeslam from 1997, I wasn't feeling that quite as much.

 

The Rock rolls Mankind back in, hits the People's Elbow, and gets a 2. Shamrock had already kicked out of that earlier, so again, not all that shocked. Double Arm DDT to put Mankind back in power, and Mr Socko comes out for the Mandible Claw. The crowd's chanting for Rock, but he's fading, he's fading, his arm's going down, once, twice…………….. no! Rock Bottom! Both men down again. Another two count.

 

Rock flips an eyebrow at Vince and Shane and sticks the sharpshooter in IT'S A MONTREAL REFERENCE VINCE JUST CALLED FOR THE BELL AND SHANE RAISED ROCK'S HAND AND THE CROWD ARE PISSED THE FUCK OFF. Vince climbs into the ring with the title… AND THEY ALL HAVE A HUG. BOOOOO.

 

What a twist! Vince gets on the mic and tells everyone they're as pathetic and gullible as Mankind, people are throwing stuff in the ring. Poor Mankind. He asks what happened, because he wasn't pinned and he didn't submit. Vince lulls him in, and Rock smacks him with the belt and hits another Rock Bottom. Vince puts the belt on the new Corporate Champion, and while there's not all that much booing, all the people in the crowd are standing there looking really quite annoyed. If this happened in a couple of weeks they'd probably be chanting "Class-ic ang-le, clap-clap-clapclapclap" or "You turned he-el, clap-clap-clapclapclap" or "We got worked, we got worked" and would probably cheer it as well.

 

Anyway, Austin's come back out and people are happy again, and Rock gets chucked out of the ring. And then he Stuns Mankind BECAUSE STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN IS A FUCKING TWAT AND I NEVER LIKED HIM.

 

Seriously. You're a fucking bully Austin, stop fucking Stunning everyone you twat.

 

Hogan gets all sorts of shit for the ending of WrestleMania VI, but the ending of this show is ALL about Austin. Eurgh.

 

 

My thoughts:

 

Right! Well, the show's a lot of fun because of the story running through it. You could probably watch that as a standalone thing and get plenty of enjoyment out of it. The match is your standard Attitude Era main event, with all the classic bits you come to expect, but nothing especially standout despite both guys having good chemistry with each other (which Rock and Foley definitely did). Twist ending's a good'un, a great'un in fact, but I wish they'd have left it at Rock celebrating with the McMahons rather than having Stone Cold come out and be a twat. 

 

Should you watch this before this year's edition? I'm going to say probably not. I can't foresee there being much similarity in execution or in narrative. If you love this show, it'd only get your hopes up. If you remember loving this show but haven't actually watched it in ages, you might (whisper it) actually be a teeny bit disappointed by some of it. But I have no faith that the current writing team could come up with a night-long story like this one was. Kind of don't want them to anyway, kind of just want Roman to smash through everyone and win and then face Rumble winner Cena for the title at WrestleMania in a "we know they're going to boo us both but who's going to get the louder boos" match. But it would be a nice little bit of paralleling if he won in the same fashion as his cousin did here.

 

Only please, without Austin coming in and twatting him and his opponent like a twat afterwards. Twat.

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It's Attitude time! More or less.

 

Fun fact, Survivors 97 had the first (and I believe, only) airing of the original "Attitude" little promo thing where they all rattle off their achievements and injuries where Bret is in it and utters the "try lacing my boots" line. I don't think they showed it again.

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One of the things I always associate with Survivor Series is debuts. Undertaker in 1990, The Rock in 1996, Scott Steiner in 2002, The Shield in 2012… and that's why for my 1999 choice, I've gone with Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Stasiak.

 

 

 

It's because I love Shawn Stasiak.

 

 

 

Not really. It's for Kurt.

 

 

 

The match:

 

We get a video package all about Kurt first of all. What a fantastic character right from the off. He was fucking fantastic. So sad to think he's probably the least likely person ever to turn in up in WWE again these days. The things he could add are immeasurable.

 

Shawn Stasiak comes out, but most of his entrance is taken up with old footage of his dad Stan. Poor Shawn.

 

"And his opponent, the only Olympic gold medallist ever to grace a WWF ring... the most celebrated real athlete in WWF history… KURT ANGLE!"

 

And there's that music. Oh, I loved that music. Come back Kurt, get your life together, all is not lost. 

 

Fireman's carry takedown straight away from Kurt, and JR and King are trying to talk up Stasiak but it's not sticking I'm afraid. Are the crowd chanting "boring"?! Christ, idiot audiences. "Let's go Redwings". Fucking idiots. Lawler explains that the crowd probably aren't into this kind of wrestling, because they want 'sports entertainment'. i.e. brawling and unprotected head shots. Stupid Atittude Era.

 

Sidewalk Slam by Stasiak, and you know, we complain about the fact that there's way too many twenty-minute-means-nothing matches in WWE all over the place today, but they did a hell of a job in bringing audiences around to enjoying wrestling matches for being wrestling matches.

 

Fucking WELL DONE, Kurt. He's rolled out of the ring and got in the ring to tell the crowd off for booing him. I mean, they won't stop, but at least now it's going to look like they're booing him because he told them not to. Mind, Stasiak's not helping matters by putting him in a rest hold. "What's wrong with these morons?" asks Lawler. "Maybe they don't like what they're seeing" says JR, who's an idiot as well. "How can they not like Kurt Angle?" asks Lawler. 1999, you don't know what you had.

 

WHAT. THE. HELL. Stasiak basically just hit an F5. In an indication of 2003's WrestleMania main event, it doesn't finish Kurt off. Stasiak misses a top rope cross body, Angle hits the Olympic Slam, gets the three count, pulls down the straps, celebrates and walks out. Tough crowd, luckily he and WWE were good (and patient) enough not to panic at that and one year later, he'd be defending the WWE Title at Survivor Series, in a match I wanted to review but can't because I need to save my third Undertaker match for 2001.

 

 

My thoughts:

 

The match isn't the most memorable, fair enough, but this still made me sad for two reasons.

 

1. Kurt Angle should be one of WWE's all time greats by now. Instead, he's been all but airbrushed out of their history, and has become an utter mess.

 

Then:

Kurt.jpg

 

Now:

Kurt-Angle-Impact-Wrestling-4-10-15-645x

 

Okay, I've deliberately picked a really good 'then' picture and a really bad 'now' picture but you get the idea.

 

I'd like to believe there's still hope for him to come 'home'. I would. He's been in TNA longer than he was in WWE now. Sad.

 

 

2. Attitude Era crowd shitting all over this because it's not got tits and brawling and unprotected headshots in it. Fuck you, 1999. I mean, I completely get why, because they'd been programmed into expecting that sort of thing, and chucking in a straightforward wrestling match between a guy who's having his first match and a guy nobody really cares about isn't automatically going to get them sucked in and cheering, but still, it's annoying. 

 

 

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It's another doubler today. As mentioned above, I quite fancied watching Kurt vs. Undertaker for 2000, I remember enjoying that match for some reason, or maybe it just sits better in my memory than that twat Austin blatantly committing attempted murder on Triple H because he's a twat, and no, I don't care that Triple H had him hit by a car first, that doesn't excuse trying to kill somebody back.

 

Sorry. So, yes, because I need my third Undertaker pick for 2001, I'm going with something else. Namely, another Survivor Series match, since I haven't watched one of those since 1995. It's DX vs. The Radicalz.

 

(I know it's not really DX but it's just easier than typing 'Road Dogg, K-Kwik, Chyna and Billy Gunn'. Though it's odd they make no reference to the fact that three of those four were in DX, and that two of them were the New Age Outlaws together for ages.)

 

The match:

 

I remember the poster for this show very vividly. Not as vividly as the 2001 poster, a.k.a the greatest event poster WWE ever produced, but probably because it was on the back of, or inside, one of the first issues of WWF Magazine I remember buying.

 

SS_00.jpg

 

Because this is a Chris Benoit match, it's not on the Network selection, so I've joined the show just at the end of the six person intergender opener. Molly Holly was a big time 2000 crush for me.

 

Molly-nora-greenwald-aka-molly-holly-910

 

Bring back Molly please.

