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Embarrassing Fears


John Matrix

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Posted

So i'm not talking about the rational shit that scares you, but stuff so seemingly silly even you think you're a dick for being frightened of it.

 

It occured to me last night that i am petrified of sleeping with an arm or leg hanging out of the bed in case bugs crawl on it or worse still, monsters reach out from under it and pull me down with them - yes, i'm 32 years old.

 

Quite happy under the duvet with arms out on top, so it's not an 'on show' thing, but nothing must stray past the edges of the mattress.

 

I've suffered from that for as long as i can remember, but more recently, i've developed this really irrational fear when locking up of an evening.

 

The back door to our house has one of those handles you have to lift before you can lock yet for some reason, rather than just doing that, i always open the back door first before closing and going through the locking process. For reasons i can't explain, i'm always petrified that the moment i close the door, the will be someone in my garden waiting to burst through it and catch me unawares before i can lock it.

 

The same thing happens at the back gate when i'm taking the bins out.

 

It's not like balloons, or clowns where i could rationalise why someone might be scared of something otherwise seen as harmless, and i'd like to think i'm intelligent enough to know there arent monsters under my bed or a coach load of murderers and rapists waiting patiently outside my house for a sign that the door is open.

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Posted

I don't know if it's embarrassing because a lot of people are scared of them but because I'm A MAN, it can be.

 

I'm terrified of spiders. Just horribly terrified. If there is one on my ceiling sometimes it can be so bad that I sit on my bed and just don't know what to do. It's hard to explain unless you have the same fear.

Posted
I don't know if it's embarrassing because a lot of people are scared of them but because I'm A MAN, it can be.

 

I'm terrified of spiders. Just horribly terrified. If there is one on my ceiling sometimes it can be so bad that I sit on my bed and just don't know what to do. It's hard to explain unless you have the same fear.

I'm bad with spiders too, I was just settling down for a wank the other week when a spider crawled across my bed and I don't think I got an erection for about 3 days.

Posted

Moths. I hate them. Flapping around like drunk pigeons. They're like half insect half fucking dust as well. I can deal with the small ones, but when a big one comes a fluttering I shit myself. There seems to be a new type on the scene as well. They have really furry heads. Like they have a cool haircut, and their wings point upwards as opposed to out the side. YUCK!

Posted
I don't know if it's embarrassing because a lot of people are scared of them but because I'm A MAN, it can be.

 

I'm terrified of spiders. Just horribly terrified. If there is one on my ceiling sometimes it can be so bad that I sit on my bed and just don't know what to do. It's hard to explain unless you have the same fear.

I'm bad with spiders too, I was just settling down for a wank the other week when a spider crawled across my bed and I don't think I got an erection for about 3 days.

 

I do hope you were on www.Wankspider.com

Posted

Dead birds.

 

I can't fucking abide dead birds. They freak the shit out of me. If I happen to be walking along, oblivious to my surroundings, daydreaming or listening to music and I happen to stumble upon one in my path I'm not ashamed to admit I've let out a girly squeal and jumped 2 feet into the air to avoid the carcass. The worst instance of coming across a dead bird I've had was one evening after returning from the local I was happily trundling along, whistling away in a tipsy stupor when I saw it up ahead in the road. Something was sat upright, I knew it was a bird but as I was around 30 feet away and it was sitting there I assumed as I drew closer it would do one as I got closer. How wrong I was. It was a big blackbird and somehow only half of it had been run over. The back half. This meant that the front half was sat bolt upright and perfectly intact, beak wide open and eyes staring. But the arse end was squashed into the road. This happened a good few years ago and I've barely recovered. I just can't deal with shit like that

 

I've had birds fly into the windows and I've had to either get my dad to shift the remains or I've even asked a neighbour. She's a nun and more of a man than I'll ever be. She told me she'd pray for me. It hasn't worked.

Posted

Dead birds are fine, but I have a genuine phobia of alive birds. Stupid flying wankers coming out of nowhere and scaring the life out of me. I've actually seen four different therapists about it with the hope of getting over it but nothing has worked. It's an absolute nightmare walking through city centers with the amount of pigeons around, and I've actually on more than one occasion missed buses from London Victoria because I refuse to go into the station.

