Nicknames From Childhood And Beyond

[Onyx2]

To up the tally: on our street we were a little more inventive, we called a balding neighbour 'Cadfael Stuntman'.

 

Ross became Tom for his propensity to blush.

 

I once named a guy 'Fish', because I thought it would be really interesting nickname for someone. The next guy that walked in the door got it, I still call him that 17 years later.

 

I somehow ended up with Bamber, because obviously Gary > Gazza > Paul Gascoigne > Bamber Gascoigne.

 

When I was 5 I named everybody that I knew after a member of the Munch Bunch, because reasons. This went down really well when I went to cheer on my brother, then aged 13, at his school sports day. In front of his mates I hollered "go on Peanut!"

[Stylin_and_Profilin]

We were actually reminiscing about this recently when i caught up with a lot of my old pals for the wee ones christening so it's fresh in the mind and a few corkers which i otherwise would have forgotten.

 

One lad went through about 75% of high school referred to as 'One Ball McCall' simply due to the fact he - allegedly - only had one testicle. To make this worse it wasn't even confirmed and it all started from one of those throwaway comments when the teacher was taking the register in PE and upon asking 'Where is Andy today?' someone just coolly threw back "He's in hospital getting a ball removed" in the jokey immature tone that was the norm back then to get a rise from the rest of the class.

 

Local bus driver was referred to as Pat Tarrantino as he looked like a lovechild of the aforementioned film director and everyone's favourite childhood cartoon postman. It's a bit out of context if you aren't local and thus have never seen him but i'm sure you can conjure up the image yourself !!

 

The sales assistant from the local video rental shop had rather unfortunate bulging and protruding eyes which led to her somewhat cruely being referred to as the "HOW MUCH !?!?!" lady.

 

Big Neilly is/was as black as the ace of spades and the biggest Rangers fan you could find thus affectionately known as the Jaffa Cake (dark on the outside and orange on the inside).

 

My old history teacher used to call one of my classmates 'Ultra Violet' simply because he was "A 6ft tube!"

 

Some legitimate laugh out moments in here, brought a smile to my face so thanks for sharing. As someone mentioned earlier we can really be cruel bastards as children when you look back on it

[Chest Rockwell]

I had never fucking heard of Cadfael until some months back when Butch mentioned his one in another thread. I assumed that it was just a standard Butch reference; I never understand his references. Had no idea it was such a widespread reference point! I had to google it due to this thread, and it's definitely something I've never seen before.

[Arch Stanton]

I had never fucking heard of Cadfael until some months back when Butch mentioned his one in another thread. I assumed that it was just a standard Butch reference; I never understand his references. Had no idea it was such a widespread reference point! I had to google it due to this thread, and it's definitely something I've never seen before.

Same here. I fact, I'd never even heard of Cadfael before this thread!

[Astro Hollywood]

Cadfael (noun) : A monk with a sexual interest in Terry Thomas.

 

Reusing my old Cadfael material, there. I don't get many chances to be honest.

[insert_name_here]

I think just about all of my high school teachers had at least one nickname, i'm surprised i can still remember quite a few of them.

 

There was Mr Humphrey my old Engineering teacher whom i christened 'Bogart' after watching Casablanca. It caught on incredibly fast and according to my younger sister he still gets called it to this day.

 

Mr Murphy who was given the rather cruel nickname 'Smurfy' because he was really short(i'm talking borderline midget here) and he used to wear hideous looking off-white chinos.

 

Ms Wellard who because she was a fat bitch was rather appropriately called 'Ms Wellarge' She used to send pupils down to the canteen or to the vending machine during lessons to get her food.

 

My chemistry teacher Mr Connor was nicknamed 'Doddy' due to his uncanny resemblance to Ken Dodd and he hated it which just made it funnier, it didn't help that he had a feather duster on the windowsill next to his desk.

[Loki]

I had never fucking heard of Cadfael until some months back when Butch mentioned his one in another thread. I assumed that it was just a standard Butch reference; I never understand his references. Had no idea it was such a widespread reference point! I had to google it due to this thread, and it's definitely something I've never seen before.

Same here. I fact, I'd never even heard of Cadfael before this thread!

 

Really fun whodunnit novels, and the tv series was fantastic. It occasionally gets an outing on ITV3 or some such, and it's worth watching.

 

Next you'll be saying you've never heard of Van Der Valk, Quincy and Bergerac.

[Chest Rockwell]

Never heard of Van der Valk.

