Awards Moderator HarmonicGenerator Posted February 12, 2015 Awards Moderator Share Posted February 12, 2015 The scenario: Vince woke up one morning and decided to fire all his writers, and then called in the UKFF for an emergency summit.  Lads (and the occasional lass), he says, pitch me some gimmicks.  He doesn't care if you attach them to a particular wrestler or not, but he wants ideas for new gimmicks and characters. He's after a return to the 98/99 glory days where the further down the card you got the wackier things were, what with vampires and pimps and porn stars and wannabe tough guys in sweater vests and so on. He's quite happy to take it back earlier in the 90s and the times of hockey players and dentists and narcissists etc. But he also wants you to capture the zeitgeist of 2015, with characters that will resonate with today's audience.  So, what have you got to pitch to Vince?  I've got a few I think the WWE's crying out for.    1) We're bringing Tyler Breeze up to the main roster, and he's going to be inspired by David Lee Roth in the 'Just A Gigolo/Ain't Got Nobody' video. Every time you see him, he's going to have a different mental outfit on. Even if he's got a backstage promo and then a match after the ad break, that's two different outfits. He's going to pull Roth faces as much as possible, he's going to have the hair, absolute total 80s-rock-at-its-most-outrageous ripoff. We may or may not make him a gigolo too, just for the hell of it.  2) The YouTube commentator. Vloggers are in at the moment, aren't they? Let's capitalise on that. He'll debut partway through someone else's match, in a little screen in the top left corner. He commentates on it in a snarky sort of way, throws out a catchphrase, and goes away. I'm thinking Cartman-braaaah style. Tease that week by week, then he'll have to show up to be obnoxious to the older audience but really cool to the younger types. Let's call him Mark Smart. There's mileage in that.  3) We're going to take Kanye West's gimmick. Bloke who is completely up himself and believes himself to be the greatest wrestler, promo, superstar there has ever been. Rubs everyone up the wrong way because of it, but the worst thing is, the bastard can back it up and actually is really good, which makes his attitude justified yet even worse. He would also interrupt various promos that have nothing to do with him by rushing the ring and grabbing the mic, or, looking like he's going to rush the ring and grab the mic, but changing his mind and heading to the back. The promo guy continues but then the broadcast cuts to Kanye-WWEst having a backstage interview about how he didn't interrupt the guy's promo.  4) In time, we'll team him up with a new Kim Kardashian-inspired Diva. She'll show up one day, an unknown, but everyone will treat her like a megastar. Renee will be starstruck backstage, the announcers will put her over big time, even the uppercarders will be impressed that they met her when they come across her. But, and this is the vital thing, she doesn't do anything. No mic time. When she accompanies Kanye-guy to the ring, she just plays on her phone. Nobody can say a word against her, because Kanye-guy will interrupt them and take their mic. Eventually, she gets put in a match, which she wins by fluke. As her in-ring career progresses, several opponents find they can't actually get near her because Kanye-guy won't let them. She'd have to win the Divas title then get her comeuppance in the end.  5) Ever since the Royal Rumble surprise entrant pool a couple of years ago, I've never quite been able to shake the idea that Les Miz would be a winning gimmick. So let's do it. Full on musical theatre gimmick. Get Miz some singing lessons, give him some flags to wave, and he'll sing his way to the ring, sing all his promos, and take a bow after each successful move he hits. If he has a lackey at any point - a WWE stagehand, let's say - they have to throw flowers in the ring after he wins. He heads to the back… then comes back out to take another bow. Then heads back… then one more bow. Then he goes.  6) On a similar note, the next Hollywood gimmick is going to be a proper luvvie actor. He won't have a manager, or an agent, or an associate, he'll have a Director who accompanies him to the ring and will tell him his motivation over the mic throughout his matches. "He just hit you! You're angry, and feel the urge to hit him back rising with each jeer of the crowd!" If he ever loses, he'll ask if they can go again, and request another take. Just before the bell rings, his Director will use a clapperboard in front of him and shout action. And so on.    So there's half a dozen ideas. But Vince is not satisfied, he's got a whole unsuspecting roster to chuck mad gimmicks and characters on to. Who's got something? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andrew "the ref" coyne Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 "We're going to take Kanye West's gimmick. Bloke who is completely up himself and believes himself to be the greatest wrestler, promo, superstar there has ever been. Rubs everyone up the wrong way because of it, but the worst thing is, the bastard can back it up and actually is really good, which makes his attitude justified yet even worse." Â You pretty much described CM Punk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shane O' Mac Version 2 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Â 3) We're going to take Kanye West's gimmick. Bloke who is completely up himself and believes himself to be the greatest wrestler, promo, superstar there has ever been. Rubs everyone up the wrong way because of it, but the worst thing is, the bastard can back it up and actually is really