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A Survivor Series match a day


HarmonicGenerator

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It's Triple H again for 2006, because the only match on this card that even remotely appeals to me is Team DX vs. Team Rated-RKO.

 

I am also aware this will be my third and final Shawn Michaels pick.

 

 

The match:

 

I didn't like 2006 era DX. I was actually able to catch a bit of their stuff on Raw, because we had a family holiday during that summer and stayed in a hotel with Sky Sports so I was able to see Raw itself for the first time in a long time. And their stuff was dire. Juvenile beyond belief, and this was before 'Vince Loves Cock'. Fans in general seemed to love it, however, so what do I know.

 

At that same time, I was able to see some ECW, and I did like CM Punk. (but because of TWC, I already knew about him). 

 

The only thing I remember about this match is the fact the crowd chanted for Punk and DX not really liking it. And Mike Knox's super-quick elimination, but that's only because the Liam O'Rourke podcast reminded me. The rest of this match shall be a surprise.

 

I did like DX's music. Great tune.

 

Also on their team, it's the Hardy Boyz! 

 

They do a whole playing to the crowd routine. And there are the CM Punk chants… I love how Triple H immediately puts his arm round Punk to try and counteract it. Hilarious. 

 

This intro goes on for-fucking-ever. Just get on with the bloody match! 

 

Ooh, here comes the red carpet and the paparazzi for Johnny Nitro, who's with Melina. Mick Foley's third book has ruined Melina for me forever, I quite liked her when she first turned up.

 

All the interest and enthusiasm the crowd has is sucked out of the room by the appearance of the Charisma Vacuum, Gregory Helms. Seriously, how can someone who played The Hurricane be so boring? Mike Knox is out next, looking a bit shit compared to his beardy look. Kelly Kelly's with him and she must have forgotten to wear any clothes today, because it basically looks like she's come out in her underwear. I know that sounds like an odd thing to say when half the blokes are just in their pants.

 

Rated-RKO, the Tag Team Champions are out last, using their weird/shit mash-up of their respective themes. 

 

"I hope Mike Knox lasts for a while", says Jerry Lawler, telegraphing him as the first elimination. Kelly gets on the apron and decides to strip for DX. Knox gets in Triple H's face and HBK hits him with Sweet Chin Music. 1, 2, 3, "who was that?" And thus ended any hopes for the career of Mike Knox.

 

Michaels and Nitro now, they do a load of leapfrogs, Michaels slides out of the ring, puts his arm round Melina, who cozied up to him thinking he's Nitro only to double-take and screech as she realises. Nice. Did we ever get much Michaels vs. Nitro/Morrison beyond this match? They're working quite well together here.

 

There's a 'Bring back Macho Man Randy Savage' sign in the crowd.

 

Jeff Hardy tags in, and he and Nitro did have some good chemistry. Matt tagged in for a Hardys double team, in a foreshadowing of the December To Dismember opener. Where was Mercury at this point? You'd think he'd be there in some capacity. Maybe instead of The World's Most Boring Man, Gregory Helms, who hasn't, and seems like he won't ever, take off his shit bandana. He takes Matt Hardy off the second rope onto his back, and we're getting the 80s style frequent tags from the heel team, beating down Matt, who eventually fights back with a Side Effect on Nitro.

 

I'd forgotten about Melina's ringside shrieking.

 

Punk in now, he too had great chemistry with Nitro. Punk chants again. They have a fantastic fast paced exchange, he locks in the Anaconda Vice and Nitro taps out. 5-3 DX. What are the chances of him returning at some point? There are enough fresh faces for him to not outstay his return-welcome, cough Alberto Del Rio cough.

 

Edge, Orton and Helms, who I may rename Egg in honour of the Arrested Development character who's almost as memorable as him, all take turns attacking Punk - I can't remember if Punk and Edge had a singles feud but that seems like something I'd remember - and Egg locks in a characteristic rest hold because he's serious wrestler, you see. Fuck, he's dull.

 

Edge misses a Spear on Punk, Punk gets the tag to Triple H, and I get the sense Helms is not long for this match. Facebuster, goes for the Pedigree, Edge interrupts with the move I want to call the Edge-o-Matic, Orton comes in, RKO get knocked outside, Jeff Hardy and Shawn Michaels do a double dive while Matt stays on the apron not helping. Triple H hits a Spinebuster, Matt hits a Twist of Fate, Swanton Bomb from Jeff eliminates Helms and I've already forgotten everything about him.

 

michael-bluth-her.jpg

 

Rated-RKO check out their odds, don't like them, and try to run away, but the Hardys chase them down and bring them back. 5-on-2, and they don't stand a chance. Running Punk knee, Poetry In Motion and Sweet Chin Music takes out Edge, and it's 5-on-1. Bye bye Randy. Quite a nice novelty to have the face team dominant, rather than fighting against the odds.

 

Orton tries to escape through the crowd, the Hardys and Punk chase him back, Sweet Chin Music, Pedigree, and we're done.

 

Lilian announces the winners and I've been corrected, they're not the Hardys at this point, they're Team Xtreme. The winning team celebrates.

 

 

My thoughts:

 

As I said above, it's quite refreshing to have an utterly dominant babyface team just hand the heels their comeuppance. I wouldn't want it often, but occasionally it's good fun, and it was here. For all I didn't like 2006 DX, bell-to-bell they were usually pretty good, the Hardys were good, Punk was good, the heel team was there, and while there really wasn't much else to choose from, I'm happy I went for this match to watch.

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Did we ever get much Michaels vs. Nitro/Morrison beyond this match? They're working quite well together here.

 

There was, at least, a forgotten match between the pair (won by Morrison) in the build for an eliminator at Survivors 2008 in which they were again on opposite teams - in fact. Morrison as the last eliminated, by Michaels.

 

Well, OF COURSE I'd call it forgotten, I wasn't watching it much at the time.

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Hello, 2007. Aside from your poster of Edge holding a massive chainsaw, nothing about your card jumps out at me. I'd watch Undertaker and Batista, but I'm out of Taker picks. I'd watch Shawn and Orton, but I'm out of Shawn now too. So fuck it, I'm watching The Great Khali vs. Hornswoggle.

 

 

If I'm honest, even including those other two, Khali and Hornswoggle's the match that stands out to me. I bet they didn't have a rematch the following month, that's for sure.

 

 

The match:

 

Let's begin backstage. William Regal and Coach are with a pacing Hornswoggle in the dressing room. They're wearing matching maroon shirts. Regal tells him to rest his little legs. Regal is making this good, I have hope.

 

Vince walks in and Hornswoggle hugs his leg with a scat enthusiast grin on his face. This is terrible already. Regal and Coach leave, confirming my fears.

 

Vince wants to have a little talk with Hornswoggle, who is now sitting on a sofa with his hands clasped together trying to do his best impression of fucking Oliver Twist or something. Who the … what … why … this is so awful.

 

He's claiming this match has "big marquee value" and that's why he made it. He also says people think it's because he's ashamed of Hornswoggle, who, and I quote, "came from my loins". CAME FROM MY LOINS. WHO TALKS LIKE THIS. I hate this so much, why the fuck did I pick this match.

 

AND WHY DOES HORNSWOGGLE HAVE BLACK FACE PAINT SMEARED ACROSS HIS FACE.

 

Fuck, they acknowledge him as Hornswoggle McMahon WHY WHY WHY. Vince is comparing the match to his own battles against Time Warner and the US Government. "And then there was that time in Pakistan…" WHAT?!

 

How did any of this … dear God, "grapefruits the size of the Grand Canyon" … Hornswoggle now does his impression of Animal from the Muppets. "Hah! Hah hah hah hah." I had forgotten he didn't fucking talk.

 

They do a tale of the tape. Khali's height is given as "over 7 feet tall". Why does he not get an ACTUAL HEIGHT?

 

Anything bad I've done in my life will be absolved by watching this shitshower all the way through.