[Dead Mike]

A mate of mine works with a bloke who's nickname is 'Shit Eyes' because he wears really thick glasses.

A friend from school was affectionately known as 'The Ginger Dolphin' as he was ginger & swam for Cheshire.

Another lad in my year at school was called 'Teapsy'. His surname was 'Kettle' which gave him the nickname 'Teapot' which got shortened to 'Teaps'.

We had a teacher called Mr Draper. He was known as 'Dildo Draper Baby Raper' because even at that age we knew he was a beast. Turns out he actually was a nonce (looking back some of the shit he pulled would've had him lynched these days), he workd in B&Q now.

[mikey]

Never heard of Van der Valk.

 

One of the all-time great theme tunes.

 

I unfortunately have the problem of giving people horrible nicknames people rather than learning their names. There's a woman in my building at work who I know as Fat Legs because she always wears short skirts with no tights, despite not having the legs for it. She wouldn't bother me if she wasn't a busybody who was "friends" with everybody. Our head of Network Support is Misery Bollocks, the guy who runs the applications helpdesk is Lazy Cunt. I'm quite the arsehole when it comes to this job.

[Dead Mike]

There was a female sale rep at my last workplace who wore far to much make up. She was known as 'Band of Gold'. Another woman had a stunning figure but was really ugly. She was referred to as 'BOB' which was shortened over time from BOBFOC - 'Body of Baywatch Face of Crimewatch'.

[wandshogun09]

Ha, 'Band of Gold' is a great nickname.

 

'Vinegar Tits' from Cell Block H is one of the best ever. Years ago when Cell Block H was being re-run on Channel 5 at 4am or something, my Mom used to tape it and watch it the next day. Me and my younger brother and sister were immediately taken with the 'Vinegar Tits' name and being little shits, wanted to give someone we knew the name so it would live on. We settled on giving it to Clive who ran the corner shop down the road, because he had man-boobs. There was no vinegar connection whatsoever but we were happy we had the tit side covered. We used to go in and ask questions about vinegar or get other people to until he'd snap and tell us to piss off. We still call him 'Vinegar Tits' or 'VT' or 'Vinny' now. I've called him 'Vinny' to his face since I was about 13. He hasn't got a clue and I'm not even taking the piss anymore. It's become his name to me over the years.

[Lion_of_the_Midlands]

I think I may have mentioned before "Scary Brian" and Rikhishi. Scary Brian only seemed to be able to move the little finger on each hand, but that would move like an octopus tentacle. Rikhishi was a customer of indeterminate sex and we couldn't tell what he/she was so RikHe/She became Rikhishi.

[Midnight Zeus]

It's not in any way puerile enough for this thread and is sickeningly posh, but my dad went to boarding school with Howard Goodall (musician who wrote the themes for Red Dwarf and Blackadder, among others), and recently revealed that they nicknamed him "Flossie" due to his luxurious blonde locks.

 

Howard's father, Geoff Goodall, was my headmaster when I attended Exeter School. I can't remember if we knew about Howard during our time at the school.

 

My nickname for a while was Shrills, because my signature sort of looked like that. All that money for their education and they had zero imagination.

[John Matrix]

I cant believe i forgot to post my favourite nickname of all time.

 

I'm guessing he was the local oddball / nonce, but when i was in school there was always talk of a man only ever referred to as Bent Trevor.

 

Apparently, he was given this nickname on the grounds that he used to bum both his mum, and his dog - how either of those qualifies him as bent exactly i've never been sure, but it just adds to the brilliance of it.

 

Then one day, in the playground at lunchtime, Bent Trevor came cycling through (Our school had a sort of right of way passing through it). The playground was surrounded by three grass banks and one of the wrong uns in my year stood at the top of the bank and yelled "BENT TREVVVVVVAAAAARRR!!"

 

Distressed, old Trev got off his bike and starting going after him, only for the hardest kid in the year to run up behind, grab his bike and yell "BENT TREVVVVVVVAAAARRRR!!". Unsure of what to do for the best, Trevor turns around, starts going for his bike only to watch it bodyslammed before the first kid yells...you guessed it.... Now hilarious as it was at the time, the distress on the poor cunts face was clear to see, and as he went back for kid number 1, his bike was picked up and ghostied at speed into the wall.

 

Poor fucker had to wheel his bike out on foot with a buckled wheel while a playground full of 13 year olds pissed themselves. Heartbreaking really, if my name were Earl, i think i'd have to pay him a visit.