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The UKFF Celebrity Twatlist IV


HarmonicGenerator

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"A vehicle to vent our neurotic spleen at inconsequential celebrities who have no real effect on our lives other than to mildly annoy us, with the odd politician thrown in" - Magnum

 

The 2014 Twatlist:

30. John Terry

29. Fearne Cotton

28. Boris Johnson

27. Tony Blair

26. Jessie J

25. Tim Lovejoy

24. Russell Howard

23. Ed Milliband

22. James Arthur

21. Brendan 'Mrs Brown' O'Carroll

20. Jeremy Kyle

19. Andy Townsend

18. Adrian Chiles

17. Morrissey

16. Lee Ryan

15. Leigh 'Keith Lemon' Francis - winner of the Special Cunt-sideration Award!

14. Konye Weest

13. Michael Gove

12. Nigel Farage

11. Shia LeBeouf

10. Piers Morgan

9. George Osborne

8. Gary Barlow

7. Russell Brand

6. Miley Cyrus

5. Katie Hopkins

4. Nick Grimshaw

3. Ricky Gervais

2. Joostin Boober

1. David Cameron

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cheryl Cole appeared to me in a dream last night and told me it was the right time for another Twatlist. Who am I to argue with the will of Dream-Cheryl?

 

 

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: PLEASE no stories about celebrities, in your nominations or in this thread, along the lines of 'I once heard that...' or 'My mate's sister once worked with ___ and she said that...' . No 'allegedly's or 'apparently's or references to things that may or may not be true, either, please. That sort of thing will get you in trouble with the forum, and it'll get the forum in trouble with legal types. I will not include anything of this kind in the write-ups. In the words of neil, "VERY IMPORTANT. Stop posting "I heard a story about..." stuff. This attracts the attention of laywers looking to justify their existence to clients. I'm going to be editing any posts. Please don't do this in the future." Ta.

 

 

The first UKFF Celebrity Twatlist, from summer 2009 and won by Jordan, can be found in Off-Topic Gold HERE..

The second UKFF Celebrity Twatlist, from spring 2011 and won by James Corden, can be found in Off-Topic Gold HERE.

The third UKFF Celebrity Twatlist, from autumn 2012 and won by John Terry, can be found in Off-Topic Gold HERE.

 

 

For those who don't recall, the Twatlist is a parody of those once-ubiquitous Top 50/100 lists found in magazines, on telly and sometimes on this very forum. Compiled three times since 2009, UKFFers sent me lists of their most reviled and loathed public figures, which were ranked to determine, in a satirical Top 30 countdown (or cuntdown, am I right, LOL), which famous person the users of this forum were least keen on. Each entry had an opportunity for those who had nominated that celebrity to spit their vitriol and vent their spleens. It was quite entertaining to contribute to and to read, I hope. Importantly, the countdown's write-ups aimed only to feature UKFFers' opinions of celebrities, so as to avoid any potential wranglings.

 

 

It's only been a year and a bit since the last list, which ended up looking like this:

 

 

30. Jamie Redknapp (down 21)

29. Cheryl Cole (down 24)

28. Chris Brown (NE)

27. Joey Barton (NE)

26. Justin Bieber (down 22)

25. Dappy off of N-Dubz (down 7)

24. Simon Cowell (up 2)

23. George Osborne (NE)

22. The Cast of The Only Way Is Essex (NE)

21. Kay Burley (NE)

20. James Corden (down 19)

19. Ed Milliband (NE)

18. Nicki Minaj (NE)

17. Miranda Hart (NE)

16. Jimmy Savile (NE)

15. Jeremy Kyle (up 9)

14. Katie 'Jordan' Price (down 12)

13. Ashley Cole (down 10)

12. One Direction / Harry Styles (NE)

11. Nick Clegg (down 3)

10. Luis Suarez (NE)

9. Boris Johnson (NE)

8. Adrian Chiles (up 11)

7. Adele (NE)

6. David Cameron (up 1)

5. Tulisa who used to be off of N-Dubz (NE)

4. Piers Morgan (NE)

3. Leigh 'Keith Lemon' Francis (NE)

2. Jessie J (NE)

1. John Terry (up 12)

 

 

As you can see, it's quite a variety of famous types. Politicians, singers, footballers, general personalities. So why do it again?

 

Well, things change very quickly in celebrity land. As you can see, over half of the last list's twats were new entries. Only Katie Price has the dubious honour of being on all three lists. In the past year and a bit, new faces have risen to prominence, old ones have faded away, and a whole other bunch of people are plastered all over the media every day. For instance, Dappy may have made the news when that horse kicked him in the face, but when have we even heard of him other than that? Do people really care that much about Tulisa or Nicki Minaj anymore? Even Jordan isn't talked about that much right now. We could be looking at a whole new collective of celebs you can't stand.

 

So let's do this!

 

 

THIS IS WHAT YOU DO:

 

Pick your list of Top Twats - up to ten of your most disliked celebrities - put them in order, and send them to me, either by e-mail at jimbobfredericksson@hotmail.com, or by PM on here. Please don't post all your nominations in this thread - it'll spoil the surprise of the countdown!

 

Please try to include reasons for your selections in your e-mail/PM . If you do, I'll use parts of your rants and diatribes in the final write-ups, and everyone will know how hate-filled you are deep down. You don't have to include reasons, but where's the fun in that? The longer and swearier, the better. I want to know why you hate these people. Be eloquent, be obscene, but please, keep it to your own opinions. Read the original threads if you want to get an idea of how this works.

 

I can't stress enough how important YOU are to this list. The more you say when you nominate, the angrier you get, the more you swear, the more I have to work with when we count down. Without your contributions, this list can't happen, so please, nominate! What we don't want is people posting that they hope so-and-so 'wins' in this thread, but then don't vote. We never did find out why Richie Freebird hated the Military Wives so much last time.