 

Then we get a Kurt/Edge/Christian segment. I LOVE 2000 WWF. Fuck you, 1999, and every other year except maybe 2001 and 2002 at a push because I was still an ultra-hooked fan at that point.

 

Haha! Then we get Lo Down and Tiger Ali Singh trying to get into the arena but not being able to get past Security because they're not on the list. God, I remember all of this so clearly. Late 2000 WWF, I really do love you.

 

GETTIN' ROWDY! It's R-Truth (okay, it's K-Kwik, but let's George Lucas this and just retcon him) and Road Dogg! Why. The. FUCK. Have they not recreated this now Road Dogg's back on the books? MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY, that's all that would result. MONEY.

 

nls17.jpg

 

Road Dogg looks a state but I still love it.

 

Oh, and here's Chyna with her rocket launcher. I may have been a little bit quick when I said Kurt might be the least likely person ever to return to WWE. It's definitely Chyna. She was big news once, though. Weird to think.

 

OH.

 

MY. 

 

GOODNESS.

 

I'd forgotten.

 

How could I forget.

 

 

It's THE ONE BILLY GUNN.

 

Have I mentioned how much I love 2000 WWF yet?

 

Ooh, Radicalz music! That was good music, I'd totally forgotten it! Look it up. So we've got Benoit, Dean Malenko who's Light Heavyweight Champion, Eddie Guerrero who's Intercontinental Champion, and Perry Saturn who's Terri Champion.

 

THIS is a midcard. 

 

Also, the Radicalz have all got a yellow and black colour scheme tonight and it looks pretty snazzy.

 

Saturn and Gunn to start off, with Saturn getting the initial strikes in, happily telling Tim White to shut up. Listen to him Tim, he'll kick your face off. Double suplex by Gunn and Chyna takes Perry down, and Chyna's now throwing the forearms. Gender equality, this is! Powerslam! Saturn's giving Chyna loads here, she could beat him here. She does her cartwheels, Saturn catches her, she knocks Eddie Guerrero - her former fiancé, points out JR - and DDTs Saturn. Everything breaks down at this point and BOOOOO Eddie just hit Chyna in the back with the IC Title belt. Goodbye Chyna. Eliminated, but she looked damn good. Did she ever get final revenge on Eddie, or did they shove her into the RTC angle straight after this?

 

Road Dogg in now, clearly wearing a pair of Godwinn dungarees that Mideon cast off for his naked gimmick.

 

(Okay, so I didn't love everything about 2000. Why, Mideon, why.)

 

The Radicalz team up on Road Dogg and Guerrero comes in. 

 

Of the eight guys in this match, one's still on the active roster, three still work for WWE, two are dead, one's probably never coming back and one's Perry Saturn. 

 

Eddie's heading up to the top rope but Road Dogg cuts him off. Everybody beats up Gunn, but he uses his massive strength to press Eddie over his head, slam him down, and hit the One And Only to eliminate Guerrero. Only when you're The One can you eliminate Hall Of Famers so easily.

 

Malenko and R-Truth in now, doing loads and loads and loads of fancy moves, in a very nice exchange, but in comes Benoit. Truth gets the better of him with a selection of moves he still uses fifteen years later, hits a nice head scissors and FUCKING CHRIST IN HEAVEN Benoit just threw him on his head with a VICIOUS German Suplex, bye bye R-Truth.

 

The action doesn't stop here, Saturn just flew off the top rope with an elbow - the Radicalz never got hold of the tag titles, did they? - and now it's Malenko vs. Road Dogg, before Saturn comes in again, and Dogg smacks him in the head, then a Northern Lights Suplex, and that got rid of Road Dogg! Suplexes aplenty from the Radicalz. Some sort of Suplex metropolis, perhaps?

 

I've just noticed it's three on one against Billy Gunn right now. Well that's either not going to end well or he's going to make a ridiculous comeback. Pace has slowed as they wear him down.

 

He manages to get a Fameasser and a three count on Malenko, though, and it's down to 2-on-1. He hits a Jackhammer on Saturn but Benoit breaks it up, Saturn does a neat forward roll to his corner to tag in Benoit, who's going to go and jump onto his head from the top rope. He hits the headbutt and … Gunn kicks out! Gunn gets the upper hand, but a Benoit counter plus Saturn holding onto Billy's foot so he can't kick out means the Radicalz win it!

 

Terri does her 'horny little she devil' thing as the survivors celebrate and walk out. 

 

Then we get a Serious Rock segment. Then a Jericho interview. 2000 WWF. :love:

 

 

My thoughts:

 

I loved that. Take it purely as a match and it won't set the world on fire. But for a total nostalgia trip into the period of wrestling I loved the most, you've got to watch this. It made me feel happy feelings.

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How many times did we get Rock vs. Mankind in this time period? There was this one, the one on Raw where Foley won the title, the Royal Rumble, the Superbowl one, then No Way Out..

 

The match at Survivors.

The rematch at Rock Bottom with the bullshit Dusty finish.

The one on Raw where Mankind won the title.

The I Quit match at the Rumble where Rock got it back.

The Halftime Heat empty arena match where Mankind got it back.

The Last Man Standing match at the Massacre which ended in a draw.

The ladder match the next night on Raw where Rock got it back.

 

Those are just the ones I remember.

 

Hogan gets all sorts of shit for the ending of WrestleMania VI, but the ending of this show is ALL about Austin. Eurgh.

 

There is a world of difference, for two reasons. Firstly, what Hogan did was unplanned and self-motivated, what Austin did was what he was told to. Secondly, Hogan was taking attention away from the guy that was supposed to essentially supplant him as top babyface in his absence - Steve Austin was, and was going to remain top babyface, and is coming out to remind us how much we know want him to kick shit out of the new heel.

 

As an aside, that ending was such an obvious piece of "laying the table" for WrestleMania, that if the same scenario was playing out today, we'd be kicking off big style that they gave away the first match between the newly main event heel Rock and Stone Cold THE VERY NEXT NIGHT ON RAW, albeit only as a vehicle to reignite Austin/Undertaker to keep the former occupied for a while. I suppose the difference is that even though Rock v Austin was nailed on right away as the obvious choice for Mania main event, they at least were able to keep things interesting with twists like the Rock/Mankind hot potato title changes and Vince winning the Rumble - under today's booking team, Rocky would have retained from Survivors all the way through to Mania, Austin would have won the Rumble, and we'd be looking back at Mankind the way we currently look back at Ryback at Hell In A Cell 2012.

 

Did she ever get final revenge on Eddie, or did they shove her into the RTC angle straight after this?

 

The second one. The closest she got to actual revenge was seeing her mate "The One" take the Intercontinental title off Latino Heat, which thankfully didn't last long before it ended up back where it belonged, on Benoit. For a couple of weeks. Wow, I only just realized how much I used to get bored of those rapid title changes for the I title.

 

Saturn just flew off the top rope with an elbow - the Radicalz never got hold of the tag titles, did they?

 

Nah. Saturn & Deano Machino were useful for your Hardys and Dudleys to beat on TV on their way to the proper heels - RTC or Edge & Christian - on the PPV. They might have been stlll useful after the E&C/Dudleys/Hardys peaked and concluded at WrestleMania XVII with E&C slipping into singles/sort of becoming babyfaces and the Hardys concentrating on singles belts, but with the Dudleys turning heel and the Invasion bringing in loads of new guys, they became invisible real quick. Benoit turning and Eddie being Eddie with Eddie's problems causing the Radicals to dissolve again didn't help either.

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2. Attitude Era crowd shitting all over this because it's not got tits and brawling and unprotected headshots in it. Fuck you, 1999. I mean, I completely get why, because they'd been programmed into expecting that sort of thing, and chucking in a straightforward wrestling match between a guy who's having his first match and a guy nobody really cares about isn't automatically going to get them sucked in and cheering, but still, it's annoying. 

 

Whilst true about the reaction, i'd say the WWF knew at the time that this would be the exact reaction and it's the one they wanted. It led to Angle's promo mid match and led to a lot of his early stuff really, as he came across really annoying and being the olympian that he is, he wasnt going to go in there brawling around the crowd. The match and the reaction was perfect for everything that Kurt Angle's character at the time, and for probably the next year was all about.