 

Shane McMahon! Shane was involved with this? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

 

Always good looked in a suit, though, did Shane. Can he come back please? Just for a cameo? He may have derailed Orton in 2009, but I miss Shane. Come back Shane.

 

Vince does his swagger cartoon walk down to the ring. Nine years have passed since the two of them were screwing Mankind over at Survivor Series 1998. These are the depths to which they have sunk.

 

Hornswoggle comes out. No fucker cares. 

 

Khali comes out to deathly, Gregory Helms levels of silence. Approximately eleven months later, he makes it to the ring. Vince and Shane stare at him, then at each other, then at Hornswoggle. Screwjob's coming, I assume.

 

Oh for fuck's sake, now Ranjin Singh's on the microphone, just fucking get on with it. He wants Charles Robinson to explain the rules and regulations of the match. No hair pulling, no eye gouging, no biting. The crowd is chanting "we want Shaq". Shaquille O'Neal's presumably in the audience. There's a Greg Valentine lookalike fucker in the crowd. Oh yes, there's Shaquille. Vince plays up to it. "That's just too damn bad what you want, I don't give a damn what you want", he yells into the mic. This match is case in fucking point of that.

 

Hornswoggle takes his jacket off so reveal a ridiculous ruffled shirt he clearly got from an am-dram panto in Crewe, and kicks Khali in the shin. Khali shouts "WOOF" at him and Hornswoggle falls out of the ring, then for some reason targets Singh with green mist, then hides under the ring. Wish I fucking could.

 

He comes out from the other side with a shillelagh, thereby confirming he's a fucking idiot BECAUSE CHARLES ROBINSON FUCKING JUST EXPLAINED THE RULES YOU IDIOT. Khali slaps the fuck out of his face which is the best thing I've ever seen. Crush his fucking skull, Khali. Do it.

 

Oh for… Finlay's doing a run-in so the match is a DQ. He can't save this, but he does save Hornswoggle, though fuck knows why.

 

Who could use mist in today's WWE? That's something you'd think they could bring back for someone on the current roster. Stardust? Stardust could use mist. That'd be cool.

 

"This is how bad that match could have become," says Cole of the only redeeming moment when they replay the slap. The fuck were you watching.

 

 

My thoughts:

 

Shitter than I could ever have expected. Between this, the Million Dollar Giveaway, the Lashley feud and the limo explosion, 2007 really was the nadir of the McMahons. Godawful on every conceivable level. Like, worse than Savio Vega. I can only assume they still haven't fired Hornswoggle because they feel obliged to pay him for life in recompense for being involved in this swill. This was bad, and that's coming from the perspective of expecting it to be bad. If this storyline has been repressed in your memory, whatever you do, don't remind yourself.

 

 

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To keep me on course to finish this thing in time for Survivor Series 2015 next Sunday, I'm doing another doubler today. Unfortunately, there's nothing that stands out for me about 2008's show either. Triple H vs. Vladimir Kozlov vs. Edge it is then.

 

(that's my third and final Triple H pick).

 

 

The match:

 

I picked an Edge match for my 2008 WrestleMania choice, and for my 2008 Summerslam choice. This tells me that Edge was basically my highlight of WWE in that year. Looking back, that's probably the truth.

 

Triple H vs. Edge one-on-one would have appealed a lot more than a Triple Threat, not that I recall them really having brilliant chemistry together. The only time I liked Vladimir Kozlov other than that decent Festus match on SmackDown was when they did the inevitable 'monster heel becomes dancing babyface' repackage (watch out Rusev, Rowan and Strowman, any of you could be next) and teamed him with Santino. Always thought it was a bit harsh they kicked him off WrestleMania and replaced him with Kofi despite him being one of the Tag champions. How much harm could he have done in that eight man tag match anyway?

 

Starting the show off on the Network, for several years in a row by this point, they've used the same old-school Survivor Series footage to try and play off the prestige of the event, but it's lost its lustre for me. My suspicions about 2004 onwards haven't really been waylaid.

 

Looking at the match selections, this is meant to just be Triple H vs. Vladimir Kozlov as a singles match for the WWE Title. JR and Tazz are on commentary, remember that duo? And it's Kozlov PPV debut. I quite liked Triple H's 2008 SmackDown run, if I recall. Scott Armstrong just got named as the referee! A ref with a name! In 2008!

 

The bell rings, and where does Edge come into this? USA chants as they lock up and Kozlov takes Triple H down. Triple H looks in better shape here than he did in 2005 or 2006. He locks on a headlock, and doesn't let go. I can hear 'boring' chants, not a good sign, and a 'We want … something' chant. I don't know what the thing they want is. Hardy! They want Hardy. I want Hardy too, these two aren't exactly winning me over. The most exciting thing that's happened in the opening minutes is a fireman's carry takedown. Triple H has had a hammerlock on forever at this point.

 

Kozlov tries to run into Triple H in the corner, but he runs so slowly Triple H basically walks out of the way, and they go back to an armlock. I'm very close to longing for the excitement of Great Khali vs. Hornswoggle here.

 

Commentary says Triple H hit a DDT but I've sort of stopped paying attention so I missed that. Where the fuck's Edge?

 

The people in the crowd are showing each other their photos on their cameras instead of watching the match. Kozlov gets hit with a Spinebuster but the Pedigree is countered, commentary calls it a Battering Ram but … well, basically Kozlov just pushes him away a bit and falls over as well.

 

Triple H does a slow-motion version of the Flair bump over the turnbuckles, and I might have to take back what I said about quite liking his run on SmackDown.

 

Kozlov hits a Fall Away Slam that, if I didn't know I was watching at regular speed, I would swear on my life was in slow-mo. They're genuinely wrestling this match at half speed. It's…. so………. sloooooooooooow.

 

Oh for fuck's sake Kozlov's put in a waistlock. 

 

It's a couple of minutes since I wrote that but virtually nothing has happened. I can't think of anything to write, and this is coming from someone who wrote paragraphs about Crush vs. Doink at WrestleMania 9.

 

AAAARGH this is TORTUROUS. Kozlov's hit a couple of slams but he keeps going back to the wrist lock. "Why would he do anything other than this?" asks JR. "Keep it basic". They're talking about it being strategy. I'll tell you what a strategy is. Standing in the fucking corner and waiting for everyone to die of old age, it'd take less fucking time than this match.

 

Kozlov runs into the turnbuckle and hits his head, leading to the world's worst sell of anything ever (he puts his head in his hands and goes "aaah") and Triple H hits the Pedigree. Vickie Guerrero comes out and says that this is going to be a Triple Threat match, because he's here! The crowd must think she means Jeff Hardy, but then… Edge's music hits! I'd forgotten what crowd noise sounds like, but they make some here, I don't blame them because Edge has just saved them all from dying of boredom.

 

He looks quite well considering the Undertaker fucking MURDERED HIM WITH FIRE three months earlier.

 

"WHAT!" shouts JR. The crowd are alive! Edge is springing up and down, he Spears Triple H, AND THEN JEFF HARDY RUNS DOWN! NOW the crowd are awake, they're going crazy, how over is Jeff Hardy! He hits Triple H with a chair, he hits Kozlov, he's going for Edge but Edge Spears him, Edge covers Triple H, new WWE Champion!

 

Class ending. Edge and Jeff both get cracking reactions. They did do a title feud with Edge and Jeff Hardy, didn't they? I want to say it happened at the Royal Rumble, but that would have been my title match for WrestleMania 25. This could have easily built through the Road to WrestleMania based on the reactions here.

 

"I smell a set-up somewhere, somehow" says Tazz. Ya think?

 

 

My thoughts:

 

The most tedious WWE Title match - or match, full stop - I think I may have ever seen, absolutely saved by Edge and Hardy at the end. Thank fuck for that ending, that's all I'll say, because the rest of that match was just shit. Shiiiiiit.

