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The Ultimate Animal


ShortOrderCook

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I was just selecting a random different impressive physical specimen other than a human. I could just have easily gone for a lion or a bull. All thoroughly impressive creatures, and a little bit sexy.

 

I don't think I'd like to be stuck in a room with Loki. We have utterly different tastes and disagree on everything. At least he doesn't like Mr. Anderson any more though.

 

 

On the subject of impressive animals...a question inspired by The Ricky Gervais show, if you could create your ultimate animal, being made up of different parts of existing animals, what would you go for?

 

I'd opt for a Bulls head, for the sexy horns and goring the shit out of its prey, a grizzly bears body mits and legs included. Because grizzlies are awesome, powerful deadly animals and they can stand, crawl and batter and to top it off I'd give it giant bat wings. So it can fly too and be scary as shit.

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It would have to have the innate hardness, toughness and awesome attitude of a goat. Goats are brill, and pound for pound the most badarse of the animal world.

Mistaken!

 

Badgers

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Elephant trunk

prehensile spider monkey tail

Gorilla arms and legs - thumbs and raw power

pug head (apart from from the added trunk), because they're hilarious, and I'd want their brain in there too because they're trainable

armoured turtle body

 

 

Fuck that, actually. That would be a terrifying animal.

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It would have to have the innate hardness, toughness and awesome attitude of a goat. Goats are brill, and pound for pound the most badarse of the animal world.

Mistaken!

 

Badgers

 

Badgers are shit, cull them all. Now, a goat...

 

I was walking off a hangover around a local country park a few years back and a kid came up to me and was meheheh-ing all nicely and I give it a bit of attention, and another kid saw this, didn't like being left out, and fucking sprinting up and jumped and delivered one of the loudest headbutts I've ever seen to the other kid which went down like a sack of shit. The aggressor nutted it a few other times and then came to me for the attention.

 

No attention was forthcoming, but instead a "you fucking badass" respect.

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