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Nicknames From Childhood And Beyond


Keith Houchen

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Hahahaha! Superb.

 

Anyone who couldn't afford their 50p for non-uniform day so went in school uniform would uniformly be known as a gyp.

 

People say children are nice and good and that, but really they are all horrible fucking nasty bastards.

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Zubriggen, always wore a ski type anorak no matter the weather

 

Fairy Shins. Was a dwarf who when he played football used to wear cut out backs of fairy liquid bottles instead of shinguards because all the shinguards came up above his knee

 

We also had a Cadfael, not because of the haircut but because this kid was always mardy, so Cadfael because he always had a monk on

 

HIHK, Hole In Heart Kid, fairly self explanotary

 

Monty Brittle, a kid who was obsessed with the WWII North Africa campaign who was also always breaking bones. In 1 year at school he broke 2 fingers, his arm, his leg, and his nose. To be fair, I broke his arm playing football when I headed the ball and him into the goal and he broke his arm while falling. The breaking of his nose was funniest though. He threw a stick into a tree to get down some conkers and dislodged a brick that someone else had thrown up that came down and hit him in the face.

 

Bellup, That was my nickname. My name is Philip, I was asked ny name by a supply teacher and he was a bit deaf and for some reason thought I said Bellup. That is not even a name but I got called it from then on. I even have a copy of the terrible book Striker written by Steve Bruce that is signed "To Bellup, keep on scoring, Steve Bruce"

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Fucking hell, three Cadfaels so far! Who'd have guessed that was such a popular schoolboy point of reference?

 

It wasn't at school, but I used to work with a Cadfael, because of the hair, taking the Cadfael Count up to 4. Also, someone who was mid 30's and still called Monster Breath, because people he'd been at junior school with started working there too and filled us all in. You can never escape it.

 

Lion, everything about your post is amazing. I've read it about 5 times now.

 

My nickname in school was Nigel Lawson, because I was fat with curly hair. Eventually this became just Nigel, but after Nigel off Eastenders instead. Also because I was fat with curly hair. The week his wife died, kids I'd never spoken to from all years kept coming up and offering their condolences. Nigel eventually evolved into 'Niggle' and finally 'Niggles', until one kid told me I should 'Go back to Niggle-Land where I came from' in earshot of a black teacher who misheard him, and didn't buy into the convoluted evolution of Nigel Bates off Eastenders > 'Niggle'.

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Not really a nickname but up until I left in Year 11 I had various people in my year and even a few teachers who didn't really know my first name. Having the last name Jolly really does just kill off even having a first. It got to the stage where teachers who had taught me for 5 years would call out Jolly on the register and not even acknowledge my first name.

 

Particular highlight was a slightly dim witted kid who was nicknamed Rooney because he had a short temper and had Rooney's pug face coming up and asking me what my last name was and when I responded Jolly, asked me if my parents had really called me "Jolly Jolly". Just words can't explain

 

One of our mates ended up with the name Budgie for a few months after a rugby tour where it was claimed he said he didn't have any hair on his balls because he shaved it, which ended up in that he hadn't hit puberty yet and his balls hadn't dropped, hence Budgie Balls.

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It got to the stage where teachers who had taught me for 5 years would call out Jolly on the register and not even acknowledge my first name.

Isn't that completely normal at secondary school? In all my years I don't ever recall a teacher referring to any pupils by anything other than their surname. Maybe that was just the way it was at my school though?

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Fucking hell, three Cadfaels so far! Who'd have guessed that was such a popular schoolboy point of reference?

 

We had a Cadfael at uni. He taught Geography to two of my mates.

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It got to the stage where teachers who had taught me for 5 years would call out Jolly on the register and not even acknowledge my first name.

Isn't that completely normal at secondary school? In all my years I don't ever recall a teacher referring to any pupils by anything other than their surname. Maybe that was just the way it was at my school though?

 

I'm not really sure, maybe it's just a thing down here but we were a small countryside high school with 100 pupils or so in each year so teachers got to know us really well. Plus the amount of Jones' and common names like that in each year would have just got mind numbing.

 

The only real occasion of teachers calling pupils by last names or nicknames was the guy that taught us Rugby or the PE Teachers (once the men started, the females did as well) but it was really weird getting called Jolly by History or RE teachers in their 40's/50's, was a friends name for me kind of thing.

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One of my classmates had been in a bakery when a child with learning disabilities alternated between pointing at one of the goods on sale and indicating the direction in which he lived. "Scone [rhyming with cone not con]. 'ome. Scone. 'ome." The following week he started calling the girl with minor learning disabilities in our class Sconome and the name stuck for the next few years.

 

We had a boy in our class who had a harelip and whose surname was Merrick. As soon as somebody found out about a minor celebrity with that surname from the same city, his fate was sealed and he was called Elephant Boy. Mind you, he had a bit of an unpleasant streak in that he would hang around with an undersized kid most of the time but turn on him - calling him Smurf and swatting him with a backhand - the second anybody else was friendly to him.

 

Along similar lines, one kid sold his best mate out to get in with the cool kids (well, we were slightly less uncool than him) by telling us that he'd been playing video games round his house when a turd fell out his mate's trouser leg, which he then tapped under the bed with his foot hoping that his mate hadn't seen it. Well seen it he had, as Glenn Shit soon found out.

 

People say children are nice and good and that, but really they are all horrible fucking nasty bastards.

Yeah, they're awful. When you think about what they're really like when left to their own devices, it shouldn't be such a surprise that some of them will grow up to be burglars, serial killers and ROH fans.

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I had a RE teacher called Cadfael too. Some nutter dad went for him once because he found out he was teaching Catholism in a class one time. I went to a Proddy school. Not the most lightened of times.

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In primary school there was a kid with a weird long head a bit like a conehead so we called him longhead - imaginative.

 

There was another guy at the same school who was a complete bastard bully & he had a letter "A" embroidered on his jacket so we called him "A for arsehole"

 

Due to my toughness, good character and lack of desire to cave into peer pressure I became something of a defender of kids who were picked on later at school and I can remember my disgust when a group of kids were teasing a girl with a scarred up face by calling her "Frankenstein" so I put a stop to it. I didn't use the following nicknames because I deemed them cruel but there was also "T Rex" for a girl who had some ailment that meant despite thin frail arms she had massive elephant like legs, or "Krang" named for the evil alien in turtles, she was tiny, in a wheelchair and had a big veiny head with not much wispy hair on it.

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