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The match was announced as HHH v Kozlov v Jeff Hardy. For whatever reason, they didn't want Jeff to actually be in the match, possibly because they had already decided upon Jeff's big title chance having Edge involvement at Armageddon (with the direction being the main event revival of Hardys vs E&C) and of course, Edge's return here was a surprise. On the day itself the website leaked stories of Jeff being found unconscious in his hotel room which were blatantly designed to make us all think he'd had a drug relapse, which was in particularly bad taste. I remember I was driving to the NEC on the day to see Hitman at the NEC and my mate was texting me about Jeff and we were assuming he'd fallen off the wagon at the most ridiculous time for his career. It was an example of one of those times when trying to get your fans to doubt whether something is real or storyline isn't always the best. There's no excuse for inflicting a lengthy Kozlov singles match upon us for a main event, regardless. I do love the ending as part of the lengthy run of Edge winning huge when the prize isn't even supposed to be available to him. In a spell of years where they did relatively little in the way of interesting stuff, the consistency of the "ultimate opportunist" was great.

 

Class ending. Edge and Jeff both get cracking reactions. They did do a title feud with Edge and Jeff Hardy, didn't they? I want to say it happened at the Royal Rumble, but that would have been my title match for WrestleMania 25.

 

They had a run. Edge/Hunter/Hardy happened at Armageddon, which made perfect sense, and Jeff won, which made even more sense. It was great to think they'd gone all the way with a new babyface winning THE title for the first time since Cena and really made me hopefully that Jeff was now a made man. The one on one rematch at the Royal Rumble was supposed to feature the surprise return of Christian to cost Jeff the title, to lead into the aforementioned E&C vs Hardys going into Mania, but in a fuck-awful move, Vince decided too many people knew about it and it had become "too obvious" so they aborted the Christian return and turned Matt instead. Instead of Jeff and Edge getting to work together at Mania as each deserved in regards to something of value (with or without their midcard brothers), Edge was clumsily shoe-horned back into the Big Gold Belt picture - even though that DID feature more classic opportunism re: Kofi/the Chamber - and landed with Cena who he'd worked to death and Big Show and an even clumsier love triangle involving Vickie and Show. Meanwhile Jeff had to make do with his midcard brother in a match that the hottest new main event babyface was inexplicable booked to lose. Well, I say inexplicable, but it's the "so we can have a rematch next month" hogwash. See Orton losing to Kane at Mania 28 for more of that nonsense.

 

After Edge had played hot-potato with Cena and Jeff had dispensed with Matt Midcardy, they revitalized their own issue. For the Big Gold Belt, so it didn't mean half as much. The real belt had been transitioned back to being the interest of the Hunters, Ortons and Cenas. Of course, Hardy/Edge also served then as a segue into Hardy/Punk, which was great fun, but it's highly frustrating what happened to each of them on that dog's dinner of a Mania card when they could have worked each other.

 

I just realized.... if Hardy/Edge or Hardys/E&C was the original plan for Mania 25, does that mean Cena would have been stuck with Big Show in a one on one? At WrestleMania 25? In fucking 2009??? What a terrible thought.

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I decided to watch this match to see if it was as bland as you made out and it absolutely is. I had tuned out at the time and has missed all off monster Kozlov and I don't really get it. He wasn't that big or athletic and looked like a goof

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Class ending. Edge and Jeff both get cracking reactions. They did do a title feud with Edge and Jeff Hardy, didn't they? I want to say it happened at the Royal Rumble, but that would have been my title match for WrestleMania 25.

 

They had a run. Edge/Hunter/Hardy happened at Armageddon, which made perfect sense, and Jeff won, which made even more sense. It was great to think they'd gone all the way with a new babyface winning THE title for the first time since Cena and really made me hopefully that Jeff was now a made man.

 

 

 

This is genuinely one of my favourite ever moments in wrestling, watching Jeff Hardy win his first world title. I'd forgotten how incredibly over he was.

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Raid - thanks for the added information. I'm now resolved that not saving Edge vs. Jeff for a WrestleMania title feud was one of the biggest missed opportunities of recent years.

 

ElCece - it was so bland, wasn't it?

 

 

The men's matches have let me down in the past few years, so once again, it's time to Give Divas A Chance. In a women's Survivor Series match that may or may not meet the standards of the one from 1995, I'm watching 2009's Team Mickie vs. Team Michelle.

 

Why do I get the feeling this isn't going to be very good and I should have watched Batista vs. Mysterio instead? Mind, after watching him vs. Bond in Spectre, that'd probably be a disappointment in comparison as well.

 

 

The match:

 

Team Michelle coming out first - it's LayCool, Beth Phoenix, Alicia Fox (she's been around ages, hasn't she?) and 'The Forgettable' Jillian Hall.

 

We still have the Women's Title by this point, but Survivor Series matches are no longer 'classic', they're 'traditional'. And so it hath remained.

 

Team Mickie consists of Mickie, Gail Kim (she had a second run! I'd forgotten), Melina (hang on, she's got a title belt as well?), Eve and Kelly Kelly.

 

Of these ten ladies, only Alicia is still around. Michelle married the Undertaker, Beth married Edge, Mickie married… Magnus. Eve's having a baby, Kelly I only know what's happening with because Call Me Bellend will occasionally post a photo (he's the one who had the sig of her pissing in a sink, right? When he was Steve 'Big' Jobs?), Gail Kim's doing the Newcastle Comic Con this weekend, and who knows what's happened to Layla, Jillian and Melina. 

 

So 10% of this match is still around six years later. Compare that to the men's Survivor Series teams this year. Four guys from Miz's team alone are still hanging around, though, granted, none of their opponents are.

 

Truly, not being released is the true Survivor Series, and Alicia Fox is the sole survivor. And with good reason, she's stunning.

 

So Melina's the Divas Champion. Did they do a 'two titles' angle? I do not recall this. How come Melina's not her team captain? Did each show have its own women's champion?

 

Layla starts off by dominating Kelly. Layla's alright here, Kelly not so much, though she's better on offence than when she's selling. She does a cool 'stand on her back then hit a leg drop on the back of her head' move and eliminates Layla, and we go to Michelle vs. Gail Kim. 

 

During the ropiest part of the Layla-Kelly bit, there was a lovely view of Alicia showboating on the apron. Just so you know.

 

Gail barely lasts long enough to register before Michelle hits whatever she called the Styles Clash and pins her, and we go to Eve vs. Jillian Hall, who Matt Striker calls 'the Jazzy Jezebel'. Oh yeah! She had a 'bad singing' gimmick, didn't she? She's got a terrible 'angry scream' on her as well. She tries the Chyna backflip butt-thump thingy, Eve hits a top rope Sunset Flip that is … not very good, sadly … and pins her. Beth comes straight in with a Glam Slam and eliminates Eve, and then eliminates Kelly with the same move, bringing Mickie in for the first time. Striker just mentioned SmackDown leading me to believe this is a Raw vs. SmackDown thing?

 

Alicia's not done anything yet. Just so you know.

 

Mickie eliminated Beth with a rollup. That didn't last long. So it's Michelle and Alicia vs. Mickie and Melina. Mickie's gut punches have no affect on Alicia's rock hard abs. She hits a Northern Lights Suplex which Mickie counters into a hold, which Alicia breaks in the corner, and this is the first chance the match has had to breathe, and about the longest period before an elimi-never mind, Alicia's out.

 

Striker lauds McCool - now the only one on her team - as a future Hall of Famer. Just so you know.

 

She puts a sleeper on Mickie, who manages to break it. Melina's done bugger all despite being Divas Champion, but I suspect it's coming down to her against Women's Champion Michelle. Genuinely didn't realise the Divas belt had been around as long as 2009, always thought it came in this decade.

