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Ron&Hermione
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58 minutes ago, gmoney said:

Congrats! Named after Fast Show character Chester Draws I hope? The other option is too grave to mention. 

Hahs bloody hell I've not watched the fast show in years. He's named after Chester Bennington obviously. Linkin park was a huge influence on me growing up and one of the main bands that made me want to be a vocalist. 

He's currently asleep on my chest stiring about to want a bottle 

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  • 1 year later...
  • 4 weeks later...

Going through a break up atm! We were together 2 and a half years. Completly in love. lived together but covid times were hard with work etc and we drifted apart. We both moved out and went our seperate ways.

A few months later we tried again but the same issues cropped up which were - saying I act like I don't care enough and didn't seem to be bothered about seeing her when lockdown ended. I was just struggling to to show it the same as the first year we were together due to certain things which happened in the relationship. We were great together understood each other on a level like no other. I adored her and she thought I was the best thing since sliced bread but I can admit I didn't show it enough towards the end and I think it pushed her away. 

So mutually we went out separate ways at the end of March. First month was OK then I really started to miss her and tried to tell her as you do lol but she was not interested. She said the old I need to focus on myself etc. A couple of text exchanges happened. I came across a bit needy im sure! Sunday night I decided I needed to delete her from my socials otherwise nothing will ever change. So I did that then she messaged me yesteday wishing me a happy birthday and asking why I deleted her. She found it odd as we ended on good terms and didn't think we had to delete each other but if that's what I wanted to do then all good. All very strange! I said you know why but you have my number if you ever want to call and talk to me and I'm not going to just sit around in the friend zone and we left it that. 

Just a weird feeling now as not been able to look at her socials but I'm sure it's for the best. I would love to get back with her at some point but think this was the only option. Had to let go completely and if she comes back so be it. I was making the break up far too easy for her and felt it needed to stop. 

Just looking for some reassurance I made the right choice here lol. 

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I think you did the right thing. You've put yourself out there and told her how you feel, she isn't interested at the moment so you need to do what you need to do to move forward. Things like social media accounts can make it difficult to do that as you can't help but keep looking and second guessing. The only thing you could have maybe done differently is told her before you deleted her? But that's by the by really, you've had the conversation afterwards. She knows where you are if she wants to get in touch but for you, it'll be better with not watching her life unfold.

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36 minutes ago, thevestofdeanambrose said:

I was making the break up far too easy for her and felt it needed to stop. 

I think you did the right thing in terms of helping yourself move on but this is a weird bit of phrasing that sounds like you are doing to somehow try to spite her?

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3 minutes ago, Chest Rockwell said:

I think you did the right thing in terms of helping yourself move on but this is a weird bit of phrasing that sounds like you are doing to somehow try to spite her?

Yeah not to spite her. I mean she has been happy moving on, getting on with her life while I have been the one chasing and her knowing she always has me on the back burner and I don't think there was any chance of a reconciliation in the future until she realised what life is like without me in it at all, so took the decision to remove myself completely from her life and at the very least it will also help me move on. If she contacts me so be it but I needed to show im not just going to wait around for her anymore. It's wasn't healthy at all. 

Also thanks @deathrey

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Ok yeah that makes sense. But ultimately the more you can stop thinking about how anything you do affects her either positively or negatively the better. Far easier said than done, I know, but it shouldn't factor in at all in your decision making.

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  • 2 months later...

Fellow UKFFers I’m after your advice (as this is anonymous, I feel this is a good way to establish opinion).

I’m in a fairly new relationship (just under 3 months official). At the beginning of our relationship she signposted that she was still in touch with a guy she was friends with benefits with. And that he was part of the same friendship group of friends from back in uni (so when they meet up, he’ll be there). She did say that she and he both respect when each other are in a relationship, and so the conversation is friend zone only.

I was fine with this, as my neighbour it turns out is also an ex (although not in regular contact, though it is friendly).

It turns out the texting is daily, and she only seems to message him when I’m not around. Even if it means not reading/messaging for over 24hrs. The only time I’ve caught a glimpse of their messages, he’s been flirting “come to bed”, and so I fail to believe this is the only time he’s done it.

I’ve asked why she only does it out of sight of me, and get “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable by messaging if you’re around”, to which I replied, that in doing so seems like she had something to hide. Nothing has changed, and she continues to only do it when I’m not around.

What’s your opinion? Anything to worry about? Worth bringing up again? 

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1 minute ago, Big'Olympic_Hero'Pete said:

Definitely sounds dodgy mate. Get rid to be honest. If you don't trust her now, you'll never fully trust her and the relationship will never work 

See this is the thing. Everything else is perfect, and there are no issues or problems. We are on the same level about everything aside from this.

Its not so much a lack of trusting her, more so a lack of trusting him, and having seen evidence of his definition of the term “respect when in a relationship”, I trust him even less than I did beforehand.

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Just now, Chest Rockwell said:

Having been on both sides of this kinda situation I wouldn't catch feelings / be expecting a serious relationship if I were you. If you're just having some fun though probably no biggie and it'll run its course eventually. You'll not be marrying this one though, suffice to say.

She’s openly admitted to wanting it to be a serious/long term thing, having introduced me to her parents, and invited me to her friends wedding where she is bridesmaid etc.

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6 minutes ago, Matthew said:

See this is the thing. Everything else is perfect, and there are no issues or problems. We are on the same level about everything aside from this.

Its not so much a lack of trusting her, more so a lack of trusting him, and having seen evidence of his definition of the term “respect when in a relationship”, I trust him even less than I did beforehand.

You're making excuses there fella. If he and her respected relationship boundaries then they wouldn't be texting like this daily. Perhaps ask if she will show you her replies to his messages like that. If she refuses then you know that she doesn't respect you. 

 

Sounds like she wants the fun nd excitement with him and the security of a relationship with you. Maybe see if she can make a choice between the 2 of you and what she wants. 

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