good, which makes his attitude justified yet even worse. Â That bolded bit doesn't describe Kanye at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members stumobir Posted February 12, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 12, 2015 Â 3) We're going to take Kanye West's gimmick. Bloke who is completely up himself and believes himself to be the greatest wrestler, promo, superstar there has ever been. Rubs everyone up the wrong way because of it, but the worst thing is, the bastard can back it up and actually is really good, which makes his attitude justified yet even worse. That bolded bit doesn't describe Kanye at all. He has Grammys coming out of his arse for his own stuff and has produced some of the biggest albums of the last ten years. I despise the guy but can't deny that Yeezus is one of the best albums released in a good while. He might not be your cup of tea but he can definitely back it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WyattSheepMask Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 The Grammys don't mean shit. Even Henry Rollins is a Grammy winner for fucks sakes it's hard to use them as a barometer for quality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted February 12, 2015 Moderators Share Posted February 12, 2015 Shut up about Kanye and come up with gimmicks you turds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UK Kat Von D Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I think The Miz would be able to pull off a Gay Fish gimmick pretty well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members mim731 Posted February 12, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 12, 2015 That Les Miz idea could really work. A bit like the singing gimmick Aiden English had in NXT last year, but ramped up massively. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glen Quagmire Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Tweak Dean Ambrose to be say Loose Cannon 2.0? Ratchet it up as being an Alex Jones/David Icke true believer claiming that the illuminati have been burying him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members ColinBollocks Posted February 12, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 12, 2015 I'd sell my Gran to see old Vince write for a feminist gimmick. It can be a sort of 2015 version of Right To Censor, complete with White Knights etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Cutting Edge Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I always thought Drew McIntyre would've been good doing a full on Stacie Jaxx from Rock of Ages gimmick, he could've got too big (in his own mind) for 3MB and gone solo like some rock stars, come out of limo's with a bunch of women, always carrying a bottle of alcohol, has to be reminded by someone his much is up next but he comes out late or just walks out half way through cos hes bored etc.  Depends how far they could or wanted to go with it, to get his serious again he could go to rehab to clean himself up.  Could be cool or really shit like Adam Rose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kaz Hayashi Posted February 12, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 12, 2015 Re: glen  And that Vince is a Lizard drinking fish cakes with Geoff down the Grove??  Naaa... Just give him a catapult and have him causing mischief like the PS2 game bully. In fact he reminds me more of the kid who stands behind a biggee bully shaking his fist saying 'yeaah'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bradyisgod22 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Can't remember where I heard the idea in passing (maybe on here or a podcast) but I think an OCD gimmick would work to an extent. The guy has to hit his body slams etc just right and has to keep doing it until he hits it just how he wants. By this time the opponent is completely battered. Could work as a sympathetic face if he's apologising whilst doing it and when he gets interrupted during the process he could sell the moment really well. Â Another gimmick that could work is a heel scientist/mathematician/genius searching for the formula for the perfect move that nobody can get up from. After 6 months of trying different finishes he can try to sell the move in a heelish way to the highest bidder. Also sets up a future face turn where he try's to come up with a different move to beat the monster he created when he sold the secrets to the move. Â edit: tbh I don't know where he gets 6months of various finishes from or of there's enough to last,that's just a random time stamp I put on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator HarmonicGenerator Posted February 12, 2015 Author Awards Moderator Share Posted February 12, 2015 Ha, I love that one! Â I forgot a really obvious one. We can get Roman Reigns all his badassness back by remaking him as a Dothraki warlord. Khal Roman. Absolute killer in the ring, though we may have to stop short of him ripping tongues out. For the look, he'll have the full Drogo war paint going on. We'll even rip off the 'never cuts his braid unless defeated' thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr.PeterVenkman Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I'd give the Les Miz gimmick to Sandow when the stunt double/PA gimmick gets stale, for some reason I can imagine him having a belting singing voice  Surprised they never went for a Paedo gimmick when they were chucking as much shit at the wall as they could in 2002/3, to make it a bit less controversial they could have just had the Paedo think Mysterio was a 12 year old boy and buy him sweets/fags/FHM, whatever paedo's buy lads they're grooming Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.