 

Now we're in the longest time before an elimination, and they just wasted loads of it doing a 'both women are down' bit. Mickie gets the tag and Melina launches herself at Michelle. She's got an annoying 'angry scream' as well. McCool kicks out of a near fall very very slowly, then punches Melina in the throat and hits a belly to belly. It looks like she's going for a Widow's Peak or a Gory What'sitcalled but Melina does a shriek, breaking McCool's eardrums which causes a momentary loss of sensory attributes, allowing her to do a sunset flip and get the pin. Mickie and Melina win. (Just so you know).

 

 

My thoughts:

 

Not as good as 1995. It could have been in the same league; between LayCool (who hadn't hit their peak yet, admittedly), Gail, Beth and Mickie there was some talent here. But none of them got nearly enough time to look good or really do anything. I'll be honest, I wasn't up for watching a long match tonight, but this one wasn't long enough!

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As I venture ever closer to modern times and reach 2010, I'm going to watch something that I at least know is half decent. It's Daniel Bryan vs. Ted DiBiase!

 

 

The match:

 

This is the opener and, according to Justin Roberts is for the "Aeeeerrrrrrniyed States Championship". He got better, but he wasn't up to much for a while. Surprised he's happy to be in the ring with Daniel Bryan while wearing a tie.

 

Ted DiBiase comes from money and class, but I'm mostly focused on the fact he's got Maryse on his arm. She was in a league of her own. Still is. Lucky Miz.

 

Compared to Maryse, or in fact anyone who's ever existed, ever, Ted is bland. It's as if the gods on Mount Olympus wanted to gift mortals with a personification of blandness, and they discovered that even as omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent beings, they could still exceed themselves, and create something blander than even their wildest celestial dreams could conceive.

 

They show a clip from Old School Raw (do they still do those? Shows how memorable they are now if they do, but I can't remember) of Ted attacking Daniel Bryan, who's the US champ at the moment.

 

Bryan's out next to 'Ride of the Valkyries'. The proper orchestral version, not the rubbishy guitary version he's used since - well, I thought, since he started, but this shows me he had the proper version first. It still doesn't quite fit him, his music in WWE never has. I've never been keen on the music he has currently. Same for most of his past music, that Offspring one was an odd choice. I still think of him coming out to 'The Final Countdown' like in ROH. That, now that worked. Surely Europe don't charge much for royalties. Sort it out, WWE.

 

Ah shit, we're into Michael Cole's heel character. Shit.

 

Lovely opening exchange ending with Bryan countering a wristlock with a dropkick. It's so impressive they turn the lights down for a couple of seconds of contemplative reflection.

 

Some more nice wrestling, and Ted gets Bryan in a suplex over the ropes with Bryan landing face first on the outside. Nasty looking move, and unfortunately bumps like that give Bryan matches an element of the Mick Foley factor, where you know that every time he does something like that, he's contributing to his current status as a physical wreck.

 

Bryan's prone on the apron now and Ted dives off the ropes with a big axe handle. That looked devastating and impressive, but probably didn't have (in reality) nearly as much risk as the suplex. I approve of that sort of thing.

 

It's a shame Ted's so bland, because in the ring he was pretty damn good.

 

Bryan fights back with European Uppercuts, he tries for some kicks and DiBiase takes him down and punches him a lot. He locks in a tight looking sleeper then cracks Bryan's back across his knee and hits a dropkick of his own, then goes back to the sleeper.

 

It says something when Jerry Lawler's the only commentator paying any attention to what's going on in the ring. Cole and Striker have done barely anything except argue with each other. It's crap.

 

Bryan fights back with a big dropkick that knocks DiBiase into the turnbuckle, and he's got the advantage now with kicks, and his backflip, and his clothesline. Ted's knocked outside and Bryan hits a crazy crazy tope that, again, with the benefit of injury hindsight, looked more dangerous than it needed to be. He sells the shoulder afterwards, but manages to hit his top rope dropkick for a two count. The crowd are into this. 

 

Maryse hasn't done much other than stand there and do her hand thing. But then, she doesn't need to.

 

Bryan does the series of kicks to the chest when Ted's on his knees, and it's so, so odd watching that without the crowd chanting "YES! YES! YES!" along with each kick. Weird. 

 

Small package gets two, Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock (not Yes yet, either) but Ted hits a big clothesline which turns Bryan inside out.

 

Ted goes for Dream Street, Bryan counters, Ted hits a sit out spinebuster, Bryan kicks out. Lawler points out Bryan's resilience, and he's a superstar once the bell rings even if Cole says he's a nerd.

 

Ted's perched on the top rope looking to do a superplex, Bryan slips out underneath him and hits a back superplex, but it's reinjured his shoulder. Two count, but as Ted kicks out, Bryan tries to lock in the Lock but Ted turns it into a catapult, he goes for a pin, Bryan kicks out and finally locks it in. Ted taps, Daniel Bryan is victorious!

 

"Somehow he keeps winning. I don't get it" says Cole. I don't want to be cynical about it, but he's being the voice of Vince here isn't he?

 

Boooo! Miz just attacked Bryan on the ramp as he was celebrating! Bloody Mia. The lights go off for a bit again. I think we're in the next segment now because he's just doing a standard promo, so I'll stop watching.

 

 

My thoughts:

 

Good little opener. Ted was very good indeed here, it's just a shame he was so bland, and Bryan was already showing signs of why he caught on so massively and become their most popular babyface since Jeff Hardy. 

 

 

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I'd hesitate to call 2011 a one-match show, because unless I'm remembering wrong, this is the show where CM Punk starts his really long title reign, and I'd argue that has some impact on WWE history. But really, this was built all around The Rock returning to the ring, and I can only go with The Rock & John Cena vs. Awesome Truth.

 

Third and final pick for The Rock. First for Cena, surprisingly, I haven't come across him at all in this project yet.

 

 

The match:

 

This is fifteen years on from Rock's debut at Survivor Series 1996. Did he pick this show to make his in-ring return because of that?

 

It's also ten years on from Winner Takes All.

 

Heel R-Truth! He and Miz come to the ring with the 'remix' of 'What's Up', which is called 'You Suck'. There must be legs in reuniting Awesome Truth. I don't think I could buy them at the top of the card anymore (though you never know) but throw 'em in the tag division, it's not like either of them are doing anything better at the moment. Crowd chants for CM Punk. Oh good, it's going to be one of those, is it.

 

Cena out next, to deafening boos. Sigh. "They love me!" he says to the camera. He's brill.

 

They're going to boo The Rock aren't they.

 

Oh! They actually didn't! He gets a pop the likes of which you just don't hear for the regulars anymore. It's odd/sad watching those shows from the days when people regularly got reactions that huge, I don't think I'm imagining it being a thing of the past. 

 

Rock feels like he's too big a star for this match. Massive 'Rocky' chants. It'd be like if Batista came back again, it'd be great but the man's a Bond villain now, he shouldn't be faffing about in the wrestling. 

 

Cena gives Arnold Skaaland's widow a hug. What a nice bloke.

 

Rock soaks in the reaction and starts things off with The Miz. Miz does a leapfrog, Rock responds with a NICE arm drag, hits a few more, and does a lovely cradle pin for a two count. Cena nods approvingly. "You've still got it" chants because of course there are. R-Truth goes "Miz! Miz! Miz! Miz! Miz! I WANT HIM!" and asks for the tag. Heel Truth was fantastic! Turn him, WWE, he's truly doing nothing else. Not that people really 'turn' in WWE much anymore, but just have him show up one week and he's a heel.

 

Rock hit a Fisherman's Suplex on Truth but Cena was busy getting Miz out of the way, so the ref missed it. The two of them have words. Miz tags in again and demands Cena. Crowd don't like that. Clever way of Miz getting some heel heat, by wanting to wrestle Cena! Rock gives a hostile tag and Cena's in. Pretend all that booing's for you, Miz, that's the way. 

 

Some stuff happens in the ring, but to be honest the majority of the match so far has been concentrated on playing off the crowd. Cena hits his trademark sequence on Truth, or starts to, but directs the 'You Can't See Me' at The Rock. It's one thing to incorporate Survivor Series into a long build for WrestleMania, it's another to make the main event of Survivor Series as not much more than an advert for WrestleMania.