 

Horrible little fuckers.

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Posted

Scared of pigeons. Walk through Queen's Park in Glasgow with a plastic bag and see why I'm scared. Literally dive for you. One smacked me right in the face about 2012.

Posted

Swans are where it's at with bird fears. Fuck those Swan fucks. They can break a mans arm ya know! It's more the look of them though, that sneaky long curved neck and face paint. The black and red ones are fucked up as well.

Posted

I have the arm out of bed one as well, scared spiders will crawl on it or ghosts will brush past it. And I don't believe in ghosts.

 

I'm scared of windows at night too. You know when you turn a room light off and then you can see out of the window a bit? One day there's going to be a face there.

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Posted
Swans are where it's at with bird fears. Fuck those Swan fucks. They can break a mans arm ya know! It's more the look of them though, that sneaky long curved neck and face paint.

Yeah, even if one went for you, you can't really do fuck all about it. Swans are "property of the crown" or some shit like that. You can get some heavy jail time for messing with them, even if you're defending yourself.

 

ADDED: Some wee guy down south was looking at a ten year stretch for getting his arm broke by one. Obviously common sense prevailed when he got let off. Swans definately shouldn't be in public parks. Vicious things.

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Posted

I tried to conquer my fear of spiders recently. I booked a reptile zoo in for an event and they brought Gary, the chile rose tarantula. I eventually did the deed and held him for quite a while whilst the pro was talking to me about spiders in general.

 

I'm no longer scared of Gary, and did it work for the rest of spiders?.. Did it fuck.

 

 

I've also realised that some of the things I am scared if is because I'm a control freak. I get to the train platform a good 15 mins before to make sure I'm getting somewhere to put my case. Apparently I'm very OTT with it. I'd be in fear that if I didn't get a place for my case something drastic would happen. I've never found out what that is yet, because being a control freak has worked so far.

Posted

Lions. And I don't just mean the fear of coming face to face with a Lion (as in, in the wild), because I think most people would just shit themselves if that were to happen. I actually cannot even look at a picture of a Lion, it scares the living shit out of me. As much as I like watching wildlife programs I tend to avoid them now because these fucks always crop up. Oh, and it is male Lions too by the way. The mane, the eyes, the teeth fucking terrify me.

 

And it's not just looking at them either. There roar makes me shake in terror, and has caused me to black out on two occasions. The first time was at London Zoo when I took my lad years ago. I braved going to the zoo just for him, but I did say I would keep my distance from the Lion cage. Not knowing the layout very well I rounded a corner and found myself face to face with the fucking thing and I just froze. The bastard just starred at me and it knew, it fucking knew I was terrified. It let out a massive roar and I blacked out. Next thing I know I'm sat at the bottom of the path up against a fence with some American bloke trying to give me sips of water. I then panicked because my lad wasn't with me and saw him at the top of the path looking at the Lions. He then comes running down to me and I'm thinking 'oh, he's realised what's happened and he's coming to see if I'm OK', but when he gets to me he said "where's the camera I want to take pictures of the Lion?" takes the camera and then buggers back up the path to take pictures. :(

 

The second time was quite funny in retrospect. I'm at Drayton Manor Park with my family and we go into the zoo. A friend of mine works at the zoo and she assured me that there were no longer any Lions kept there. Still, I was a bit apprehensive but went in. In the distance I can see a cage and what is quite clearly a big cat. I start to shake and my body starts to seize up. Out of nowhere I hear this almighty roar behind me and I start to run towards the exit, only I'm blacking out at the same time and I apparently crumpled to the floor mid run. I wake up with big grazes down my arms and hands and a cut on my forehead. Turns out the big cat I could see in the distance was a Tiger (which I am not afraid of) and the roar I heard was from the walk through Dinosaurland behind me.

 

For the record, I'm not afraid of female Lions, cubs, Tigers or The Lion King.

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