HG's third annual Royal Rumble Surprise Entrant Pool

[Duke]

the Nature Boy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ric Flair.

 

Shield are alone in the ring having eliminated all those other legends. Falir is announced and manages to be the dirtiest player in the game long enough for Batista to come out and save him.

 

 

 

I'll also take

Brother. Humiliates Zeb, leading to them campaigning for a match against him at Wrestlemania.

[I Bent My Wookie]

Thought I'd shoot for two Pennsylvania natives.

 

Firstly, fresh out of Florida and one of the greatest Cruiserweight champions of all time (because the WWE Network needs its own Cruiserweight show remember)

 

Billy Kidman

 

 

He'll last no longer than a minute

 

Hoping moreso for my second attempt though.

 

Ideally in a world, Santino will be pulling off his karate moves, cobra, etc proving himself to be a real lethal weapon.

 

Until of course, the real deal shows up.

 

 

Hopefully nunchucks Santino's head off his cobra.

[niff]

 

I'll pick this lad.

 

Drat he was my pick, I'm hoping he does parkour all the way from the cheap seats into the ring only to be clothes lined out by old tag team partner Les Miz.

[Forrest]

Picture the scene... 11 men are in the ring when Ryback clears the ring of but three men, who for the purposes of this tale will be Xavier Woods, The Miz and Zack Ryder who are all down. Ryback gloats to the crowd, who boo him when the countdown clock reaches zero...

 

 

GOLDBERG IS HERE IN THE RUMBLE. Ryback cacks his singlet in fear as Xavier Woods tries to rush Goldberg only to get kicked in his smackable cunt face so hard that he gets a concussion and has to retire from wrestling. Miz and Ryder eat spears as Ryback tries to jump Goldberg. Goldberg no-sells... SPEAR. JACKHAMMER TO RYBACK. Miz and Ryder both eat jackhammers too as all three men are eliminated. The countdown clock reaches zero again as our next entrant comes out...

 

 

LA PARKA is our next entrant. He makes his way in, and threatens to use the chair. Goldberg tells him to take his hardest swing at his head. Do you not remember what happened

, La Parka? La Parka swings with all of his might and clatters Goldberg with the sickest unprotected chair shot you've ever seen. La Parka turns round and gives us his amazing dance as Goldberg no-sells the shot... La Parka hops on one leg, turning round into A SPEAR. JACKHAMMER. La Parka is military pressed over the top and eliminated. Goldberg gurns for the crowd at the ropes WHEN SUDDENLY...

 

 

JERRY FLYNN BUNDLES GOLDBERG OVER THE TOP FROM NOWHERE AND ELIMINATES HIM! He was the next competitor, but there's no way he's waiting for the bell. After 17 years of hurt, Jerry Flynn has finally defeated Goldberg! Flynn falls to his knees and breaks down in tears. To him, he's already the winner of the Royal Rumble. He looks like he's just won the World Cup final. The clock runs down again as Flynn wipes away the tears. Next up Brock Lesnar comes out and we engage in a MMA shoot fight: UFC vs. The Block. Flynn eliminates Lesnar and goes on to win the Rumble and the title at Wrestlemania. I reach maximum state of arousal.

[PowerButchi]

I would sell my parents house for the return of Lightning Foot.

[LaGoosh]

 

I'm hoping for the grand return of the X-to-the-P-to-the-A-to-the-C

 

Bronco busters and split arseholes all round!

[Nexus]

 

This asshat. He used to be my favourite wrestler, and I would probably mark out.

[Bugsey713]

 

Ryback is in the ring all alone when the buzzer sounds and we hear "biscuits and gravy...." Festus comes in and beats the shit out of Ryback till Curtis Axel enters and he gets destroyed by Festus and is quickly eliminated, meanwhile Ryback the sneaky bastard runs out and rings the bell Festus morphs into his dumb shit drooling mode and Ryback slides back in to easily eliminate him.

[Dane Bramage]

We're in the PG era. The Authority could use a bit more help keeping things under control on Raw. It's all up to this man:

 

 

Steven Richards

[Supremo]

 

We're around number 21 or 22, the only guys in the ring are the three members of The Sheild, Taker shows up, eliminates them all (thanks to a little miscommunication on The Sheild's part), wins it, then goes on to face Brock Lesnar for the Title at Wrestlemania.

 

 

Has a mid-Rumble dance with Xavier Woods. Xavier Woods continues to be insanely unlikeable.

[neil is brill]

Not sure if he's allowed and I'll amend my pick if that's the case, but I'll go for this man:

 

 

Why?

 

Because he can!

 

[The Gaffer]

I'll start with the one. So anyway it's 3MB, Khali and The Real Americans in the mid 'Rumble lull. The bit they utilise to put over the tweenery guy who has been lighting up the midcard as of late as a testing the waters, tease-his-face-reactions bit.

 

"What's going to happen here, guys?" contributes The King.

"Looks like we're about to have ourselves a fight!"

"An interesting dynamic, gentlemen. We have 3MB who have been having a bit of trouble co existing so far, Khali is cleaning house, Zeb it out here beside himself!"