 

Miz is in again and Awesome Truth have got the advantage. Truth has 'Jimmy Proof' written across his bum. He locks in a chinlock as Rock paces the apron. (I just paused the match and it's at about the halfway mark - it doesn't feel like it.)

 

Cena's knocked to the outside and knocked back in, but kicks out of the pin attempt. Truth then wraps his legs around Cena's neck. "We want Rocky", chant the crowd. It seems like the crowd are lit in either red or blue, which looks a bit weird. Why was that?

 

Miz tagged in, Cena jumps up and goes for the AA to no reaction, Miz counters and hits a nice DDT, Cole says "Cena's done" which is blatantly not the case, Cena kicks out, but Miz is in control. Truth punches Cena in the face when the ref's not looking. They hit a double suplex! That was nice, but mostly, they're just wasting time until the bit where Rock's going to come in and hit all his moves on them.

 

Truth hits a nice legdrop, which was quite nice, but not so nice it caused me to lose the ability to speak coherently. I can't say the same for Booker T, who rambles nonsensically for a little while afterwards. This match is kind of dragging, if you hadn't noticed from the tone of this write-up. Truth hit the Hat Rack Crack, but I don't think they call it that anymore. 

 

Awesome Truth, by this point, have run out of moves to do, because Miz keeps going back to that 'have him sit up and kick him in the face' thing he does. Cena's figured it out by the fourth time it's attempted, however, and locks in the STF, but Miz gets out, Truth gets an AA, but Cena's down. Time for the good old crawl n' leap. There he goes… crawling, crawling… And Miz knocks Rock off the apron, and Truth knocks him down again outside, which means the Cena Beatdown Segment will continue, but we got to see a trademark Rock sell of being dropped on the barricade. I think it's what he does with his legs that makes it look different to everyone else. He's back up on the apron quite quickly in any case.

 

FINALLY, THE ROCK GETS THE TAG! SmackDown is laid on Truth, followed by a Rock Bottom. Dragon Screw and Sharpshooter for Miz! More trademark Rock in that he opens his mouth and screams more when doing the hold than the person in it. Truth breaks it up, so Cena charges into him and they roll to the outside. Spinebuster for Miz, and the camera zooms out to see the crowd quite excited - although unlike Rock's first run, they get all their cameraphones out here. Jerry Lawler almost forgets to do his People's Elbow call, and I'll be honest, that was the first time I noticed Lawler was even on commentary here, and he may well have been talking the whole time.

 

The Elbow does its work, and Rock and Cena win the match. Cena starts to walk out and let The Rock have his celebration, but they have many, many words with Rock in the ring and Cena in the aisle. Cena does come back in the ring, and they play to the crowd some more. Cena gets booed, Rock gets cheered, they look at each other, Cena gets a Rock Bottom, the end, see you at WrestleMania.

 

 

My thoughts:

 

… Not as good as I'd hoped. Rock didn't look like he'd been away seven years, not to me anyway, but the match itself dragged. Cena and Rock just looked like two blokes who'd decided to team up for the night, rather than rivals who were heading into a massive grudge match against each other. Not that 'dissenting partners' would be an angle that'd improve the match itself, but it'd have added a bit more story to it. Truth was really good on the heel side, but overall it felt like they wanted to really tease 'Mania, but at the same time not give anything away, so it ended up not really doing much at all. Even the crowd were mostly too quiet to even be twats.

 

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I'm watching CM Punk vs. John Cena vs. Ryback as my 2012 choice, but I'm not watching it for any of those three. I'm watching because this is where The Shield debut, and I want some Shield in my life.

 

 

The match:

 

Can you imagine if Cena tripped over his shoelaces or something when he did his sprint to the ring? That'd be embarrassing. JBL points out as he makes his entrance that Cena's 7-0 at Survivor Series, then he points it out again 30 seconds later as if he knew most of the audience wasn't listening to him.

 

CM Punk out next - that's weird, the champion having the middle entrance - and has Paul Heyman with him. One more day and he'll have been WWE Champion for a year. Guess he's another one to add to the 'he ain't coming back any time soon' collection. Still think it'll happen some day, though. Kind of hope it does anyway, he might be a miserable twat but he was quite good really.

 

Does Ryback actually have pyro or is it a sound effect? Because if there's actually pyro, what a waste of money when the camera's always close-up on his face, and if it's a sound effect, what's the point?

 

I haven't actually seen this match before. Should be good. 

 

Punk scarpers immediately, and Cena chases him around the ring, he avoids him and then Ryback chases him, and then the two of them take turns beating Punk up. They face off with each other and the crowd quite likes that (it was the Royal Rumble following this where they were the final two and Ryback looks like a loser and then loses, right?) but Punk breaks it up. He gets clotheslined out of the ring, and Cena and Ryback stare each other down again.

 

Is Cena's footwear different to normal? Weird question, but I've never noticed before, and I've noticed here, which makes me think yes.

 

Punk comes in and suplexes Ryback, but Ryback gets right back up and presses Punk over his head. Punk rolls out, Cena rolls in and hits a belly to belly followed by one of the oddest looking sleepers I've ever seen, until Punk breaks that up and knocks Cena out of the ring. It's one of those 'we're only going to have two of us in the ring at any one time' kind of triple threats, then. 

 

Punk goes aerial, it backfires, Ryback goes for power, it backfires with a heel kick from Punk, Ryback rolls out, Cena comes in. AAAttempt, reversed into a DDT. They made a good point about Ryback and stamina earlier, and the fact that most of his matches up to this point never lasted longer than a couple of minutes.

 

Cole reminds us JBL was the longest reigning WWE Champion in SmackDown history, and once I've cleared up the little bit of sick that just came out from hearing that, I note he follows that up with '280 days'. Is the Punk megareign responsible for the current obsession with measuring title reigns in days?

 

Anyway, while I've been writing all that, some stuff's happened, Ryback showed off his strength which sounded like it genuinely impressed Lawler, Punk chucked Cena into the ring steps, and has Ryback in a hold, but the fans "feed me more" him out of it and he hits a back body drop and a spinebuster. It might be that mention of stamina earlier, but he kind of looks knackered. Meathook Clothesline connects (barely) and Ryback goes for Shellshock. Heyman screams for mercy, but all he needed to scream for was Cena, who breaks it up and locks in the STF. Punk rolls out, because that's what happens. He should probably break the hold though.

 

Heyman and Cena. Just saying. That combination could work. If you ever got heel Cena, that's what you do. Put him with Heyman.

 

Punk broke up the STF, anyway, with his top rope elbow onto Cena. He signals for Go To Sleep (he does a lot of signalling to the camera in this match) but Cena fights him, it's the boo-yay punch exchange until Ryback hits a double clothesline. He chucks them both over the top rope in a more impressive display than anything he ended up doing at the Royal Rumble two months later, and is trying to set up some convoluted double move on the outside, but Punk and Cena team up and just beat the shit out of him, which is my favourite thing in this match so far.

 

The team-up continues as Punk dismantles the announce table. They exchange a cracking look at each other, and double suplex Ryback through the announce table! That was really nice. Cena is definitely Punk's career rival, in my view.

 

Cena hits his sequence, but Punk reverses the AA into the GTS, but Cena kicks out at the last moment! He leaps up a little while later, though (you should have realised that would happen, Punk) and hits the AA, and Punk kicks out! JBL's line about how you get so few chances to be a WWE Champion doesn't quite chime with his mentioning that Cena could be an 11-time champion from 30 seconds earlier.

 

I've never noticed how over-the-top some of Punk's facial expressions were. Maybe it's just this match, but he hams it up big time here.

 

Meanwhile, Ryback's back up, he hits the Shellshock on Punk but Cena, who rolled out, rolled in to break it up. Cena then gets a Shellshock, and...