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Air Raid - totally true about Austin. I just don't like him much! And I still reckon it was unnecessary to stun Mankind as well.

 

Doog - Yeah, I can see how it built into what Angle became, which is a good thing. But here they weren't just disliking him, they were more disinterested in the whole thing. Angle's mid match promo did a lot to turn that round, temporarily, but it's still there.

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Air Raid - totally true about Austin. I just don't like him much! And I still reckon it was unnecessary to stun Mankind as well.

 

Possibly, but at the time I leaned towards thinking, from the Austin point of view, that Mankind was partially responsible for him losing the belt to Kane at King of the Ring, so I can imagine Stone Cold seeing him and thinking "Fuck you too!" Stone Cold, more than any other babyface ever, always convinced me that he was a "Never forget" kind of bloke. Kind of an extension of "DTA" - you wronged me once, you're a cunt forever. He should NEVER have been made to tag with Vince in the middle of 1999 before the Higher Power reveal.

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Fair assessment of the Austin character, and while I agree the "you wronged me once, you're a cunt forever" is such a unique way to approach a top babyface (can you imagine them doing that now?) … I still just don't like face Austin. I like heel Austin from 2001. I had an excuse to not like him then!

 

Bringing me neatly on to 2001, and it's got to be the Winner Takes All match… Team WWF vs. The Alliance.

 

This might be a long one. It is also my third and final pick for The Undertaker.

 

 

 

The match:

 

Before we start, a few things.

 

1) Survivor Series 2001 had the greatest poster in history. Just look at it.

 

1368223268_4b13c57790.jpg

 

Torrie :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: . How much of my teenage years were wasted on thoughts of you?

 

 

2) Before this match, we had the first in the stunning series of 'Desire' videos that played through late 2001 and early 2002. This one was set to Creed but it still phenomenal. If this doesn't make you glad to be a fan, I don't know what does.

 

 

 

3) I liked the Invasion.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I liked it. I don't expect any longer-time fans, or those who watched WCW and/or ECW to agree with me. Viewed from the objective viewpoint, I can see how so many consider it a disappointment. But it wasn't that to me.

 

I never watched WCW (I don't count the occasional 10-minute channel-flicks to Channel 5 in 2000). I was aware of ECW but had never seen it. I was WWF through and through. So whose contracts did or didn't get picked up, the behind the scenes and backstage and business wrangling I couldn't care less about, I couldn't give less of a shit about there being other wrestling companies or there being 'competition' or any of that. I LIKED WWF. And what I saw the Invasion as was a cool, months-long, company-wide WWF storyline. Like the Nexus in 2010, but bigger with broader brushstrokes. A group of new guys suddenly start coming in and attacking the Superstars. They all band together and form an alliance against the good guys. Vince's kids are in charge of them - they're trying to oust him from his position in charge - they're trying to kill the WWF as I know it! More and more of the wrestlers I liked are switching sides. It doesn't matter what company they used to work for - to me they're all WWF Superstars, what they did outside of that just doesn't factor. But turns are coming all over the place. It's civil war! You don't know who's going to defect from one week to the next, but everyone's going to pick a side except X-Pac for some reason. It's good (WWF) vs. evil (Alliance) as far as I'm concerned. And it all leads towards one big, huge, colossal match at Survivor Series that will bring the story to a conclusion and, one way or another, change the landscape of the WWF.

 

If you viewed it like I did, without any other considerations beyond what you're watching on the screen, which I know is virtually impossible if you knew or wanted to know about any of those other considerations, I hope you can see why at least I quite liked the thing. And why I was looking forward to, why I was hyped in fact, for Winner Takes All.

 

(and the rest of the card to be honest. Dudleys and Hardys in a cage? Tajiri finally getting to kick Regal's head off? A battle royal? Trish winning the women's title? Yes please!)

 

But onto the match.

 

No.

 

Not onto the match.

 

Onto the opening video for the show, which I had completely forgotten about. But it's amazing. How good is this!

 

 

So, after Trish's title win, we get a small JR and Paul Heyman commentary segment - an underrated duo in my view.

 

"You realise this is the end, right?" says Heyman.

 

"Maybe for somebody…" replies JR.

 

TENSION! DRAMA! Sorry Invasion denouncers, I love it.

 

Cut to:

 

Vince surveying his team. We've got Big Show, his hair's looking a bit flat but he's big. Kane, who is very bright red tonight, and also big. Undertaker, at his biker-y best. Jericho, who gets a Vince eyeful. And The Rock, skipping up and down and getting a massive pop. Vince is going to give a motivational pep talk. "There isn't one WWF fan anywhere in the world that would ever ever forgive you" if they lose tonight. They'll be personally and professionally disgraced, ridiculed by everyone personally and professionally. He name drops Buddy Rogers, Dr Jerry Graham, Gorilla Monsoon (big pop), Andre the Giant (giant pop), High Chief Peter Maivia… fuck it, I've got the goosebumps. The world's only fan of the Invasion, I am :( . These are "the highest stakes you've ever fought for… fighting for survival".

 

Cut to:

 

Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, Shane McMahon, Booker T and Rob Van Dam strolling confidently through the corridors. They don't need a pep talk, they're ready.

 

Shane's out first. His skipping's not as intimidating as The Rock's, but Rock never fell backwards off a fucking TitanTron and lived to tell about it, so...

 

Booker T out next, with that cracking entrance he used to have with all the fire pyro. 

 

Cut to:

 

The Alliance watching with Stephanie on a surprisingly small TV in their dressing room. DDP, Lance Storm, Kidman, Christian, Dudleys, Dreamer, Stasiak and some guy I don't actually recognise on the far right.

 

Here comes RVD. Popular guy. Here comes Kurt Angle, getting a big reaction and FIIIIIIIIIIIIIREWOOOOOOORKS in his entrance. Oh, Kurt. I'm sad again now. It was Edge that started the "You Suck" bit in his music in 2002, wasn't it?

 

And finally, the WWE Champion Stone Cold to music I don't remember at all. Have they dubbed over his Disturbed music, or did he just have this shit instrumental rubbish for a bit? There are rumours he might jump to WWF here.

 

Back to the Alliance, there's Stacy, Hurricane, Debra?! Debra was still around at Survivor Series 2001? I have no memory of that. 

 

Austin and Angle have a bit of a face-off, they spent most of the summer killing each other, Angle has only just switched to the Alliance so may not be entirely trusted.

 

Big Show! He bolts down to the ring and everyone scarpers. Hebner's a small man so Show looks even bigger than normal. Kane out next.

 

Cut to:

 

The Federation watching in their dressing room, on another surprisingly small TV. We've got Billy Gunn, the APA, Spike Dudley, Funaki, Tajiri, Coach, Jacqueline, the Brooklyn Brawler and Harvey Wippleman get to be front and centre somehow...

 

Ha! Hebner just tried to put his fingers in his ears as Kane's turnbuckle pyro went off, or at least it looked like it. 

 

KEEP IT ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN! YES! THANK YOU WWE NETWORK FOR NOT OVERDUBBING THIS! Fucking MASSIVE reaction for Taker as he bikes down to the ring. Good luck, Alliance, Taker's gonna kill you. JR and Heyman keep trying to one-up each other, JR threatens to replace Heyman with Jim Cornette. Heyman laughs.

 

Jericho out next, and JR notes that he and The Rock will need to put their issues aside, because they've spent the last couple of months fighting each other (I remember Jericho saying in his second book that Rock's one of his best opponents - could be something in that).

 

And here's The Rock to a gargantuan pop. They love him. And we are IMMEDIATELY into a Rock vs. Austin brawl. GREAT way to start the match, instantly super intense. Lou Thesz Press, middle finger elbow drop and Austin's in control, but no! Thesz Press and middle finger elbow from The Rock! Shane breaks up the pin and Booker T is tagged in. Rock hits him with a huge clothesline and Jericho begs for the tag. Chops and kicks and Booker flapjacked in the face. RVD tagged in and the crowd are excited. These two had a decent match at Unforgiven this year I think.