 

Please submit your votes by 6pm on Monday 17th February. That gives you just over three weeks to send something - loads of time. The list will start to count down soon after that. Remember to include your UKFF username so I know who to credit in the write-ups!

 

In the meantime, please use this thread to persuade others who to vote for. Why should so-and-so or whoshisface be despised by everyone, and not just you? Tell the forum! Canvas for votes! Devon Malcolm was unsuccessful with his 'vote Coe' campaign in 2012, but you may have more luck this time round.

 

The person in 1st place on your list receives 10 Twatpoints to go towards their final total. 2nd place gets 9 Twatpoints, 3rd gets 8, and so on down to 10th place which will receive 1. If you want to nominate more than 10 people, please do - everyone from 11th downwards on your list will get 1 point. Please put your choices in order if you can.

 

You can nominate any public figure, past or present - actors, musicians, sportspeople, politicians, artists, royalty; A-list, D-list or Z-list; well-known or obscure; individuals or groups (the collective cast of a TV show, or an entire band, for instance); living or dead. Go topical if you like, or reopen old wounds and nominate the same people you went for last time (if you're one of those wonderful people who voted). Just don't be telling stories that you may or may not have heard about things that may or may not have happened. It's okay if you can't remember their name in your fury - I'll try to figure out who you mean.

 

However, there are a few exceptions. As this is a wrestling forum, I understand the temptation to fill your list with wrestling personalities may be high, but try and limit yourself to one or two wrestlers per list, if any. The same goes for footballers - please resist the urge to nominate 10 footballers just because they play for a team you don't like. That's really boring. No members of this forum will be counted if you vote for them. And finally, the likes of Ian Lost Prophets or anyone associated with Project You Tree are excluded from nomination.

 

I'll be hoping for enough nominations to do another Top 30. If there aren't enough nominations I'll be very sad.

 

So, to recap, please send your Top Twats, with as much accompaniment as you can please, to jimbobfredericksson@hotmail.com, or by PM, or in this thread if you want to, by 6pm on Monday 17th February.

 

Finally, please abide by the disclaimer at the top of this post, or a wrath will set down upon you. Fair warning!

 

 

And with all that, let us begin! May I begin by suggesting for your consideration:

 

shia-labeouf-gi-831-thumb-320x384-44751.jpg

 

Shia LeBeouf, perhaps?

 

Justin-Bieber-Nick-Grimshaw12.jpg

 

Maybe Nick Grimshaw, or Justin Bieber?

 

kanye-west-2012-10-15-300x300.jpg

 

Kanye West, possibly?

 

t100art_ricky_gervais.jpg

 

Or Ricky Gervais?

 

158874a.jpg

 

And might Miley Cyrus be a contender?

 

MrsBrownBlog.jpg

 

Is it Mrs Brown's year?

 

 

 

As you can see, the field could be wide open for somebody to claim John Terry's crown. Who knows, maybe he will be the first Top Twat to retain his title. UKFF, it's up to YOU.

 

Begin!

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Dappy.

 

A prime example of the terrible way this country is heading. One minute talking reasonably normal English, the next in that chavvy "I wanna be black innit" type of way that sickens me to the stomach. "You get me?". I'd rather get aids.

 

Pull your fucking pants up, I do not wish to see your skidmarks. You have the talent of a festering boil. You make it very clear how much you enjoy your recreational drug use. Go and get caned and drive off a cliff.

 

 

 

 

Twat.

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List sent. I just don't see how the #1 can even be debated this time. I'd say trying to rape a baby is probably a twatlist winner all across the board.

 

I think HarmonicGenerator said votes for Ian Watkins wouldn't count mate, unless I read it wrong. You could always vote for the one from Steps I suppose.

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Are we counting him then? I'd probably leave him off this list. He's a vile cunt, and deserves his own list of vile cunts, he's much worse than being on a twatlist imo.

 

We're not. I've excluded him on the basis that what he did completely transcends any normal bounds of twattery. It was weird last time having to put Jimmy Savile at number 16 and then have Keith Lemon at 3, and, to be honest, I would feel very uncomfortable having to do any kind of write up on Watkins - these lists are supposed to be a bit of entertainment, and there's no way I could make anything about him entertaining. So that's basically why.

 

 

Edit: What Devon said.

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Good shout lads. The Twatlist would be a be bit sombre and predictable if we just had the real bastards like Watkins, Hitler, Pardew and Huntley monopolising the top spots year after year. It's much better used as a vehicle to vent our neurotic spleen at inconsequential celebrities who have no real effect on our lives other than to mildly annoy us, with the odd politician thrown in.

 

That said, I'm really struggling to think of 10 celebs who I'm aware of enough to hate this year, and I don't want to turn my list into some awful David Mitchell/Lauren Laverne-esque litany of politicians who the world already knows are cunts. Will have to have a long, hard, hateful think about this.

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Good shout lads. The Twatlist would be a be bit sombre and predictable if we just had the real bastards like Watkins, Hitler, Pardew and Huntley monopolising the top spots year after year. It's much better used as a vehicle to vent our neurotic spleen at inconsequential celebrities who have no real effect on our lives other than to mildly annoy us, with the odd politician thrown in.

 

That said, I'm really struggling to think of 10 celebs who I'm aware of enough to hate this year, and I don't want to turn my list into some awful David Mitchell/Lauren Laverne-esque litany of politicians who the world already knows are cunts. Will have to have a long, hard, hateful think about this.

 

Well said Magnum, I'm nicking the bit I bolded for the opening post.

 

Certainly hope you can think of some people, your write-ups were a highlight of the last list.

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