 

Here we go! "What the - who the -  what is this?!" IT'S THE SHIELD! They're annihilating Ryback. Cole recognises them one at a time from NXT. TRIPLE POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE! They stand together and look towards the ring. They look dangerous. Paul Heyman is watching very, very carefully as Punk covers Cena for the three count. That Shellshock put him down for a while! The Shield exit through the crowd. Lots of questions left unanswered… and that's quite nice, because it'd make me want to tune in to Raw the following night.

 

On the replay, you don't even see where the Shield come from. They just appear. Can Reigns bring back the black jumper look for when he's not wrestling? He looks sharp as fuck.

 

Punk ends the show by shouting about how he's the best in the world, over and over again. A time will come when WWE decide to make him exist again… but not yet. Not yet. [/Gladiator]

 

 

My thoughts:

 

I believe in The Shield. 

 

Oh yeah, the match. It was okay, I wasn't keen on the fact they barely ever had all three of them interacting at any point. When they did - enemies Punk and Cena teaming up on Ryback - it was really good, but those moments were few and far between. In fact, pin and submission breakups aside, that was pretty much it for that kind of thing. But it was an okay match.

 

 

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In the home stretch now! Sticking with the Shield for 2013, and going with The Shield & The Real Americans vs. The Rhodes Brothers, The Usos & Rey Mysterio.

 

 

The match:

 

On paper, this appeals to me very much. I can't remember what it was like in execution other than Roman Reigns looking an absolute star, but we'll see. I'm hoping for something good, there hasn't been much to sing high praise about in the last few events.

 

No team names in this one. They'd have only ever stretched to 'Team Shield vs. Team Rhodes', but come on guys, put a tiny bit of effort in. The American Shield vs. Mysterio's Brothers. There you are, team names worthy of 1989 that took me all of a couple of seconds to think of.

 

Rey is still getting decent reaction in 2013, that's quite nice. His entrance isn't quite the same without the jumping through the floor. Why did WWE and Rey part ways? I know he was massively injury prone and there wasn't much left for him to do, but I'd still consider him an asset. 

 

Usos come out to join him, doing their Samoan haka, which might be a Siva Tau? And then, ooh, Shattered Dreams productions… the Tag Team Champions, the Rhodes Brothers! They're the subject of fuck-awful mash-up entrance music. Note to WWE: you don't mess with Goldust's music. Especially not with that "smoke and mirrors" singer. 

 

Zeb! He's out with the Real Americans. Cesaro is wearing a cape made out of a flag. Zeb just twerked, and he's getting a great number of boos. Cody Rhodes interrupts him, and does a twerk too.

 

SHIELD! YES! There they are, all looking like massive stars, quite frankly. I know objectively they're all bigger stars now than they were in 2013, but they're so much more together than they are apart. Reigns looks like a killer. Those contacts they gave him can just fuck right off, forget the fairy tale promos, the contacts are where it all went wrong with their treatment of him.

 

I wonder if Rollins' return from injury will make him babyface… and that the other two might not turn heel in the interim… and they might realise that teaming up again is for the best. It doesn't mean they can't have singles careers, but it's always handy to have two mates to back you up when the odds are against you.

 

Ambrose (US Champion) and Cody to start off. Ambrose stomps the hell out of Cody and gets into a long argument with the referee, Cody rolls him up and Ambrose is eliminated! Oh. Bugger.

 

The heel team comes into the ring to object, the face team knock the heel team out of the ring, and it's dive o'clock! "We're about to have us some flyin' Usos" is a terrible call from JBL. One lands on the Shield, the other lands on the Real Americans, and we're back to Cody and now Rollins. Cody tags in Goldust, who gets a chant!

 

Cesaro in, then Swagger, and Goldust's down. When did Cesaro drop the 'Antonio'? He's still getting it here, but I thought it went long before this point. Some double team moves from the Americans for a near fall or two, very nice Cesaro leapfrog over Swagger into a double stomp on Goldust, but it's all pretty standard fare otherwise. The announcers are just talking about the 1987 Survivor Series instead of this one.

 

Goldust fights back with a DDT and they're both down, but Cesaro deadlifts Goldust into a gutwrench suplex. Here's a skit idea for you - Cesaro and Mark Henry do tests of strength against each other. Goldust hits a Sunset Flip Bomb on Cesaro, gets rid of Swagger, and tags in Mysterio for a big pop! He's using his speed to take out Swagger, Swagger tries for a powerbomb, but…. 619! Uso superkick (they got a tag), Jey splashes off the top and that's Swagger out, 5 on 3 for the babyfaces.

 

Hyowge European Uppercut from Cesaro brings control back to the heels, and the crowd pops just as hyowge for the Cesaro Swing! 15 rotations! Jimmy comes in, and gets a swing as well, "we've got swingin' Usos everywhere!" comes the equally terrible JBL call. STOP USING 'USO' AS A REGULAR NOUN, THERE'S ONLY TWO OF THEM. Cody tags in, sunset flip, Cesaro just got eliminated! It's Reigns and Rollins against all five of the others, but I still fancy their chances.

 

Reigns in for the first time, the faces think they have the advantage just Reigns smashes an Uso's jaw in (Jey?) and tags in Rollins.

 

The camera's been much wobblier than in previous years, I could do without the constant quick zooms in and out.

 

Reigns back in, then Rollins back in, he hits a back suplex and during the pin his eyes are constantly on the face team's corner, looking out for the breakup attempt, which is a nice touch. Reigns in again, Jey tries to fight back by throwing Rollins over the top rope, and tags in Jimmy to try and take down Reigns, which he does with a Samoan Drop. JBL joins in with the "U" "SO!" call, which is terrible. Roman gets his knees up on the splash attempt, does the "HOOOOOOA" in the corner and hits a KILLER KILLER KILLER Spear. I thought that was Jimmy but Justin Roberts just said it was Jey who was eliminated. Cole confirms it was definitely Jimmy. 

 

Meanwhile, it's Cody and Rollins again, nice Moonsault Press gets a 2, he can't get the Disaster Kick or Cross Rhodes, he hits it the second time but Rollins VERY cleverly got the tag to Reigns before the move connected, Reigns spears the fuck out of Rhodes and he's gone!

 

Jey has gone for Reigns on the outside, throwing him into the barricade with force. Reigns rolls in, Jey misses a top rope move, Rollins hits the Curb Stomp (which was such a great finisher for him, it's pissing annoying they had him get rid of it, certainly didn't help his chances of getting over as Champion) and that's both Usos gone. It's now Goldust and Mysterio against Reigns and Rollins.

 

Rey gets caught in the Tree of Woe, Rollins hits a dropkick and tags in Reigns. It's not looking good for Mysterio, who gets powerslid under the bottom rope to the outside. There's a very well dressed man in a blazer in the front row.

 

Rollins in again, he takes too much time with Mysterio in the electric chair position, Rey reverses and eliminates him! Reigns is alone now, but Seth very helpfully beat Rey up a bit more before he left ringside. Reigns talks trash to Rey, but Mysterio manages to drop toe hold him into the turnbuckle and does the leaping tag to Goldust, who flattens Reigns with clothesline and then his uppercut thing (you'd think Goldust's opponents, after whipping him into the ropes and bending down, would realise after a couple of seconds that he wasn't running back towards them, but never mind). Powerslam gets a 2 count, but a top rope cross body only gets 1. Spear! And that's Goldust gone.

 

Reigns vs. Mysterio! Rey is caught, but Reigns gets put into 619 position, Rey goes running but SPEAR! MASSIVE pop for that one. He did it! Reigns survives! He took a beating there but he still looks a beast. As he stands on the apron and does another "HOOOOOOOA" at ringside, you'd think there was no way they could fuck this guy up.

 

The Spear was made to look an absolute killer here, and they replay three of his eliminations. 