 

JR and Heyman's arguing is getting a bit annoying now.

 

People have always gone on about Jericho and obvious spot-calling. I see it here. Lots. Never mind, RVD just did his cartwheel standing moonsault thing, goes for a hurricanrana but Jericho counters it into the Walls. Shane breaks it up again. As you'd expect him too, it'd have been stupid if he just stood there.

 

Kane and Angle now, in a foreshadowing of WrestleMania X-8's third least memorable match (citation needed). Kane eats a German Suplex but sits right back up. Angle had good punches. Not that it matters, because he just got a sidewalk slam and a Kane top rope clothesline. And Shane breaks it up. 

 

Undertaker tagged in, and we now just get Taker pummelling Angle. I haven't watched that Kane/Angle WrestleMania match since it happened, I'm beginning to wonder whether it was good and that maybe I should watch it again sometime.

 

Booker T in, Shane breaks up another attempt, Taker works on the arm of Booker, shouts "OLD SCHOOL" and hits it! When'd he last do that move? I'd fear for his safety if he tried it in his current run. He gets hold of the arm again and starts working it over. The bandana was a good move for him if his hairline was already starting to go by this point. Shane breaks it up and PELTS IT as fast as he can away from Angrytaker. Austin in again, he tries for his move into the ropes that the SmackDown games usually called 'Boss Man Attack', Shane tries to hold Taker down but it doesn't work, and Austin misses… leading to Old School again… and a pin attempt… broken up by Shane. What a little irritant he was in this match.

 

The Alliance have the upper hand as this part of the match goes on, but Taker keeps fighting back with strikes on Angle, and then a DDT to level things up a bit. 

 

Side-note: The colour scheme and logo for this show were really nice. I can't even remember what the current Survivor Series logo looks like.

 

Big Show in now. He has his leotard look, but not for long as he pulls down the strap and starts throwing people all over the place like a beast. He signals for a chokeslam but it's countered into an Angle Slam (changed from Olympic Slam during Angle's feud with Shane in June 2001 I think?) Booker's then tagged in and hits a Scissors Kick (and Spinaroony), then RVD is tagged in and hits the Five Star Frog Splash, then Shane's tagged in and hits an elbow and gets a three count! 5-4 to the Alliance! I guess Show's teammates thought he'd be fine.

 

Shane's celebration doesn't last because Rock smacks him about and tags in Kane. Buh-bye Shane. CHOKESLAM!

 

Survivor Series chokeslam count: 4

 

Undertaker is tagged in. Buh-bye again Shane. TOMBSTONE. Unlike Hogan ten years earlier, Shane doesn't jump straight back up. Jericho in to hit a Lionsault and that's Shane done. Hebner physically drags and rolls him out of the ring! Ha!

 

Jericho vs. Angle now, nice double arm backbreaker on Angle for a 2, it's Austin breaking things up now. Angle does an MMA style takedown and some punches, and we see Tony Garea and some others helping Shane to the back. Is Garea still around?

 

Back to RVD now, he tries for his flippy shoulder charge things, but Jericho does a nice Sunset Flip style counter. RVD kicks out, Jericho tags in Kane. These two won the tag titles at some point didn't they? I want to say 2003. Kane's taken down with a kick and RVD hits the Five Star! But Kane manages to grab him by the throat at he goes for the pin, he doesn't get the chokeslam because Booker T breaks it up, and then things descend into a massive brawl, which we see all of because the camera pulls right back. That is a lovely, lovely piece of camera work because there's so much going on and you don't miss any of it, even if it's hard to know which brawl to watch. It's around the 2:04:00 / 2:05:00 mark on the show on the Network. Check it out.

 

In the midst of all that, RVD hit a top rope kick on Kane and eliminated him. Undertaker takes on all four Alliance guys by himself, and hits a Last Ride on Angle, but Austin Stuns him behind the referee's back and puts Angle on top of him ("Austin and Angle on the same team!" - Heyman) and that's Undertaker gone as well. We're down to Rock and Jericho against four.

 

Rock fights valiantly against Booker but eats a heel kick to the face. Jericho's nowhere to be seen on the apron as Angle breaks up a pin following a Rock DDT. Ah, no, there he is, kneeling on the top of the steps hugging the ring post like he was on a stag night. Rock hits a Samoan Drop and Austin breaks it up. He gets a roll up… and he does it! Booker T's gone!

 

RVD in with Rock now, and Jericho's back on the apron now. RVD jumps up to the top turnbuckle, Rock just grabs him leg and slams him back down. Nice move. It buys him some time and he gets the tag to Jericho, who is all over RVD, right up until Van Dam dodges a Lionsault and kicks him in the face. Split-legged moonsault, Jericho gets the knees up, he hits a godawful looking Strokes/Skull Crushing Finale/Oops We Both Tripped And Landed On Our Face and gets a three count.

 

Cut to:

 

The Alliance dressing room, where they're just shrugging and going "what?! Was that it?!" because of how bad that move looked.

 

(We've been cutting to the WWF dressing room as well, but none of their reactions have been as funny. Though it should be noted that Perry Saturn does not look right without his moustache.)

 

Angle is now wearing down Jericho in the ring, and Austin has catapulted Rock into the ring post, a move Rock always took really well, when his head connects he goes FLYING. Austin comes in, there's a bit of miscommunication so they sort of grapple each other for a bit until they get back on track, and Angle comes back in again. I wonder how meticulously they plan out these big tag matches. I suppose until they get to an elimination bit they can tag in and out as they please? Do they know at what points in the match each elimination's supposed to come? i.e. "you get eliminated at 3 minutes, you at 6, you at 8, and we finish at 12"? Or is it looser than that and they just have an overall match time and order of elimination? Or, or, is this something I'd rather not know because it'd ruin it?

 

Angle and Austin are still beating up Jericho. Austin has him in a sleeper, and I think they're probably going to do the arm thing, but they don't, he fights out of it and a big double clothesline knocks them both down. Rock gets the tag and sends Angle SOARING through the air with a belly to belly. He locks in the Sharpshooter AND ANGLE TAPS OUT! It's Rock and Jericho vs. Austin! Go Team WWF! Austin counters a Jericho cross body for a near fall, Jericho tries for the Walls but gets poked in the eye. Austin's bleeding from the mouth. He gets the knees up for the Lionsault for another near fall. We're getting down towards Rock and Austin again, but how long before Jericho gets eliminated?

 

Missile Dropkick gets another near fall, as does a Jericho rollup, Austin counters it and gets a three! Here we go, Rock vs. Austin, that's the way! Spinebuster! NO! NO! NO! JERICHO JUST ATTACKED ROCK! FUCK YOU JERICHO!

 

In the WWF dressing room, they're all very angry, apart form Spike Dudley, who's doing palmface.

 

Undertaker confronts Jericho on the ramp. Get him Taker, get him! 

 

Rock and Austin are both down. Austin's up first and stomps Rock all over the place. Such great chemistry between this two, and how lucky they were around at the same time in history. Rock's thrown over the top rope to the outside. But Rock fights back! He fights back by repeatedly slapping Austin on the moob, but it still counts. They're just brawling all around the outside now, the match has devolved completely. Hebner should have just done a double count out and called it a draw. 

 

Back in the ring, Austin hits a spinebuster on Rock and locks in the Sharpshooter. "The Sharpshooter at Survivor Series!" calls Heyman, in what might have been a Montreal reference. Yes, it was, he's just asked why Hebner hasn't called for the bell. "Well, that's never stopped him before at Survivor Series!" Rock reaches the ropes but Austin doesn't release the hold until the last second. He heads outside to get the WWE Title belt - I'd have got Big Gold if I were him, it'd hurt more because it's bigger, but it's probably symbolic, innit - but Rock counters with a spinebuster and sharpshooter of his own. Austin reaches the ropes, but Rock drags him back!

