Moderators PowerButchi Posted February 9, 2015 Moderators Share Posted February 9, 2015 I'll kick us off.  "Hello moosefuckers! I tell you why I hate Canada, half of you speak French, and the other half let them." - Jerry Sadowitz, Just for Laughs Montreal.    Sid: Are you the owner of this site?Handyman: No.Sid: Where is he?Handyman: Gone for a pee... Here he comes now.   Carry On Camping (And possibly the greatest sight gag in history. Works on about 4 levels)   "We hear an awful lot of leftie whingeing about NHS waiting lists. Well the answer's simple. Shut down the health service. Result? No more waiting lists. You see, in the good old days, you were poor, you got ill and you died. And yet these days people seem to think they've got some sort of God-given right to be cured. And what is the result of this sloppy socialist thinking? More poor people. In contrast, my policies would eradicate poor people, thereby eliminating poverty. And they say that we Conservatives have no heart." - Rik Mayall, The New Statesman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PSF Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.   How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s go play on our bikes.   Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common   White Boards are Remarkable! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Murtz Posted February 9, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 9, 2015 I've just been on a once in a lifetime holiday. Tell you what.. never again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Scott Malbranque Posted February 9, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 9, 2015 "The most dangerous drink is gin. You have to be really, really careful with that. And you also have to be 45, female and sitting on the stairs. Because gin isn't really a drink, it's more a mascara thinner. "Nobody likes my shoes!" "I made... I made fifty... fucking vol-au-vents, and not one of you... not one of you... said 'Thank you.'" And my favourite: "Everybody, shut up. Shut up! This song is all about me." Â "EGGS! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!" Â Dylan Moran. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Dead Mike Posted February 9, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 9, 2015 ‘Yuri Gellar, he’s hard to stab’ – Gary Delaney  ‘You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.’ – Stewart Francis  ‘I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!’ - Stewart Francis  ‘There’s only four things you can be in life: sober, tipsy, drunk and hungover. Tipsy is the only one where you don’t cry when you’re doing it’ – James Acaster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinc Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Vic & Bob - "Who sang 'Where the Streets Have No Name'?" Lamarr - "U2" Vic & Bob - "No, it was nothing to do with us." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members John Matrix Posted February 9, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 9, 2015 What's the difference between Clint Eastwood, and anal sex? Â One will make your day, the other will make your hole weak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MungoChutney Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Best ever TV gag for me was from Mork and Mindy. Â Mindy's Dad: Mork, can you keep a secret? Mork: Sure. Mindy's dad: I'm seeing a plastic surgeon. Mork: Why, couldn't you find a real one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Scott Malbranque Posted February 9, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 9, 2015 Probably my favourite sight gag of all time: Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Bellenda Carlisle Posted February 9, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 9, 2015 I'm not sure what my favourite thing about Switzerland is but the flag's a big plus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members LaGoosh Posted February 9, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 9, 2015 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvbMYWjhEDY Â Best use of profanity from anything ever. From Father Ted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members air_raid Posted February 9, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 9, 2015 My father only ever hit me once. He used the Volvo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Nostalgia Nonce Posted February 9, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 9, 2015 As far as I'm concerned, this is the greatest Father Ted gag, and one of the best from anything. The slow set up, with no telegraphing, and execution was perfect. Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Arch Stanton Posted February 9, 2015 Paid Members Share Posted February 9, 2015 Best visual gag in Father Ted? For me, it's this.... Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators PowerButchi Posted February 10, 2015 Author Moderators Share Posted February 10, 2015 What's the difference between Cornwall and the Bee Gees? Â Morris (sic) Dancing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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