 

 

My thoughts:

 

Good match, though I was surprised by just how early Ambrose got eliminated. It feels like it was designed to test out Reigns as a singles star, and if that was a test, he passed it. This is the guy he should have always been. This guy, I could see as Champion. The guy who should have eliminated Batista and won the 2014 Rumble, I could absolutely see as Champion. The guy who'll turn up tomorrow night, I'm still not 100% sure about. It's those fucking contact lenses. Get rid, Roman.

 

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And because I don't reckon I'll have a chance tomorrow, it's the final match of this project! 2014 really is a one-match show, so I'm watching the one match. Team Cena vs. The Authority.

 

Third match pick for Cena, and Mark Henry. Oh, and Kane as well. Not that it matters particularly at this point!

 

 

The match:

 

This is going to be a bit of a strange one to review. I loved it at the time, and it was one of my favourite matches of last year. But it really, truly and completely went nowhere. All the stakes that were put into this match - and it reminds me of 2001 in that regard, a high stakes Survivor Series match as the main event - were essentially ignored. That's a shame.

 

The Authority's represented by Rusev (US Champion), Kane, Luke Harper (IC Champion), Mark Henry and Seth Rollins.

 

Team Cena is Cena, Dolph Ziggler, Big Show, Erick Rowan, and Ryback.

 

The two teams stand and face off against each other and this feels like a big match. It was a big match. Knowing what we know now, it's a nothing match. Absolute shame, because it feels huge even watching it back.

 

Triple H slaps Mark Henry in the face to gear him up. It works because he shouts his face off at Cena's team, then goes back for more from Triple H, then gets punched in the face from Big Show and is eliminated. Nobody was expecting that! The crowd love it! 5-4 Cena. Stephanie and Triple H's faces on the apron are a picture.

 

Of course you have to question why Big Show's matches don't all end like that, but never mind.

 

Harper's next in, somewhat reluctantly… except he's not, it was a ruse! Rollins tries a sneak attack but it doesn't work, he jumps off the ropes and gets slapped in the chest. Should have punched him Big Show, should have punched him. Kane in now, but Big Show doesn't punch him either. Instead he tags in Cena, who dropkicks Kane down. Now Harper's in, so Cena tags in Rowan. Bloody stupid breaking up the Wyatt Family. Especially considering these two didn't even get a fun undercard gimmick match against each other at a PPV.

 

Rollins comes back in and is dominating Rollins. State of that beard. Ryback in, and Rollins' chest is still red from that Big Show slap. Massive back body drop nearly gets Seth hung up legs-first in the ropes, Harper gets a big suplex, Kane comes in, Thesz press and a "stupid" splash for him. Rusev now in for the first time, that's everyone except Ziggler I think. The crowd are liking the look of a Rusev/Ryback encounter. Could have seen this being a WWE Title match at one point. Not anymore, because Rusev's kind of ruined for me right now. But at one point.

 

"Feed me more" chant the crowd, and the Meathook Clothesline connects, ish, it's really just his hand that hits. "Finish, it" chant the crowd - Ryback is OVER - but Shellshock doesn't happen, and we get the mass brawl. Ain't no camera panning out to see all the brawls this time, we don't see any in fact. While it's all going on Rollins hits a Curb Stomp and Rusev kicks Ryback in the face to make it 4-4.

 

Big Show comes back in to face Rusev, and he signals for a chokeslam… are we … nah, Rusev tags Harper. Thought we were getting a chokeslam there. Rollins tagged again, Show was in prime Curb Stomp position and yet he doesn't hit it, Kane tagged in, still no Ziggler yet. Lazy bastard.

 

Harper in again, and Big Show gets stuck in a headlock. Harper quite happily walks out with his soggy, sweaty vest, yet he has the self-awareness to wear a belt. Odd bloke. Odd, balding bloke. Ziggler's in! Finally! Cole keeps telling us people's win-loss records at Survivor Series, like that matters. He just ate a nice Black Hole Slam though, and Rollins is in again, Rusev asks for a tag but Seth doesn't notice, so he tags himself in by hitting Rollins on the back.

 

Kane's in again now, Ziggler's in a sleeper. I've tuned out the announcers. Big boot, Harper in to stand on Dolph's face. Slaps him in the face. Dolph's already acting like he's dead, he's barely been in there. That's really annoying about him. He's great at selling dead, but save it for the end of the bloody match you numpty. He makes a comeback against Rusev but gets hit with a fallaway slam. I've seen enough of Rusev and Ziggler this year to not want to see these bits of the match.

 

In a bit of a callback to the early years of Survivor Series with all the managers, there's five people at ringside for the Authority team.

 

It's the battle of the scruffy hair as Rollins beats up Ziggler. He's taking ages and ages, which he shouldn't have done, because Ziggler makes another comeback, in the same 'last gasp' style as before, and gets hit with a move and acts dead, again like before. Now Rusev's in again, locks in a hold, and I'd forgotten how long this middle bit of the match went on for. He hits a DDT, Rusev's never been pinned before apparently. Cena breaks it up and we get to the finishers-everywhere part of the match. Harper gets an AA, Cena gets chokeslammed by Kane

 

Survivor Series chokeslam count: 5, I think

 

and really really obviously makes to roll out of the ring so he can get out of the way for the rest of the spot, as Kane gets chokeslammed himself by Big Show

 

Survivor Series chokeslam count: 6, if I was right before

 

and then Rollins hits a top rope move to Show, then Rowan comes in and doesn't get to hit a finisher because I'm not sure he's even got one, but he does throw Seth off the top rope into a few people, then Rusev gets hit with a Rusev spinning kick, and finally Rusev powerbombs Dolph off the top rope onto all the people outside.

 

Rusev then starts setting up the announce table - no, tables plural - and puts Dolph on one of them. He climbs onto the other one, I remember this, and goes to hit a running splash, but "DOLPH MOVED! DOLPH MOVED! DOLPH MOVED! ZIGGLER SURVIVING! ZIGGLER SURVIVING!" in case you didn't notice the first time. Rusev goes through the table, the referee's counting them out, and that's Rusev gone. "ZIGGLER'S IN! ZIGGLER'S IN! RUSEV'S OUT! RUSEV'S OUT! RUSEV'S OUT! RUSEV'S COUNTED OUT! RUSEV'S COUNTED OUT!"

 

For.

 

Fuck's.

 

Sake.

 

Michael Cole, fucking hell. I'd say it's like a handbook where there's a rule that if something big happens, you have to repeat it, repeat it, repeat it, but we know now there actually is such a handbook. It's like Marge Simpson telling Bart that this town is a part of us all, a part of us all, a part of us all.

 

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"I know I said repeating myself would help you remember, but for fuck's sake Cole, do you have to be so shit at it?"

 

Back in the ring, Cena's beaten up Kane and should have eliminated him, but Rollins jumped in and hit a Curb Stomp. Rowan finally got his hands on Harper and some more stuff's happened, the crowd are certainly alive and active here, Kane gets him for a chokeslam, Rowan grabs his hand, but looks over to his left awaiting Rollins jumping in with a knee, which he does a second later, Harper hits a clothesline and goodbye Rowan. Crowd doesn't really react because I don't think they knew who was legal. I didn't.

 

Big Show gets in the ring, Cena's struggling to his feet, meanwhile Ziggler is having a little sleep by the barricade. Can't find a picture, but go to 2:34:00ish on the Network for this show, it just looks like he's had a really tiring day and closed his eyes for a moment, and drifted off.

 

While I was typing that Big Show turned heel. Cole's acting surprised for some reason. It's Big Show, man! Cena's eliminated. Technically it's now Show and Ziggler against Rollins, Kane and Harper, but Show just shook Triple H's hand and is walking off. What is he at the moment, face or heel? I can't remember. Heel?

 

This next part of the match I remember being the most impressed I've ever been with Dolph Ziggler, I thought he made a great underdog in the final stages. The announcers are talking about how the Team Cena members are going to be fired after this, and all I remember is how shit that turned out. Bleh.