 

And so something like that goes the commentary. 3MB eventually pull themselves together to try and muscle out Khali in the comic book bit. It obviously backfires and the Punjab Playboy sends Slater flying to the outside. Drew gets tossed into Swagger and gets eliminated, and Jinder Mahal's effort for Indian supremacy in the WWE lasts all of ten seconds. The Americans get word from Colter at this point and when Khali's attention finally turn to them they mount a double attack. Khali headbutts them both down, however. Or like ... whatever it is he does. Swagger gets picked up first and as Antonio comes to he hangs back a little, sensing opportunity ...

 

"And Khali has Swagger. And Swagger. Is. Out of here!

"Khali is on a roll!"

"Look at this! Cesaro! Khali is up, up, can he get him? That's it!

"Wow!"

"Antonio Cesaro is surely the strongest man in the WWE!"

 

Zeb jumps for the joy. The countdown is on, again.

 

 

 

10, 9, 8

 

Fans stand in anticipation ...

 

7, 6, 5

 

What else could tonight bring? We've already seen Steve Blackman cane the chest off a wheelchair bound Darren Drozdov.

 

4, 3, 2, 1

 

 

 

AH LAH HIL YAH LAHLYA LAYLYA HAILYA

 

 

 

 

"I can't believe it! Muhammad Hassan?"

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"One of the most reviled. One of the most despised figures in the history of sports entertainment!"

 

Zeb falls against the commentary table and sells it in a way that makes Laurence Fishburne being interrogated by Agent Smith look like a pretty chill time. Cesaro is already lining up the ways he can smack the shit out of Hassan. JBL is just wondering where Daivari is. Cesaro gets the big swing on him and sends him flying before Cobb County, Georgia makes it's presence felt.

[Onyx2]

In rare booking, it gets to #30 and not a single entrant has been eliminated. It's Guacamelee in there. As the clock counts down, out pops the organ music to announce...

 

 

In the suit, doesn't bother changing. At the apron, he grabs the ring by the side and upends it, ousting all 29 previous entrants just to ensure his record of eliminations is retained forever. Cue flamey corner fireworks.

 

In the unlikely event the above doesn't happen, the Usos are left in the ring after successfully double-superkicking their most recent victim over the top. The klaxon sounds and out barrels...

 

 

who cleans house until Ryback appears. There's some hard slugs and stiff boots, and after Ryback being driven into ropes Joe measures up a running forearm but goes over the top after li'l Ryan pulls the rope down. This sets a very physical feud in motion...

 

But most likely is another return from

 

 

CM Punk is tottering on the edge of the apron, but gets roundhoused off by RVD to upset his plans for a WrestleMania title shot.

[Shane O' Mac Version 2]

My three picks are going to carry the same flavour, all Irish-themed. First is probably the obvious choice for a big full-time return:

 

 

He enters around no. 18 (hopefully clean-shaven and looking like a middle-aged dad), and lays waste to perennial midcarders like Kofi, Barrett and The Miz. At no. 20, the return of this magnificent bastard:

 

 

Hopefully complete with pedo-stache, he eliminates Sheamus with ridiculous ease for the shocker of the night, leading to a Wrestlemania feud, because I miss the hell out of Finlay and I've got nothing better for Sheamus to do. Final pick, Hornswoggle at #21. I haven't seen him on Raw in forever, he doesn't count as an active roster member.

 

 

Apparently he once had dreadlocks. It's been established he can rap. Therefore, he's stepping on the entertainment domain of Brodus Clay, who promptly throws him into the third row. Failing that, he teams with a bigger guy in the Rumble, like a Khali or Mark Henry, and Brock Lesnar turns up to cause chaos, not as a surprise entrant, but just as a surprise ass-kicker. Lesnar then promptly throws Hornswoggle into the bleachers.

[The Invisible Boy]

Right, first pick is this man:

 

 

Jake has put so much into the last year I think it's time he has a glorious payoff and appearing at the Rumble in the match itself would be just that. Plus we all want to see Santino's Cobra vs. Jake's Snake (guessing Damien is no longer about?).

 

Second pick: So Ryback is in the ring, after clearing house, stood there shouting how he needs feeding, the crowd are chanting one name you know who's it is, they don't really think it will be him though, they have no faith that WWE have managed to sign him back, even just for one night for a huge, almighty pop, next thing, that intimidating music hits, the crowd go wild, he's back, the huge man that is:

 

 

"Gillberg, Gillberg, Gillberg". Gillberg runs to the ring and destroys Ryback to the joy of the fans and then goes on to win the Rumble and defeat Orton for the WWE Title at Wrestlemania.

 

Lastly: The Yeti, the legend of The Yeti, the Rumble match begins and the third competitor is to enter the ring but instead what we get are a few WWE ring crew wheeling out a huge block of ice which they put ringside and just leave there, no one has a clue what is going on. Later on the match is down to its final two competitors, Daniel Bryan and CM Punk, the crowd are loving it, the place is heated, wild and the energy is buzzing through the arena. However the heat and energy throughout the match has resulted in the block of ice melting and from out of it comes the giant Yeti, the crowd are shocked, they thought they'd never see him again. The commentators are also speechless other than for Michael Cole who utters, "It's him, it can't be, but it is, it's The Yeti!" The Yeti gets into the ring and destroys Bryan and Punk, sending both of them flying to the floor and earning himself a Title shot at Wrestlemania.