 

Low blow from Austin seems to lead to a Stunner, but Rock fights back and Stuns Austin! Hang on, someone's coming down the ramp. IT'S NICK PATRICK! NICK PATRICK JUST PULLED HEBNER OUT OF THE RING! You know, now I think of it, it's not exactly objective to have had a WWF referee calling his whole match. Shouldn't they have had two? You know, for fairness?

 

Austin hits a Rock Bottom but Patrick only gets a 2 count before Rock kicks out. Austin's annoyed and punches Patrick, bringing Hebner back in, only for Rock to shove Austin into Hebner, immediately knocking him back down again. Austin hits a Stunner on Rock… BUT THERE'S NO REFEREE! Waitaminute, Angle running back down to the ring AND HE HIT AUSTIN WITH THE TITLE BELT! HE HIT AUSTIN! ROCK BOTTOM! CROWD GOING WILD! 1! 2! 3! IT'S OVER! IT'S OVER!

 

They're going mental in the WWF dressing room, apart from Ron Simmons who's just casually sucking on his cigar. In the Alliance dressing room, Steph's wailing her heart out, and Jazz looks surprisingly upset considering she only debuted about an hour and a half previously. Heyman is aghast. JR is gloating. The people are happy for THEIR champion, the Rock! Hebner raises his hand. 

 

And there's Vince. Both arms raised, fists pumping, a massive grin on his face. Now there's symbolic for you.

 

 

My thoughts:

 

High stakes makes for high drama. High drama makes for a good match. As a result… this was a good match!

 

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And finally, the WWE Champion Stone Cold to music I don't remember at all. Have they dubbed over his Disturbed music, or did he just have this shit instrumental rubbish for a bit?

 

That was just his Alliance music. It wasn't great, was it? He was back to his pre-Disturbed version the night after Survivors. Which I thought was a letdown, I thought the Disturbed version was perfect for Austin after coming back from injury new and improved.

 

Kane and Angle now, in a foreshadowing of WrestleMania X-8's third least memorable match

 

DO NOT get me started on Kurt Angle, after the year he'd had, being saddled with "stick him in there with Kane" at the big dance because Austin, Rock, Hunter and Taker had other things to do. Not better, other.

 

Booker T in, Shane breaks up another attempt, Taker works on the arm of Booker, shouts "OLD SCHOOL" and hits it! When'd he last do that move? I'd fear for his safety if he tried it in his current run.

 

I don't recall if he's executed it successfully in either the Wyatt match or subsequent two Lesnar matches (he's bound to have) but at Mania 30 an attempt at one saw him yanked off (oo-er) straight into an F5, which I loved.

 

.Jericho tags in Kane. These two won the tag titles at some point didn't they? I want to say 2003.

 

If you're talking about Jericho & Kane, no. If you're talking about Kane tagging in to face RVD, yes, they won the tag belts in 2003 from Lance Storm and (forgotten gimmick alert) Chief Morley then dropped them hardly any time later to the far too green La Resistance. Raw was the drizzles at the time.

 

Jericho gets the knees up, he hits a godawful looking Strokes/Skull Crushing Finale/Oops We Both Tripped And Landed On Our Face and gets a three count.

 

He called it The Breakdown. I suppose they wanted him to have an "impact" finisher since as a main event soon-to-be-heel he wouldn't be getting any submissions out of Rocky or Austin, and the Lionsault was kind of weak. I always found it strangely anomalous that while they didn't call him Lionheart and renamed the Liontamer, they did call it the Lionsault,

 

Incidentally, the Stroke is not the same move. The Stroke is just a reverse Russian Legsweep. The Breakdown/Skull-Crushing Finale is (supposed to be) the full nelson variant. Although frequently Jericho was in such a rush to do the move he just kind of got his hands under their armpits a bit and went into it, and it looked shit.

 

Do they know at what points in the match each elimination's supposed to come? i.e. "you get eliminated at 3 minutes, you at 6, you at 8, and we finish at 12"? Or is it looser than that and they just have an overall match time and order of elimination? Or, or, is this something I'd rather not know because it'd ruin it?

 

My gut feeling is that they will know the order they go out and in what spots, the ref keeps they updated how they're doing for time and the rest is up to them.

 

High stakes makes for high drama. High drama makes for a good match. As a result… this was a good match!

 

Yes. Survivors is great when they allow a big issue or main event storyline to take precedence in an actual main event Survivors match. This was really great and I also have a lot of time for the last matches on 2004 and 2005. They fell back into title matches being the bigger deal for long periods since but the kid in me that adored Survivor Series went apeshit for last years, pretending it had a huge impact on the direction of the company, even though I knew the TV wasn't really going to change much. Not that it matters, I wasn't watching Raw at the time, and still don't!

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Survivor Series 2002! One of my favourite ever shows. There's nothing about this one I didn't like, and I'd happily watch any of the matches again. So I'm going with the one I'm least likely to ever rewatch under circumstances other than something like this project… it's the Hardcore Match for the Women's Title, it's Trish Stratus vs. Victoria! Up the women! Divas Revolution!

 

 

The match:

 

We begin with an F-View hidden camera - fucking HELL, remember that?! - of Victoria talking to her mirror, then getting angry at the mirror telling her Trish is fairer than her and smashing it. Then tearing up a cutout of Trish she has in the dressing room with her for some reason.

 

JR and Lawler have their far-far-away announce positions by this time. That Saliva song is playing in the background. Kind of makes me want to watch the whole show again. I bought this one on DVD, and that was something I very, very rarely did.

 

The backstory of this match is that Trish and Victoria were both fitness models together, but WWE picked Trish, and Victoria claims Trish never let her get her chance. Also she's a mentalist. So it's Hardcore Rules!

 

Remember how excited I got when the Network still had Undertaker's Limp Bizkit music? They overdubbed Victoria's tATu music. That's sad. Unless she didn't have it by this point.

 

Trish out next, and that MSG set-up looks just as great as in 1996. This is the first hardcore match for the Women's title in three years.

 

Victoria starts straight off by choking the shit out of Trish with her ring jacket. We've got bins on the outside of each ring post with loads of weapons inside them. I always liked that, much more sensible than the fact they just happened to have loads of appropriate weapons stashed under the ring.

 

Victoria picks a broom first, Trish uses her athleticism to duck it a few times, and Victoria goes back to choking, but using the broom now. Victoria chokes her by the neck on the turnbuckle, but Trish counters it and flips Victoria over her head, then gets a bin lid, but when she swings it at Victoria, Victoria swings the broom and BAM! Into Trish's face. Another shot, then they're on the outside and Trish is chucked RIGHT into one of the corner bins - which are conveniently at head height. That looked nasty, she took that full on in the face. Fair play to Trish, she's getting a real beating here so far.

 

Trish is rolled back in the ring, and Victoria does a flip leg drop over the apron for a two count. She then negates my earlier point about sensible weapon dispersal by going under the ring for a bin, because there obviously aren't four of them already out.

 

Side-note: You've got to admire WWE's contribution to the aluminium industry. During the hardcore era, they had shiny brand new bins every fucking show. None of these horrible scabby things you'd get in every other place everywhere where they get a bin and use it til there's holes rotting out of it.

 

Victoria sets that bin up in the corner but Trish manages to avoid it, and slingshots Victoria's face RIGHT into the bin and that looked even nastier. OUCH. Fair play to Victoria for that one as well, they're not taking this thing lightly. Trish then tries kicking the bin into Victoria's face which would have looked vicious from the right angle, but the way the camera caught it you could see Victoria holding the bin first, which sort of lost the impact a bit.

 

Trish now goes under the ring where there JUST HAPPENS TO BE AN IRONING BOARD, fuck's sake. WHY would ANYONE at WWE keep an ironing board under the ring?! Ridiculous. Not that it matters because Victoria just got flung into it and broke it, and then Trish hits something not unlike the Chick Kick, gets a pin attempt, then grabs a Kendo stick (which they were calling Singapore Canes in 2002, presumably because of Tommy Dreamer on Raw, and nothing to do with trying to appeal to the Singaporean demographic. Why did they change anyway? When it was Steve Blackman it was always Kendo sticks.) and she whacks Victoria with it three times before Victoria kicks her away.