 

For some reason, they're taking ages torturing Dolph instead of just hitting all their finishers and pinning him quick. Or, you know, letting him continue to sleep by the barricade and letting him get counted out, which would have been SO fucking easy. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.

 

He fights back against Kane somehow, and gets a two count from a cross body, he hits the Zig Zag, neither Kane's two partners nor the four Authority members at ringside bother to break up the pin, and Kane's eliminated. Harper booted Dolph in the face and knocked him outside, and decides to dive on Dolph AND THEN CHUCK HIM BACK IN THE RING because HE'S STUPID.

 

Look, if this match was No DQ/No Countout that would have excused all this, but with those rules in effect, why the FUCK isn't the so-called Cerebral Assassin not instructing his team to just keep Dolph outside? Even if the legal member of their team STAYED outside with Dolph and there was a double count-out, they'd STILL have a surviving member of the team and would still win. Doing this makes NO sense, and I can't believe I didn't notice this last year.

 

While I was typing all that, Harper hit a sit-out power bomb, Dolph did a dead-sell-kick-out, I feel quite disconnected from all that, the way he sells just doesn't engender sympathy, and he rolls up Harper and gets a pin. One on one now against Rollins.

 

So, if I was Rollins, who's outside with Ziggler now, I'd beat him up until around 8, take him halfway up the ramp, then sprint it back to the ring. But he fucking DOESN'T, he puts Dolph back in the ring and then gets rolled up as Dolph makes another comeback! This was great at the time, I really thought it was, because I genuinely didn't know what was going to happen, so I bought into all of this. They both put a great effort in here. But a year on, I kind of just feel disconnected from it all.

 

Turnbuckle powerbomb by Rollins gets a two. Seth goes up to the top rope and Dolph does his silly, silly super-fast run up to the top rope to counter, he gets knocked off, Seth misses a Curb Stomp and Dolph gets a near fall. "I'VE GOT GOOSEBUMPS" yells Cole, but you can tell he doesn't mean it because he only says it once.

 

tve9125-19950514-696.jpg

 

Oh, NOW the Authority start interfering. J&J cause the initial distraction and Triple H takes out the referee. "THIS IS RIDICULOUS" yells Cole, which is kind of true, because that's not an accidental ref bump, that's blatant DQ material there. Dolph's able to fight everyone off, anyway, until he eats another Turnbuckle Powerbomb, he dives out of the way of the Curb Stomp and hits a Zig Zag, another ref runs in and Triple H elbows him in the head. They need that timekeeper from this year's Summerslam to just call for the bell.

 

Also, if ever there was a year for a Montreal style screwjob finish to keep the Authority in power, this would be it. Wonder if that was ever an option.

 

Triple H is ready to Pedigree Dolph now, and he does. Dolph's as dead as he was 10 minutes into the match. Seth is put on top of Ziggler for the pin, and Triple H signals for a referee. They're stupid, but they're not that stupid, they don't want an elbow mate! Scott Armstrong runs out… but… AAAAAAAGH!

 

STING!

 

STING!

 

The crowd is going NUTS!

 

"OH MY GOD… IT'S STING! STINGER'S HERE!"

 

THIS is more like it! Triple H is aghast. I'll actually agree with Cole and say this is incredible. It was, and still is. There's a beautiful shot as Sting climbs into the ring where you can see the fans behind him with their hands over their mouths or saying "oh my god". Genuine proper iconic moment. They cheer for him, then they go quiet as he and Triple H circle each other. So glad this wasn't a wanker crowd, they'd have ruined it with a "this is awesome" chant … ah, no, fuck it, they're doing it now. Oh well, up til then it was a perfect moment.

 

This face off lasted a long time.

 

Everyone's doing his "whoo!" now, and he hits the Scorpion Death Drop! The crowd go nuts! Sting puts Ziggler on top of Rollins...

 

… you know, even if the whole Authority stuff ended up being meaningless, if Sting vs. Triple H had at least been done more impactfully at WrestleMania, I'd hold this match in more regard a year later.

 

I'll not watch Triple H and Steph being sad in the post-match.

 

 

My thoughts:

 

Yeah, didn't like that as much one year on. So much of that is due to the high stakes being nullified so completely. I said in the 2001 write up that high stakes make high drama which makes a great match. That match still holds up, but if the Alliance had just come back again a couple of weeks later I don't know if it would. I couldn't get hooked into this one like I did at the time, which is a shame. There were high stakes, there was lots of drama and twists and turns aplenty. Watching not knowing the outcome, it's pretty great. Watching now, it's a shame to say, not so much. The Sting debut, however, is just as brilliant as it was at the time, so that's something.

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

So that's it! Done! A bit of a slog getting through that last decade, but it's done!

 

My final thoughts:

 

Survivor Series is very hit or miss. In the early years they could get away with the gimmick of the match, because you're getting interactions you wouldn't normally get. That doesn't fly in recent years when you've already seen virtually every possible combination. As it's gone on, the show has needed a hook to raise it above every other show. That could be like the tournament in 1998, or just having a fucking great card with something (at the time) totally unique like in 2002, but it's often at its best when there's been a featured Survivor Series match.

 

What those matches need is to really be the climax of a big angle involving loads of guys that could only be resolved with a Survivor Series match. If things were to be built through September and October to that end, it would work really well. And it has. 2001 and 2014, and to a lesser extent, 2003, did that successfully. Even if the aftermath is disappointing, the build towards the big Survivor Series match with high stakes works. That's how the format should be used (or you use that featured match to continue your biggest storyline, which worked great with the Mega Powers in 1988, not so much with Rock and Cena in 2011).

 

Okay, maybe it would get tired if you did that every year, but there was a perfect, perfect set-up for it this year with the Wyatts and Taker/Kane. It absolutely boggles the mind that that match is going to be 2-on-2, they had the ideal set up for a Survivor Series match.

 

So has doing this got me excited for this year's Survivor Series? Not really. It's a very variable show. You're just as likely to get an underwhelming one as a great one, and you're as likely to get a really enjoyable match as you are a disappointing one. If I'm really honest, beyond the fact that they've done it every year since '87, I couldn't consider it a very important show most of the time. There are exceptions, but a lot of the time, it just doesn't feel like a 'big' event.

 

Will this year's? There's no reason why it shouldn't have. If you'd have the Undertaker in a Survivors match on his 25th anniversary, and focused the rest of the show on the WWE Title tournament, you could have had the recipe for a great show. The way it stands currently, I'm not convinced. But we'll see.

 

Ranking time! Of the matches I saw, this would be my favourite 5:

 

1. Team WWF vs. The Alliance. Nostalgia!

2. Shawn Michaels vs. Sid. Cracking match, best Sid match I've seen.

3. Mega Powers vs Twin Towers. They're going to EXPLODE!

4. Trish Stratus vs. Victoria. My favourite women's match not involving Sasha Banks.

5. DX vs. Radicalz. Just a fun undercard match, plus nostalgia again.

 

 

There were great individual performances apart from these (Bret in 90, Shawn in 03, Edge and Jeff in 08, Roman in 13) and great moments too (the intro of 89, Mankind through the table at 97, the swerve of 98, Sting in 14). There's been plenty to like.

 

And this is my shitlist:

 

1. Great Khali vs. Hornswoggle. It couldn't be shitter if it tried.

2. Triple H vs. Vladimir Kozlov vs. Edge. The ending is AMAZING, but even that can't save the match that precedes it.

3. Big Bossman vs Nailz. It's just bad.

4. Team Mickie vs. Team Michelle. When you've done something as good as the 1995 women's match, there's no excuse for something this lacklustre.

5. Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Stasiak. Crowd kills it for me.

 

 

And that's the end! Thanks to anyone who's read this, and anyone who recommend a match or commented or posted in here. Hope this has helped hype you up for this year's Survivor Series tomorrow, and I might do this for WrestleMania again next year!

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