Paid Members John Matrix Posted November 18, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted November 18, 2014 There's nothing quite like catching a snippet of a conversation as you walk past someone or vice versa, whether it's hilarious out of context, mental, or just plain stupid.  I've mentioned on here before the rather ludicrous..  "I'm not being funny or anything, but dont all black people smell like leather".  But equally brilliant this lunchtime in Primark  Teenager 1 - "What do you use cufflinks for?" Teenager 2 - "Doing up a dinner jacket"  Share yours.  Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted November 18, 2014 Moderators Share Posted November 18, 2014 *points at Thai Corner Restaurant* "Have you ever been in there?" Â "No. Is it good?" Â "Yeah" Â "What kind of food is it?" Â Â "It's like.... Chinese food". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members John Matrix Posted November 18, 2014 Author Paid Members Share Posted November 18, 2014 Fucking brilliant.  I was once accused of being racist in the office for saying you never see a fat chinese person, to which the person who complained about my racism responded "What about Sumo wrestlers?". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Dead Mike Posted November 18, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted November 18, 2014 In Egypt…horrendous woman (from Yorkshire) to our Egyptologist tour guide   ‘Here are….haven’t you got one of those Spinxes here?’ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Danger Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 Heard a girl discussing her break up with her friend the other day and it ended with: Â "That's it, I'm not going out with anymore druggies, you can't rely on them." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sergio Mendacious Posted November 18, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted November 18, 2014 Two black blokes outside of a deli the other day: "Don't call me a n***er..." *points to a third guy, also black, walking up to them*. "Call him a n***er. HE'S the REAL n***er" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WyattSheepMask Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 On a bus years ago,  Teen1: you know when you fancy your brother, what's that called? Teen2: inscense I think  The other day at work, we were making a display of toys and featuring dinosaurs: Me: that's not a dinosaur, that's a dragon Colleague: it's the same thing isn't it? Me: no, theres evidence of the existence of dinosaurs, dragons are a fantasy creature Colleague: but the dinosaurs that could fly are evolved from dragons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sergio Mendacious Posted November 18, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted November 18, 2014 I got thrown out of a football game in P.E. for wearing Mark Bosnich's zany goalkeeper top, and so I was sat near to two chavvy malcontents who had tried to kick lumps out of each other in some other P.E. class — they were discussing what you could drink for alcohol content, and it gradually got down to the thicker one being convinced by his mate that the only reason people didn't drink perfume is the cost, and that it tastes great because "it smells great". And it gets you pissed.  One of them has been living on the streets of Nottingham now for longer than he hasn't been living on the streets of Nottingham, I don't remember which one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 Not a conversation, but I saw a girl with her baby in town the other day, the baby was crying and the mother was busy decanting Coke into a baby bottle to feed to the kid. Â Yeah, that's going to help quieten the baby down! Â Some people should be sterilised. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members PunkStep Posted November 18, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted November 18, 2014 Woah, what the fuck? Loki where was this, Barrow?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 Guildford, outside the law courts. Â That kid will be a regular there in about 15 years I imagine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Sergio Mendacious Posted November 18, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted November 18, 2014 I was in Specsavers in Arnold (Notts.), and this tow-headed little moppet was being a child, i.e. making noise and playing around. His mum turned to him, and growled "fucking shut up, or I'll stick this pencil in your eye". Terrifying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Danger Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 The things people find acceptable to say to little kids can be fucking terrible. I was sat waiting and a fella was crossing the road with two kids. The youngest would have been around three and he was trailing behind the bloke who turned around and screamed at the kid "Hurry up, do you want to get run over? Are you fucking stupid?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Tommy! Posted November 18, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted November 18, 2014 "The thing about Loz is his dicks massive, it's like a saveloy". I had been lying there with my eyes shut at the back of the coach, after catching that I laughed and had to make a sly exit to the front of the coach. Â I love to answer people who are walking through town talking on a phone when you catch just that one question as they storm through, pushing OAP's out the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Thunderplex Posted November 18, 2014 Paid Members Share Posted November 18, 2014 "Knock the turban off the Muzzy twat" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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