 

WHAF!!! Bin lid to Trish's face, fucking OUCH. Victoria's bleeding from the mouth now.

 

Side-note: there are already massive bloodstains on the ring canvas, I can only assume that was from the opener, there was no blood in Noble vs. Kidman, was there?

 

Victoria's on the second rope, Trish goes for the Stratusphere(?) but Victoria grabs her legs, so Trish grabs the bin lid and fucking WHACKS Victoria twice in the head with it, knocking her to the outside. They are really going all out with the weapons here. Victoria into the ring steps, but back in the ring she hits a powerbomb, then goes under the ring again for A MIRROR because WHY IS THERE A BLOODY MIRROR UNDER THE RING, WHO IS LIVING UNDER THAT THING.

 

She leaves it outside, though, and Trish kicks her then goes for another weapon, but Victoria canes her in the back, Trish tries to turn it around into the Stratusfaction but it goes a bit wrong and only gets a two count. Victoria drop-toeholds Trish onto the cane (possibly unintentionally, but that would knack, so maybe it was deliberate) then goes outside and gets a fire extinguisher. Seriously, what good is the fire extinguisher when it's UNDER the ring. LOGIC GAPS IN WWE NUMBER 1: WHY IS ALL THAT STUFF UNDER THE RING.

 

Anyway, Trish eats CO2 because it's a CO2 extinguisher, almost certainly gimmicked (?) but Victoria at least does what nobody in films ever does and makes sure not to hold the black metal part the CO2 is coming out of, because if she had done, that thing would have freeze-burned her hand to it. Could be a dry powder extinguisher, at a push, but - and I'm only working on the European standard models here - that would just have a nozzle like a water extinguisher, so I'm sticking with CO2.

 

I do a lot of fire safety courses at work.

 

Anyway, this is followed up by a suplex ('snap' according to JR but I'm not convinced) and a three count. New Women's Champion! And one hell of a match. I think Trish is bleeding as well.

 

 

My thoughts:

 

Until I started watching NXT every week when I got the Network in January, I'd have probably said this was my favourite women's match. Even after Sasha Banks vs. … well, anyone, this match is still right up there. It's bloody good, and Trish and Victoria both work fucking hard. Yeah, not every spot goes according to plan but that's true of most hardcore matches regardless of gender. This is an excellent women's match - and a pretty damn good Hardcore match. Stick that one on an NXT Takeover and it'd be getting raves and annoying chants. Well worth watching again, whether you do the full 2002 show or are just picking and choosing.

 

My only criticism? WHY IS ALL THAT STUFF UNDER THE RING? WHY?! I extend the question to any hardcore or gimmick match in recent memory. WHO'S PUTTING IT ALL THERE?!

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Remember how excited I got when the Network still had Undertaker's Limp Bizkit music? They overdubbed Victoria's tATu music. That's sad. Unless she didn't have it by this point.

 

I'm 95% sure she didn't. My memory is that she still had generic shite at Surivors and the first time I heard All The Things She Said was at Armageddon.

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That's fair enough then. Sadness erased.

 

 

2003? It could only be Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff, couldn't it?

 

That's two Michaels picks gone, one remaining.

 

 

The match:

 

I'll catch up on my backstory first. Thank goodness for handy pre-match videos.

 

Team Austin here is Shawn, the Dudley Boyz (at this time the Raw tag champions, and I may be alone in this, but I'd really like them to just get that 10th reign, New Day can have them back the night after, but go on, bringing back to have them lose via shenanigans eighty times in a row is just dissatisfying), Booker T and RVD. Team Bischoff is Mark Henry, Christian, Chris Jericho, Randy Orton (who in the match graphic is doing his old 'hold your wrists over your head' pose rather than the Orton Arm Pose we all know and love, truly this is VINTAGE RANDY ORTON) and … ooh, Scott Steiner!

 

So, in addition to Shawn, this is my second pick for Booker, RVD and Jericho.

 

In the pre-video, Bischoff fires Austin, but Linda McMahon tells him he's overstepping his line and he's going to get a co-GM for Raw, who, of course, is Austin. Austin Stuns Karate Eric. Linda tells him he can't just go around Stunning people and being a twat as co-GM, unless he is physically provoked. So, because he's a twat, he goes around actively trying to get people to provoke him and nobody bites. HA! Take that, you twat. Austin appeals, so Bischoff proposes a Survivor Series match. If Austin's team wins, the provocation rule is gone, and if Bischoff's team wins, Austin's fired. Again.

 

He got fired a lot, didn't he?

 

This match is all about Austin, breaking his number 1 rule of 'don't trust anybody' by having to trust five other guys. Bischoff's just the antagonist, and his music is wonderfully smarmy. I wonder if he'd ever make a return to WWE. That'd shake up the Authority.

 

Henry has Theodore Long with him, and Steiner's accompanied by Stacy Keibler, because he's clearly done something wonderful in a previous life. They're holding hands, but she's not looking too thrilled. Jericho and Christian were a team at this point.

 

Also RVD is the Intercontinental Champion. He may have been teaming with Booker around now, but that might have come later. They were together at WrestleMania XX five months later, I'm sure of it.

 

D-Von and Christian start things off. It's twelve years ago and I swear D-Von looks exactly the same now. They go back and forth in an entertaining fashion, there's a chant for tables already, and then Van Dam's in, flipping over Christian and then kicking him in the face for 2. Jericho tagged in and I'm getting flashbacks to 2001, except Jericho's got his exceptional Highlight Reel themed tights on.

 

Seriously, check them out. Exceptional. Best tights Jericho ever had.

 

I loved the Highlight Reel too, when it first started.

 

Here's Steiner now. Add him to the Chyna/Angle 'probably never turning up in WWE again' list. He and RVD aren't quite clicking for me, but RVD's hitting his usual springboard, flips and kicks, which look nice, as they usually do. Steiner gets a bit of mojo back by hitting a splendid belly to belly and doing his little press ups, then hitting an equally splendid top rope version for a near fall.

 

Our referee is Mike Chioda. He has lost his mullet but seems to have added some highlights in his hair. I preferred the mullet.

 

RVD gets the tag to Booker, and this is more like it. Lot more chemistry with him and Freakzilla as they go back and forth now. The match is pacing itself nicely and taking its time, which is good, but as I say this, Booker just hit the Scissors Kick (and Spinaroony), and then a Spinebuster (NOT an Arn Anderson one as JR claims) which could be it for Steiner. Mass brawl breaks out, but unlike 2001, my attention is drawn not to the various fights at ringside but to Stacy, because Stacy. :love:

 

Steiner takes advantage and hits a low blow, then locks in the Steiner Recliner. Stacy gets on the apron and has distracted Steiner! So she was meant to not be happy! Steiner grabs her by the hair, but the Dudleys hit a form of 3D on him! Truly, Stacy is forever and always the Duchess of Dudleyville.

 

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lochwrOMQ51qlb6iyo1_500.jpg

 

Yup.

 

Book End from Booker, and Steiner's gone! But in comes Mark Henry, straight into a World's Strongest Slam, and that's Booker out as well! Two eliminations in quick succession there, and what's more, we get Howard Finkel announcing them as they happen, which probably has happened in the other Survivors matches I've watched before, but I've just not noticed it. 

 

Seen very little of Orton or Michaels thus far.

 

Henry clobbers Van Dam with a clothesline, and thwacks him in the head with the World's Strongest Fist. Bubba Ray gets the tag and throws all sorts of strikes, but one thump from the World's Strongest Moobs takes him down. JR says he is not only the world's strongest man, but THE STRONGEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED.

 

WrestleMania XXXII: Mark Henry vs. Samson. Calling it.

 

The World's Strongest Wrist That Was Probably Meant To Be A Forearm clotheslines down D-Von, but Henry eats a 3-D and then a Five Star Frog Splash, and then an ECW Originals' Pile-On of all three of them for the pin, and that's bye bye Mark Henry. 

 

Still no Orton or Michaels.

 

RVD and Jericho again, RVD hits a Split-Legged Moonsault but now Randy Orton's in, and if I'm not wrong, he's taking that Intercontinental Title off Van Dam in a couple of weeks on Raw and holding it until the following July in what was possibly one of the last meaningful IC Title reigns.

