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Kids at your school with famous names


JNLister

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It may be my schools were just weirdly blessed, but I have a theory that the sheer number of kids at a school means you'll get someone with a famous name. Let's test that theory.

 

My infant school had a kid called Omar Sharif. He wasn't an actor who was good at bridge. He pooed his pants.

 

My junior school had a kid called Robert Williams. When we played crab football we chanted "there's only one Robbie Williams." We were wrong.

 

My secondary school had a kid called Nigel Kennedy. He couldn't play violin. He got paid for work experience because he did it at his Saturday market job,

 

My secondary school had a kid called Sam Tyler. He wasn't a time travelling policeman. He had an imaginary alter-ego called Julian which, in hindsight, sounds kinda gay.

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We had Cameron Diaz, but that Cameron was male and probably looks like Danny Trejo now.

Mark Hughes another, but he was - and still is, I'd imagine - as gay as Christmas, and nor could he play football much to all our disappointment when we first met him.

Kevin Smith, but that's a very common name. I reckon there could be one of them in every walk of life.

Robert Lowe, who funnily enough, was also a sexual deviant.

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My dad had a Dave Lee Travis in his class, a Robert Lindsay in his year and a Ben Kingsley in his school. But, to be fair, those were the actual famous people.

 

We had an art teacher called John Innes. Knowing little of agriculture, we mainly concentrated on calling him Mr Anus.

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We had a David Cameron. He didn't grow up to be Prime Minister, though.

 

John Collins was another and, despite being around the same time as the Scottish international, somehow didn't get any shit. I think we were too busy throwing the new kid from down south's bag on the roof.

 

Our school was a bit crap, really...

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I went to college with James Dean. How do you name a child that when you must be completely aware of what he has to go through every day.

 

He ended up going into acting. Determinism in action~!

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