 

Rolling Thunder on Orton, RVD goes for the Five Star, Jericho pushes him off the top rope, he hits his chin and Orton hits AN RKO OUTTANOWHERE. I have to say, JR doesn't call that as well as Michael Cole would go on to, but he does call it 'scintillating'. RVD's out. 3-3 at this stage.

 

D-Von in again, and the crowd only chants for tables. They don't actually want D-Von. Poor D-Von.

 

D-Von's t-shirt says 'blood is thicker than wood'. Not actually true.

 

While I was ruminating on that, Jericho hit … something … on D-Von and he's gone as well now. Bubba in, hits a deeeeeeelayed sidewalk slam for a 2, and Shawn comes in for the first time to give a beating to his most recent WrestleMania opponent.

 

(The camera catches him with a blatant spot-call here, so it's not just Jericho who can be obvious with it. Austin was doing it in 2001 as well. Well, they all do it probably, it's just up to the cameras I suppose.)

 

Shawn starts to do the 10-punch to Jericho, Christian tries to sneak up behind him but Shawn knows he's there and hits an axe handle. Orton comes in and starts clobbering Shawn in the chest but misses a dropkick and tags in Christian to meet Bubba, who hot tags it all over the place. Christian's launched with a HIGH flapjack onto the ropes, and a HIIIIIIIIIGH back body drop. Christian always took that move from Bubba beautifully. 

 

Christian goes for the Unprettier/Killswitch/nope, it's still the Unprettier here but Jericho accidentally hits him! Sowing the seeds, sowing the seeds, sowing the seeds for WrestleMania… Christian recovers, hits the Unprettier, it's bye bye Bubba, and Michaels is now facing a three on one situation. If anyone can do it, it's HBK.

 

He hits the flying forearm on Christian! he kips up! Inverted atomic drop! Right hands! Jericho and Orton get them too! How's Shawn going to do this? OOH, Jericho just held the rope, knocking Shawn out of the ring, and Jericho and Orton beat up Michaels on the outside while Christian distracts the referee. Orton gets the tag and kicks Michaels in the gut. Michaels is selling up a storm already. Big HBK chants. JR says it'll take a miracle for Austin's team to win.

 

Christian just slaps Michaels in the face, which provokes a fight-back, he's taking on Jericho on the outside, but the numbers are just too much as Christian grabs him and slingshots him into the ringpost. I smell blood.

 

Yep. He's bleeding a gusher here and JR is selling it big. This looks bad, his blood is all over Christian as Christian beats him more. JR is doing a great, great job. MICHAELS HITS THE SWEET CHIN MUSIC REALLY OUTTANOWHERE AND GETS THE THREE COUNT! Wow!

 

The crowd are totally behind HBK here, JR pushes how there's nobody for him to tag but he's Shawn Michaels and he can overcome the seemingly insurmountable odds… Lawler says there's nothing seemingly about it. Jericho is completely in control of Michaels and his blood's all over Y2J as well now. Orton in, and he wipes the blood off his hand which is a really nice character move. He takes too long though and HBK locks in a sleeper! Orton counters it into a suplex, Jericho in, but it's only a 2 count.

 

Michaels somehow manages to hit a DDT and both men are down. Shawn slowly manages to get a cover but "THAT DAMN ORTON" breaks it up. Michaels throws him over the top rope, but Jericho sneaks in with a bulldog, but Michaels gets the knees up for the Lionsault! Wow!

 

Michaels looks in REALLY bad shape. That is a fuckload of blood. Because we so rarely see it these days, this bleeding is having a big impact on me. However, I believe that (according to Liam O'Rourke's last podcast) Vince bled just as much in the following match, which seems excessive. Actually, fuck 'seems', it is excessive.

 

MICHAELS GETS A ROLL UP ON JERICHO! "YES! YES! YES" cries JR, and the crowd are with him and DAMMIT JERICHO JUST HIT HIM WITH A CHAIR. He's already been beaten so he can't be disqualified! Fuck!

 

"We are witnessing perhaps the most miraculous performance in Shawn Michaels' historic career", says JR as it comes down to Shawn vs. Orton. Orton goes for a top rope cross body and takes out Highlight Chioda.

 

Those highlights are dreadful.

 

Lawler points out that the whole crowd's on its feet. Shawn struggles to his, and he is an absolute bloody mess, but he's tuning up the band. "One kick away", but "does he have the strength left in him"? BISCHOFF! He just karate kicked Michaels! Austin in! Takes out Bischoff! Stunner to Orton! Bischoff beaten up the ramp! Even I don't think that's twattish behaviour from Stone Cold.

 

NO! WHAT! BATISTA! BATISTA BOMB! FUCKING FUCK! SHAWN!

 

"KICK OUT SHAWN, KICK OUT SHAWN" yells JR over and over as Orton makes the cover for 1… 2… 3… Bischoff's team win, but I can't even be that sad because they're playing Evolution's music. Austin can't see the positives though. Shawn Michaels gave everything there. What. A. Fucking. Performance.

 

That match went around half an hour and that time just flew by.

 

Austin gets back in the ring and kneels over Shawn. He had better not fucking Stun him, the cunt. Don't fucking do it Austin. They're standing talking to each other. Austin shakes Michaels' hand… Shawn's going to leave… god, the blood, the blood is just everywhere.. Austin's walking with him… do NOT fucking Stun him, you can't after that performance… Michaels is backstage, thank goodness.

 

My god, the blood...

 

 

My thoughts:

 

Shawn. Fucking. Michaels. That is all.

 

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It's from this point on that I start to struggle with which matches to choose. There's nothing about any of the cards from 2004 until… probably 2011 that really appeals to me at all, and I say 2011 solely for The Rock. They just all look so uninspiring.

 

But maybe actually watching some of these matches will change my mind. For 2004, I've gone with Spike Dudley vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Billy Kidman vs. Chavo Guerrero because cruiserweights.

 

 

The match:

 

I think my 2004 pick for the Summerslam Match A Day project featured three of these four guys. Possibly says something about 2004 when the most enjoyable parts of it for me included Kidman and heel Spike.

 

I did always think the comic-style poster for 2004's show was good, though.

 

61MR4P4VPGL.jpg

 

Rey is out first, with his WHO'S THAT JUMPIN' OUT THE SKY music which I will always maintain was better than BOOYAKA BOOYAKA. He's surely a shoo-in for Hall of Fame sometime down the line, isn't he? Rey is wearing green tonight.

 

Kidman out next, his music, in contrast, is dreadful. AAAAH-AAAH, YEEEAH-YEAH, SHUUUT-UP. He does, on the plus side, make an effort with his red ring jacket, which would not look unsuitable on a Young Stallion. This is during his phase where he was a heel because he tried to (and I quote Michael Cole) "intentionally harm" Chavo with the Shooting Star Press, which was a storyline I was into at the time because worked shoot~ but which seems completely stupid looking back.

 

OOOOH CHAVO! His music is better than Kidman's, not as good as Rey's. He's wearing purple and has come out to deafening silence.

 

It's the Boss! Sadly not Sasha Banks, for we are still a decade away from her brilliance. Coming out to Old School Dudleyz music, but wearing pathetic brown trousers he clearly picked up for cheap in the sale in Top Man, it's the Cruiserweight Champion, Spike Dudley!

 

The bell rings and Chavo goes right for Kidman while Spike double stomps Mysterio. He and Kidman join forces to take out Chavo… or so Spike thinks because Kidman just hit a lovely lovely dropkick on him. Mysterio hits a face buster on Kidman and throws him out of the ring, and it's Rey vs. Chavo for another part of a rivalry that must rival Ziggler vs. Kingston for frequency. They do work well together though, and they get the ring to themselves for quite a while.

 

Spike's got some good heat on him as he takes control on Rey, before Chavo comes in for an exchange. Mysterio and Kidman are battling on the outside of the turnbuckle. Kidman's on the apron, and Mysterio's on the top rope, and Mysterio dives over into a hurricanrana on Kidman, with Kidman landing on the floor! Nice! He then hits a seated senton, then Chavo hits a dive. Spike plays to the crowd, goes for a dive, and they all move out of the way, leading him to splat on the floor. That's simultaneously great and stupid. Great because OF COURSE you'd move and let him splat to the floor. Stupid because it leads you to ask WHY DON'T PEOPLE JUST DO THAT EVERY MATCH. Just move out of the way if someone's diving at you!

 

Everybody gets back in the ring, and Spike takes control, basically using strikes to counter Rey's high-flying, before shoving him under the ropes to go splat himself on the floor. Spike goes up to the top rope, and Chavo goes to meet him, and we're getting a big move here, yep, here's Kidman underneath Chavo, and it's the old superplex-electric chair combo. Everyone's knacked now.

 

Michael Cole keeps banging on about how cruiserweights are exclusive to SmackDown. Thanks Cole.

 

BK Bomb on Mysterio, and Kidman drags Rey to the corner. The crowd knows what this means - the storyline may have been stupid in retrospect but the SSP was getting good reactions, much like when Justin Gabriel used the 450 during the Nexus beatdowns. He doesn't get to use it, however, and Rey takes control of the match again, hitting the 619 on Spike but being dragged off the ropes by Kidman when he tries the springboard.

 

Chavo hits the Gory Bomb on Spike but Kidman interrupts that as well, dropping a leg right on Chavo's head. Rey takes care of Kidman, but that leaves Chavo open to a pin from Spike, and he retains the title!

 

Oh fucking hell, it's Paul Heyman and Heidenreich. 

 

Oh fucking hell, it's Heidenreich and Snitsky! It's that segment!

 

Heavy breathing heavy breathing heavy breathing

 

"I like your poetry."

 

Heavy breathing heavy breathing heavy breathing

 

"I like what you do to babies."

 

Heavy breathing heavy breathing heavy breathing

 

Fuck, it's so awful it's brilliant.

 

Heidenreich-Sniksky.png

 

 

My thoughts:

 

I liked the cruiserweight division very much. Right up until Gregory Helms won the title and made it boring as hell. All four guys looked good here, and if I wasn't watching SmackDown at this point, this would probably make me want to. It's not a match that'd set the world on fire, but it's a good showcase for the division. Sort those trousers out, though, Spike.

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I really wasn't sure what match to go with for 2005. As we start to get into the era of WWE where by and large you're getting the same people showing up in the interesting matches, at one point I was even considering Trish vs. Melina. But I've been swayed by the latest Squared Circle Gazette podcast to give Triple H vs. Ric Flair a go. Sorry Melina.

 

 

The match:

 

This is a Last Man Standing match. Triple H turned on Flair, and they've already had a Cage match where they both bled a lot. The video package makes that one look really good, don't know if it actually was or not. 

 

Also Flair's the Intercontinental Champion at this point, because why not, I guess.

 

This is the first Triple H match of the project for me. I have a feeling he'll show up again. He's already a 10-time World Champion by now, says Joey Styles. Coach is on commentary as well, crikey.

 

Triple H is rocking the facial hair tonight. This sort of thing:

 

hhh.jpg

 

Flair out next, and Triple H doesn't wait, he's run straight for him and they're fighting on the aisle. Flair hasn't even got his robes off yet! He hasn't even taken the IC title belt off!

 

He rolls Flair into the ring, and it's a really surreal image watching Flair sell with the robe on. It shouldn't work, but it does. More robes in wrestling please.

 

Triple H kicks Flair back out of the ring and goes for a chair, but Flair (who's managed to get the robe off now) has a Kendo Stick (they're calling them that again) and cracks him with it a few times, knocking Triple H into the audience, and they start brawling and chopping through the crowd before Flair takes a (really obviously set up, but fair play to the old madman for doing it) back body drop back over the barricade. Triple H must have loved getting the chance to do these sorts of matches with his idol. Flair then takes a suplex on the outside, he really doesn't need to be doing these sorts of bumps at this stage in his career, but there we are, and he's just been hit with another one back inside.

 

Lawler's on commentary as well. JR must have been fired again.

 

Triple H hits elbows to the back. There are fragments of robe scattered around the canvas. Flair fights back with chops and right hands, only to be thrown outside again. Someone's used the Eddie Guerrero memorial t-shirt to make a sign, this was the first PPV after he died, wasn't it?

 

Triple H goes under the ring to find… a toolbox, which at least makes some sort of sense to be under there. He grabs a screwdriver and shoves it into Ric Flair's head, and Flair is bleeding a shitload. Half his hair's red, most of his face is red, and a fair amount of his torso as well. There's blood all over the place, it's horrible, and there's your evidence that the lack of blood in recent years has reversed any desensitisation I had to it, because the bleeding gets the reaction from me that it should, namely "eurgh" followed by "whoa" followed by "fucking hell, fuck".

 

More chops and knees, and Flair thrown out of the ring again! Triple H prepares the announce table for something, but Flair fights back and whips him into the steps. Triple H pokes him in the eye, and then FUCKING HELL (and I just said that out loud as well), a NASTY looking Spinebuster on the floor. Fucking OUCH. OUCH.

 

Triple H is on the mic now and told Flair to get up, then told him to stay down. Make your mind up. Flair responds by grabbing onto Triple H's cock and not letting go. Whatever works.

 

That spinebuster was ridiculous.

 

Flair gets the upper hand again with a back body drop from one announce table through another, giving us our first Styles "OH MY GOD" of the match. Only half of Triple H actually goes through the table by the look of the replay, the rest is just him smacking on the floor, which still doesn't look as bad as half the floor bumps Ric's taken so far. Mickey Henson gets to 8, and Triple H gets up. Henson's the ref who had to change his name so he didn't get confused with Mickie James, right?

 

billy-silverman-picture-6.jpg

 

mickie-james-218x300.jpg

 

Spot the difference.

 

Triple H brought a chair back into the ring with him, he tries to get a Pedigree on the chair, but Flair counters dirty and smacks him in the head with the chair instead. He then bites Triple H in the head, wipes the blood out of his eyes because he's a ridiculous madman who's bled far too much tonight, and then sets him up with a leg on either side of a ring post… and goes for the crotch again.

 

You know, I bet he'd get a 10-count quite easily if he focused exclusively on the crotch. One low blow would put me down for that and more.

 

Flair's targeting the leg now, with chop blocks and stomps and bites and so on. He tries to do a woo but no sound comes out, which is odd.

 

I'm not enjoying this commentary team. Styles and Coach seem determined to shout at each other over calling the match, and Lawler's pretty much doing his own thing and trying to ignore the other two.

 

Figure Four locked in! Flair uses the ropes for leverage, and this is all very logical, almost as much as incapacitating the crotch, because if you've got no legs, you can't stand up, if you can't stand up, you can't be the last man standing. Triple H taps, but Henson very sensibly doesn't tell Flair to break the hold, because he could theoretically keep this locked in as long as he likes. He doesn't for all that long, though, breaking it to get a 7. Triple H manages to hit a clothesline and they both go down, to the very loud screams of a single lady in the audience.

 

Triple H gets the ring steps and fucking lamps Flair right in the head with it. I've forgotten what number I got to in the unprotected headshot count but that was a bloody massive one and should count for at least three by itself. Flair somehow has enough brain cells left to counter the next attempt with a drop toehold and they're both down again.

 

More chops, and punches, and a Pedigree! Flair's down! He gets up, and there's a second Pedigree! He's up again, and a dumbfounded Triple H just lays into him with punches, then hits a third Pedigree! Flair still gets up, and receives a sledgehammer shot for his trouble. A second "OH MY GOD" and that's your 10 count. Triple H wins! He walks out happy, and Flair gets stretchered out.

 

 

My thoughts:

 

That was alright. I kind of got the sense of it being Triple H roleplaying a classic Ric Flair match, which is fine I suppose, but Flair was the better of the two of them on this occasion, great performance from him from start to finish with some mental stuff he really didn't need to do, but did anyway because he's Mad Ric Flair. Quite surprised Triple H didn't bleed as well, but Flair bled more than enough for both of them!

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